Monday, August 4, 2008

Dr Ruth: The Rise And Fall Of The Male Species

This weekend was one of pondering and I mused over different people and things that strangely came to mind. One of the people was Dr. Ruth and her "expertise." The more I thought about it, the funnier it struck me. Here was this gray-haired munchkin giving sexual advice to people in book form, and on television and radio. Since anything is possible, I will assume that Dr. Ruth has had some experience in that field (no pun intended), but to what degree?

For example, if a person is teaching a class on the sport of basketball, one would assume that the teacher is relying on actual playing experience along with theory. Therein lies the problem. How seriously can one take a teacher's basketball class if the teacher is five feet tall?

Assuming one can mentally and visually accept the concept that Dr, Ruth is an "expert" in her chosen field, my thoughts wander to her studies. Her first sexual experience must have been very difficult for her, given the fact that she surely must have been taking notes during class. Fortunately for her, the concept of using dim lighting and alcohol may have aided her experiences in her chosen profession.

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Thankfully, Dr. Ruth was not always around and man's sexual knowledge has usually been acquired via the "trial and error" method. Through this learning process, man has acquired his sexual knowledge based on the most part by learning to please his partner and thereby avoiding having to give up all of his personal assets every five years.

As man went through the learning process, however, it would have been nice to have been explained the fact that man hits his sexual peak between the ages of 18 and 20 and woman begins to peak around the age of 40. This little tidbit of information would have been helpful to man's future safety when he began encountering sexually aggressive, pre-menstrual women. It would have further aided him in his rehearsal of "oops" apologies and, as an ultimate escape, allowed him the opportunity of committing suicide. (Authors Note: I personally feel that sexually aggressive, pre-menstrual women are very attractive and that they should be kind to silver-haired male journalists.)

The male species often develop other bad traits such as Sofitis, a condition where the Gluteus Maxus becomes intertwined with, and attached to, the sofa to the degree that the only medical remedy is removal through surgery.

Another common fault occuring in the male species is Foot-In-Mouth disease. This condition, while not contagious to the female species, causes most women to develop Octorectalmylitis, a condition in which the eyeball drops downto the anus, giving women good reason in having a shitty outlook on male reliability.

My pal Julie, through her Saturday entry in her journal, Julie Loses It, sent me the picture below showing Barack Obama's new plane which had the American flag removed and replaced with Obama's ego logo. You can read more about this at: 

http://journals.aol.com/midwestvintage/JulieLosesitMyWeightLossJourney/

 

                            

The Cat's Ass Trophy Award: Jackie, author of Life In Bama, nominated the nine people in Philadelphia who were charged in the death of 14 year old Danieal [sic] Kelly, a 14 year old girl who suffered from cerebral palsey. Danieal's mother, three family members and four social workers were charged in the death of the child who weighed 42 pounds at the time of her death. The CAT Award goes to those disgusting nine excuses for humanity.

The Pictures: As the adage goes, "payback is hell," and I have the pictures to prove it. Take a look.

This Date In History: 1735; A jury finds John Peter Zenger, publisher of the New York Weekly Journal, not guilty of seditious libel. The case marks the first victory of freedom of the press. 1914; Britain entersWorld War I by declaring war on Germany after Germany refuses to honor the neutrality of Belgium.

1944; In Amsterdam, Nazi officers arrest 15-year-old-diarist Anne Frank and four other Jews in the annex where they have been hiding for two years. Frank will die in the Belson concentration camp the next year. 1964; Over a month after their disappearance was reported, the bodies of three civil rights workers are unearthed in Mississippi.

1964; U.S. warships in the Gulf of Tonkin report an attack by North Vietnam. The unconfirmed report, along with an earlier encounter, leads congress to approve U.S. military involvement in Vietnam.

Birthdays: My pal, Melina (Aug 2) - Happy Birthday Baby (19XX), Percy Bysshe Shelley, poet (1792), Knut Hamsun, novelist (1859), Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong, jazz trumpet player and singer (1901), Roger Clemens,baseball pitcher (1962), Jeff Gordon, race car driver (1971).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Victor, for the following story.

After much nagging, a husband finally agreed to take his wife on her first game of golf. Unfortunately, the wife's opening drive went through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the golf course. The husband said, "I knew this would happen. Now, we have to go and see how much your drive is going to cost us."

The couple went to the house, knocked on the door and a warm voice said, "Come on in."Inside, they saw glass all over the place and a broken antique bottle lying beside the broken window. A man reclining on the sofa said, "Are you the people who broke my window?" The husband said, "Yes, we're really sorry about that."

The man said, "No apology is necessary. You see, I'm a genie and I've been stuck in that bottle for centuries. Now that you've released me, I am allowed to give three wishes. I'll give you each a wish and, if you don't mind, I'll keep the third wish for myself."

The man said, "Wow! That's great. I'd like to have a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." The genie said, "Done! And I'll guarantee you good health and a long life, as well."

The genie turned to the woman and said, "And you, young lady, what would you like?" The woman said, " I'd like to have a gorgeous mansion,complete with servants, in every country in the world." The Genie said, "Consider it done and your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters."

The couple said in unison, "What is your wish?" The genie said, "I haven't been with a woman in centuries. My wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband said to the wife, "Well honey, we do have all of that money and the houses, what do you think?" The wife said, "Your right! With all of our good fortune and with your approval, I'll do it."

The genie and the wife went upstairs and after three hours of making love to the wife, the genie rolled over, looked into the woman's eyes and said, "How old are you and your husband?" The wife said, breathlessly, "We're both 35." The genie said, "No Shit! And you both still believe in genies?"

(I guess it's good that the woman wasn't 40!)

That's it for today my little platter pusses. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

9 comments:

lsfp1960 said...

After alerts being down all weekend...I see they are working again.  Yours was on of the first ones that came in.  Love picture #8 !!  I think Dr Ruth is an old pervert!  LOL   Linda in WA

ksquester said...

What can I say other that I "bloomed late" and peaked early!   Anne

rjsisti said...

Honey, after the Dr. Ruth story.............I can't keep running back and forth to the bathroom to pee!  And, I always wait for that last sentence....Oh my "Platter Pusses"...............LOL

Your head is diffintely cracked!  LOL

Hugs, Rose

Roses are Read Journal

nhd106 said...

LOVE the payback pics!
Also...I actually met Dr. Ruth.   Guess where?   In a bathroom!!  We chatted a little too... lol.  Nothing to important...just a little bathroom humor.  

Nancy

salemslot9 said...

surprised
with negativity

bamawmn46 said...

I remember seeing Dr. Ruth on all the talk shows that made the circuit then. Have you ever seen the show 'Talk Sex' with Sue Johanason(sp?)?? She is from Canada. She is a hoot when she pulls out the 'toys'.....

Jackie

jmorancoyle said...

    I've always wondered who it was that Dr. Ruth got all her experience from. I mean she reminds me of Gilbert Godfrey.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

shrbrisc said...

That genie better look like george clooney lmao , I love it and uhm You never know Dr ruth may of invented sex she sure is old enough don't under estimate the talents of a woman they can breast feed , talk on a cell phone ,and change a diaper and hold a todler from danger all  at once ( he he ) not that I would know .. but uhm don't they make pills for you guys now ...
sending you hugs and lots of laughs
Sherry

midwestvintage said...

 How in the world does your brain work Jimmy.  That opening article, priceless.  Laughing coffee all over here.  Hope you read my follow up on the plane.

                 Julie