Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Humping Halloween !

How do you combine Hump Day and Halloween? My pal, Jackie (whose journal called Life In Bama can be seen by clicking the side bar in my journal), came up with the answer and I used it as today's headline. It's Hump Day, Halloween and there's been a Hellacious tropical storm (Noel), passing by Miami for a day and a half now. It started raining yesterday and it hasn't stopped since. Hopefully by tomorrow afternoon the brunt of the storm will have passed and things can return to normal (?).

This presents a minor problem, in that, I normally go to see my pals in AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe and Pub on Hump Day and especially for Halloween. Methinks, however, that due to the minor problem of rain and wind gusts up to 50 miles per hour, there might be a decrease in attendance. I will weigh this conundrum until around 6:30 and see what the winds blow in.

The Democrats had another name calling contest,... er, debate last night. Those idiots spend more time questioning each other's ability and bold-faced lying to the general public, that I've decided to cast my vote for Steven Colbert of the Comedy Channel's Colbert Report. I was going to vote for Sammy Davis Jr., a one-eyed, black, Jewish and dead actor, dancer and comedian, but after thinking about it, I decided to switch my vote, they key reason in my thought making decision being the word, dead. You can't run if you can't run.

If Sammy was still alive, I'd vote for him, though. He certainly couldn't do any worse that our do-nothing, unintelligent president and the equally untalented congress.

The Pictures: Pumkins, Jack O'Lanterns and the like begin today's array, albeit a bit bizarre, but then again..... I've also included an encore of two of my favorite photos by my pal, Nancy (whose journals can also be seen by clicking the links in the left sidebar of my journal). As per my wont, there's also a few oddities and today's the day for that type of picture.

This Date In History: 1517; German theologian and religeous reformer, Martin Luther, publishes his Ninety-Five Thesies. 1941; While escorting a convoy of war materials to Britain, the destroyer, Reuben James, is torpedoed and becomes the first U.S. warship to be sunk by hostile action during World War II. 1956; American Rear Admiral, John Dufek, is the first person to land an airplane at the South Pole. 1984; Indira Gandhi is assassinated by her Sikh bodyguards.

Just a note: Robert Goullet died yesterday at the age of 73. His melodic voice and songs will be missed.

Birthdays: John Keats, English poet (1795), Juliette Low, founder of the Girl Scouts (1860), Michael Collins, American astronaut (1930), Dan Rather, television reporter (1931).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Ok, it's Halloween. I guess you know what's next.

                     

That's it for today, my little pumkins (I guess you saw that one coming). I might see you tonight at Lakes Cafe. Happy Humping Halloween and more tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

There Are New Candidates For The CAT Award !

Just when you thought it was becoming safer to listen to the news once more, the assholes have come out of the woodwork again. Actually, this is good, as it allows us to seek out and expose these jerks and slowly thin the herd, one way or the other. I took yesterday off from my usual post as I had a multitude of things to do and we all know I can't run and chew bubblegum at the same time, so I opted for putting out fires.

Let's start with good news in the alleged robbery case involving (A) O.J. Simpson. The third co-defendant in the robbery, Michael McClinton ( no relation to McBill), has agreed to plead guilty to robbery and conspiracy to commit robbery and testify against O.J. and the other two defendants (who also have turned belly-up and will testify against O.J. and each other).

Since this felony case took place in Las Vegas, we can be relatively assured there won't be a jury of the likes of the Los Angeles County jury, who unbelievably found O.J. not guilty of the murder his wife, Nicole and Ron Goldman. I am so looking forward to this trial !

Then, we have the case of FEMA, who, after attending to the needs of the victims of the California fires (which I thought was a fairly good job), decided to hold a news conference to report on the results of their actions in the fire cases. The "news conference" was hastily arranged and when it occurred, many reporters were unable to attend. FEMA, in it's own unintelligent, inimitable way, let staffers pose as journalists and asked "softball" type questions. Department administrator, Harvey Johnson, took "questions" from four people, identified as three directors and a press aide. The White House strongly criticized FEMA and the agency apologized for its error in judgement, Duh...? The wingnut in charge, who was reportedly ready to be promoted, did not getthe promotion... Duh !

Finally, (A) "Podium Al" Sharpton found a new way to agitate every normal person in the world. It seems Vice-President Dick "Shotgun" Cheney went hunting again at Clover Valley Rod and Gun Club in Dutchess County, New York. A New York Daily News photographer took a picture of a small confederate flag inside a garage on the club property.

When "Podium Al" heard about the flag, he went into to his "outraged" mode, got his traveling podium and demanded (axed) that the Vice-President "leave immediately, denounce the club, and apologize for going to a club that represents hate, lynching and murder to black people" Cheney spokesmen said that the VP never saw the flag and it is unclear that the garage door was even open at the time of his visit. Nevertheless, Sharpton was probably in need of donations after his trip to Jena, Louisiana and this was as close to a ruckus that he could find.

                   

The Pictures: I really like the picture of the little monkey and the pup. There's more, however including our celebrities of today and some of the more interesting scenery in my collection. Of course, there's always a few odd ones, but I'm sure, by now, you've come to expect that.

This Date In History: 1938; Orson Welles stirs nationwide panic with his "War of the Worlds" dramatization over public radio. 1961; Soviet Leader, Nikita Khruschev, orders the de-Stalinization of the USSR. 1972; U.S. President RichardNixon approves legislation to increse Social Security by 5.3 Billion dollars.

Birthdays: John Adam, 2nd President of the United States (1735), Ezra Pound, poet (1885), Louis Malle, French film diresctor (1932).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to sister, Jeanne and brother, Kirt !

A little boy wanted $100 very badly and he prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then, he decided to write a letter to God, requesting the money. When the postal authorities received the letter, they decided to send the letter to the president.

The president was so amused that he instructed his staff to send the little boy $5, thinking that the little boy would think that it was a lot of money. The little boy was delighted when he received the money and sat down to write a thank you letter to God, which read:

Dear God; Thank you very much for the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you sent the letter through Washington, D.C. and those assholes deducted $95 in taxes.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctors' waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" The old man said, "There's something wrong with my d**k." The irritated receptionist said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded room and say something like that." The old man replied, "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you."

The receptionist said, "You've embarrassed a lot of people in this room. You should have whispered it or discussed the matter further with the doctor." The man walked out of the room, waited five minutes and returned to the receptionist's desk. The receptionist said, "Yes?" The old man said, "There's something wrong with my ear."

The receptionist smiled with the knowledge that the old man had heeded her advice, and asked, "What's wrong with your ear, Sir?" The old man said, "I can't piss out of it."

That's it for today my little jellybeans. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, October 26, 2007

It's Gonna Be A Party Weekend !

I've been able to distance myself today from the infamous Mr. Murphy, the entity reponsible for "Murphy's Law". On the contrary, thanks to my meeting last evening with Johnny Walker, I've had a good run thus far. Since I'm going to AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe and Pub tonight, it is necessary to go there without any unecessary burdens or restraints, as I seem to accumulate said items without outside interference. It's Karaoke night tonight and I'm in the mood (don't go there), so we'll see what happens. Last week was good, maybe it'll be two in a row.

As you know, I have very little use for attorneys and politicians (other than kindling). My friend, Victor, was kind enough to send me a graphic of a sewage truck which may explain my opinions more explicitly.

                     

The Pictures: I've been very fortunate with pictures this week. Besides my own trips around the net, I've been sent quite a few from different people. Today's an olio of ubiquitous landscape photos, with a few funny ones thrown in. I hope you enjoy them.

This Date In History: 1825; The Erie Canal officially opens, providing inland water transportation between the East Coast and the Great Lakes region. It also allowed a good old mule named Sal the opportunity to be mentioned in song. 1877; British surgeon, Joseph Lister, performs the first operation to repair a fractured kneecap.

For those of you that have not been to either Jimmy's You Tube Site or Possum S. Hemminway's You Tube Site (whch can be linked to on the left sidebar of this journal), I give you the infamous Possum S. Hemmingway.

                     

Birthdays: My pal, Lourdes, has a birthday Sunday, so I thought I'd mention it today. Happy birthday, Sweets ! (19XX), Mahalia Jackson, gospel singer (1911), Sid Gillman, football coach (1911), Francois Mitterand, President of France (1981-1995) (1916), Hillary Rodhan Clinton, lawyer and senator (1947).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Victor !

While walking through the Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, a man came upon an older man, hugging a tree with his ear firmly pressed against the tree. Seeing this, his curiosity was aroused and he asked the older man what he was doing.

"I'm listening to the music of the tree", the older man replied, "Would you like to try it?" Understandably curious, the man said ok, wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear firmly to the tree. With that, the older man handcuffed him to the tree, took his wallet, car keys and stripped him naked. Then he ran away.

Two hours later, another nature lover strolled by, saw the man stark naked and handcuffed to the tree. He said, "What the hell happened to you?". The man told the guy the whole, sad story.

When he finished telling the other man his story. the other man shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him on the ear and said, "This just ain't gonna be your day, cupcake."

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected how sweet and innocent she was. Suddenly, she stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking a two spiders mating on the ground.

She asked, "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" Her father said, "They're mating." She said, "What do you call the spider on the top?" He answered, "That's a Daddy Longlegs," The little girl replied, "So, that's a Mommy Longlegs on the bottom?"

The father's heart soared with the joy of his innocent daughter's conclusion and he said, "No, Honey, that's a Daddy Longlegs too."

The little girl looked puzzled for a brief moment, then she took her foot and squashed the two spiders, saying, " Well, we're not going to have any of that Brokeback Mountain shit in our garden !"

                            

That's it for today my little foxes. I'll see you tonight at Lakes Cafe. Have a great weekend and more on Monday!

Stay Tuned !

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Murphy's Law Is Kicking My Asspirations !

It's been a while since we've had a nominee for the Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award, mainly because, lately, no one has commited an act of stupidity at a sufficient level to warrant the coveted prize. I emplore you to keep your eyes open and your potatos peeled for a nominee, which according to Murphy's Law, should be forthcoming in the next few weeks. With a plethora of talented people in the world who are deserving of the award, I'm sure someone will step up to the "podium" and "axe" for a nomination.

That said, I turn your attention to last evening's therapy session in AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe, and the lack of attendance thereof. For a Wednesday, it was notoriously slow, represented by Lourdes, Hector and myself. Carmen stopped by a little later and Nicole joined me for a nightcap. I think everyone's getting rested up for the coming Halloween parties. "Father Jimmy" may or may not make an appearance, although I did promise Nicole that I would go to the parties.

My friend, My Murphy, the creator of the famous "Murphy's Law", the entity responsible for at least half of my omnipresent problems, single handedly busted my ass the last two hours as I made today's entry. Not only did he cause me to push the wrong keys and cancel, when I should be saving, he forced me to shout out expletives into the evening air, some of which, I just flat-assed made up. I am calmer now since I called upon my friend, Johnny Walker, to aid me in the riddance of the dastardly Mr. Murphy.

The Pictures: A couple of bears, scattered amongst the pics, that I thought you might like. Tattoos ! I found some that I would like to see and I added them into the mix. A little monkey, an awesome Hummer, Annette and some wine for the ladies round out today's pictures.

This Date In History: 1810; King George III celebrates his 50th anniversary as monarch of Great Britain. 1929; Secretary of the Interior, Albert Fall, is found guilty of bribery perpetuating the adage that Albert goeth before the Fall. 1960; The Accutron, the world's first electronic wristwatch, goes on sale. 1971; The Peoples Republic of China joins the U.N., replacing the nationalist government of Taiwan.

Birthdays: Johann Strauss, Austrian composer (1825). Georges Bizet, French composer (1838), Pablo Picasso, Spanish painter and sculptor (1881), Minnie Pearl, comedian (1912).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

                

That's it for today, my little budding Jack O'Lanterns. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Hump Day ! Next Week will Be Hump Halloween Day ?

It took its sweet time but Hump Day's here ! I realized today that Halloween will fall on the next Hump Day. This oddity leaves me in a quandry, in that I am unable to spell quandary. Do we celebrate Halloween and Hump Day as a duo next week? Do the words hump and Halloween belong in the same sentence? These questions and others, though quite unsimilar, will be discussed in today's entry.

I wish that the first word that I ever uttered as a child was "quote", so when I die I can say "unquote". If a married couple from Louisiana moves to California and get divorced, are they still legally cousins? It's a good thing that a lot of people speak in foreign languages so they can have someone to speak to. Wind chimes are for stupid people so that they will know when there is a breeze.

I'm going to Lakes Cafe tonight to discuss these questions and others of the same ilk, assuming the residents aliens of AREA51 are up to the task. Assuming the winds blow in the proper direction and there's not a long restroom line, I'm sure they'll be prepared.

                     

Nevertheless, one of my friends went inside a convenience store on his way to happy hour and took a bottle of beer to the counter. When he got to the cashier, he said, "Good afternoon". The cashier said, "Will that be all?" He said, "No, I want to buy this bottle of beer, too."

I called the airlines today to book a trip to Las Vegas. The representative asked, "How many people will be going". I said, "How the hell should I know, it's your plane."

The Pictures: Every time I select pictures for my entries, I remember my vacations with no particular destinations. In my younger years, I would get in the car and just start driving. I always had a geographic area in mind, but no time tables. If I saw something that interested me, I would just pull over and look at it. I always had my fishing rod and a camera. Some of today's pictures, especially the first one and the 14th one, are the types of places I would always stop and explore.

This Date In History: 1861; Western Union completes the first transcontinental telegraph line. 1901; Anna Edson Taylor goes over Niagra Falls in a barrel, initiating a stunt tradition. 1934; Mohandas Ghandi resigns as leader of the Indian Nationalist Congress Party, disillusioned by its use of civil disobedience as a political expedient rather than a fundamental principle. 1945; The United Nations formally comes into existence, the useful reality of which is equivalent to teats on a bull.

Birthdays: Rafael Trujillo Molinas, dictator of the Dominican Republic (1891), Moss Hart, playwright (1904), Y.A. (Yalberton Abraham) Tittle, professional football player (1926), Billy Wyman, member of the Rolling Stones (1941).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my perfect martini !

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them.

While they were waiting, they wondered if they could get married in Heaven. When St. Peter arrived and they posed the question. St. Peter told the he wasn't sure and he would return with the answer.

After St. Peter left, the subject of "married forever" came up and they began to have some doubts. After two month's of waiting, St. Peter returned and told them that marriage in Heaven was allowed.

The man then asked St. Peter, " What if the mariage doesn't work out? Can you get a divorce in Heaven?" A redfaced St. Peter slams his clipboard to the ground and yells, "It took me two months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take to find an attorney?"

                     

That's it for today, my little teeny boppers.

See you tonight at Lakes Cafe and more tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Better Late Than Later !

Maybe I'll coin that phrase...maybe not. I got a late start today so the mail's a little late but as they say........

I saw the same commercial today for the umpteenth time. It's some good scam commercials about men with foreign accents and horribly bad grasps of the English language. They approach different people, stating that they are a wealthy foreigners from distant lands and they would like to move a large sums of money into the United Sates. The problem is that they need your help and that they would be willing to give you a large sum of money for your help.

The commercial usually ends with the proposed victim of the scam telling the scammer to take a hike. It goes on to say that you wouldn't fall for this if it was done person to person, so protect yourself from scams like this that usually come from the Internet.

Usually ? I get five to ten scams like this a week. Thankfully, my email normally picks these scams up and deposits them into the spam box. The problem I have with these excellent warnings is that all of the actors who portray the scammers are of the caucasion persuasion.

Network television and sting expose's of these scams show that the majority of these scams come from Africa. A great many also come from Europe. perpetrated by people of African descent. After taking a quick refresher course on geography and the populous therefrom, I come to the conclusion that the majority of these people are black. If Television is going to subscribe to diversity, then I suggest that they call a spade a spade and mix up their ethnicity a little more.

The Pictures: Mount Everest at its finest is today's theme along with a mix of wildlife and the inevitable jokes. The island of Crete is also featured and Michael Vick gets his just rewards.

This Date In History: 1924; The first radio network broadcast to the Pacific coast allows listeners in California, Oregon and Washington to hear U.S. President Calvin Coolidge dedicate the Chamber of Commerce Building in Wasington, D.C. 1956; In Budapest, Hungarian students and workers demonstrate against Soviet domination and Comminist rule.

Birthdays: Gertrude Ederle, American swimmer and first woman to swim the English Channel (1906), The inimitable Johnny Carson, longtime host of the Tonight Show (1925), Pele, Brazilian soccer star (1940), Jim Bunning, republican senator (1931).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

                               

                    

                       

That's it for today, my little turtle doves. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Monday, October 22, 2007

You Just Can't Go To The Movies Any More !

I watched a commercial for a movie that has just been released and for a brief moment, I considered going to see it. I remembered going down the carpeted aisle the Olympia Theatre, a large beautiful structure in downtown Miami, since remodeled and refurbished and now known as Gusman Hall. It was an elegant theatre and I watched many movies there as a teenager. We would get a hot dog and a coke ($ .75, including admission), sit down, and enjoy the movie, which came after the cartoons, the Serial, and the Movietone News..

It was paramount that you didn't spill anything and you definitely did not put your feet up on the seat in front of you, as the inevitable flashlight shine from the impeccably dressed ushers would be forthcoming. Other than crowd reaction such as  (I still can't leave that line alone) laughing at a joke or a gasp if a monster appeared, there was a silent respect in the theater. That was then.....

The last time I went to a movie theater was about thirty years ago. I took my wife and children. There was no carpeting, no ushers, a dirty floor and people talking during the movie. I managed to stick it out and watch the entire movie only because it was a movie that the children had looked forward to seeing. When we left the theater, I told my wife that that was the last time I would ever go to a theater again. I have no idea what happened to common courtesy and manners in a theater, but it's just not the same any more.

The Pictures: I don't know if it's my computer or AOl, but the pictures function is balky today. I've managed to load four thus far, but it's been a pain in the ass. If you see more than four pictures, I finally got everything working, in which case, I won't delete this text because it fills space. If successful, I've got some pictures of Hawaii, some freshly sheared sheep, a picture of an odd Quiver Tree in South Africa and some lessons in photography. Last, but not least, Woody has some funny pictures and the "usual suspects".

This Date In History: 1746; Princeton University is charted. 1918; The first case of Spanish influenza is reported begining a pandemic that will cause an estimated 20 million deaths worldwide. 1962; The Cuban missle crisis begins. President John F. Kennedy announces that the USSR has a missle installation in Cuba and declares a naval blockade to prevent missle shipments.

Birthdays: Frantz Liszt, Hungarian-born paianist and composer (1811), Joan Fontaine, actress (1917), Brian Boitano, figure skater (1962).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The Doctor requested a sperm count for the 75 year old man as part of his physical exam. He gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home with you and bring back a sample tomorrow."

The next day, the man returned with the jar which was clean and empty, like the day before. The doctor asked the man where the sample was.

The man said, "Well Doc, it's like this. I tried it with my left hand, then I tried it with my right hand. I asked my wife for help and she tried with both hands. We even called our neighbor, Gertrude, and she tried with both hands too. Hell, she even tried squeezing it between her knees."

The doctor was shocked, "You asked your neighbor?". The man said, "Yeah, none of us could get the damned jar open."

How many intelligent, honest, caring men does it take do wash the dishes? Both of them. (The above joke done for your reading pleasure at my expense).

                               

That's it for today, my little chicklets. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, October 19, 2007

I Always Liked Sgt Friday !

I'm always happy to welcome Friday and the fun that it brings. Everyone's starting to talk about Halloween and all the festivities and parties. I, personally, am not prone to costumes but have been pressured enough, at times, by my peers to "invent" one. The easiest way for me was to wear black slacks and a black shirt, which I normally would wear anyway with a grey and black patterned Armani sport coat. I would then get a rubber band, a white piece of light cardboard that you use for gift boxes and fashion a collar, which I put beneath my shirt collar and voila !..... I'm become Father Jimmy.

This concept is not an easy sell at any dog and pony show, especially to my lady friends. I can handled the sly smiles, but the raised eyebrows are a little tougher. "Right !", seems to be one of the favorite comments. Oh well, I try.

I'll be heading to Lakes Cafe and Pub tonight, hopefully to be joined by my sweet Nicole for cocktails. I put a photograph of Nicole and I in the pictures today. We always have a good time and we oftime sing duets. AREA 51 should be lively tonight, so join me if you can.

I watched a piece yesterday on CNN where a young woman found a seven foot python in her toilet. It seems she got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and since her bathroom only had low lighting, she simply sat down and proceed with her transaction. Upon completion of same, she turned to flush the toilet and that is when she saw the python.

When she returned (after screaming very loudly I would surmise) with help to capture the reptile, it had retreated back into the plumbing. I, myself, have sat on the throne many evenings in the hopes of looking down and seeing a python, but, alas, no such luck. I'm relatively sure that her next trip to the bathroom will be with the "look before you leap" attitude !

The Pictures: More fall pictures, some western pictures by Don Marco and a little pumkin humor are the highlights of today's entry. As I told you earlier, I've entered a picture of Nicole, an homage to tequila, some flowery pic's and a few humous shots that I enjoy.

This Date In History: 1453; The Port of Bordeaux, France, finally surrenders to the forces of King Charles VII of France; the Hundred Years' War ends the same year. 1781; The Siege of Yorktown - the last major battle of the Revolutionary War - ends as General Charles Cornwallis surrenders to American and French forces at Yorktown, Virginia. 1935; The League of Nations imposes economic sanctions against facist Italy for its invasion of Ethiopia. 1960; The U.S. Treasury Department declares a trade embargo, halting commerce with communist Cuba, in an attempt to oust revolutionary leader, Fidel Castro.

Birthdays: Sir Thomas Browne, English physician (1605), Aguste Lumiere, French photographic manufacturer (1864), John Le Carre, pseudonym of David John More Cornwell, British writer of spy novels (1931).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Some grahics you might enjoy.

                              

                              

                          

That's it for today, my little Georgia peaches. See you tonight at Lakes Cafe. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Thursday, October 18, 2007

There's Got To Be A Morning After !

Yes, my little rugrats, there does have to be a morning after and as the saying goes, if you want to dance, you have to pay the band. Well, I didn't actually dance, but I still had to pay the band this morning. After roll call, I determined that all of the AREA 51 denizens are alive and well this a.m., albeit a little tired.

It started out innocently enough and my pals Hector and Lourdes wanted to show me their newly remodeled home, which is about 95% finished. We agreed that we'd leave Lakes Cafe, go see the progress and then return. We then began jockeying for positions when one of us (I really don't know who started it) said, " I'm not finished with my drink, yet". Then, the rest of us ordered another drink to accompany the lone drinker (you know where this is going). As the role of the lone drinker (not to be confused with The Lone Ranger) constantly changed, time was passing...

The next thing I knew, Dr. Marc (who has been under the weather lately), came in with Rosie. After exchanging hellos and pleasantries, we talked for a while (the viewing of the remodeled home temporarily on the back shelf). After a bit, Dr. Marc and Rosie prepared to leave and I told Hector and Lourdes that I would see the house tonight !

So, from there we went to the house. It was exquisite. As you may remember, they have been living with Hector's parents for months and they're both climbing the walls (especially Lourdes). They gutted, gutted, the entire house and rebuilt or replaced everything. It's beautiful.

There is no moral to the story other than the fact that a group that drinks together and finshes their drinks at the same time, usually feel better the morning after. As an afterthought and to better describe the evening, alternate possible moral number two would be, "Never leave a tern unstoned".

Actor and Comedian Joey Bishop passed away today at the age of 89. He was the last living member of the infamous "rat pack", consisting of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., and Peter Lawford. Actress Deborah Kerr also died today the age of 86. The well know artist was famous for her love scenes and the famous beach scene with Burt Lancaster in "From Here To Eternity".

The Pictures: A montage of some of my favorite pictures, featuring a twelve hour old baby moose born in the backyard home in a small community. My thanks to Anne for the charming pic's.

I want to tell you something about viewing the pictures larger, which you may or may not know. When you click on the pictures to view them larger, you are taken to AOL Pictures and are able to see the pictures on a larger scale. A few days ago, while viewing Nancy's pictures that I featured yesterday, I accidentally clicked "slide show". The difference is amazing. The backdrop is black and the pictures are exceptionally large and clear (depending on the quality if each picture). Try it, you'll like it !

This Date In History: 1767; The Mason-Dixon line is established. 1867; The U.S. officially takes ownership of the territory of Alaska. 1873; Representatives from Columbia, Princeton, Rutgers, and Yale Universities formulate rules for the game of football. 1898; American troops raise the U.S. flag over Puerto Rico.

Birthdays: Pierre Trudeau, 15th prime minister of Canada (1919), Chuck Berry, rock and roll legend (1926), Mike Ditka, professional football player and coach (1939), Wynton Marsalis, trumpet player and musician, Grammy winner and 1997 Pulitzer Prize winner for music (1961).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Carrie!

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions", he observed.

To Mary, the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter, Candy."

He turned to the second mother, Jeanne, and stated, "You are obsessed with money. That's why you named your daughter, Penny."

He spoke to the third mother, Penelope, and said, "You are obsessed with alcohol and it is the reason you named your daughter, Brandy."

At this point, Kathy, the fourth mother, got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

                       

That's it for today my little ducklings. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

As Homer Would Have Put It, "Humpeous Dayous" Has Arrived !

Although it was Greek to him, Homer would have aptly entitled today as "Humpeous Dayous", a term coined after penning "the Iliad", meaning "this week's been a pain in the ass, so lets go have a drink and engage in revelry". In modern terms, 'Hump day" is always a good reason for Happy Hour with friends, although I personally spurn some of the Greek traditions which can be a pain in the gluteus maximus.

Currently there's discussion about giving children ages, 11 to 14, birth control pills. I haven't any idea whose bright idea this is, but it doesn't sound very intelligent to me. I'm relatively sure this would only insure that sexual activities in young teens would continue, the children knowing full well that they wouldn't get pregnant should they transgress. If they're going to give them birth control pills, they might as well give them a cigarette and a glass of wine for afterwards.

I'm making an early entry today so that I can meet with my friends in AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe. It's a little overcast today in the Magic City, which is always a good reason to have a cocktail, as is potato week, as my pal, Jackie, says. My continuing frustration with my computer is also a fine reason to run away from home for a little while.

The Pictures: Today I'm featuring some beautiful photographs by my pal, Nancy. You can see more of her interesting entries and photographs at http://journals.aol.com/nhd106/Nancylovespix/ . Her pictures, wit and insight are always fun to read and I encourage you to visit her.

This Date In History: 1931; Gangster Al Capone is jailed for income tax evasion. 1933; German-born physicist Albert Einstein emigrates to the United States. 1973; The Organizationof Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) suspends oil exports to countries that supported Israel in the Arab-Israeli war of 1973. Oil prices rise dramatically. 1989; An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale strikes San Francisco, California.

Birthdays: Pope John I, 263rd Pope (1912), Arthur Miller, American dramatist (1915), Rita Hayworth, Dancer and film actress (1918).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A preacher was explaining to his congregation that due to financial needs, he had to move on to a larger church where he could earn more money. A hush fell over the congregation as no one wanted him to leave.

John Wilson, who owned a car dealership in town, rose and said, "If the Preacher stays, I'll provide him with a new Cadillac and a mini-van for his wife so that she can take her children to school." The congregation sighed in relief and everyone applauded.

Samuel Brown, a successful investor, rose and said, "If the preacher stays, I'll double his salary and provide a college education for his children." More sighs and applause.

Sadie Jones, age 88, rose and said, "If the preacher stays, I will provide him with sex." The Preacher, blushing, said, "Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?"

Sadie said, " I asked my husband what I could do to help and he said, 'Screw the Preacher'. "

                       

That's it for today, my little catarpillars. See you tonight at Lakes Cafe and more tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Strange Case Of The Missing Journal Entry !

I have periods where strange things happen that I don't quite understand. In my younger days, the root cause was usually wine, women and song. It is still the main cause of my weird black periods today, but lately, there's other forces of nature that I don't quite have a grasp on. Discounting the fact that I have old-timers disease, which sometimes causes me to wind up in the kitchen with no idea of why I'm there, I have eerie things happen to me every once in a while.

Such is the case of my journal entry of last evening. The first and most grandiose error (see yesterday's entry) was of my own doing, as I sometimes press a key on the computer for no apparent reason causing havoc and turmoil. This I can understand and although it makes me angry, I can live with it.

Yesterday, however, after finishing my second attempt at an entry, I went to another site to do some research and suddenly remembered something I had forgotten to add to my entry. I returned to my journal site and Voila !...there was Friday's entry, but no Monday entry. After my initial anger, I decided it was too late and would take too much time to make the entry again. So, I left it and decided I'd just start again today and not let it bother me.

When I went to my journal site today, there was my Monday entry. I noticed also that quite a few of my readers had indeed updated their AIM pages ( a subject I wrote about yesterday) and added their pictures. This tells me that evidently the entry was indeed made, so that eliminated the thought that I was surely not going to be sent to the home (Shirley ? Shut up and don't call me Shirley !). Where did the entry go from the time I entered it until this afternoon? Perhaps Rod Serling knows, but I shirley (?) don't. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but just in case, maybe this graphic can describe how I feel just a little better.

                       Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Speaking of monkeys, O.J. Simpson's second co-defendant has also turned state's evidence and will enter a guilty plea for a reduced sentence. I can't wait until the trial and this time it won't be in Los Angeles County !

The Pictures: A rare pink albino bottle-nosed dolphin is among today's pictures, along with some more of Mr. Crayola, Don Marco's pictures of American indians. There's a very unique outdoor public restroom which comes with a very unique indoor question along with "the usual suspects." I plan to show my friend, Nancy's birthday vacation pictures tomorrow and here's a sneak peak from tomorrow's collection.

                    

This Date In History: 1701; The Collegiate School of America, later known as Yale University, is founded by Congregationalists who are unhappy with the more liberal Harvard. 1793; Marie Antoinette, queen consort of Louis XVI, is guillotined in Paris for treason. 1946; In Nurnberg, Germany, ten high ranking Nazi officials are executed by hanging for their war crimes during World War II.

Birthdays: Noah Webster, American lexicographer and author of "An American Dictionary of the English Language" (1789), Oscar Wilde, Irish born novelist, playwright, poet and critic (1854), David Ben-Gurion, the first prime minister of Israel (1888), William O. Douglas, associate justice of the Supreme Court (1898).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

                              

That's it for today, my little chicken pluckers. Let's see if this entry sticks ! More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Monday, October 15, 2007

If It Weren't For My Hands, I Would Have Been A Texas Hold-em Card Dealer !

Today's entry should be doubly good as this is the second time I've entered it. Being a charter member of the Hands Johnson school of dexterity, I managed to get half-way through my first entry when I deftly used my powers and motor skills to delete the entry, causing several rather profane expletives to be screamed into a somewhat placid and mundane Monday.

The Miami Dolfins (0-6), utilizing all their skills and abilities to the fullest, again snatched defeat from the jaws of victory yesterday, thus keeping their chances for a perfect defeated season alive. They were, however, able to maintain and execute their olympic synchronized apery and celebration dances to a tee. This abilty used up all of their intellectual quotient and they were unable to successfully do anthing else, including the ability to add up to twelve, which would have told them that there were too many people in the huddle !

Speaking of I.Q., (A) O.J. Simpson's co-defendant is pleading guilty to the charge of having a gun in the alleged robbery of football memorabilia in Las Vegas. This minor detail will quite possibly be one of the nails in O.J.'s coffin in his upcoming court case, a situation that one could only hope for.

I've recently updated my AIM profile, which by the way, everyone who has AOL, automatically has free of charge. I sent an invitation to many of you and I want to thank those who have responded or will respond. The check is in the mail. A lot of the respondees (if that's a word) did not have their picture in their profile. You can access AIM by checking AOL help. Update your photos if you haven't or if you do not want to enter your picture, you can enter an icon, i.e., a puppy or a kitten or a Nova Scotian sheep herder and ballet dancer.

The Pictures: The first picture is another photo of the Northern Lights by Dick Hutchinson. There's also a heartwarming series from my pal, Pamela, of a sled dog who got lucky when he encountered a polar bear. As usual, I've included a few strange photos, a pumkin picture for Anne, and a partridge in a pear tree. I got some great pictures from my pal, Nancy, which I will run this week. The changes in scenery and the fall colors are amazing and I'm sure you will enjoy them. I also learned a new little secret about the AOL pictures, which you may or may not be aware of. I will have more on this tomorrow.

This Date In History: 1917; Dutch courtesan, Mata Hari, is executed by the French after being suspected of spying for Germany. 1928; The Graf Zepplin, sister ship of the Led Zepplin, makes the first commercial transatlantic flight. 1946; Hermann Wilhelm Goring, the second most powerful leader of NAzi, Germany, poisons himself hours before his scheduled execution. 1964; Soviet Premier, Nikita Khruschev, is deposed.

Birthdays: Lee (Lido) Iaccoca, American corporate executive (1924), Jim Palmer, baseball pitcher (1945).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: (Thanks to my pal, Victor)

Joe kept complaining of severe headaches and when he went to his doctor, the diagnosis was grave. The doctor told Joe he had a rare disease where the testicles press too closely to the spine, thus causing the headaches. He said the only remedy was castration. Joe was upset but he didn't like the headaches, so he agreed.

For a long period of time, Joe was depressed about the operation and one day, he decided to purchase a new suit and get a new outlook on life.

At the clothing store, Joe told the tailor he wanted a new suit and the tailor said, "let's see...size 44 long." Joe said, "How did you know that?" The tailor said, "50 years in the business."

Joe said, "I'd like a new shirt also." The tailor replied, " Sleeves 32-34 and a 16' neck." Joe was amazed, "That's incredible, you're good!" The tailor answered, "50 years in the business."

Joe walked comfortably around the store and then said to the tailor, "Give me some new underwear too." The tailor said, "No problem, size 36." Joe said, "Aha ! I got you ! I've been wearing size 34 since I was a young man." The tailor said, "For your size, you should be wearing size 36. Size 34 will press your testicles too close to your spine and you'll get severe headaches."

That's it for today, my little flapjacks. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, October 12, 2007

Do A Little Dance....., (Damn, What Was That Next Part?)

My favorite day has always been Friday. It just always seemed to bring good things, starting early in my life with school's out. I started out as a child and the first recollection of the Friday equals happy concept was in first grade. As time progressed, in junior high, Friday's was either a school dance or a party at someone's house.

In high school, I started a band and we would play Fridays and Saturdays at different venues in our area. When I started working (before becoming self-employed), Fridays was payday ! It became a very important concept in the scheme of things. Of course, after getting married the first time, Friday meant going to the grocery store.

One of the things the United States Army did for me was to help me to understand that I needed to work for myself because taking orders is something I am not prone to do. After becoming self employed, I quickly removed grocery shopping from the Friday schedule because it didn't seem to fit in with the Fridays are neat and fun concept. At this point in my life, Friday still brings that little inner glow, which is sometimes strengthened with a Dewars on the rocks. Life is good !

That in mind, I'll be at Lakes Cafe tonight, sharing the evening with my pals in AREA 51. Tonight's Karoake night and I'm in the mood. I just have to keep my timing down as I dodge the projectiles. I'm getting better at it though, they only hit me twice last week.

The Pictures: I found a lot of new pictures today and the first one is one of those. I have a lot more but I was unable to finish editing them and I'll show them to you in the coming days. The quality of these pictures is excellent and I hope that it shows through on your screen. There's some blatant and cryptic messages and hellos in today's pictures. You'll know when you see them.

This Date In History: 1492; The expedition led by the explorer, Christopher Columbus, lands on Guanahani, an island in the Bahamas. Columbus claims the island for Spain and renames it El Salvador. 1933; The Department of Justice acquires Alcatraz from the United States Army. 1969; The Soviet Union launches Voskhod 1, the first spacecraft to carry a multi-person crew.

Birthdays: Joe Cronin, American baseball player and executive (1906), Luciano Pavarotti, Italian tenor (1935), Ronald McNair, astronaut (1950).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A Somalian man arrives in Minneanapolis as a new immigrant. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, You Americans have a wonderful country." The passerby says, " You are mistaken, I am an Arab from the Middle East."

He stops the next person he sees and says, "I want to thank you Americans for allowing me to come to your country."  The man replies, "I am not American, I am from Africa."

He sees a man approaching and he greets him with, "I want to thank you Americans for housing, food stamps, free education and welfare to help me." The man says, " I am not American, I am Mexican." He asks the man, "Where are all the Americans?" The Mexican looks at his watch and says, "Probably at work."

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, racing rapidly around the nursing home. The poor woman was one sandwhich short of a picnic, so the other residents tolerated her antics andsome of them actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding down the corridor when a door opened and out stepped Kooky Clarence. He raised his hand and said, "Halt ! Do you have license to drive that thing?" Ethel reached into her pocket, pulled out the daily menu and handed it to Clarence. He said, "Very well, ma'am, you can go."

When she sped around the corner near the telvision lounge, out jumped weird Harold and said, "Stop ! Do you have proof of insurance?" Ethel reached into her pocket and handed the menu to Harold. He said, "OK, you may proceed."

As she raced toward her room, Horny Howard stepped in front of her, butt naked, with what was left of his manhood in his hand.  Ethel yelled, "Not that damned breathalizer test again!"

I found the answer for legends in their own mind, "Podium Al" Sharpton and Jesse Jackson.

                            

That's it for today my little ninja turtles. I'll see you tonight at Lakes Cafe. Have a great weekend and I'll have more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

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