Tuesday, January 27, 2009

An Open Letter To A Mugger

My thanks to a special friend who forwarded me this. It's an excellent letter from an unnamed source to a street monkey who mugged him.

To The Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown:

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.

Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 . 45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to crawl under the rock you came from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since I also ended up taking your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation.

I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder?

I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.


I don't know if this open letter is factual or born from the frustration of someone who was just tired of killers, thieves and muggers who are the 6 o'clock lead story of the Everytown, USA local news. It's a beautiful thought, either way.

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A Nostalgic Trip Back To The Gas Stations Of The Past

One thing I miss about the past is gas stations that provided one with service and a smile. You could drive into the gas station and run over the little hose that sounded the service bell. The neatly attired attendant would come out, take your request for gasoline and begin pumping. During the fill up, the attendant would check your oil and water, check the battery and clean your windshield. If you requested, the attendant would also check your tires to make sure they had the required pressure. Women and most men did not know how to operate the gas pump as there was no real necessity to learn the process.

Restrooms were usually clean and all necessary items such as hand towels and toilet paper were always on hand. Upon returning to your car and paying for your gasoline and any incidental items, you were rewarded for your patronage in the way of stamps which could be redeemed for merchandise. Additionally, there were give-aways of glasses and plates as a sign of thanks for visiting the establishment.

Gas prices were low in comparison to today and taking inflation into effect, the gas cost ratio to average incomes was much better. Better yet, you could buy a Coca Cola for around ten cents (including deposit).

Today's pictures are just some of the gas stations around the United States in days of yore and I found them interesting and nostalgic. I hope you enjoy them.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, January 2, 2009

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates

Women are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you'll get. With that in mind, Let's combined the two and get the best of both worlds.

Too cute! I'm amazed at the results of some of the photoshop experts. It's something I'd like to look into.

Stay Tuned !