Saturday, June 30, 2007

And The CAT Award Winner is.............?

The CAT Award is given this week to Bobby Lee Cutts, Jr and Myisha Ferrell (see pictures). These animals, far and away, are the most deserving recipients of this week's awards. Quite frankly, they are such disgusting dregs of the earth that it's almost insulting to the CAT Awards, itself, to even be associated with those animals. But, things need to be said and done, and we're here to carry the torch (or noose, for that matter).

Larry King deserves an honorable mention, in that, his interview of Paris Hilton puts him in the same category as NBC, the previous week's CAT winner. As you may recall, Larry's question of Paris' jail experiences reminded me of the fact that he has had that experience, himself. He was arrested and jailed in Miami in 1971 for Larceny.

Me? I had a fun evening with hosts, Lydia and Al. Friday was a crazy day and we lost quite a few of the players from AREA 51 since Wednesday night. This leads me to believe that I'm not the only one who's hurting from three days of partying. Dr Marc, who brought a cake and an amazing array of finger foods, and ladyfriend, Rosie, joined the party. It was fun, but laid back!

The Pictures: I haven't been able to obtain the rest of the other pictures from Wednesday and Thursday yet, but I'm working on it. I did discover some beautiful desert pictures and some amazing photographs of lightning. I had pictures from Cincinnati, but I can't locate them. As always, there's a few odds and ends thrown in.

This Date In History: 1859; French acrobat Charles Blondin, known as the Little Wonder, crosses Niagra Falls on a tightrope. 1866; Ninteen-year-old Arturo Toscanini makes an acclaimed conducting debut in Brazil as a substitute for the scheduled conductor of the opera, Aida. 1921; President Warren Harding names former president William H. Taft Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. 1936; Margaret Mitchell's novel, "Gone With The Wind" is published. An immediate bestseller, it becomes one of the most popular novels of the century.

Birthdays: Lena Horne, singer and actress (1917), Mike Tyson, heavyweight boxing champion (1966).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my Perfect Martini and Beverly.

Jose and Carlos are panhandling at a California freeway offramp, each holding a sign. Jose is working on one side of the exit ramp and Carlos is working the other. Jose owns a Mercedes, his own home and has plenty of money. Carlos only makes about $20 a day.

Carlos crosses over to Jose's side and asks, "How do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills each day?" Jose responds, "Look at your sign. It says 'I'm out of work and I have six kids and a wife to support.' ."

"So?", says Carlos. Jose says, "Now, Look at mine." It read: I ONLY NEED TEN DOLLARS MORE TO MOVE BACK TO MEXICO.

Bob walked into a sports bar, sat down next to a beautiful blonde and stared at the TV. The local news was on and they were covering a man on top of a building threatening to jump.

The blonde said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "I know he'll jump!" The blonde said, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob pulled a $20 out of his pocket, laid it on the bar and said, "you're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on thebar, the man did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde, obviously upset, handed her money to Bob and said, "Fair is fair. Here's your money."

Bob said, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5:00 news." The blonde said, " I did too. I just didn't think that he would do it again."

That's it for today, my little bombshells. More Monday !

Stay Tuned !

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Friday, June 29, 2007

Two Down And One To Go !

Well, there's one more party tonight and I'm already behind schedule. Things went well last evening and somewhere (over the rainbow? Don't start !) after 4:00 this morning, I found my car and then found my way home. Assuming I get through tonight intact, I will be contacting Palmetto Hospital Saturday to schedule a body transplant 'cause this one's been used way too long.

I'm changing formats today to expedite my entry 'cause I gotta be at the party by 9:00. I'll have more for you tomorrow, including the CAT Award winner(s), more stories from last night's and tonight's parties and the "usual suspects".

As per my usual, I arrived at AREA 51 last evening and like the standard answer in a Miss America contest when they ask the contestant how they would change the world, we decided to "solve world hunger". I sang a few songs last night and then, like a thief in the night, my alter ego took over and said, "You know.... you dance just like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Why don't you dance the meringue with Barbie?" I should have paid him no attention, but... you know me. Well John Travolta was young when he danced in that movie. I'm still looking for body parts.

The Pictures: My friend, Robert, took these pictures and when I came out of my coma this morning(?) they were already waiting to be downloaded from my email. Thanks, Robert !

I'm relatively sure I sent some videos to my You Tube site this morning. If you look under "favorites", you can click the link and see them. 

This Date In History: 2007; I'm sure something happened but I did no research.

Birthdays: Happy Birthday to all, especially in Cincinnati.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A special thank you to the Miami Herald for covering last night's party.


That's it for today, my little cub reporters. If you don't hear from me by tomorrow afternoon, call the search party. More tomorrow! 

Stay Tuned !

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Party Tonight, Party Friday! Oh Bury Me Not On The Lone Prairie !

I'm really getting too old for this ! You know the drill. You get dressed, go out and party, and come home happy. True, but one forgets the fact that if one wants to dance, one has to pay the people in the band. Krystel's was going to close Friday, but due to unforeseen circumstances, they are closing and partying tonight at AREA 51. Then on Friday, we're having a post closing party at a friend's home. Saturday, they'll be taking me to the home!

As to the proposed parties for the CAT Award, nominations are still open, so If you see "one", let me know. As of today, Bobby Cutts Jr and Larry King are the current front runners. My thinking is the animal (Cutts) is leading, but remember, we are an equal opportunity Journal and all who qualify for the week in question could possibly win.

Larry King finally interviewed Precious. My favorite question was when he asked her what type of experience she had in jail. Larry King should know the answer to that. He was arrested and jailed in Miami, Florida for larceny in 1971 (ah, you didn't know that, did you?).

The Senate had an intelligent moment today as the proposed "let's just cede the United States to Mexico and we'll pick the lettuce" bill was shot down in flames by 14 votes. If the damned thing comes up again, it won't be while Georgie W.'s in charge. Being a "lame duck" the moment he was pronounced President, he's now even more lame and the republicans are begining the mass exodus to distance themselves from Georgie Boy.

The Pictures: Mainly jokes and funny odds and ends I scrounged up. I think they will amuse you. Thanks to Pamela and Beverly for their contributions.

This Date In History: 1939; Pan American Airways debuts the first regular transatlantic air service, flying from New York to Lisbon, Portugal and Marseilles. 1971; The Supreme Court overturns the conviction of Muhammed Ali for draft evasion.

Birthdays: Henry VIII, English king and subject of a British song (1491), Gilda Radner, comedian (1946), John Elway, professional football quarterback (1960).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:   Thanks, Beverly !

Jack was sitting on a plane when a man came and took the seat beside him. The man was a nervous wreck, trembling and wringing his hands. Jack said to him, "What's the matter?" 

"I've been transferred to Phoenix, Arizona", the man answered, "They're crazy there. They've got illegal aliens, race riots, gunfights in the streets, drugs, poor schools and the highest crime rate."

Jack said, " Relax, I've lived in Phoenix all of my life. The media distorts the truth. Find a nice job, put your kids in private schools and mind your own business. It's as safe as any place in the world."

The man relaxed and smiled, "Thanks, I feel better now, especially since you've lived there all you life. By the way, what kind of work do you do?"

"Me?", said Jack, "I'm the tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."


That's it for today, my little tail gunners and my special friends in Cincinatti.

Stay Tuned !          

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Amadeus Humpus !

It's Wednesday and I have mixed emotions. As per my usual, I'm going to AREA 51 at Krystel's Restaurant to solve world and national problems. I'll see all my pals and this always makes me happy. The sad part is that Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub has been sold. Friday will be the last day and then the new owners are supposed to close for renovations for the month of July and then re-open in August.

I've known about the sale for some time, but I kinda hoped against hope that something would come up. But life goes on and I'll be there in August to support and train the new owners. That in itself will probably take a month. There's going to be a big party on Friday and I'll be right in the middle of it. I'll bring you more up to speed tomorrow.

Please don't fret my little tipplers, as AREA 51 is a state of mind, not a particular location. This restaurant and lounge has had many owners since the '70's and I've known 'em all. I'm not 100% sure, but I think the new owners will specialize in seafood and that's find by me, because when I see food, I eat it (I don't believe you said that. Well, I did, so shut up!).

I'm entertaining two nominees for the CAT Award this week, the first being Larry King for his audacity to interview a spoiled convict and Bobby Cutts Jr, for just being the piece of shit that he is. Whatcha think?

The Pictures: Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! I didn't have time to peruse the picture sites today, so a lot of these are re-runs (my bad). But since I've got well over 1,000 pictures stored, maybe you didn't see them in the past or you have old timers disease and you meet new friends every day.

It dawned on me today that anyone who would like to see more of my nephew, Jonathon Sullivan, you can go to his memorial website. It's called and here's the link or find it on the left side of my journal under "favorites". 

This Date In History: 1950; After the U.N. Security Council votes to repel the invasion of South Korea by North Korea, President Harry S. Truman orders U.S. forces into Battle for South Korea. 2007; United Kingdom Prime Minister Tony Blair resigned today. Mr. Blair was the second longest running Prime Minister in recent history, serving ten years, A loyal U.S. ally, his leadership will be missed.

Birthdays: Helen Keller, author and teacher (1880), Ross Perot, businessman and politician (1930).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Do You Know What Happened In 1850 (157 Years Ago)?

California became a state. The State had no electricity. The State had no money. Almost everone there spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets every day.

So, basically, it was just like California is today, except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.

That's it for today, my little teddy bears. More (yes, Nancy), even More tomorrow <grin>.

Stay Tuned ! 

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

I Can't Stand Attorneys And Politicians !!!

The news raised my ire today and I feel a rant coming on ! The Senate passed a preliminary vote in favor of the outrageous, proposed illegal alien bill. It may just be me, but, before I even consider any bill with one billion parts to it, I would pass one bill, to wit:

Build a fence along the American-Mexican border, bring all of the troops home from Iraq, re-arm and post them along said border. Once done, I'll deal with the fish in the fish bowl.

In the race for president, I'll guarantee you I won't consider: 1) Oback Obama, an upstart senator with no experience, whose middle name is Hussein and was raised as a muslim. 2) Mitt Romney, a mormon whose doctrines and ideolgies are far from mind (mine, pun intended). 3) Rudy Giuliani, whose ideas and positions shift like sands in the wind. 4) Bloomberg, mayor of New York City, who has changed from democrat to republican to independant. 

All in all, the rest aren't that hot either, save Fred Thompson, who at least sounds believable. I think I'm still going to vote for Eddie Murphy.

The Pictures: A little political today (sorry 'bout that). It's called "Dress them as you will,"...., you'll see what I mean. A show of the monies involved in a recent Mexican drug bust... The "missile balloons", you'll like it...and the "usual suspects". Really ! Take a look, the "usual suspects".

This Date In History: 1870; In Atlantic City, N.J., the world's first oceanside park is completed. 1925; "The Gold Rush", Charlie Chaplin's epic comedy set in Alaska, opens. 1963; President John F. Kennedy is received enthusiastically by the residents of West Berlin with his statement, "Ich bin ein Berliner".

Paris Hilton's out of the slammer and heading home. Larry King is interviewing her tomorrow night. Jimmy's thinking of nominating Larry King for the CAT Award ! What do ya think?

Birthdays: Pearl S. Buck, novelist (1892), Peter Lorre, actor (1904), Greg Le Mond, cyclist (1961). 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he wants and he replies, "I'll have oatmeal and some fresh fruit."

"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"

"Why Mr. President", the waitress exclaims, "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton."

As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and says, "Mr. President, it's pronounced 'quiche'."

That's it for today, my little Nancy Drew Mystery readers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned ! 

Monday, June 25, 2007

Mo..Mo...Monday !

In The News: They arrested Bobby Cutts Jr, the animal who killed pregnant Jessie Davis and her unborn child, along with Myisha Ferrel, another animal, who aided and abetted him... Speaking of animals, the Taliban strapped a bomb on a five year old boy and sent him to American and Afghan troops. The child obviously did not understand what the Taliban did and asked the troops to take the vest off him, which the troops did. No one was injured... The Dry Cleaner owners who were sued by a customer, (a judge, Roy Pearson Jr), for 54 million for losing a pair of pants, won their case in court today. They were awarded attorneys fees, which were substantial... Columbian born Nascar driver, Juan Pablo Montoya won the Sonoma California Road Course race Sunday... Rosie O'Diesel reportedly turned down an offer from "The Price Is Right", citing commuting problems. Evidently, Rosie wanted to tape all the shows in one fell swoop as opposed to spending the work week in L.A. and commuting to New York on the weekends... Paris Hilton will be paid to appear on "larry King Live" Wednesday evening. Good taste, Larry, you may be nominated for the CAT award this week.

I traveled around journal land this weekend, seeing some friends and reading other journal sites that I had not read in the past. I found a lot of sites I enjoyed, some very heavy and deep with thought, some specialty sites who deal with a particular theme or hobby and quite a few comical, down to earth sites.

Me? I try to deal with humor and music, with the occasional soapbox oration. I am well aware of the world's problems and situations, along with the realities of life. When the dust settles, I like to retreat to my journal, and deal with things that amuse me, surprise me, angers me or just comes off the top of my head when I begin my entry. It's my little oasis in the desert of life. Stop by anytime. There's always a sofa and something to drink. We'll leave a light on for 'ya.

The Pictures: It's called "only in", pictures combined with captions that I hope will amuse you. Canyonlands, some great shots of some of the most beautiful canyon parks in America. Oh, and I left a picture of how to deal with Bobby Cutts Jr. You'll know which one it is when you see it!

This Date In History: 1876; A force of Sioux and Northern Cheyenne lead by Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull defeats about 260 U.S. Calvary led by General George Custer in the Battle of the Little Big Horn. 1950; The Korean War begins when North Korean forces crosses the 38th parallel into South Korea.

Birthdays: Lord Mountbatten, naval officer and Viceroy of India (1900), Robert Venturi, architect (1925).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Before I go to the "Hits", I have to share with you a little inside humor from my pal, Nancy. As I told you previously, in my travels around journal land, one of my stops was at "Notions of Nancy". She had asked to take on a task which involved three questions, all asked of her. The catch was if you asked the three questions, you had to repeat the same theme on your particular journal (which I may do if...).

Being the maverick that I am, I gave three answers, thus avoiding the onus of being obligated to repeat the theme. My answers were; a) about three o'clock in the morning. b) because I said so. c) Peter, Paul and Mary..and sometimes "why". I marveled at my wit as I saved my comment to post. As I was making today's entry, I received a response from the very clever Nancy, to wit:

Ok Mr. Jimmy...
You are a silly man.
But to answer your answers...
The first question is:
What is your bedtime?
The second is:
Why do you think Rosie is fat?
And finally:
Who did you never see in concert, but Nancy saw at least 4 times?
PS.  Thanks much for the wine...quite yummy~
I will finish in Nancy's script as I'm not sure how to change it back. Thanks Nancy, that cracked me up!
That's it for today my sneaky little rug rats. If I can figure how to go back to my script, I'll add the hits. If not, more tomorrow.
Stay Tuned ! 

Saturday, June 23, 2007

NBC Wins C.A.T. Award....ABC, A Close Second !

NBC snared the highly esteemed Cat Ass Trophy today, narrowly edging out ABC. It was neck and neck until the end, with NBC squeaking ahead in the final minutes. Purely because of the candidates' intent, both networks were in the running, but ABC's lowly $100K bid for the Paris interview was buried by NBC's whopping One Million dollar offer, thus assuring NBC of the CAT Award win.

NBC and ABC have quickly retracted their offers for the interview, probably after reading Jimmy's Journal (Yeah....right! Shut up). NBC's Senior Vice President, Allison Gollust, said, "There's nothing to pull the plug on because we never committed to this." But knows a producer was already signed to the interview, which was supposed to air Tuesday on "Today". Multiple sources say camera people and producers were told to be ready (code word ROME) and that the piece would be shot in L.A. and edited in New York.

In Friday's edition of the New York Post, the headlines read, "So, Crime DOES Pay, Paris" Evidently not. I guess all roads don't lead to ROME. Congratulations NBC, you 'da man !

AREA 51: Happy hour started slow with the exception of a group of my pals from Puerto Rico who brought a ton of friends and had a great time. SR the Golfer was there along with Fermin, Dr. Marc (who was later joined by Rosie and my pal, Danny), Guillermo, Mario, Melina and Emilio.

The evening crowed arrived later headed by my pals, Barbie and Maritza, who joined me in AREA 51, Larry and Rhodie, Jorge, and Bob. My pal Vega joined us also and after Kenny finished his happy hour performance, Estevez took the stage and the evening shifted in to high gear on cruise control. As you might imagine, everyone had a fine evening and Friday was put to rest at around late-thirty!

The Pictures: Drinks for the ladies ! Pictures for Indigo, Julie and Nancy, AREA 51, and the "usual suspects".

This Date In History: 1845; The Congress of the Republic of Texas agrees to join the United States 1917; After Boston Pitcher, Babe Ruth, is ejected for arguing about a base on balls, reliever Ernie Shore retires 27 straight men and two homosexuals and is credited with a perfect game.

Birthdays: Alfred Kinsey, sex researcher (1894), Bob Fosse, choreographer and director (1927).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:  Kudos to my sister, Jeanne ! 

Warning: Not for the hard of understanding or people who have had a humour bypass !

Two cowboys entered a local bar and sat down for a few beers. Suddenly, a young lady sitting near them began choking. Noticing that the young lady was apparently in distress, one of the cowboys said, "Kin ya' breathe?" The young lady shook her head, no.

With that, the cowboy stood up and went over to the lady. He lifted her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her from the back of the thigh to the small of her back. The woman was shocked into a violent spasm, the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.

Upon returning to his table, his friend said, "Ya' know, I've heard about that there "Hind Lick Maneuver" before, but I ain't never seen nobody do it." 

That's it for today, my little dragon slayers. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, June 22, 2007

NBC, Not ABC, Is The Front Runner For C.A.T. Award !

Well, I got most of it right ! NBC, not ABC, is the network that has an interview with Paris Hilton in place, as I previously reported. I wasn't far offbase, because NBC outbid ABC for this very unimportant right. A deal is in place for Paris to receive One Million dollars to do an interview next week with Meridith Viera on the Today show. She made sure that Meridith was the interviewer and not Matt Lauer, who has not spoken too kindly about Paris lately. All of NBC is on alert and they have a code word (ROME..but don't tell anyone) ) for the proposed interview when and if the event takes place.

ABC had a possible deal working after Paris' telephone conversation with Babwa Wawa for "The View", but they fell short in their bid for the interview. This puts ABC in the same category (Asshole) as NBC, but a few dollars short. The responses, reactions and comments about the interview has been defined as "outrageous"

Supposedly, none of the major networks "pay" for interviews, as it runs contrary to their moral positions. But, it is well known and documented that they do pay or purchase licensing fees, videos and pictures, not to mention concerts. Then, miraculously, the celebrity shows up and does an interview.

I really do not put any blame on Paris Hilton for accepting monies if some idiot wants to pay it. I do, however, heavily blame any network, and especially NBC, for paying monies to someone who is getting out of jail for drunken driving. First and foremost, it sends the wrong message to teenagers and encourages this type of behavior. As we all know, not everyone arrested and sent to jail gets this type of treatment and remuneration.

So, whether this proposed interview takes place or not, and because of the fact that NBC attempted to arrange this interview, I formally nominate NBC for the Cat Ass Trophy award for "Asshole of the Week". Any comments, suggestions or new nominations are greatly appreciated ! The winner will be announced tomorrow.

The Pictures: Precious and Meridith Viera, Francis the Talking Mule (Who? you're too young. We're the same age! Oh...right!), Some new Asian computerized toilets (yeah, computerized), and.......... well, you know !

It's Friday and we'll be partying tonight at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub. Hopefully, I'll be able to get Melina's camera again and get some more good pictures of AREA 51. I'll let you know tomorrow when I came out of my coma. 

This Date In History: 1938; Heavyweight Boxer, Joe Louis, knocks out champion Max Schmelling in the first round of their championship rematch. 1941; Germany invades Russia. 1944; President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs the Servicemen's Readjustment Act known as the G.I. Bill of Rights.

Birthdays: Carl Hubbell, baseball player (1903), Diane Feinstein, U.S. Senator (1933), Meryl Streep, actress (1940).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Lessons In Philosophy - Part III

One nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? What was the best thing before sliced bread? How is it possible to have a civil war? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? Whose cruel idea was to have the word "lisp" with an "S" in it? If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done? If you ate both pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? Why aren't hemmorhoids called "assterhoids"? Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Why is it called "tourist season" if we can't shoot them? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Can an athiest get insurance against "Acts of God"? If you spin an oriental man around in circles will be become disoriented?

That's it for today, my little interviewers. The C.A.T. Award winer and more, tomorrow. See you tonight at Krystel's.

Stay Tuned !

Thursday, June 21, 2007

I Can See Friday In the Distance And It's Getting Closer !

Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub was slow but sure last evening, unusually slow. It was nice to see Dr. Marc and Rosie. I was also happy to see my friend, Fermin, who plays percussion for "K.C. and the Sunshine Band". Rounding out AREA 51 was my buddy, Vega, who had flown in from Puerto Rico that morning, Dr. Saca Muela, Raul, SR the Golfer, Melina and Emilio, and my pal, Mario. We took some pictures with Melina's camera (a good one, 7.2 pixels) and the shots came out well. Hopefully, I will borrow the camera tomorrow night to see if I can figure out how to download the pictures into my computer.

The New York Post is reporting that ABC will give Paris Hilton one million dollars for her first interview after her scheduled release from the hoosegal on Monday. I would expect something stupid like this from the "rag" papers and magazines, but not from ABC. If this comes to fruition, I feel that we will have a nominee for this week's C.A.T. award. What do you think?

10:25 p.m. My Bad ! It's NBC, not ABC. NBC denies the claim stating they don't pay for interviews, but it's well known they can buy pictures or concerts and then mysteriously get an interview (per Anderson Cooper CNN).

Nice to see the street garbage continue to act like animals. Reportedly, a man hit a two year old child in the parking lot of his apartment complex by accident. The man stopped and went to the child's aid. A crowd gathered and began beating him. His friend, who was riding with him, got out of his car to help the man and the crowd beat the man to death. The driver and the child were only slightly injured. What is a two year old child doing playing in the parking lot? Where were the parents? And people wonder why they are disliked ! TIP: If you're in an area you don't know well and you hit directly to the police station and turn yourself in. Better to leave the scene of an accident than to be the scene of the murder!

The Pictures: My perfect and sexy, products that never quite made it, Paris Hilton and the "usual suspects".   

This Date In History: 1786; The United States constitution takes effect after New Hampshire becomes the ninth state to ratify it. 1964; Future Hall of Famer and United States senator, Jim Bunning, pitches a perfect game for the Philadelphia Phillies. 1978; "Evita", a musical written by Andrew Lloyd Wright and Tim Rice opens in London.

Birthdays: SR the Golfer..Happy Birthday guy ! (19xx), Jean-Paul Sartre, French novelist (1905).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Lessons In Philosophy - Part Deux: 

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Where to forest ranges go to "get away from it all"? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? If a parsley farmer is sued and loses, can they garnish his income? Is a fly without wings called a walk? If a turtle loses his shell, is he naked and homeless? If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why do they put braille on drive through bank machines? Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? How do they get deer to cross the road at those yellow signs?

That's it for today, my little legal aliens. More philosophy tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

It's Downhill Now ! Happy Humpday !

It's Wednesday, the "bridge over the river why", the downslope, the top of the hump, king of the hill, a number one, reason why Krystel's happy hour is the grease that oils the wheel of my downhill rollercoatster ride to Friday (now that's a rant if I've ever seen one.. Shut up !). 

In an AOL poll early this morning, (A) Rosie O'Diesel was voted the worst choice to replace the retiring Bob Barker on The Price Is Right. RO'FA garnered 71% of the vote in winning the worst choice category. Early front runners for the job are John O'Hurley and George Hamilton.

Larry Birkhead is asking for a court injunction to prevent his fired attorney, (A) Debra Opri, from spending the $650k she has in her client trust account. Interestingly, Regan McGorry, attorney for IMG, the agency that represents Opri, made a declaration that Opri directed IMG to wire more than $850k of Birkhead's money to her attorney-client trust account stating she had Birkhead's full authority. In a related story, Pamela Bach Hasslehoff fired Debra Opri yesterday after Opri lost her child custody court case with David Hasselhoff.   

The Pictures: A beautiful baby Manta Ray, some great pictures of India, a beautiful tiger, a bobcat and... (a partridge in a pear tree.. You're sick ! I know).

This Week In History: 1863; West Virginia becomes the 35th state. 1893; After a sensational murder trial, Lizzie Borden is acquited of the axe murders of her mother and father. 1910; Fanny Brice first appears in Florenz Zigfield's "Follies Of 1910". 1948; "Toast Of The Town", a variety show hosted by Ed Sullivan debuts on CBS. Later known as "The Ed Sullivan Show", it runs until 1971 as one of the most popular programs in American TV history.

Birthdays: Errol Flynn, actor (1909), Audie Murphy, war hero and actor (1924), Brian Wilson, Beach Boys songwriter and producer (1942).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Lessons In Philosophy - Part I 

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. If man evolved from monkeys and apes then why are there still monkeys and apes? The main reason Santa Claus is so jolly is that he knows where the bad girls live. I went to the library and asked where the self-help books were and the librarian said, "that would defeat the purpose". If someone with multiple personalities threatensd to kill himself, is it a hostage situation? If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? What if there were no hypothetical questions? Is there another word for synonym?   

That's it for today, my little manta rays. More philosophy lessons tomorrow. See you tonight at Krystel's.

Stay Tuned !

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Perils Of Mozart The Iguana !

Remember Mozart, the Iguana with a, difficult problem? Well, for those who missed it, I'm bringing back his video on Reuters News Services. Mozart had quite a dilema, as you will see, and things got very scary! Surgeons were brought in and all was lost, that is until the reporter gave us some interesting and import news as to the anatomy of an iguana. Interestingly, the facts revealed makes one envious to some degree and all turned out well. Authors note: Some brief iguana nudity. Not to be watched by the hard of understanding(you'll pardon the expression) or those who have had a humor bypass.

Odds and Ends: Rosie O'Diesel says she's meeting with representatives of "The Price Is Right" with the idea of replacing retired host, Bob Barker. The thought of RO'FA saying "come on down" annoys me to the nth degree. If you like to express your thoughts to The Price Is Right program you can email them at . I did !... Larry "da judge" Seidlin has resigned from the bench stating he wants to spend more time with his family (right !) and explore media and book opportunities. Another "Judge (Judy) Seidlin"? Gag me with a spoon ! For those of you using AT&T, effective last Saturday, they are offering internet connection at $10 per month. The reason they are not hyping it is that they're not happy about it. That was a concession they had to make in order to purchase Cingular and BellSouth. Check out their fine print (requires 12 month term). Oh,....and Precious is still in the hoosegow, Britney's cats and puppies have not escaped today and Lindsey cancelled her birthday bash, 'cause she's still in a coma.

Here is "The Perils Of Mozart".


The Pictures: Postcards, Postcards. Billboards, Billboards. Larry "da judge" Seidlin, Rosie O'Diesel, some beautiful scenes and wildlife and.......!

Date In History: 1953; Americans Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, convicted of passing nuclear weapons information to the Soviet Union, are executed. 1973; The Rocky Horror Show opens in London. 1984; The Chicago Bulls pick Michael Jordan of the University of North Carolina third in the NBA draft.

Birthdays: James I of England, British and Scottish king (1566), Lou Gehrig, baseball player (1913), Salmon Rushdie, novelist (1947).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:   Proverbs

Fools rush in where where fools have been before. To avoid duplication, make three copies. It's called "take home" pay because you can't afford to go anywhere with it. Success is relative; the greater the success, the more relatives. Anyone can be a winner, unless there's a second entry. If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment. If you look like your passport picture, you propably need the trip. It's ok to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change place.

That's it for today, my little veterenarians. More Tomorrow.

Stay Tuned ! 

Monday, June 18, 2007

Rise And Shine, It's The M-Day !

Greetings! A word no 18 year old wanted to read during the draft era in the sixties, but greetings and salutations nonetheless! We begin today's journey into the workweek with fond fuzzy recollections of the previous week. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to beat the bushes for a nominee for this week's C.A.T. award. This is not a difficult task, my little special agents, as the world is awash with potential candidates. This paragraph will erase in sixty seconds.

Ok, the paragraph won't erase, but your assistance is solicited and with your keen senses, I imagine you are "up" for the assignment. Every nominee will be seriously considered (myself notwithstanding).

Odds and Ends: Federal bankruptcy judge A. Jay Cristol awarded Ron Goldman's family the rights to (A) O.J. Simpson's cancelled book, "If I Did It", which the Goldman family want to rename, "Confessions Of A Double Murderer". The judge ruled that Lorraine Brooke Associates, run by Simpson's daughter, Arnelle, can be considered as belonging to Simpson. A money trail of $650k from HarperCollins, O.J.'s publisher, to LBA (Arnelle) to Simpson confirm that LBA was "clearly accomplished to perpetuate a fraud.".... Duke rape case D.A., Michael Difong was disbarred from practicing law after his confession last week... Congratulations to Angel Cabrera of Argentina in winning the U.S. Open Golfing championship. Oh,.... and Precious is still in the clink, Britney's plethora of cats and puppies has been expanded to "birds" and Lindsay's still in a coma. 

The Pictures: Botswanan Cheetahs, a stunning new frog specie discovery, China revisited, two silver back gorillas (keyword being two and you've seen one) and one unusual suspect ! 

This Week In History: 1812; Congress declares war against Britain to begin the War of 1812 1815; French emperor and General, Napoleon Bonaparte, is defeated at the Battle of Waterloo 1983; Sally Ride becomes the first American woman in space aboard the space shuttle, Challenger.

Birthdays: Sammy Kahn, sonwriter (1913), Lou Brock, baseball player (1939), Paul McCartney, rock and roll singer and songwriter (1942).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Metaphors from High School Essays

Part Deux: He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with a white picket fence like Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. The fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. The moon, like a testicle, hung low over the evening night. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, like a garbage truck backing up.

That's it for today my little undercover investigators. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !  

Saturday, June 16, 2007

You Can't Make This Up !

When we last left our hero, Jimmy, vocalist extroardinaire and a legend in his own mind, was suffering through a rough Thursday due to extreme conditions he encountered in his Wednesday night survival test (Surely you run on ! Surely you shut up and quit calling me Shirley). Having missed Krystel's belated birthday celebration Thursday night due to his Wednesday night jaunts, one would think one would learn, wouldn't one?

Wrong, scotch breath ! It began as soon as I hit the door. As I sat down in my usual corner seat in AREA 51, I called the meeting to order and under old business, we resolved several world problems and went directly to open discussions. Therein lies the problem ! Red Truck Man and SR the Golfer immediately bought me a drink and thus the theme of the evening was set. In a New York minute and in no specific order, entered Hector, Lourdes and their daughter, Cristine (my number one fan), Raul, Kenny (the happy hour singer), Dr. Saca Muela, Emilio, Melina, Brenda, Gaucho, Vega (the dancing guy), Maritza (who brought a bevy of beauties), Estevez (the evening singer), Pepe (who's on a roll), Rudy, Roberto and as always "Bro" and "Baby", denoting the countless friends whose names old timer's disease does not permit me to remember. In my weak defense, please remember when I am introduced to sing, over one hundred people immediately know my name and I have not been introduced personally to each.

The night progressed rapidly, I sang several songs, was sent more drinks and the dancing began. I'm going to have a note tatooed on my forward saying, "He has delusions of grandeur, a scotch and a bad hip. Please do not feed, give scotch or dance with the animals."

In all seriousness, the night was great and I've got pictures to show you (yeah, I remembered this time).

The Pictures: Oh, what a night ! All the children playing (moi aussi, ma cher). Excuse the "Bros" and "Babys" but I'm sure they told me their names, a beautiful Silverback lowland gorilla (I think I danced with his sister), and some pictures for Indigo and my wonderful friends, of the Washington State and Vancouver rain forests.

This Date In History: 1970; Kenneth A. Gibson is elected mayor of Newark, New Jersey, becoming the first Black mayor elected in a major northestern city in the United States. 2007; Our hero bravely fights off several alley cats and locates his car; he subsequently beats his old late arrival record, established Wednesday, and emails all his special friends, later claiming that Shithead sent them.

Alas, there were no winners again for the C.A.T. award. I have a distinct feeling that next week we'll have multiple nominees. Kudos, though, to Ellen Degenerate, who, after winning a daytime Emmy for best talk show, stated that Rosie the Trucker (RO'FA) should have won the award. Way to go Ellen ! You 'da man ! 

Birthdays: Belated birthday wishes to Krystel and Brenda (19xx), Stan Laurel, of Laurel and Hardy fame, film comedian (1890).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Metaphors from high school essays

His thoughts tumbled in his head like underwear in a dryer without Cling Free. She had a deep, throaty laugh like that sound a dog makes when it throws up. The little boat drifted across the pond like a bowling ball wouldn't. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. Even in his last years, grandpa had a mind like a steel trap, but one that had been left out in the rain and rusted shut. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil. But unlike Phil, the plan worked.

That's it for today my little mushrooms. Rest and recovery today and tomorrow and....More Monday.

Stay Tuned !