Thursday, February 1, 2007

Jimmy's Handy Guide to Love Making !

It has come to my attention (don't even go there) that a few of my older friends are having trouble in the boudoir (that's bedroom for the hard of understanding). Well, Billy Bob, I'm here to help! I'm even enlarging the type to help you see.

Jimmy's tips for making love !

1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.

2. Set timer for three minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them all off.

4. Make sure you have 911 on your speed dial before beginning.

5. Write your partner's name on your hand in case you forget it.

6. Keep polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed or between the thighs.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the news.

10. Do not even think about doing it twice!

The above courtesy of my sister, Jeanne !

Senator J. Biden is being berated because he said Barack Alabama was "Clean". Sorry, Barack, my bad. What was I thinking? I'll open my Politically Correct manual and find a more proper term. Please, don't tell Jesse or Al.

The Pictures: Courtesy of my friend, Beverly; (1-7) The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These men will be parachuted into Iraq and have been given the following information about the terrorists: a) Season opens today  b) There is no limit  c) They taste like fried chicken d) They don't like beer, pickup trucks, country music or Jesus e) They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt. (8) An Italian talk show host (9) An American talk show host.

This Date In History:  1862;  The Atlantic Monthly publishes "The Battle Hymn of the Republic", written by Julia Ward Howe.  1908;  Carlos I, King of Portugal, is assassinated along with his eldest son following increased pressure by Portuguese statesman Francisco Franco.  2003;  Space Shuttle Columbia breaks up and burns while entering earth's atmosphere, killing all 7 crew members.

It was Karaoke Night and I had a nice evening last night at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub.  It's always nice to see Emilio and Melina, Larry and Rhodie, Doc, Jorge, Willie, Mario, Samantha, and all the rest of the gang (sorry for the blatant hellos).

Birthdays: Sir Edward Coke, English jurists (1551),  Boris Yeltzin, Russian President (1931),  Clark Gable (1901),  John Ford (1894).

The picture (number 2) under Pictures is of my childhood friend, the late Robert Day Jr.  Bobby was an avid photographer who specialized in auto racing and was a member of our neighborhood buddies who grew up together. God Speed, Bobby !

That's it for today my little sex kittens. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !


1 comment:

dornbrau said...

Hmmm, and you've actually tested this Handy Dandy Guide, right?  Hehehehe.  Dorn~