If This Is Tuesday, I Must Be In Bellview !

As you may have surmised, I can't stand attorneys (except mine) and politicians. The recent tardy confession by the dishonorable John Edwards has given me an idea. There should be a law, applicable to all politicians, stating that anything they say or swear to, can, and will be, used against them in a court of law. If this law had been in effect, (aside from the fact eighty percent of all politicians would have not ran for office), the John Edwards of the political world would have not affected the 2008 presidential election.

Mark Phelps tied an Olympic record yesterday in the Beijing Summer Olympics winning his third gold medal in swimming and his ninth career gold medal which tied the record. The record should be short-lived as Phelps is expected to win more gold medals in this Olympic meeting. He will be trying to win seven or more gold medals in a single Olympics which will tie or surpass the 34-year-old current record held by Mark Spitz.

Congratulations to my pal, Linda, author of Linda's World, for winning Magic Smoke's What's The Caption contest. Our fellow AREA 51 members have all been doing well lately.

War in Georgia update: Conflicting reports say that the cease fire is not being honored. The governor of Alabama has sent troops to the Alabama-Georgia line as a precaution. A Cuban-American batallion from Miami is being prepared for a possible beach assault similar to their previous assaults on Miami from Cuba (wet-foot, dry foot policy notwithstanding).

Our Washington State AREA 51 reporter Linda, through her Michigan sources, has learned that Detroit has turned down Atlanta and CNN's request to return in exile to their home city. The city stated they have their hands full with Mayor Kwame. Our artillery specialist, AREA 51 annalist Garnett, says that he will use his ass (pictured below) in any way possible to repel the insurgents. This has been an AREA 51 update on the conflict.

                    

                                              Garnett's Ass

The Pictures: The 2009 Jaguar, priced from $42,000 to $62,000 for your perusal. Everyone gets one when I win the lottery. I've also enclosed the painting on a ceiling in a smoking lounge and the floor in another restaurant. Imagine yourself hurrying to the restroom, entering, looking down (or up) and seeing this.

This Date In History: 1851; American inventor Isaac Singer receives a U.S. patent for his sewing machine. He is not the first to patent such a machine, but within a decade, he is the world's largest sewing-machine manufacturer. 1867; U.S. president Andrew Johnson suspends Secretary of War Edwin Stanton, an ally of his Radical Republican opponents. Johnson's treatment of Stanton will lead to impeachment hearings against him in 1868.

1898; The United States formally annexes the islands of Hawaii, which becomes a U.S. territory two years later and a state in 1959. 1972; The last American ground combat troops are withdrawn from Vietnam.

Birthdays: Robert Southey, poet (1774), Christy Mathewson, baseball player (1880), Cecil B. DeMille, motion-picture director and producer (1881), Samuel Fuller, motion-picture director (1911), Buck Owens, country music singer (1929), Pete Sampras, tennis player (1971)..

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A little old man shuffled slowly into the ice cram parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crush Nuts?" The little old man replied, "No, hemorrhoids."

                         

That's it for today my little chicken pluckers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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