Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Dont't Get The Wrong Idea, But It's Hump Day !

It's hump day and you wanna let your hair down? It's Karaoke Night at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub! Stop by for happy hour 4-7 p.m. with Karaoke starting at 7 p.m. By then, you should have had a couple glasses of courage, so do a little dance, get down tonight!

The stock market Dow Industrials dropped 400 points yesterday as a mild panic ensued after an Asian market drop the previous day. It was tantamount to yelling fire in a crowded theater when some lights a cigarette.

The Anna Nicole Smith wrangling continues to day in court in an appeal by Virgie Arthur over custody of Ms. Smith's body. Thankfully, most of the assholes are laying low today.

The Pictures: Just a little humor to entertain you.

This Date In History: 1854; The Republican party is founded by a coalition in Ripon, Wisconsin. 1984; Michael Jackson's album "Thriller", wins an unprecedented 8 Grammy Awards.

Birthdays: Vincente Minelli, motion picture director, (1916).  Mario Andretti, former winner of the Indianapolis 500 and former Formula One World champion (1940).

"Well, since my memory left me! I've found a new place to........"

If you've ever got up to go to the kitchen and upon arrival forgot your mission, then.......

One nice thing about Old Timer's disease is that you can hide your own Easter Eggs!

That's it for today my little karaoke singers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

2,000 and Growing Stronger !

We hit the 2,000 reader mark today! This Journal began December 5, 2006 and has grown to 2,000 readers in less than three months (although roughly 1,500 of the entries were probably generated by me editing my constant errors). Thank you very much for reading my journal and I hope you continue.

Leutenant Colonel Bruce "Snake" Crandall was awarded the Medal of Honor yesterday by President George Bush in White House Ceremonies. On February 14, 1965, Crandall, then a Major assigned to the 229th Assault Helicopter Battalion, landed in the Ya Drang Valley at landing zone X-Ray. His unit took immediate fire from a massive attack by RVN soldiers. Instructed by the ground commander to abort his mission, Crandall remained until four wounded United States soldiers were loaded in to his helicopter and then evacuated the area. He flew the wounded to his home base and after Captain Ed Freeman and others volunteered to accompany him, returned 14 times to LZ X-Ray and evacuated a total of 70 wounded soldiers. When advised in 2001 that Captain Ed Freeman and he were both in line as Medal of Honor recipients, he withdrew his name to insure that Captain Freeman would receive the honor. I'm proud to recognize Lt. Colonel Bruce "Snake" Crandall for his service to the United States and to his fellow soldiers.

The Pictures: Medal Of Honor recipient Lieutenant Colonel Bruce "Snake" Crandall.

This Date In History: 1594;  Henry IV is crowned king of France in Chartres. 1974; The first issue of People magazine hits the news stands.

Birthdays: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, poet (1807), Elizabeth Taylor, actress (1932).

Should They? :

Have special flights provided immediately for people who complain that their flights were canceled due to severe weather and further provide ambulances to take their complaining asses to the hospital after the crash?

Put pictures of missing transvestites on cartons of Half and Half?

Procrastinate Now! Don't put it off!  

That's it for today my little soldiers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Monday, February 26, 2007

Weekend Highs and Lows - Where Do I Begin !

Monday has arrived and the work week begins. I hope everyone got a chance to see Amanda Baggs' video on my Saturday entry. I downloaded the video from her You Tube site and let it run the entire weekend.  If you didn't, do yourself a favor, please take a few minutes of your time and watch her video. In my fervor to present the video, I did something I have never done. I attempted to email all of my friends and readers to alert them to the video. I'm sure by now all of you have figured out that it took me four (count 'em),  four attempts to get the message out correctly and with the address (link). 

The Academy Awards show was Sunday evening and was enjoyable. Ellen DeGeneres emceed the show and did a fine job. Hosting any show is difficult and particularly the Academy Awards which is watched and scrutinized by millions of people all around the world. Thankfully, she made few, if any, remarks about her personal life, which as emcee, is exactly what she should have done. My Grandfather once said to me, " If everyone liked the same things as I do, they'd all be chasing your Grandmother. Rather than be redundant I refer you to the pictures.     

Matt Kenseth swept the Nascar weekend, winning the Busch Race on Saturday and capturing the California 500 on Sunday.  

The Pictures: Meet the winners of this year's Academy Awards. The only picture I haven't found yet is Melissa Etheridge, who won the Oscar for the Best Song, "An Inconvenient Truth".

This Date In History: 1848; Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels publish the Communist Manifesto in London. 1919; The United States Congress establishes Grand Canyon National Park. 1985; Tina Turner wins two Grammy Awards for "What's Love Got To Do With It". 1993; A terrorist bomb explodes killing five people and severely damaging the World Trade Center in New York City.

One day, years ago, I called my boss and told him, "I have anal glaucoma." He asked, "What's that?" I said, "I just can't see my ass coming to work today!"

Birthdays: Victor Hugo, French poet, novelist and playwright (1802), Levi Strauss, the inventor of blur jeans....yea Levi ! (1829), Jackie Gleason, comedian and actor (1916), Fats Domino, rock and roll singer and pianist (1928), Johnny Cash, country music singer (1932). 

A man stumbled in to his house very late one night, smelling of alcohol. "Drunk Again!", said his wife. The man responded, "Me Too !"

The woman came into a bar carrying a dog under her arm. "What's that?", asked the bartender. " It's a puppy, I got it for my husband." The bartender replied, "Good Trade!" 

That's it for today my Academy Award winners. More Tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Saturday, February 24, 2007

I Have Nothing to Say !

I am breaking from my "normal" methods of entry to share with you something I am just beginning to absorb. I'm trying to write this while my thoughts race each other to be the next in line to be written. I have turned off everything in my house and all I hear is the click-clack of my keyboard.

This week, while trying to follow the Anna Nicole Smith hearings, I heard something on CNN's Anderson Cooper 360 that made me stop and listen. Anderson was interviewing a young, autistic lady named Amanda Baggs. As the interview progressed I saw and heard something that made me think. I wrote down her name and made a note to look for Anderson Cooper's CNN site and Amanda's You Tube site.

Today I found what I was looking for on CNN and from there I was able to locate Amanda's You Tube entry. I can't remember the last time I was moved this way. I had some things, some inane plans for today's entry along with some pictures and hopefully some humor, but after I watched Amanda's video, I came to the conclusion that, at least for today, I have nothing to say.

I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I think that Amanda is content with herself and the depth of her thinking absolutely marvels me. It is making me remember how lucky we all are and perhaps gives us a better insight to things we don't understand. I will be revising today's entry periodically today and I am not going to make another entry until Monday. In the interim, please go to the bottom of this page and add your own thoughts. If are shy about adding your comment, then email me .

Post Script: This video runs around eight minutes. The first three or so minutes are of Amanda singing and interacting with her surroundings. Her subsequent "Translation" is done via a synthetic voice that is used in conjunction with her keyboard. This is the way she speaks to us, in a very profound manner. The depth and intellect in the "Translation" is something that I could never have imagined and it is something that I am still coming to terms with in my own mind.  

The Pictures: I just put them in because I think they're pretty.


That's it for today my friends.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, February 23, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith - Here Come "Da Judge" !

"I'm Done" (Duh!). Judge Larry Seidlin, the clown prince of jurisprudence, made his decision, ruling that the disposition of the body of Anna Nicole Smith should be entrusted to her daughter, Danielynn, via the ad litem guardianship of court appointed attorney Richard Milstein. After three days of melodrama featuring Court TV wannabe Judge Larry Seidlin, low life Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead and (mother) Virgie Arthur, a decision was finally rendered on a matter that could have been resolved in 24 hours via DNA testing of Danielynn and the wannabe fathers.

Judge Seidlin, in a dramatic fashion that should not have surprised anyone, tearfully (?) passed the ball to his self-appointed guardian ad litem of Danielynn, attorney Richard Milstein. Mr. Milstein, who has personally represented me in real estate matters in the past, was probably the only bastion of integrity in the court room. His decision was to bury Ms. Smith in the Bahamas.

'Da Judge', who's court room antics oddly paralleled Judge Lance Ito's judgemanship in the now infamous O.J.Simpson murder trial (don't get me started), eloquently stated,"I want huhr buried wid huhr son in da Bahamas". His suave way with the English language forced me to retreat to my dictionary to redefine some of the words I have either heard or used during this ordeal, to wit;

Dignity: (noun) The quality (or lack thereof) of being worthy, honored or esteemed.

Pontificate: (intransitive verb) To speak or express opinions in a pompous (see picture #2) or dogmatic way.

Asshole: (see picture #2).

Debra Opri, attorney for Larry Birkhead, continues her move to enforce the California Court ruling that a sampling of baby Danielynn's DNA should be taken and subsequent DNA taken from the wannabe fathers in order to resolve the question of paternity. Florida and Bahamian courts are expected to acquiesce.

Virgie Arthur's attorney has asked for an emergency appeal to today's ruling and the appeal is expected to be dismissed.  

The Pictures: 1) The video of Ms. Smith's interview is shown in court 2) "Da Judge", Larry Seidlin 3) Richard Milstein, court appointed Guardian Ad Litem for baby Danielynn 4) Howard K. Stern 5) Larry Birkhead 6) Virgie Arthur 7) Stern and Birkhead rally together momentarily to show approval of the court's decision.

This Date In History: 1870; Mississippi is re-admitted into the Union. 1934; Casey Stengel becomes manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers. 1945; Walt Disney's animated motion picture, Pinocchio, is released.

On a happier note, it's Friday kids! Happy hour, Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub. Stop by and see me! Happy hour 4:00 to 7:00, drinks two for one (What? You want a personal invitation? OK, Lourdes, you said you were coming. Bring my girlfriend, Cristine. You've got it, Toyota!).   

Birthdays: George Handel, composer (1883)

Green is normally the color I use of a little bit of humor, but today... It's Howdy Doody Time! I'm ready (really!) for my perfect martini ! Hello Cristine, CSR, miss you! YouLookMarvelousRosehart, Jenny, you said you were going to email me! As always, my buddy San Antonio Rose, SusieQwherareyou?, Chin Martinez,R.I.P, myniecesandnephews, JeannieJeanetteandKevin, Carpen, are you coming tonight? Clarabell,

That's it for today my patient little misfits. See you tonight !

Stay Tuned !

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith Hearing - Day 3 !

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jimmys-Journal jury, court is now in session, Judge Jimmy presiding. As I told you yesterday, I am making this entry early in the a.m. because I need to make certain entries timely and digest yesterday's proceedings. Granted, it's a little later than I wanted to make this entry, but then again, a guy's gotta go to Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub on Wednesday for a little Karaoke and get the bar consensus.

To Date: (you may have to read the previous two entries to get up to speed)

1. Both Virgie and Stern made conflicting statements as to the question of receiving payments from media or the like. Splash and Entertainment Tonight (Virgie and Stern, respectively) provided either air fare or money for same for their trips to the Bahamas.

2. Stern stated that he has no income (other than loans from his parents) and that Ms. Smith paid his rent and all his expenses. He further stated, when pressed by "da judge", that he would forego any possible future income via executor of the estate for Ms. Smith or legal guardian for Danielynn.When asked about his future income, "da judge" asked about his possible fee in the current 100 million case over Ms. Smith's late husband's estate. It was established that Stern stands to make six million dollars in the suit. He has had no income since 2002!

3. Stern was asked about the drugs Ms. Smith was taking. It was established that Ms. Smith was taking methedone during her pregnancy with Danielynn. When asked about her state of awareness while making decisions, i.e, the will or the burial plots in the Bahamas, Stern was reluctant to respond and gave no clear answer.

4. Larry Birkhead, far and away the most credible of the witnesses (by consensus), stated that Mr. Stern could not possibly be the father citing that at the probable time of conception, he was living with Ms. Smith. He  further asserted that Ms. Smith had a miscarriage with him prior to her pregnancy with Danielynn.

Update: I will attempt to update this entry as soon as something concrete comes to pass. 

The Pictures: 1) Anna and son, Daniel 2) Howard K. Stern 3) Larry Birkhead 4) Larry "da judge" Seidlin 5) Virgie Arthur  6) The saddest picture of all!

This Date In History: 1512; Amerigo Vespucci, Italian explorer after whom North and South America are named, dies in Seville, Spain, at the age of 57. 1819; Spain cedes Florida to the United States. 1879; F.W. Woolworth opens the first five and dime store in Utica, New York. 1959; Lee Petty wins the Inaugural Daytona 500.

Birthdays: Edna St. Vincent Millay, poet (1892), Charles VII, King of France (1403), Edward Kennedy, senator (1932), Julius Erving, "Dr. J" (1950).

That's it for today my little jurors. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Anna Nicole Smith Hearing - Day 2 !

The saga continues: Day 2 - The Anna Nicole Smith Hearing; This entry begins at 12:50 a.m, February 21, 2007. My reasoning is two-fold; (a) To bring you up to speed before the morning festivities begin and (b) To aid me in the entry (and later constant editing). Here we go!

Since we've spoke last, the media has had a field day with Judge Larry Seidlin (confirming my first opinion of him several days ago). They have raised doubts about his court room methods, including interrupting the attorneys and occasionally taking over, asking his own questions. They have also compared his court room demeanor to that of Judge Ito's in the infamous O.J. Simpson farce., the site that produced the pictures of the refrigerator in Ms. Smith's Nassau residence, alleges that Judge Seidlin has aspirations of grandeur, in that he has submitted tapes for a possible Court TV type of show ala "Judge Judy" (whose last name happens to be Seidlin also). Seems likely watching him in the court room (Here come da judge, here come da judge).

Update: As of 3:00 p.m., the parties, Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead and Virgie Arthur have all viewed Ms. Smith's body at the Broward County morgue and exited understandably shaken. "Da Judge", Larry Seidlin (from the Three Stooges comedy team of Moe, Larry and Curly) has said he will come to a ruling by Friday morning.  

In other news, Fred Goldman has won the rights to any royalties received by O.J. Simpson ostensibly steming from any book rights (I heard this rapidly on CNN and will clarify or correct it later).

The Pictures: My current top choices for Asshole Of The Week Award (tie). Judge Larry Seidlin and Howard K. Stern

This Date In History: 1885; The Washington Monument is dedicated. 1965; Black activist Malcolm X is shot dead at the Audubon Ballroom, in Harlem, New York.

Birthdays: Sam Peckinpah, motion picture director (1925), Erma Bombeck, newspaper columnist and author (1927).

The Gentleman asked the lady, "How would you like your eggs in the morning?" The lady replied, "Unfertilized!"

Forgive me for not doing my usual tag jokes below as I don't think it fits the news of the day. Ok, Ok.......a few.

That's It For Today my little court reporters.

Stay Tuned !

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith - Court Battle For The Body !

The court proceedings to determine custody of the body of Anna Nicole Smith is in progress as I make this entry. Nothing of major consequence has transpired other than the fact that Judge Larry Seidlin has ruled that he will admit the document, referred to as Ms. Smith's will, into the proceedings. The Medical Examiner telephoned to say that Ms. Smith's body is deteriorating faster than expected. He added that viewing and burial should take place this week. Here are the players (and my remarks):

Judge Larry Seidlin: He seems intelligent, although he seems to think out loud. His speech brings to mind "The Bowery Boys" movies of old, i.e "Who's da fadda?", "Get to da pernt", Da bruddah (sic). I'm reserving my opinion on his intellect as I listen to his rants, ad nauseum.

Howard K. Stern: As of yet his testimony has been low key with most of the prompts initiated by his attorney answered in a rehearsed manner.

Larry Birkhead: Represented by attorneys Debra Opri and Rowan Kelly.

Virgie Arthur: Estranged mother of Ms. Smith. She is represented by Texas attorney, John O'Quinn, who has been referred to as "Texas" by the eloquent Judge Seidlin. 

Richard Milstein: Court appointed attorney and guardian ad litem for baby Danielynn. Mr. Milstein is an excellent attorney and has represented me in real estate matters before.

CNN Legal Commentator B.J. Bernstein is incredulous that Judge Seidlin constantly interrupts counsel and frequently asks questions on their behalf.

CNN's coverage will continue all day. As it stands now, it looks as if the proceedings will continue for the next few days. I'll try and keep you up to date.     

The Pictures: Anna Nicole Smith, baby Danielynn and Howard K. Stern, now referred to as companion (instead of alleged husband) and claimant as father of Danielynn.

This Date In History: 1872; The New York City Metropolitan Museum of Arts opens its door to the public. 1915; The Worlds Fair opens in San Francisco. 1962; John Glenn becomes the first American astronaut to orbit earth. 1963; Willie Mays signs a one year, $100,000 contract with the San Francisco Giants.

Birthdays: Ansel Adams, photographer (1902), Robert Altman, director (1925).

That's It For Today

Stay Tuned !

Monday, February 19, 2007

Kevin Harvick Sweeps Daytona !

Kevin Harvick won the Busch 300 on Saturday and returned to win the Daytona 500 on Sunday. The wreck strewn race was an ever changing strategy session as favorites were eliminated during the race due to crashes. Tony Stewart, an early favorite, and Kurt Busch, who led several times during the race, crashed when Stewart slipped coming out of the second turn and Busch bumped him. The crash took both competitors to the garage. Former Daytona 500 winners Jimmy Johnson, Dale Earnhardt Jr., and Jeff Gordon also retired due to crashes. Chevrolets finished in the first 4 positions with Jeff Burton and Mike Wallace finishing in third and fourth positions, respectively.

Juan Pablo Montoya, the former Cart champion, Indianapolis 500 winner and winner of 7 Formula One races. struggled throughout the race. I think Montoya is going to be good in Nascar and merely needs some more experience in these cars, which far outweigh anything he's ever driven.

Mark Martin, who was in a new part time ride for this season, looked like he was going to be the man to beat with two laps remaining, but Harvick got a good push from Matt Kenseth and nipped Martin at the wire. Kyle Busch, who drove his usual dangerously reckless race, was running second to Martin coming out of turn two. As the pair entered turn three, with Harvick and Kenseth freight training rapidly on the outside, Busch lost control of his car and turned into Kenseth, starting the melee that took out quite a few cars.

Nascar rules went into a grey area during Sunday's race with at least two different incidents where I saw cars go below the yellow line (out of bounds) and improve their positions, without penalties. The ultimate faux pas was Nascar's decision not to throw the yellow flag immediately upon the onset of the last lap crash, which would have possibly allowed Martin to finish first. According to the rules, the yellow flag would have frozen the field at the time of the unfurling of the yellow flag and the competitors would have finished the race in that order.

My personal opinion, although I don't completely like the rule, is that if it would have been thrown, Martin would have won. Controversy, as usual, always sticks it's head into the fray.     

The Pictures: (1) Kevin Harvick drove an intelligent race and came on to win the Daytona 500. (2) The race came dow to the wire with Harvick narrowly beating Martin to the finish line. (3) Clint Boyer, who was involved in the crash cause by Kyle Busch, finished the race upside down and on fire. Boyer was unhurt in the crash. (4) Busch and Stewart crash early in the race. (5) Jimmy Johnson, last year's 500 winner ran poorly and crashed late in the race.

This Date In History: 1847:  After spending a winter under harsh conditions that forced them to cannibalism, The Donner party is rescued. 1945;  During World War II, the United States Marines storm the island of Iwo Jima.

My cat, Possum S. Hemmingway or Shithead, as I affectionally call him, snores. He swears that he doesn't but I've got him on my cell phone camera and one of these days I'm going put it on You Tube (don't tell him). 

Birthdays: Stan Kenton, jazz musician (1912), Lee Marvin (1924), Smokey Robinson (1940)

My aunt's 79 years old and she doesn't use glasses. She drinks right out of the bottle. I asked her if she had a fairy godmother and she said, "No, but I've got an uncle we keep an eye on".

That's it for today my little nieces and nephews. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned ! 

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Bits And Pieces - I Just Can't Party All Night !

I think my get up and go has got up and went! I've burned the candles at both ends for too many years. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have done it any other way, but time is like Vodka. Just when you think everything's under control, you you get up to go to the restroom and it grabs you by the ass! I assume you've noticed the tardiness of today's entry. Between watching the Busch Race at Daytona (Harvick won) and dozing off and on, I just couldn't get going.

Nothing really newsworthy today. We still have the same five assholes lined up as applicants for the $400 million Danielynn lottery. Judge Larry Seidlin still speaks in fifth grade jibberish, although he must be watching his own press. He's dressed a little better and choosing his misuse of English better. "Da body'll keep and da baby deserves more better" (asshole!). They finally embalmed Anna Nicole today (had to, she was dead). 

I spent last evening at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub and I had a blast. I ran into some old friends that I haven't seen in a while and we had an enjoyable evening. They've just changed to a new menu and added some great sandwiches for lunch. So now, if you're not real hungry around lunch time you can have a media noche or pan con bistec and papitas.

Esteves and Company are playing every Friday and Saturday. If you haven't heard them, I suggest you stop by. They're good! I performed with them last night and they're fun to work with. Remember Wednesday night is Karaoke Night and you can sing in English or Spanish. Frantz continues to emcee the show and we're getting some excellent performers coming in.

The Pictures: Just some random pictures depicting my day today! I've got to start coming home earlier! (Click view larger to see these! They're just so much better close up).

This Date In History: 1801; Thomas Jefferson is elected as the 3rd President of the United States. 1969; Golda Meir is sworn in as the 1st woman prime minister of Israel.

Birthdays: Michael Jordan (1963), Red Barber, baseball radio announcer (1908), Jim Brown (1936), Montgomery Ward (1844).

The couple decided that the first one to go would come back and tell the other one about "the afterlife". Murray passed on first. True to his word, he returned and whispered, "Sarah, Sarah".

"Is that you, Murray?", she cried out.

"Yeah, I've come back like I said I would!".

"So..., How is it?"

"Great, I get up, have sex, eat breakfast and then off to the sunny golf course. I come home, have sex, eat lunch, then back for sun at the golf course. I come home, have sex, eat dinner, have more sex, then off to bed."

"Murray, surely you must be in heaven!"

"Not exactly....I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona!" 

That's it for today my little bunny humpers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Friday, February 16, 2007

And Now, The Subject You've Been Waiting For - Toilet Humor !

Ah, you know me! Why face the facts when you can buffalo them with bullshit (No pun intended). I decided today would be enlightening and what's more enlightening than to go for toilet humor! It easy and everyone likes a good fart joke now and then. Well, check out the new product featured in today's video. It's called Wizmark, and I love it. I could do a half hour on this!

The premise is that it warns you if you've drank too much. What if there were three urinals side by side and each message was different? The urinals would be having a conversation and the pissors (?) would be be listening to the pissees (?). I gotta stop because I'll be here all day. Don't ya just love it! 

The Pictures: (1) is a picture of an actual outdoor public restroom. (2) Go inside and see. You can see out, but no one can see in. Could you pee under those conditions? (3) Pope John's John? (4) Go for it, Hillary! (5) My brother's bar-b-cue (6) All the comforts of home..... (7) And you can take it with you!

This Date In History: 1959; Fidel Castro claims dictatorial power of Cuba following his overthrow of Fulgencio Batista. Dictaphone up your ass, Fidel.

Fridays mean happy hour at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub. Come join me for a drink! The first one's on you.

You might recall I spoke of a new urinal deodorant that talks to you? Well, since I knew you wouldn't believe me, I downloaded it for you. So stop in and take a peek. On second thought never take a peek, leave a peek.

Birthdays: Sony Bono (1935)

You thought I was kidding? Imagine if you're in the restroom and you hear the message from the urinal deodorant. You're half in the bag and you think it's the guy standing next to you. "Piss on you, buddy! I'm not drunk!".

That's it for today my little piss ants. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Nascar Post - Friday !

The Dual 150 races were suspenseful as expected Thursday. Tony Stewart won race 1, followed by Dale Earnhardt Jr., Jeff Burton, David Gilliland and Denny Hamlin. Michael Waltrip overcame his current woes by qualifying for Sunday's Daytona 500, along with Boris Said. Waltrip, who worsened his problems early by trying to fit his car in a hole that didn't exist and then spinning out Dale Earnhardt Jr., ran a good race therafter and Earnhardt recovered as well. James Hylton, the 72 year old former NASCAR race winner, ran a respectable race, but failed to qualify.

Race 2 was won by Jeff Gordon, whose car failed to pass tech inspection. Gordon will start at the rear of the field Sunday, joining the other drivers penalized by NASCAR for infractions. Joe Nemechek and Mike Wallace were the final two qualifiers for Sunday's race. Kyle Busch finished second to Gordon, followed by David Stremme, Kurt Busch and Matt Kenseth.

Tony Stewart and David Gilliland appear to be the ones to beat in Sunday's race, with Earnhardt Jr., Ricky Rudd and several others also looking good in competition.

The Pictures: Jeff Gordon won race 2 yesterday only to fail post race inspection. Michael Waltrip proved that his car could race well Sunday, by qualifying for the race. Waltrip had no practice time in the car and may be a dark horse winner for the big race.

That's it for today race fans. More Tomorrow.

Stay Tuned!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith - The Saga Continues !

The story continues as new allegations and accusations arise. Several judges, including Judge Larry Seidlin have made various rulings as to the disposition of the body of Anna Nicole Smith. Seidlin, who speaks English at the level of a seventh grader from the New York Bowery, maintained that the body would be fine in cold storage and another judge has ruled in contrary. The current number of declared candidates as baby Dannielynn's father remains at five assholes. In the interim, the Bahamian police have finally decided to investigate the alleged robbery of Smith's residence. Way to be on the ball, guys. Several candidates continue to fight over the remains of Ms. Smith.

Rudy Giuliani confirmed his candidacy for president on the Larry King show last night (no shit!). The surprise is that he's leading McCain in the polls. I believe he's got too much baggage and won't win the Republican nomination. On the Democratic side, Hillary Clinton leads Alabama by 19 points.

The Pictures: Duck! No, I mean it, Look Out!

This Date In History: 1898;  The battleship Maine explodes in Havana harbor, Cuba and Spain is suspected. Two month's later, the United States declares war on Spain beginning the Spanish-American War. 1950; Walt Disney's animated motion picture, Cinderella, is released.

Birthdays: Happy Birthday to my ex-wife Susie! (19XX), Susan B. Anthony (1820), Louis XV, King of France (1710).

The overuse of Internet terms like LOL (laughing out loud) and LMAO (laughing my ass off) have prompted me to add a few more so that these two oldie goldies don't become trite. LAISMP (laughing and I shit my pants), IGTM (I've got the munchies), KMA (kiss my ass), LCF (laughing, coughing, farting). Others you can use so that you confound everyone; AFL-CIO, NBA, HUMP (this means nothing, it just makes me laugh), AT&T, BLT (hold the onions)and my favorite, TOWAMFN (thereoncewasamanfromnantuckett).

Do you have any to add? By all means, help me out. Add your own by clicking "add your own" below. You can GMM (give me more) or just add your comments. Either is appreciated!

That's it for today my little ducklings. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned!

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NASCAR Post - Thursday !

Today's Daytona Dual 150 races should be something to watch. With four positions remaining open for Sunday's Daytona 500, today's races are going to be a dash and hopefully safe. Speeds approaching 200 miles per hour and three abreast racing normally dictate the "big one" and I see no reason why the same shouldn't happen again today. I hope not!

Fines and suspensions seem to be the theme for this year's race. Michael Waltrip leads this infamous group with a fine of $100,000.00 and driver and owner point deductions of 100 each. The teams of Casey Kahne and Matt Kenseth also received fines and suspensions because of illegal changes found in tech inspections. The races begin today at 2:00 p.m. on the Speed Channel. Looking forward to Friday, the Craftsman Truck series race will be televised Friday night, also on Speed. 

The Pictures: Michael Waltrip, who is bringing three new Toyota teams to Nascar, was Fined $100,000.00 and 100 driver points for a substance found during inspection this week. Registered car owner, Buffy Waltrip, was also docked 100 owner's points for the same infraction.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentines Day !

Happy Valentines Day! Today's entry will be short and very sweet, because I'm way behind schedule and I'm already tired.

Is it me or am I they only one who now has to think before I cough or laugh real hard. I mean, if I don't think, besides the act I'm about to do (coughing or laughing), I have to think about how long it's been since I've been to the restroom. 

The Pictures: These are some of the special people in my life! I am unable to enter all of them, because of the fear of bodily harm (they have to pre-approve the pictures to make sure they like them). I've also leaned more toward the ladies which I am usually prone to do. You'll also notice I haven't put their names, but for my own self protection, I put them in alphabetical order. Happy Valentines Day ladies (and gents)! You too, Possum S. Hemmingway.

To my other special friends, I also send my love (you know who you are).

This Date In History: 278 A.D.;  Saint Valentine is beheaded contributing in part to the origins of the Saint Valentine's holiday. This tradition is carried forth to this day gentlemen, so don't forget your lady today! 1859;  Oregon enter the Union as the 33rd state. 1912;  Arizona enters the Union on the same day, 53 years after Oregon. 1929;  Disguised as Chicago Police, Al Capone's mobsters take out six of George "Bugs" Moran gang in a warehouse. The infamous event will become known as the Saint Valentine's Massacre. 

Birthdays: Gregory Hines, actor, dancer and entertainer (1946).

For Your Information: Brittany Spears reportedly was seen getting out of a car after she got sick. She allegedly was partying in New York and drank too much. My personal opinion isthat as she was getting out of the car, she saw what we've all seen, in the side mirror.

That's all for today my little Valentines. More tomorrow. XOXOXO !

Stay Tuned !

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,  Ain't she sweet! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Odds and Ends - Especially Rosie Fat Ass !

The Videos (2) I posted Saturday featuring Rosie Fat Ass, are now "no longer available". With all the lawsuits now facing You Tube, it seems they're paying more attention to entries on the site. One of the main reasons I like the site is that a lot of entries tell it like it is and are not overly censored. Obviously blatant things like pornography and heavy obscenities are thankfully removed, as they should. The two videos are direct cuts taken from daily ABC television show, "The View". You can bet your ass either ABC, show owner Barbara Walters, and/or Rosie Fat Ass were behind (pun intended) the removal of the video. Hopefully, you were all able to see it, as the second copy remained available until today.

I also noticed that a video entitled "Castro's Artificial Anus", an excerpt from Comedy Central's "The Daily Show", was also removed. I don't know if it was because it was an unauthorized copy or because of the subject matter. I do know that the title of the video was based on a story that Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro did have a type of operation where this type of surgery was performed. I especially liked this video, but Castro said it was a pain in the ass.

The Pictures: Being a big fan of toilet humor, I thought you might enjoy these pictures of some unusual urinals.

This Date In History: 1542; Catherine Howard, fifth wife of King Henry VIII, loses her head (pun intended) not long after two of her accused lovers fall victim to the same demise. 1566; The city of St. Augustine is founded by Spanish explorer Pedro Menendez de Aviles. 1966; The Rolling Stones appear for the first time on the Ed Sullivan Show.

The gentleman was at the Super Bowl when he spied a vacant seat on the 50 yard line. He asked the old man sitting next to the unoccupied seat if someone was sitting there. The old man replied that no one was sitting there, in fact, it belonged to him."It was my wife's seat but she passed away", the old man lamented. "This will be the first time since 1987 that she's not here with me".

The gentleman asked, "Don't you have a relative or friend, even a neighbor to come with you?"

The old man replied, "No, their all at the funeral."  

Birthdays: Chuck Yeager, test pilot (1923)

This Just In: Paddy, the Irishman, was driving up and down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and there were no parking spaces. Looking up to heaven, he said,"Lord, have pity on me. If you find me a parking space, I'll attend Mass every Sunday and give up me Irish Whiskey."

Miraculously, a parking space appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one".

A blonde woman was sitting at home next to her husband when a man on the radio said, "In order to aid the city with snow removal, please park your car on the odd numbered side of the street. The woman got up, went outside and moved her car as instructed. 

The next day, the same statement was broadcast on the radio and the announcer asked the public for the same help, except that they were asked to park on the even numbered side of the street.

The following day, the same public announcement was being broadcast when the power suddenly went out. The worried and upset wife said to her husband, "What should I do? They didn't say which side of the street to park on."

The husband looked over to his wife and said, "Honey, why don't you leave it in the garage, this time?"  

That's it for today my little chickies. More Tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Monday, February 12, 2007

The Dixie Chicks Sweep Grammys !

The Dixie Chicks, controversial country music group, swept every category they were nominated for, winning 5 Grammys, including Song of the Year, "Not Ready To Make Nice", and Best Country Album. The talented trio was ostracized several years ago for their remarks about President George Bush and their anti-Iraq war views. While their anti-war views were unpopular at the onset of the Iraq war, the general consensus today is more in line with their original opinion of the war.

Mary J. Blige, who finally seems to have her act together, won her first Grammy for the double platinum " The Breakthrough". Carrie Underwood, former American Idol winner, took the Grammy for Best New Artist. The Red Hot Chili Peppers (4 double disc "Stadium Arcadium"), John Mayer (Best Pop Vocal Album), and Tony Bennett also won Grammys.

The Pictures: Last Night's Grammy Winners.

This Date In History: 1964; The Beatles play two 35-minute shows at Carnegie Hall. The best seats sold for $5.50  1968;  Jimi Hendrix, guitarist, returns home to Seattle, Washington and is awarded the key to the city and an honorable High School Diploma.  2000;  Charles Schultz, creator of the comic strip "Peanuts", dies at the age of 77 in his home in Santa Rosa, California.

Birthdays: Charles Darwin (1809), Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States (1809)

The Annual Neologism Contest by The Washington Post, published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. Hear are a few of the winners; Coffee (n)  the person upon whom one coughs. Lymph (v) to walk with a lisp. Flatulence (n) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you have been run over by a steam roller. Testicle (n)a humorous question on an exam. Rectitude (n) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by a proctologist. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist. Frisbeetarianism (n) the belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up on the roof and gets stuck there. Circumvent (n) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

That's all for today, my little Grammy winners. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith - It Just Gets More Bizarre !

Watching today's news, it just becomes more unreal. Local channel 7 (FOX news) reported today that Anna Nicole Smith's baby, Danielynn, was with her alleged father, Howard K. Stern, in the Nassau, Bahamas "mansion" ( I assume they've never seen pictures of Beverly Hills because I saw the photos of the Bahamas residence and "it ain't no mansion"). Information FOX obtained from show pictures of the refrigerator in the residence containing methedone, Slim Fast (her sponsor was Trim Spa) and injectible prescription medicine. They also reported that a "witness" saw Mr. Stern inject Anna's son, Daniel, with methedone and dispose of the rest.

The Pictures: self explanatory

This Date In History: 1990; Nelson Mandela is freed after being sentenced to life imprisonment for sabotage and treason. 1993; Janet Reno is appointed as United States Attorney General by President Bill Clinton, making her the first woman U.S. Attorney General.

You may have noticed that I have two entries today. I'm an avid fan of Nascar and I'll be following and commenting on Daytona Speed Weeks for the next week. If you don't follow Nascar racing, try it, you' ll like it (Mikie does). If not not, just skip it and go to the regular entry which will come first every day.

Birthdays: Burt Reynolds (1936)

In Case You Missed It: If you missed Saturday's entry or you read it early, check it again. I embedded a video of Rosie Fat Ass's rant about Anna Nicole Smith prior to Ms. Smith's untimely demise. The video was subsequently removed by either You Tube or the user. I found another copy, however, and you can see both the removed copy and the replacement, in full.

The newest thing that struck me funny is that a company called Wizmark (I can't make this up) has  a new urinal deodorant that is being placed in men's restrooms in New Mexico. As one goes about what one usually does at the urinal, the product analyzes the urine and then electronically makes a comment based on the analization. Such statements as "Don't you think you should slow down on your drinks", "I think you have had enough to drink" and "You should call a cab because you do not have the ability to drive home" come from the gizmo.

Fortunately, the device does not have a camera, because I can hear it now; "You're not only drunk, you've also pissed on you new shoes" or "Hey! Shorty! Can you aim a little more to the left, you're pissing on your neighbors pants" (I could do another twenty minutes on this, but my cab's waiting).

The Ladies are envious and want the device installed in their restrooms, too. Although I'm sure it's possible, I've never seen a lady pee in a urinal.

That's it for today my little pee-peeing, go-karts. More Tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Daytona Speed Weeks - Sunday Post !

Daytona Speed Weeks began in earnest Saturday night as Tony Stewart won the Bud Shootout. Stewart, in his familiar Home Depot #20, won the sprint in convincing manner. Kyle Busch, the early leader, blocked Stewart continuously until Stewart took the air off his spoiler. When Busch slipped, Stewart nudged him and the rest was history. The only crash occurred when Dale Earnhardt Jr. bumped Denny Hamlin on the last lap and took out Hamlin and a few others. Earnhardt stopped by the next lap to apologize to Hamlin.

The pole position for next Sunday's Daytona 500 was won this afternoon by rookie David Gilliland and outside pole was taken by Ricky Rudd. This makes the front row an all Robert Yates (owner) entry. Rookie Juan Pablo Montoya, former CART champion and winner of 7 Formula One races qualified convincingly in the 4th position. Boris Said was guaranteed a starting spot by qualifying fastest of the run or go home entries.

72 year old James Hylton attempted to qualify but his speed was slow and he'll have a shot at the Daytona 500 if he finishes well in Thursday's Dual 150 qualifying races.

I was irritated that the FOX coverage team failed to mention the passing of former Champion Benny Parsons and former multiple race winner Bobby Hamilton, Jr. Too busy focusing on their own egos, I guess.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Chico's Las Vegas Act ! **Post Script: Rosie Fat Ass**

So, who's Chico, you ask? Chico is Dr. Marcos' Siberian Husky and also my nephew. When his Dad goes out of town, I have to take care of him, so we're pals. Chico weighs around 100 pounds and he can take you for a walk if you let him. So, out of sheer boredom, we produced this video. Chico does the acting and I am the director. As anyone can plainly see, I have not mastered the camera part, but I try and if you squint, it's ok. Chico wants to do a sequel and we are currently in negotiations with 18th Century Fox as to the next production. We are currently arranging the financing and looking for investors as the current projected costs may well surpass $19.85 (plus dog food and scotch). ENJOY THE VIDEO.

The Pictures: Possum S. Hemmingway, my cat.

This Date In History: 1863; The fire extinguisher is invented by it's creator, Alonson Crane. Since it's invention, I've been putting out fires as long as I can remember (add your own caption). 1998; Champion figure skater, Peggy Flemming, successfully undergoes breast-cancer surgery.

Birthdays: Dame Judith Anderson (1898), Leontyne Price, operatic soprano (1927), Peter III, Czar of Russia (1728), Lon Chaney, the Wolfman (1907), Greg Norman, golfer (1955), Possum S. Hemingway (2003)........just seeing if you read this. Possum's birthday really is today (according to his Mom). 

This Just In: Talk about timing, check out Rosie Fat Ass' remarks about Anna Nicole Smith a couple of days prior to her death. She had some nasty things to say about Ms. Smith, including her son's death and Anna's daughter. You can go AOL news and click the link to Viral Videos. I'm trying to see if I can download it, but as of now, I have been unable to do so. I will find a way, even if I have to quote her. Needless to say, her continual brainfarts, only insure her coming demise.


Post Script: I see that you tube has pulled this video. I'll search to see if I can find a copy (I should have copied it). Essentially, she said she was tired of hearing Ms. Smith and generally was derogatory, referring to her word slurring and alleged use of drugs. Condescending as always, Rosie Fat Ass should consider her own persona or lack thereof, and use her brief time on the view to better herself first and then work on others.


Post Post Script: I found the Director's Cut. I know it's redundant, but I wanted to show you that the first video was pulled either by You Tube or the author. Subsequently, I went to the source and got the Director's Cut. Let's see if they pull this one! Comments appreciated!

That's it for today, my little Huskies. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Friday, February 9, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith Dies and The Vultures Circle !

The death of Anna Nicole Smith is very sad, but even sadder is all of the cockroaches that come out of the woodwork, since Anna Nicole's child, Danielynn, now comes with a potential inheritance of over 400 million dollars.

Cockroach "A", attorney and alleged husband, Howard K. Stern, a recent graduate of the Anna Nicole Smith School of How To Screw Someone Out Of Their Money (which is redundant because being an attorney, in and of itself, would suffice), is very concerned about the child's welfare. Cockroach "B", photographer Larry Birkhead, insists that the child is his. Cockroach "C", the estranged sister of Anna Nicole is very concerned about her "niece's" welfare.

I wonder if these insects would be as concerned if the child didn't come with an estate of 400 million dollars? This deal will be in the courts for another ten years (and the barracudas continue to feed).

The Pictures: Anna Nicole Smith (I tried to select pictures that weren't degrading because on AOL alone there were 54 pictures).

This Date In History: 1950;  Senator Joseph McCarthy claims the State Department has been infiltrated by Communists. He is later censured for his tactics.  1964;  Ed Sullivan presents the Beatles on his weekly variety show, helping to advance the careers of the "Fab Four". 1971;  Satchel Paige is inducted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

Fridays are great because I get to see my friends! Join me at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub for happy hour today. Kenny starts performing at 6:00 p.m..

Birthdays: William Henry Harrison, ninth President of the United States (1773), Dean Rusk, statesman (1909), Carmen Miranda, dancer and singer (1909).  

This Just In: An Asian gentleman was at the currency exchange at his bank, exchanging yen for dollars. He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty dolla. Why it change?"

The teller shrugged and said, "Fluctuations".

The Asian man replied, "Fluc you white people, too!"

That's it for today my little currency changers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !