I Got A Weak Back About A Week Back !

It's Hump day, but if my back doesn't start feeling better, I'm not going to AREA 51 this evening. You see, I neglected to tell you that during my Friday soiree, I decided, along with my advisor, Johnny Walker Black, to invite a certain blonde at the party to dance the meringue. The meringue is a very fast based Latin dance that involves a lot of hip movement and also involves a lot of turns and spins.

After the dance finished, I was rather pleased with myself and was complimented by others as well. Johnny Walker Black agreed completely and told me to go back for more. Fortunately for me, my pal Emilio got a phone call and suggested we go to The Billiards Club because he was told that there was a lot of action there.

When I finally got home Friday night, I felt fine, but the next day, there was hell to pay. Evidently, I am paying on the installment plan because my back still pains me. It's difficult when a 30-year-old mind is coupled with an unwilling body. Well, two Advils and a cocktail might pick me up. We'll see.

Mark Phelps continues to roll in the Summer Olympics in Beijing, winning the tenth and eleventh gold medals of his Olympic career and setting a new record for the most gold medals ever won by any Olympic athlete. He currently has five gold medals in this Olympiad and is on pace to win eight gold medals which will also be a record. Go Mark ! Authors Note: My pal Linda pointed out that the swimmer's name is Michael, not Mark. Sorrrrrrrry!

The War In Georgia: There is currently a cease fire in Georgia due partly to the Alabama troop build up at the Alabama-Georgia Border. AREA 51 member and correspondent Jackie is embedded with the Alabama contingent and she has been sent instructions to get out of bed and go to the field.

Artillery specialist Garnett's ass has made a landing on the Georgia beaches along with the Cuban-American platoon from Miami. The contingent was impressed by Garnett's ass, although some mothers shielded their children's faces when Garnett's ass landed in the sand.

In Sports: The baseball race continues toward the playoffs. Here are some scores; 8-7, 4-1, 4-3 (10 innings) and a partial score, 5.

The Pictures: Pictures of the Russian-Georgia front lines. Oh, and drinks for the ladies!

This Date In History: 1521; A Spanish force under Hernan Cortes, aided by Tlaxcalan allies, completes its capture of the Aztec capital Tenochtitlan (the site of present day Mexico City), after an eight-week siege. 1624; French king Louis XIII makes Cardinal Richelieu his chief minister. Richelieu will firmly rule the country for the next 18 years, bringing it to military prominence in Europe.

1942; Bambi, Walt Disney's fifth animated feature, opens at New York's Radio City Music Hall. 1961; The East German government surrounds West Berlin with temporary fortifications during the night, stopping the flight of East Germans to the West. The barrier is soon replaced by the concrete Berlin Wall.

Birthdays: Annie Oakley, American markswoman and sharpshooter (1860), Alfred Hitchcock, film director (1899), Ben Hogan, golfer (1912), Fidel Castro, asshole (1926), Kathleen Battle, opera singer (1948).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's." The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."

Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?" And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."

That's it for today my little pop tarts. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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