Thursday, August 28, 2008

".....And This Is My Friend, Mata Hari"

During my occasional wanderings in AREA 51, I often see a phenomenon that has existed since I was a young puppy. It seems that when women go out at night, they always seem to have a special friend with them. The special friend's sole purpose is to screw up any chance a man might have with her friend. While both men and women regularly go out in pairs to socialize, it's the women who always seem to have this special friend (from hell) with them.

This never happens to men. All men know that their buddy will abandon them in a New York minute should that special moment materialize. Furthermore, men will actually congratulate their buddy on this feat, knowing full well that his friend will be leaving with the woman and quite possibly leaving him at the bar. The situation becomes worse when you're twenty-five miles from home, but that's the code and all men follow it.

I don't know who came out with this pairing scheme, but I know it has ruined many a man's evening. It's always statements like, "I can't leave her alone" or "She's riding with me" that pierces a man's heart. Add to that the drinks that you purchased for her and her friend (who drinks like a fish but never gets drunk), and you have all the makings of a social fiasco.

You would think that in this day and age, enterprising men would own and operate a "Third Wheel Shuttle " to take these special women home free of charge, but that's just me.

Steven Warshak, the founder of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, has been sentenced to 25 years in prison and his company has been ordered to forfeit 500 million dollars by a federal court that found him guilty of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering.

You may not know his name or the company, but they are the manufacturers of of Enzyte, a company similar to Extendz, which promises growth of that "special part of a man." I'm, sure you've seen "Smiling Bob," the idiot who takes these "special" pills and is always very popular with the "ladies." The makers of Enzyte and Extrendz are making huge sums of money from male idiots who obviously never finished the ninth grade. Well, today "Smiling Bob" smiles no more as the courts have ruled that Enzite doesn't work....... Duh!


                                                 Smiling Bob In Better Days

The Pictures: Some bumper stickers that amuse me and a few more things from the back of the refrigerator.

This Date In History: 430; Saint Augustine, one of the most influential theologians in the history of the Catholic Church, dies at Hippo at the age of 75. 1859; Composer and pianist Franz Liszt conducts the premiere of Richard Wagner's opera Lohengrin in Weimar, Germany.

1955; Fourteen-year-old Emmit Till is abducted and later murdered by two men in Mississippi, after he allegedly flirts with a white girl. 1968; Police in Chicago, Illinois, violently attack protesters against the Vietnam War who have filled the streets outside the Democratic National Convention.

Birthdays: Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German poet and playwright (1749), Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton, educator and philanthropist (1774), Leo Tolstoy, novelist and philosopher (1828), James Wong Howe, cinematographer (1899), Rita Dove, poet (1952).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A woman in New Orleans is filling out a welfare application and the social worker sees that the woman has five boys. The social worker says, "Five Boys! How wonderful! What are their names?"

The woman says, "Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy and Leroy." The social worker says, "Why did you name them all Leroy?" The woman says, "When I want them all to come inside and eat dinner, I just yell out 'Leroy' and they all come inside."

The social worker says, "What do you do when you want one of them in particular for something?" The woman says, "Then I call him by his last name."

Down the road a bit in the farmlands of Baton Rouge, a man drove up to a farmhouse and knocked on the door. A young man answered the door, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Is you pa home?" The young man said, "No sir, he went into town."

The man said, "Is your ma home?" The young man said, "No sir, she went with my father." The man looked uncomfortable, then asked, "How about your brother, Joe?" The young man said, No sir, he went fishing."

The man looked even more uncomfortable and said to the young man, "Well, I need to talk to your pa about your brother getting my daughter Ellie pregnant."

The young man said, "Well I know my pa gets $500 for the bull and $250 for the boar hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Joe."


That's it for today my little pickled pepper pickers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !


rjsisti said...

I understand completely what you mean about women going out in pairs!  In my 20s, my friends and I all decided it was best to meet at a particular place and take our own cars just in case Mr. Right came along!

But, there were times when we traveled further away and it made no sense to waste all that gas when we hung out with a crowd of three and sometimes four!

Sorry, your night didn't pan out the way you would have liked it to.  But, if the lady is worth her for a date!  You know you have to be a gentleman for the first 3 dates anyway!!!!!!!  LOL

Tomorrow is Friday, another weekend for you to go out and play.  I just may go out and play myself.  I have cabin fever!  But the nightlife seems to have lost all of its glitter!

Hugs, Rose

garnett109 said...

Jim I don't use that Enzyte stuff I did what my dad did the old fashion way I tied a 2 x 4 to my ass so I would not fall in and if I did I Also had splunking gear and rope to get out!

plieck30 said...

This entry gave me a good chuckle. Having been widowed at age 50 after a year or two I joined the dance hall scene. I know what you say is true. You know what they say there's safety in numbers. Paula

ksquester said...

I now read you like I used to read the evening paper.  Remember when there WAS an evening paper.  When you are late, I am pacing, wondering where the hell is he?  Loved the pictures and as usual, you're jokes have me laughing.  Anne

lsfp1960 said...

I noticed the last picture was a new version.  I understand this next little storm coming your way may put Florida right up between Idaho & Montana.   The reason the gals go out in gaggles~safety in numbers. Linda in Washington

pm71blackfen said...

You know Jim, I'd never thought that about women when they go out in twos but you're right! But what sort of friend would she be if she went off with you and left the other one standing at the bar on her own?!  I guess the best thing to do would be to ask for the lady's phone number - but what do I know, it's years since I dated!!
Loved the pictures and jokes as always. One of your jokes (that was a bit risque) I told to my brother when he phoned me, he laughed and I asked him if he'd heard it, he said he hadn't but it was funny to hear me tell a joke like that! You'd get on well with him, he has his own Area 51 over here - and probably the same problem with spare women!  ~~Pat

naperdillygirl said...

Hmmm, Jim did you ever notice that we never use the bathrooms alone as well?  That gives us a chance to plan the strategy, decide on the drinks, share makeup, and exit the restroom prepared to snag both you AND your friend!  There is a plan my dear....there is.'s the unspoken code of girlfriends to never share our secrets.  I'm sorry you've run into some friends (from hell), you men call them "wing men", we women call them best friends.  Thanks for the great entry!  Sue

jmorancoyle said...

    So that's Smiling Bob. I always wondered what Bob was really smiling about. Now we know. It's the ones that are dumb enough to make him millions while he's pulling off the greatest scam of the new century. Now assuming that this stuff might have worked, one can only assume that Smiling Bob's specail part was pinky sized before testing the junk on himself before selling it. Why else would Mrs. Smiling Bob smile? Unless of course she was considering her part in the divorce settlement. Her grounds?  Honestly, they were tiny.