Today is Mundane Monday and believe it or not, I'm kinda enjoying it. I didn't do too much this weekend and I beat the paperboy home on Friday by an hour and a half. Pretty good, huh?
We interrupt this journal to bring you Breaking News... I follow the news virtually all day long, mostly following CNN. For the most part, they do a fine and unbiased job (excluding Wolf Blitzer's obvious fawning and doting over Barack Obama Lama Ding Dong). I realize and understand that there's only so much news to report. Since their news programs runs in increments of 30 minutes, there's bound to be repetition. Thus, "Breaking News" only breaks once for me and then it's "Repeated Breaking News".
Some stories, however, continue to break for two and three days in a row and at some point in time it should be reported as "Breaking News For The Hard Of Understanding" or "We've Got Nothing Else So We're Just Gonna Beat This Story To Death".
Then, in almost every city, we have the hometown sensationalist channel, whose motto seems to be "Everything We Report Whether Shitty Or Not Is Breaking News" There's always a reporter on the scene, usually standing in knee deep water when if he were to walk a mere 15 feet to his left or right, he'd be on dry ground.
Then there's the poor reporter who's sent to the scene of an accident or crime seven hours after the fact, so that he can report from the scene at 5:00 in the morning with nothing but darkness as his backdrop.
One of the most frustrating "Breaking News" routines comes with the dreaded words, "We interrupt your regular programing........." Usually it's Dubya Bush or Barack To Alabama or Billary with some insipid, inane speech about something which you could care less.
When it's Georgie doing the speaking, you can have a few laughs as he completely slaughters the English language. You always count on the prez, a Yale Graduate with a C+ average, to throw in a few newk-u-ler references as he embarrasses himself and the rest ofthe nation with his complete lack of ability to speak correctly.
Maybe today, we'll get lucky and be able to watch our favorite television programs without any "breaking news."
We now return you to your regularly scheduled journal.
The Cat's Ass Trophy
The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) award was a hands down victory for Ronald Long, who shot and killed his wife by shooting 22 caliber pistol round through his wall to make a hole for a satellite dish cable. Although he was the only nominee, the reaction of my readers insured a win for this asshole no matter who would have been nominated. This incident presents a good case for why you shouldn't marry your cousin. What a catsasstrophe !
The Pictures: For some strange reason, there has been a rash of unusual relationships (journal authors excluded) in the animal kingdom and today is no exception. A newborn piglet was adopted by a mother dachshund (who was already nursing) and the pictures are funny as the little piglet will soon be larger than its adopted mom. Take a look.
This Date In History: 1774; The British Parliamentresponds to the Boston Tea Party by passing the Boston Port Act, which closes the port of Boston; America regards this as the first of the so called "Intolerable Acts". 1889; The Eiffel Tower, built for the Paris World's Fair, opens in France. 1949; Newfoundland becomes the 10th province in Canada. 1976; The New Jersey Supreme Court sets a precedent, ruling that coma patient Karen Anne Quinlan can be taken off life support so she can "die with dignity."
Birthdays: Rene Descartes, French philosopher, scientist and mathematician, sometimes referred to as the father of modern philosophy (1596), Joseph Haydn, composer (1732), Jack Johnson, boxer (1878) Octavio Paz, poet and essayist (1914), Cesar Chavez, labor leader (1927), Gordie Howe, ice hockey player (1928), Al Gore, politician (1948).
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My pal, Beverly, sent me this story about.....
The Mafia "Don"
An old Italian Mafia "Don" is dying and he calls his grandson into his bedroom. "Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howz about you leava me your Rolex watch instead?"
"Shuddup anlissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business.....you gonna have a beautiful awife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos"
"Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna
bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then....... pointa to you
watch and say "Times up"?
And From Jimmy's Corner: Chapped Lips
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.
The Sheriff said, "Howdy, stranger." The cowboy replied, "Howdy, Sheriff".
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?" The cowboy said, "Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
The Sheriff asked, "And that cures them?" The cowboy says, "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em."
That's it for today my little prairie puppies. More tomorrow.
Stay Tuned !