Friday, August 29, 2008

Butterflies Are Free But The Drinks You Have To Pay For

It's Friday at last and methinks I'm going to get a little partying done in AREA 51 before the coming storms set in. Hurricane Gustav is going to miss Miami, but we have tropical storm Hanna seemingly heading northwest. She is expected to take a hard left around Wednesday and head for Florida, thereby possibly wreaking havoc on my hump day plans. That said, I think I'm going to make hay while the sun shines (so to speak).

I ran into a woman that I went to high school with the other day and I didn't recognize her at first. In school, she was always quiet, but she definitely has come out of her shell since then. She asked me if  I went to school in Miami and I told her that I did. She told me her name and I instantly remembered who she was, in that I used to be good friends with her older brother.

She asked me if I still was performing and I told her that I was and told her about karaoke night in AREA 51. The end result is that she will be going to AREA 51 tonight because she likes to sing and she'd like to see me again. She said she'll be coming with a friend.

Deja vu? I told her that I knew a person who owned a business called "Third Wheel Shuttle Service." When she asked me what kind of business it was, I told her it was a social service and there might be a good chance that her friend would be able to use it.

Hurricane Gustav is getting stronger and seems to be steering towards Louisiana. It's still too early to be sure, but all of the models point strongly towards Gustav hitting just southwest of New Orleans. Early predictions are that Gustav will become a category three hurricane and will make landfall some time Monday. Eerily, on August 29th (today's date), Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana and Mississippi.

The Cat's Ass Trophy is open for nominations until Monday at noon so if you've seen or heard of any worthy candidates, feel free to throw their hat into the ring.

The Pictures: Butterflies....margerine walks, but butterflies (sorry). I've shown these in the past but I like 'em, so here they are once more.

This Date In History: 1831; English chemist Michael Faraday discovers electromagnetic induction, the production of an electric current by change in magnetic intensity, which is the principle of the electric generator. 1842; Under the Treaty of Nanking, which ends the First Opium War, China cedes Hong Kong to Britain and opens five of its ports to British trade.

1897; The first Zionist Congress, called by journalist Theodore Herzl to organize a movement for a Jewish homeland in Palestine, meets in Basel, Switzerland. 1966; The Beatles play their final live concert at Candlestick Park in San Francisco, California. The band continues to record together until their breakup in 1970.

2005; Hurricane Katrina hits the states of Louisiana and Mississippi as a category three storm causing many deaths and injuries and billions of dollars in damage. 

Birthdays: John Locke, philosopher (1632), Preston Sturgess, film director and writer (1898), Ingrid Bergman, Swedish actress (1915), Charlie Parker, jazz saxophonist (1920),  John McCain, Senator (1936), Michael Jackson, singer (1958).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Garnett, for the following story.

Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself and have a good relationship with God?"

George replied, "god and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night, poof!...the light goes on and I go to the bathroom. Then...poof! the light goes off.""Wow," commented Dr. Smith,  'That's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is  just fine.  Physically he's great. But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.  Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! The light goes off?"

Thelma replied, "Oh God!  He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

That's it for today my little lemon drops. Have a safe and great Labor Day weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Thursday, August 28, 2008

".....And This Is My Friend, Mata Hari"

During my occasional wanderings in AREA 51, I often see a phenomenon that has existed since I was a young puppy. It seems that when women go out at night, they always seem to have a special friend with them. The special friend's sole purpose is to screw up any chance a man might have with her friend. While both men and women regularly go out in pairs to socialize, it's the women who always seem to have this special friend (from hell) with them.

This never happens to men. All men know that their buddy will abandon them in a New York minute should that special moment materialize. Furthermore, men will actually congratulate their buddy on this feat, knowing full well that his friend will be leaving with the woman and quite possibly leaving him at the bar. The situation becomes worse when you're twenty-five miles from home, but that's the code and all men follow it.

I don't know who came out with this pairing scheme, but I know it has ruined many a man's evening. It's always statements like, "I can't leave her alone" or "She's riding with me" that pierces a man's heart. Add to that the drinks that you purchased for her and her friend (who drinks like a fish but never gets drunk), and you have all the makings of a social fiasco.

You would think that in this day and age, enterprising men would own and operate a "Third Wheel Shuttle " to take these special women home free of charge, but that's just me.

Steven Warshak, the founder of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, has been sentenced to 25 years in prison and his company has been ordered to forfeit 500 million dollars by a federal court that found him guilty of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering.

You may not know his name or the company, but they are the manufacturers of of Enzyte, a company similar to Extendz, which promises growth of that "special part of a man." I'm, sure you've seen "Smiling Bob," the idiot who takes these "special" pills and is always very popular with the "ladies." The makers of Enzyte and Extrendz are making huge sums of money from male idiots who obviously never finished the ninth grade. Well, today "Smiling Bob" smiles no more as the courts have ruled that Enzite doesn't work....... Duh!


                                                 Smiling Bob In Better Days

The Pictures: Some bumper stickers that amuse me and a few more things from the back of the refrigerator.

This Date In History: 430; Saint Augustine, one of the most influential theologians in the history of the Catholic Church, dies at Hippo at the age of 75. 1859; Composer and pianist Franz Liszt conducts the premiere of Richard Wagner's opera Lohengrin in Weimar, Germany.

1955; Fourteen-year-old Emmit Till is abducted and later murdered by two men in Mississippi, after he allegedly flirts with a white girl. 1968; Police in Chicago, Illinois, violently attack protesters against the Vietnam War who have filled the streets outside the Democratic National Convention.

Birthdays: Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German poet and playwright (1749), Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton, educator and philanthropist (1774), Leo Tolstoy, novelist and philosopher (1828), James Wong Howe, cinematographer (1899), Rita Dove, poet (1952).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A woman in New Orleans is filling out a welfare application and the social worker sees that the woman has five boys. The social worker says, "Five Boys! How wonderful! What are their names?"

The woman says, "Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy and Leroy." The social worker says, "Why did you name them all Leroy?" The woman says, "When I want them all to come inside and eat dinner, I just yell out 'Leroy' and they all come inside."

The social worker says, "What do you do when you want one of them in particular for something?" The woman says, "Then I call him by his last name."

Down the road a bit in the farmlands of Baton Rouge, a man drove up to a farmhouse and knocked on the door. A young man answered the door, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Is you pa home?" The young man said, "No sir, he went into town."

The man said, "Is your ma home?" The young man said, "No sir, she went with my father." The man looked uncomfortable, then asked, "How about your brother, Joe?" The young man said, No sir, he went fishing."

The man looked even more uncomfortable and said to the young man, "Well, I need to talk to your pa about your brother getting my daughter Ellie pregnant."

The young man said, "Well I know my pa gets $500 for the bull and $250 for the boar hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Joe."


That's it for today my little pickled pepper pickers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Time For A Break !

Day two of the Democratic National Convention is over and there are three more excruciatingly mundane days left, then a brief weekend respite, followed by another five droll days of Republican rhetoric.

Fortunately, this phenomenon only happens every four years or there would be a lot of intellectuals jumping off bridges and out of skyscrapers to avoid the mass gathering of these delegates and "super delegates." I would rather they be referred to as cronies or super-cronies, which would be much more descriptive 


According to the whales, it's Hump Day, and an excellent reason to visit AREA 51 to define and resolve this week's world problems. All things carefully weighed, I may just go for some table games of chance including, but not restricted to, poker and dominoes. (Sorry for the structure of that last sentence. For some odd reason, my real estate contract verbage became entertwined with my social speak).

Did you know that on my sidebar, there are several other sites that I have that you can visit? There is also links to several songs that I have recorded on My Space karaoke, the latest being "L-O-V-E" by Nat King Cole.

United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) raided Howard Industries in Laurel, Mississippi yesterday and captured 600 illegal aliens employed there. Federal agents got a tip from a union worker there several years ago and have had the plant under surveillance since then.

American workers in the plant broke into applause as the immigrants were rounded up and transported to an ICE holding facility for prosecution and deportation. Kudos, ICE, only 11,999,400 immigrants left to capture.

A Miami man was found murdered in his apartment yesterday. Police found the man face down in his bathtub. The tub was filled with milk and cornflakes and police suspect a cereal killer.

The Pictures: The game's called "One Letter Off." Imagine, if you will, your favorite movies with a typo. Take a look ! Oh, by the way, my friend, Rose, gave me a woody and I'm going to show it to you. Authors Note: Caution, not for the faint of heart or the hard of understanding.

This Date In History: 1660; After the restoration of King Charles II of England, the books of poet and pamphleteer John Milton are burned in London for his attacks on the king during the English Revolution. 1859; In Titusville, Pennsylvania, Edwin Drake drills the first successful oil well in the United States.

1976; Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announce they have assembled a synthetic gene and implanted it into a living cell of the bacterium E. coli. 1982; Oakland A's outfielder Rickey Henderson steals his 119th base of the season, breaking Lou Brocks single-season record for major league baseball.

Birthdays: Theodore Dreiser, American novelist and journalist (1871 Man Ray, photographer and painter (1880), Lyndon B. Johnson, 36th president of the United States (1908), Lester Young, saxophonist (1909), Mother Theresa, Catholic missionary 1910, Jeannette Winterson, novelist (1959).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent Anything you say can and will be held against you." The drunk replies, "Tits."

An Amish lady is trotting down the in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. The cop says, "Ma'am, I'm not going to give you a ticket, but I do have to issue a warning." The woman says, "Thank you, officer."

The cop says, "First, you have a broken reflector on your buggy. Secondly, I also don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around his balls. I consider that animal abuse and cruelty." The woman says, "Thank you again, officer, I'll tell my husband when I get home."

When the woman arrived home, she told her husband that she was pulled over by a cop and received a warning. The husband said, "What did he say was wrong?" The woman said, "He said that the reflector was broken."

The husband said, "I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" The woman said, "I'm not sure...something about the emergency brake."


That's it for today my little ginger schnapps. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

There's A New Storm Abrewin'

Yesterday, I made a mental note to make all of my future daily entries at the usual time. This decision was made based on the numerous emails I received wondering why I had not made my daily entry. I'd like to thank everyone who was concerned about me, but every time I close my eyes, the image of a woman with an impatient look and a rolling pin pin in her hand comes into view. I have seen this look before and my past experiences tell me that my mental notation is an excellent idea.

John Pierce has to be the world's dumbest thief. When Paul Ives returned from work, he found Pierce hanging upside down in a broken front window. Pierce had attempted to break into Ives' home and got his foot caught while smashing the window with a hammer. Pierce hung upside down for about an hour before police and rescue workers freed him. He was still holding the hammer in his hand.


Hurricane Gustav is lurking in the Caribbean and early indications are not good for the Gulf of Mexico. It's still a little early to predict exactly where it will make landfall, but I don't like the looks of the early projected track. The market is already reacting to the possibility of the havoc Gustav might wreak upon the Gulf of Mexico oil drilling platforms.

The Democratic and Republican Conventions are running for the next two weeks if you follow these circuses, you know that they will be long on rhetoric and short on substance. It's be bad enough that the media will be covering these two events twenty-four-seven, iterating and reiterating the same inane comments until one's nose and ears begin to hemorrhage. In addition, you have the delegate interviews.

Although the majority of the Democratic and Republican delegates are intelligent and well-meaning, you will also see some of the most stupid people God ever put on this earth. Inevitably the media will seek out these particular yoyos and interview them, ad nauseum.

I think that it's part of the media rules that every available media type is given a microphone and a cameraman to seek out the 73-year-old, beer-bellied yahoo with a straw hat containing 47 pounds of American flags, pinwheels and mudflaps.

Occasionally the correspondent will make an error and choose an intelligent, well-spoken delegate, but when the yahoos see the light, they overpower the normal delegate and once again jump into the spotlight. It's the American version of the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.

These people are part of the decision makers that will decide the fate of this country for the next four years. Fortunately, the wiser delegates outnumber the yahoos, most of whom will not make it to the final vote due to excessive drinking and partying. Of course, there's always the ones who get gored or trampled, but that's another story. 

The Pictures: Sidewalk Art - Part Deux. More of artist Julian Beever's amazing artwork. I would be remiss if I didn't include the other two pictures of master thief, John Pierce. Look for these pics at the end of today's pictures.

This Date In History: 1883; The small volcanic island of Krakatoa in Indonesia begins to erupt. The eruptions, which destroy the island, cause tidal waves that kill thousands of people on the larger islands of Java and Sumatra. 1896; Armenians in Constantinople revolt against the Ottoman empire, leading to a three day massacre of more than 6,000 Armenians.

1920; Eight days after Tennessee becomes the final state to ratify the 19th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States, the amendment is formally adopted, giving women the right to vote. 1977; The province of Quebec, under the leadership of premier Rene Levesque, passes a law extending the requirements for the use of French as the province's official language.

Birthdays: Robert Walpole, British prime minister (1676), Antoine Laurent Lavoisier, French chemist (1743), Lee De Forest, radio pioneer (1873), Christopher William Bradshaw Isherwood, American writer born in England (1904), Ben Bradlee, newspaper editor 1921Geraldine Ferraro, politician (1935).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps. They can also track her calves to their stalls.

Why is it then, that they are unable to locate 12 million illegal aliens wandering around our country? I think the solution is to give every illegal alien a cow.


A beautiful young woman gets into an elevator on the tenth floor, smelling of expensive perfume. She presses the 50th floor, turns to an old Italian woman on the elevator with her and say arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills! $100 an ounce!"

The old Italian woman reaches over and calmly presses every elevator button from the 11th to the 49th floor. She turns to the young woman, farts, and says, "Broccoli - Publix! 49 cents a pound!"

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a Princess "Will you marry me?" The Princess said "No."

...And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting and drank beer all day, every day, for the rest of his natural days.

The End.


That's it for today my little artichoke hearts. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Monday, August 25, 2008

Honey, I'm Home !

Congratulations to the United States Olympic team who finished the 2008 Olympiad with 110 medals, 36 gold, 38 silver and 36 bronze. China finished second with 100 medals, 56 of which were gold, the most gold medals won in this Olympiad.

Politics aside, all of the countries and participants should be congratulated for their efforts. It's difficult to imagine how all of these young athletes could have maintained their composure with all of the controversies now seemly associated with the Olympics. One would think that for such a short period of time, politics, grudges and demonstrations would be checked at the door.

Friday night's journey into AREA51 was fun and it was nice to see my pals, Jeannie and Bob there enjoying the Karaoke show. There were many fine singers on hand for the show and the music and performers were very good. I couldn't help but think in the back of my mind that, with the sale of Lakes Cafe currently pending, a search for a new AREA 51 site may be in order. On the other hand, perhaps the new owners will just improve on the current theme. Time will tell.

I stopped by The Billiards Club for a final nightcap and arrived home somewhere in the neighborhood of 2:00 am. Thankfully, it was also the neighborhood where I reside.

The Cats Ass Trophy (CAT) Award: Garnett, author of My Brain Is In Pain, nominated Vladimir Putin, the egotistical pseudo-tsar and prime minister of Russia. Personally I haven't liked the little weasel (Putin, not my pal, Garnett) since day one and the judges (my cat, Shithead and I) are in agreement and happy to give the CAT Award to Vladimir Putin for his country's disgusting behavior in Georgia.

The War In Georgia: Speaking of Russia, they are supposedly in the process of pulling out of Georgia. AREA 51 operatives and secret agents are sending daily reports to command headquarters and Linda has advised me that the Walmart located at the Alabama-Georgia border has sold out of ammunition. Alabama militiamen have stated that Russia may have invaded Georgia but you can bet your ass that they ain't invading Alabama.

I'm concerned about Jackie, who's embedded with the Alabama troops, but I'm sure she'll be good under the covers...., uh, undercover. I have no idea where Garnett's ass is. Unlike most of the parties he attends as a civilian, when he's in military mode, he's not quick to show his ass.

Rose has not spoken lately to Johnny Walker-Red, a former red communist leader and now AREA 51 ally. Constant rains have prevented her from a debriefing with Mr. Walker-Red, but I'm sure she will complete her mission this week.

As a former soldier with the U.S. Army, I am fully aware of the inherent danger of pulling out, but it's usually a lot safer done sooner than later. My assumption is that the Russians will withdraw via Savannah.

Two muffins were in an oven and the first muffin said, "Damn, it's hot!" The second muffin said, "Damn, a talking muffin!"

The Pictures: Sidewalk Art - Part One. Known as "The Sidewalk Artist," Julian Beever is an artist whose specialty is drawing three dimensional  pictures in public areas. His works, nothing short of spectacular, are featured today and tomorrow.

In the interim, take a look at this kitty born with four (count-'em), ears. WHAT?


Birthdays: Ivan IV Vasilyevich, known as Ivan the Terrible, first tsar of Russia (1530), Alan Pinkerton, detective (1819), Clara Bow, actress (1905), Leonard Bernstein, composer and conductor (1918, Althea Gibson, tennis player (1927), Sean Connery, actor (1930), Elvis Costello, singer (1954).

This Date In History: 1718French colonists in Louisiana establish a settlement named for the Duc d'Orleans, regent of France, which will become the city of New Orleans. 1825; Uruguay declares itself independent of Brazil.

1900; Ten years after suffering a mental breakdown from which he never recovered, philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche dies in Weimar, Germany at the age of 55. 1944; American troops, along with Free French and French Resistance forces, liberate Paris from German occupation.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and say, " Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"

The doctor says, "Medically, no, but try taking an elastic band and slide it on you upper thigh. When you're husband enters you, snap the elastic band and tell him that it's your virginity snapping." The woman smiled, knowing that her fiancee would fall for this.

On their honeymoon, the wife is preparing herself in the bathroom. She slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and slides into bed with her husband.

Things progress and at that certain moment, she snaps the elastic band. Her husband says, "What in the hell was that? The woman says, "That was the sound of my virginity snapping, my love." The husband says, "Well, snap it again, it's got me by the balls!"

A survey was conducted, asking women what they thought of their ass. Eighty-five percent said that they thought their ass was too big. Ten percent said that they thought their ass was too small. Five percent said that they would marry him again.


That's it for today my little baby buggy bumpers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, August 22, 2008

Obama To Choose Running Mate - Jimmy To Choose Mating Run

The rains have finally subsided in Miami and the sun has decided to make an appearance. The sunshine has picked me up as well and I'm ready to make my own appearance at an AREA 51 watering hole, yet to be determined. I stayed home on Hump Day and the words "staying home" are not a normal part of my vocabulary.

I'm planning on going out early, so if this entry happens to come out earlier than my normal time, you'll know why. I've been having lower back pain lately and my pal, Emilio, swears that I need to drink coconut juice for my kidneys. I don't like coconut juice, but maybe I can add some rum to it to spice it up. Personally, methinks my Fred Astaire meringue dancing a week or so ago is the culprit. We'll see.

The Cats Ass Trophy (CAT) Award is open for nominations until Monday at noon. Look behind bushes and under rocks, my little wranglers, there's always one or two lurking around.

Macho men have a tendency to strut like a peacock, running off at the mouth like a bad case of diarrhea. Real men normally don't behave as such and every once in a while, macho man meets real man.


Say what? You be what? Pimp this, my man! Poetic justice is alive and well. Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

Odds And Ends: If you apply for welfare in Mexico, they give you a map of the United States. Female midgets have been warned against the dangers of using tampons as many have fallen after stepping on the string. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. To cure a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives and then you'll be too afraid to cough. Everyone has a photographic memory, it's just that some don't have film. Where are we going and why are we in this hand basket? I want to die in my sleep just like my grandfather and not like the people who were riding in the car with him.

The Pictures: BEER ! An excellent source of entertainment whether you choose to imbibe or merely watch the people who do. Beer has many additional uses and values as witnessed in today's pictures.

This Date In History: 1642; The English Civil War begins as King Charles I organizes his army to fight against the Puritan forces of Parliament. 1812; In present-day Jordan, Swiss explorer Johann Ludwig Burckhardt discovers the ancient city of Petra, capital of an Arab kingdom.

1864; Twelve nations sign the Geneva Convention, which establishes rules for the treatment of wounded and the protection of medical personnel in wartime and chooses a red cross on a white background as its symbol. 1922; Irish revolutionary Michael Collins, who signed the peace treaty with Britain that created the Irish Free State the previous year, is assassinated by Irish nationalists opposed to the treaty.

1922 (oops 1992) thanks to my pal Dirk; In the second day of Ruby Ridge incident in Idaho, an FBI sharpshooter kills Vicki Weaver, the wife of white separatist Randy Weaver.

Birthdays: Claude Debussy, composer (1862), Dorothy Parker, writer (1893), Deng Xiaoping, Chinese leader and table-tennis partner of Deng Xiapong (1904), Henri Cartier-Bresson, photographer (1908), John Lee Hooker, blues musician (1917), Carl Yastremski, baseball player (1939).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The

In a Veteran's Day speech, President Bush vowed, 'We will finish the mission. Period.' Afterwards, he was advised he doesn't have to read the punctuation marks.

Bush and Cheney were sitting in a restaurant to discuss the craziness of the 2008 election. When the waitress came to take their orders, Cheney said, "I'll take the steak." When she asked Bush, he said, "I'll take the quickie." Cheney motioned for the waitress to come closer, and whispered into her ear "He means the quiche."

A man was coming home one day and he noticed that there was a lot more traffic than normal. As he got further up the road all of the traffic had come to a halt. He saw a policeman coming towards his car, so he asked the cop what was wrong.

The cop said, "Man, we are in a crisis situation. Barack Obama is in the road very upset that Hillary's eighteen million voters are not getting on board with him. He is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and start a fire."

The man asked the cop exactly what he was doing there." The cop said, " I feel sorry for Obama, so I am going car to car asking for help." The man asked, "How much help have you received so far?" The cop replied, "Well as of right now, we've received 33 gallons of gas, but many people are still siphoning as we speak!"


That's it for today my little bare cubs. Stay dry, have a safe and great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Eeny Meeny Miny Mo, Fay's Not Sure Which Way To Go

Tropical storm Fay has meandered all over Florida like a drunken sailor, dropping between 20 to 26 inches of water. Although her winds have not been of much consequence, the water damage has been widespread. If Fay maintains her current path, the states of Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana could be feeling her wrath. It kinda reminds me of some of my AREA 51 forays in my younger bar hopping days.

NOAA and NOAA Partnership Stations Relative to the Storm

My television watching is constantly bombarded with these commercials for Extendz, which is evidently a remedy for short-minded men with an I.Q. of 60 or less. It's bad enough that you have to watch this crap, but the cheesy, seedy actors who work in these commercials make it all the (you'll excuse the word) harder to withstand. Could you imagine the chaos in the streets if that garbage actually worked?

My Hump Day Trek did not come to pass mainly due to the craziness of the week and I decided that I'd just catch up on a lot of unfinished projects that I'm working on and wait until Friday night.

Congratulations to my pal, Julie, author of Julie Loses It, for winning last week's "What's The Caption" contest.

The Pictures: My pal, Nancy, tells me that I'm eclectic and according to my Mom we were Baptists, so there's a conflict there somewhere. Nevertheless enjoy these odd photographs while I look up eclectic in the dictionary.

This Date In History: 1831; Virginia slave Nat Turner begins a slave rebellion in Southampton County in which over 50 whites are killed. Turner is captured six weeks later after the rebellion has ended. 1858; Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas meet in the first of debates on the subject of slavery during the Illinois senatorial race.

1911; The Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci is stolen from the Louvre museum, Paris, France. It is recovered in 1913. 1959; Hawaii becomes the 50th state in the Union.

1983; Philippine opposition leader Benigno Aquino is assassinated by allies of President Ferdinand Marcos as he steps off a plane in Manilla to end his three-year exile from the Philippines.

Birthdays: Phillip II, French king (1165), Jules Michelet, historian (1798), Aubrey Beardsley, artist (1872), Count Basie, jazz bandleader (1904), Wilt Chamberlain, basketball player (1936), Kenny Rogers, country music singer (1938), Archie Griffin, football player (1954).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Johnny staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

Johnny asked, "Father Donovan, what is this? Father Donovan said, "It's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Little Johnny said, "Which service, the 9:00 or the 10:30?"

The attendants wheeled Grandma out on the lawn of her new retirement home for some fresh air. Grandma could not communicate well and had resorted to writing notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time, Grandma began leaning to the right and the attendants rushed over and straightened her up, putting pillows on the right of her to prop her up. A few minutes later, Grandma began leaning to the left, and again, the attendants rushed over to her and put pillows on her left side to prop her up.

Shortly thereafter, Grandma leaned forward and the attendants came to her and tied a pillow to her stomach so that she could not lean forward.

Later that day, her nephew came by to pay her a visit and said, "Hi, Grandma, you look great. How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her notepad and slowly scribbled a note that read, "They won't let me fart."


That's it for today my little sweet peas. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

It Doesn't Feel Like Hump Day

It just doesn't feel like Hump Day. With all the hullabaloo about tropical storm Fay, the rains, and the constant dark, windy skies, I've sort of lost my sense of social timing. It's sort of like when the bi-yearly hourly changes occur. It's light when you think it should be dark and vice-versa. It's too early to make a final decision, but I'm not overly enthused about taking the trip to AREA 51 tonight. Then again, with the right call from the right young lady........

Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips. There are more churches, especially Catholic churches, than there are casinos. I learned this fact because brother Kirt just returned from a stay at Caesar's Palace. While he was there, his wife asked him to go to church with her and rather than fight, he decided discretion was the better part of valor and agreed.

He was quite taken aback to see members of the congregation actually putting casino chips in the offering basket. After the services, he asked one of the church elders about it and he was told since quite a few people are from out of town, the church decided to accept the casino chips.

They receive many chips from many different casinos and the collected chips are sent to a nearby Franciscan monastery for counting. Then, the chips are taken to each casino of origin to be cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.

On a sour note, I'd like to nominate the street monkey pictured below for the CAT Award. This asshole attacked 85 year old Lillian France in a New York City elevator, choked her until she was unconscious, took $900 and her cane from her.


Lillian France was hospitalized after the robbery for minor injuries. This is a picture of Ms. France in happier times.


The Pictures: Elvis may indeed still be alive. I was sent these photographs from sources I cannot disclose. See for it Elvis?

As a public service, I like to keep abreast (or two) of the newest in cell phone technology so that I may advise you of equipment coming to the market place. Here are the three new things on the market for your review and comments.


This Date In History: 1794; At the Battle of Fallen Timbers on the Ohio frontier, General Anthony Wayne shatters an army of recalcitrant Native Americans, thereby clearing the way for the settlement of the Old Northwest. 1940; Exiled Soviet revolutionary Leon Trotsky is assassinated in Mexico city by a Spanish Communists under the order of Soviet leader Joseph Stalin.

1977; The United States launches the Voyager 2 spacecraft, which will explore the outer planets before leaving the solar system, carrying with it a phonograph record of human civilization. 1980; Austrian Reinhold Messner becomes the first solo climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 1988; Iran and Iraq agree to a United Nations-sponsored cease-fire, ending their eight-year war.

Birthdays: Benjamin Harrison, 23rd president of the United States (1833), Eero Saarinen, Finnish-American architect who designed the Gateway Arch in St. Louis and Dulles Airport in Virginia (1910), George Mitchell, politician (1933), Rajiv Gandhi, Indian prime minister (1944), Robert Plant, rock singer (1948).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.  And they start reminiscing.

The mother says, "This is my oldest son Mohammed.  He would be 24 years old now.'" Her friend says, "Yes, I remember him as a baby." The mother says, "He's a martyr now though." The friend replies, "That's so sad, dear."

The mother continues, "And this is my second son Kalid.  He would be 21" The friend smiles and says, "Oh, I remember him, me had such curly hair when he was born." The mother says, "He's a martyr too."

The friend says, "I remember your beautiful third son, Ahmed." The mother says, "He was so beautiful. He's a martyr as well." The friend says, "Yes, I remember when he first started school."

After a pause and a deep sigh, the friend looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don't they?"

That's it for today my little petal pushers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !