Monday, October 15, 2007

If It Weren't For My Hands, I Would Have Been A Texas Hold-em Card Dealer !

Today's entry should be doubly good as this is the second time I've entered it. Being a charter member of the Hands Johnson school of dexterity, I managed to get half-way through my first entry when I deftly used my powers and motor skills to delete the entry, causing several rather profane expletives to be screamed into a somewhat placid and mundane Monday.

The Miami Dolfins (0-6), utilizing all their skills and abilities to the fullest, again snatched defeat from the jaws of victory yesterday, thus keeping their chances for a perfect defeated season alive. They were, however, able to maintain and execute their olympic synchronized apery and celebration dances to a tee. This abilty used up all of their intellectual quotient and they were unable to successfully do anthing else, including the ability to add up to twelve, which would have told them that there were too many people in the huddle !

Speaking of I.Q., (A) O.J. Simpson's co-defendant is pleading guilty to the charge of having a gun in the alleged robbery of football memorabilia in Las Vegas. This minor detail will quite possibly be one of the nails in O.J.'s coffin in his upcoming court case, a situation that one could only hope for.

I've recently updated my AIM profile, which by the way, everyone who has AOL, automatically has free of charge. I sent an invitation to many of you and I want to thank those who have responded or will respond. The check is in the mail. A lot of the respondees (if that's a word) did not have their picture in their profile. You can access AIM by checking AOL help. Update your photos if you haven't or if you do not want to enter your picture, you can enter an icon, i.e., a puppy or a kitten or a Nova Scotian sheep herder and ballet dancer.

The Pictures: The first picture is another photo of the Northern Lights by Dick Hutchinson. There's also a heartwarming series from my pal, Pamela, of a sled dog who got lucky when he encountered a polar bear. As usual, I've included a few strange photos, a pumkin picture for Anne, and a partridge in a pear tree. I got some great pictures from my pal, Nancy, which I will run this week. The changes in scenery and the fall colors are amazing and I'm sure you will enjoy them. I also learned a new little secret about the AOL pictures, which you may or may not be aware of. I will have more on this tomorrow.

This Date In History: 1917; Dutch courtesan, Mata Hari, is executed by the French after being suspected of spying for Germany. 1928; The Graf Zepplin, sister ship of the Led Zepplin, makes the first commercial transatlantic flight. 1946; Hermann Wilhelm Goring, the second most powerful leader of NAzi, Germany, poisons himself hours before his scheduled execution. 1964; Soviet Premier, Nikita Khruschev, is deposed.

Birthdays: Lee (Lido) Iaccoca, American corporate executive (1924), Jim Palmer, baseball pitcher (1945).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: (Thanks to my pal, Victor)

Joe kept complaining of severe headaches and when he went to his doctor, the diagnosis was grave. The doctor told Joe he had a rare disease where the testicles press too closely to the spine, thus causing the headaches. He said the only remedy was castration. Joe was upset but he didn't like the headaches, so he agreed.

For a long period of time, Joe was depressed about the operation and one day, he decided to purchase a new suit and get a new outlook on life.

At the clothing store, Joe told the tailor he wanted a new suit and the tailor said, "let's see...size 44 long." Joe said, "How did you know that?" The tailor said, "50 years in the business."

Joe said, "I'd like a new shirt also." The tailor replied, " Sleeves 32-34 and a 16' neck." Joe was amazed, "That's incredible, you're good!" The tailor answered, "50 years in the business."

Joe walked comfortably around the store and then said to the tailor, "Give me some new underwear too." The tailor said, "No problem, size 36." Joe said, "Aha ! I got you ! I've been wearing size 34 since I was a young man." The tailor said, "For your size, you should be wearing size 36. Size 34 will press your testicles too close to your spine and you'll get severe headaches."

That's it for today, my little flapjacks. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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