Thursday, March 8, 2007

Murphy's Law Is An Understatement !

This may sound a little Andy Rooneyish, but have you ever had days where everything you touch turns to Caca? Murphy (as in law) and I have been changing programs and pieces from "Dinosaur" computer to "Turtle computer". Seems easy enough, huh? Wrong, computer breath ! Aside from droppping teeny-tiny little screws (no pun intended) into the bowels of the computer and Shithead (my cat) walking all over everything, everything's just hunky-dory!

So here's the deal. The insanely funny and interesting entry I planned today will wait 'til tomorrow and I'm bailing. That's right, I'm bailing! Every thing I touch, I either drop, or lose, or it turns into a steaming pile of donkey caca! I have to urinate, but I'm going to wait 'til I can find some tongs or rubber gloves because at the rate I'm going, little "Ralph" will just fall into the toilet and Shithead will flush it and I'll have to sit down in the future to pee. And if this is a run on sentence I don't care good thing about Old Timers disease is that when you rant you forget the original thought (and I'm not smoking weed). Aaahh ! I feel better already.

The Pictures: This is the closest thing I show you to help you visualize how frustrated I am. Picture one is me navigating the Internet, looking for answers when this stupid bastard comes from the right hand lane to the left turn lane, all the while pointing to the ground to show me where he's going as he trys to cut me off and then I crash his ass and he dies and burns in hell along with that stupid little gay dog whose barking his little ass off and I'm going to tell Shithead to beat his ass if the little sunofabitch doesn't die in the crash along with his dimwitted owner. Picture number two is me after I have mentally created this little visualization casually ejecting from life for the next two or three hours while I go to Krystels for a couple of scotches. I like this! It's kind of like some of the trips I took on the sixties. Shades of Pink Floyd, a black light and bell bottoms.

This Date In History: For those of you that don't read between the lines, remember to look in the oddest places and find little bits of this and that. Example: read yesterday's TDIH (see beginning of paragraph) and you'll notice that I sort of invented some things. For those of you who saw it, Thank you! 1894: The first dog license law is enacted in New York State. 1999; Baseball legend Joe DiMaggio dies.

Birthdays: Martin Van Buren, eighth President of the United States (1782), Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., associate justice of the Supreme Court (1841).

Obituaries: My first computer "Slower than watching grass grow" was murdered today and I did it. Yeah, I killed it. "Dinosaur", the one I'm using now, is still family but is beginning to resemble my ex-mother-in-law and I'm considering taking her for a "boat ride".

I save things! I don't know why, it just seems like the thing to do. I used to have a lot of stuff, but after I split with the former secretary of war, I can't find all my stuff. She was keeping my stuff until I got some more storage room and a butterfly flew in front of her and now she doesn't know where my stuff is. I like my stuff! I also like writing run on sentences which I never do but I have to until I don't have the desire to kill "Dinosaur" too, and then call my ex-mother-in law and take her for a boat ride. "Hello, Dahling, Como estas?" Wonderful, Mom, ____ing wonderful!

Ok, I'm better now and I'll see you kids tomorrow. Listen to your Moms and Dads!

Stay Tuned !

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1 comment:

frameninsurance said...

Hi James, as Hector calls you.  It is Friday and Hector, your girlfriend, Christine and myself plan to see you at Krystel's about 8:00.