Late Friday Night Partying Means Short Saturday Entry !

I stayed out late last night and I'm told that I had a good time. I'm having a small problem arranging a sentence of more than three words. This malady reminded me of my roots and borrowing from Possum's entry of yesterday, I'm still in the mood to hear country music. So, that's what I'm doing now.Tomorrow is April Fools Day (no fooling) so you can expect the unexpected. I've been known to pull a prank or two.

The Pictures: Larry Gatlin and The Gatlin Brothers Band.

This Date In History: 1889; The Eiffel Tower, built for the World's Fair, opens in Paris, France. 1949; Newfoundland becomes the 10th province in Canada. 1976; The New Jersey Supreme Court sets a precedent, ruling that Karen Anne Quinlan can be taken off life support so that she can die with dignity.

Birthdays: Jack Johnson, boxer (1878), Cesar Chavez, labor leader  (1927), Gordie Howe, hockey player (1928),  Al Gore, politician (1948).  

Todays's featured artists are Larry Gatlin and The Gatlin Brothers Band. You may remember The Gatlin Brothers early hit "All The Gold In California". Their harmony is excellent and their songs are fun. I hope you like them.

                                 

I First heard these guys in the early 80's and they're still going strong. Check them out, especially some of their early albums (CD's). Probably one of their best songs is entitled "Will They Have Mogen David In Heaven". It's a hoot !

Ah yes, the hits just keep on coming. Happy Birthday, Nikki and thanks for the email. I checked out your site and I love it ! Besito !

That's it for today my little Texas Two-Steppers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned ! 

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The Prestigious "Cat Ass Trophy" Goes To........?

The "Cat Ass Trophy" was a photograph I found on the Internet originally entitled "Catasstrophy". I liked it so much I decided to use it as an award for the "Asshole of the week". Obviously there is a plethora of candidates, so I try to use the candidate that stands out the most during any particular week. The finalists this week, in no particular order;

Judge Larry Korda: The Broward County Judge who presided over one the Anna Nicole Smith hearings and after national media attention of the hearing, decide to smoke a doobie in a public park and got busted. 

Howard K. Stern: The barracuda and wannabe father, trying to get a piece every pie he touches and who has now filed two appeals trying a) to affect the juror selection into the inquest of the death of Anna Nicole Smith's son, Daniel and b) to stop and/or challenge the attempt to match the DNA of Ms. Smith's daughter, Danielynn with the other father wannabe's.

Dishonorable Mention:  U.S. Attorney, Alberto Gonzales; The country of Iran; Larry "da judge" Seidlin.

After discussing this with my cat, Shithead, co-judge in this award, we have decided on a winner. The winner is: 

                           

Yeah, you guessed it. Howard K. Stern. It was a hands and paws down decision. Congratulations, Howard, here's you award.

                                                

Pictures: Today's featured artist, the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra.

This Date In History: 1858; Hyman (?) L. Lipman of Philidelphia patents his idea of attaching an eraser to a pencil (what? No one made mistakes prior to that date?) 1867; U.S. Secretary of State, William H. Seward signs a treaty with Russia, purchasing Alaska for $7,200,000 dollars; critics dub the deal "Sewards Folly. 1981; President Ronald Reagan is shot by drifter David Hinckley. 1986; Actor James Cagney dies.

Today's featured artist is my favorite, Frank Sinatra. Enjoy.

                           

Birthdays: Francisco Jose de la Goya y Lucientes, painter.  (1746). Vincent Van Gogh, painter (1853)  Sean O'Casey, playwright (1880). Warren Beatty. actor, director and producer (1937).  Secretariat, racehorse, winner of the Triple Crown.

My cat, Shithead, has got some country music in his journal entry today. Check it out !

http://journals.aol.com/pshemmingway/possum-s-hemmingways-journal/

That's it for today, my little bobby soxers (?~ask your mom). More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned

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This May Sound Stupid, But...........!

Sorry for the cheesy headline tease, but I had something in mind when I started today's entry. As I was gathering my thought(s), I recall saying to myself, "Self, this might sound stupid, but have you ever started a sentence with 'This might sound stupid' ". Yes, I just did. It sounds a little Andy Rooneyish, but I like it. Besides, Rooney already has "Have you ever wondered".

This may sound stupid but every time I decide to make an entry, Shithead, my cat, decides it's the time to sit in my lap (he didn't like today's picture). When I gently remove him and put him on the floor, he jumps right back up. Then later, when I'm proofreading, he comes over to me and I try to get him to sit on my lap, but, oh nooo, the timing isn't right. Then he starts meowing, ad nauseum, to go onto the balcony. I stop typing and let him out on the balcony and...., you guessed it, he meow's to get back in. This may sound stupid, but I found the little bastard when he was a kitten when I heard him meowing from inside a dumpster where someone had dumped him. I should have known right then and there, he was related to my ex-mother-in-law!     

The Pictures: As you may be aware, there's certain people I think are assholes. Howard K. Stern, the jerk trying to steal Danielyn's future inheritance, Howard Stern, the radio personality (?) Rosie Fat Ass O'Donnell and Larry "da judge" Seidlin, to name a few. There are many more, too numerous to mention, but as long as they're quiet, I leave them alone. In today's trek into the Internet, I found the purrfect award, to be given weekly to the most qualified that week. Entitled "Catasstrophy", I'm going to retitle it the"Cat Ass Trophy". This prestigious award will be given weekly. 

This Date In History: 1867; The British North America Act establishes the Dominion of Canada, comprising the provinces of Quebec, Ontario, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia. 1932; Comedian Jack Benny makes his radio debut. 1973; The last U.S. troops leave Vietnam. 1974; The Mariner 10 launched by NASA is the first spacecraft to visit Mercury and take close-up pictures of the planet.

Birthdays: John Tyler, President of the United States (1790), Eugene McCarthy, senator (1916), John Major, British Prime Minister (1943), Jennifer Capriati, tennis player (1976).

An aide to United States Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, testified today that Gonzales was not only aware of the plan to fire eight U.S. Attornies, he approved it. Former aide Kyle Sampson testified that the eight attornies were fired because they didn't support President Bush's goals (he has goals?).

The hits just keep on coming.

That's it for today. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Thank God For Hump Day !

As death is life's way of telling us to slow down, Wednesday befits it's well earned nickname "hump day". No, not that kind of hump, my sexy little bunnies, hump. as in, when incline becomes decline, when push comes to shove, when Harry met Sally, when Sonny met Cher, when..............What? You Heard me ! 

O.K, O.K., it's that part of the week when friends take a break from work (preferably between 4 and 7 p.m.), have a cocktail or two and solve the entire world's problems in less than three hours. I plan to attain this same feat and will do so in less than two hours.

In the interim, (asshole) Larry "da judge" Seidlin and Larry Korda, the two Florida judges involved in the Anna Nicole Smith hearings, have been reasssigned (you're kidding). No, I'm not, my little cub reporters! According to TMZ.com, Seidlin, a probate judge was reassigned to family court and Korda, a family court judge, was reassigned to probate court. The Chief Judge of Broward County sent emails to both thanking them for "volunteering" to change courts during "these difficult times". Korda, as you may recall, was recently busted for allegedly smoking a doobie in a park and "da judge".....well, you saw the pathetic idiot.

The Pictures: 1) Larry "da judge" Seidlkin and Larry Korda. 2) Joss Stone, the artist I'm featuring today.

This Date In History: 1797; The first patent for a washing machine was granted to Nathaniel Briggs of New Hampshire. 1930; The ancient Turkish city of Constantinople changes it's name to Istanbul. 1941; British writer, Virginia Woolf, commits suicide by drowning. 1969; In London, Ringo Starr announces that there will be no more public appearances by The Beatles (gasp).

Birthdays: George I, King of France (1660), Paul Whiteman, bandleader (1891), Edmund S. Muskie, senator (1914), Sir Dirk Bogarde, actor and writer (1921).

I told you yesterday about Joss Stone, the young singer I heard the other day. I managed to get one of her videos for you to hear. Enjoy.

                         

 If you like to hear another one of Joss Stone's songs, click the link below, which will take you to Possum S. Hemmingway's Journal (my cat, Shithead).

http://journals.aol.com/pshemmingway/possum-s-hemmingways-journal/    

If this fails for some reason, simply click Possum's Journal under "other journals" in the links area on the left side of the page 

They found a SARS virus that lived four days on a toilet seat before it died, thus beating Elvis Presley's record of three days. Mary Cheney, Vice president Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter, just finished her new book about her father entitled "The Only Dick I've Ever Loved".

That's it for today, my little humpers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Problems Are Spring Loaded !

Did you know that problems are spring loaded? You know, like the old Pez candy dispensers that our parents use to have (wink)? Remember, you...er, they took out a piece of candy and the spring at the bottom pushed the next one up? Well, I here to tell you that the adage is correct. Problems are spring loaded.

I spent the last six or seven days connecting my newer computer and by George, I dood it. So, I noticed the other day my printer didn't print and when I checked the ink cartridge, it needed to be replaced, which I did, today. So, now my computer won't print. I know, I know, I checked the connections, ran the trouble shooter, looked for paper jams, nada, zero point shit, zilch, el zero!

So here I sit, making a late entry and thinking yesterday went so well! I saw my friends, picked up a couple of items at the Al Qaeda Seven-Eleven....I even bought a $2 scratch-off and won six dollars. Life is good...was good, yesterday. Today, the damned Pez dispenser of life kicked up a new candy. Back to square one.

The Pictures: Just a little vizualization of my afternoon.

This Date In History: 1912; First Lady, Helen Taft, plants the first Japanese cherry trees in Washington, D.C. 1958; Nikita Kruschev becomes prime minister of the Soviet Union. 1973; Marlon Brando refuses his Oscar for "The Godfather" in protest of Hollywood's treatment of native Americans.

Birthdays: William Conrad Roentger, physicist (1845), Gloria Swanson, actress (1869), Cyrus Vance, U.S. Secretary of State (1917), Sarah Vaughn, singer (1924), Quentin Tarantino, film dirtector, screenwriter and actor (1963).

* Watch for and listen to a young lady named Joss Stone. She's an up and coming young singer and she is one of the hottest singers I've heard in a while. If I can find the video. I'll put it here later this evening. If not, look for her here in the next few days.

That's it for today, my little Pez dispensers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !     

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Anna Nicole Smith's Death Ruled An Overdose !

Dr. Joshua Perper, Broward County Medical Examiner, today ruled that the death of Anna Nicole Smith was caused by a "combined drug intoxication", with cloral hydrate, a sleeping medication, as the major factor. Of nine prescription and non-prescription drugs found in her system, methadone was one of the contributing factors. Dr. Perper stated that there were no signs of foul play (?) and no complications from Ms. Smith's recent C-section. He further stated that it is impossible to know if she took some or all of the drugs without assistance.

Iran still holds 15 British sailors and is currently interrogating them inside the country. The current controversy is whether the British ship was inside Iraqi or Irani territory.

The Pictures: Coverage of the Anna Nicole Smith ongoing saga.

This Date In History: 1829; German Composer Ludwig van Beethoven dies in Vienna. 1885; The first commercial motion picture film is manufactured by Eastman Dry Plate and and Film Company. 1953; Dr. Jonas Salk announces that he has successfully tested a vaccine against polio.

Birthdays: Robert Frost, poet (1874), Tennessee Williams, playwright, (1911), William C. Westmoreland, U. S. Army general (1914), Diana Ross, singer (1944).

I talk to myself, not only that, I answer myself. You dominate the conversation! I do not, you're just slow witted. What? You heard me!

A young woman met a man at a nightclub and after a few drinks, they decided to go to his apartment for drinks. Upon entering the apartment, the man showed her around and she couldn't help but notice one of the walls in the bedroom had hundreds of teddy bears, neatly arranged with the largest bears on the top, the smaller bears in the middle and the cutest, tiniest bears on the bottom. Seeing that the man also had a softer side and after a few more drinks, the couple retired to the bedroom and made mad, passionate love.

Soon thereafter, the lady rested her head on the man's chest as thoughts of "could this be the one" raced through her mind. Breaking her normal tradition, the lady asked, "Well, how was it?"

"Very good!", the gentleman replied, "Help yourself to anything on the second shelf!"

Thanks, Victor !   

That's it for today, my little media correspondents. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Possum S. Hemmingway's Night Out !

As I told you yesterday, my cat, formally known as Possum S. Hemmingway, "Shithead", for short, was smirking when he saw me continually retrieve the frisbee yesterday and we weren't speaking. Well, today I had a change of heart and we had a few beers and joked about yesterday. So, to show him I wasn't angry any more, I took him to his favorite club to watch his girlfriend, "Puss N. Boots", perform.

I must admit the nubile young feline was well prepared to do her act and Possum was overjoyed. I, on the other hand, was not as moved as Shithead. Be that as it may, we returned home and watched the Nascar Bristol 500 on television and once again my cat is content.

The Pictures: Although prohibited in the club we attended, I managed to smuggle out a picture of Shithead's lady friend, Puss N. Boots.

This Date In History: 1634; The first settlers arrive in Maryland and found the town of Saint Mary's. 1807; Britain abolishes the African slave trade.

Kyle Busch won the Nascar Bristol 500 today edging Jeff Burton (who could have taken him out, but was a gentleman).  They were followed home by Jeff Gordon, Kevin Harvick and Greg Biffle. Dale Earnhardt Jr., finished seventh. 

Birthdays: Howard Cosell, television sports commentator (1920), Aretha Franklin, singer (1942), Elton John, singer-songwriter (1947).

Blatant and Cryptic salutations: My Perfect Martini, Lito, Gustavo y Brenda, E&M@Krystel's, CSR, miss you! Cristina, Lourdes and Hector, Barbie Doll, Esther, Larry B, Tarzan, Victor and Bobby, Carlos Oliva and The Judges Nephews, my friend Mary, Kristen, Martica, Carmencita, Jorge, my sister Jeannie, Rosa O, Susie Q, hamandeggs, what?, Krystel, Swann, Possum S. Hemmingway, My Sweet Nicole, Kathy, my buddy J.C. and the rest of my good friends, you know who you are !

 Why do driver's education classes in New Orleans use the cars only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because Tuesdays and Thursdays the sex education class uses it. 

That's it for today, my nubile little felines. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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You Can't Play Frisbee With A Cat !

"Saturday, in the park, you'd think it was the fourth of July." O.K., I wasn't at the park, I was down by the river next to my house. And I knew it wasn't the fourth of July, in fact I was sure of it. So I took Shithead, my cat, to see if he would play with the frisbee. Now, before you start thinking I'm not real bright (which everyone who's read my journal is well aware of), please be advised that Shithead will play fetch inside the house. But.....not outside! I threw the stupid frisbee and Shithead watched it go, nodding in approval at my well thrown toss. Zero ! Nada ! Zip ! So. I went and retrieved it and then tossed it again. He looked at me in amazement that I didn't learn the first time and I swear the little bastard was grinning when I returned with the frisbee.

                                              

So I dropped it on the ground. Then the sonofabitch started playing with it with his stupid seven toed foots. There are you happy now ? So I picked his fat ass up and went back inside and now we're not speaking until he apologizes. 

TMZ.com reports that Dr. Joshua Perper has anounced that he will hold a press conference Monday at 10:30 to reveal what killed Anna Nicole Smith. Gary Britner, spokesperson for the Seminole Police Department said the findings of Monday's news conference "are going to be a significant announcement".

In a related story, a businessman (?) from Hamburg, Germany shelled out $512,500.00 on two hand written diaries penned by Anna Nicole Smith between 1992 - 1994.

What's the difference between a girlfriend (boyfriend) and a wife (husband)? 45 pounds. (Ladies please note I referenced both women and men).  

The Pictures: I saw these photos on the Internet and I like'd them, So, here they are. I've also found a new site that's got some outrageous photos which I will share with you in time.

This Date In History: 1882; German scientist Robert Koch announces his discovery of the bacillus that causes tuberculosis. 1989; Elvis Presley enters the U.S. Army for 2 years.

Birthdays: Harry Houdini, magician (1874), Fatty Arbuckle, film actor, writer and director, (1887), Steve McQueen, actor (1930).

In Nascar: Carl Edwards won the Busch race at Bristol Motor Speedway today beating Matt Kenseth by three car lengths to the finish line. Kyle Busch finished third with Ryan Newman and Clint Boyer finishing fourth and fifth, respectively. Dale Earnhardt Jr., in a rare Busch start ran sixth and rookie Juan Pablo Montoya finished a respectable fourteenth.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.

That's it for today my little frisbee fetchers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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I Love Fridays !

The neat thing about Fridays, in no particular order, is that a) It means Happy Hour at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub, b) I get to see my friends, c) I get to see my lady friends, d) Singing with the band. This is not multiple choice my little chickadees, so an answer is not required.

The Pictures: 1) This little gadget is called "Clocky". It is a snooze alarm that, once you hit snooze, it jumps off the night table and hides. The wheels on the side of it roll and it looks for a place to avoid further smacks from the grouch who smacked it for no apparent reason. 2) The newest entry from "Quaker State" in the Nascar Nextel Cup.

This weekend, Nascar goes to the biggest little racetrack in Tennessee, Bristol Motor Speedway. A thirty-six degree banked concrete track with 43 cars on it. It's like flying a fighter jet in a gymnasium. It can be done, but it's a little hectic. They are debuting the "Car of Tomorrow", a car designed to bring down the costs of racing and more importantly, the safety of the drivers. Sunday, 1:00 p.m. on Fox, don't miss it.

This is "Knut", the baby polar bear that was rejected by his mother and is being raised by his handler in Germany. 

 

                  

This Date In History:  1775; In a speech to the Virginia Concention, Patrick Henry utters the immortal words,"Give me Liberty or give me death". 1919; Benito Mussolini founds the right wing Fascist party in Italy.

Birthdays: Schuyler Colfax, Vice President of the United States (1823), Joan Crawford, actress (1908),  Werner Von Braun, Engineer (1912).

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. Why did O.J. Simpson move to New Orleans, Louisiana? Everyone has the same DNA. Why do men have difficulty making eye contact? Because breasts don't have eyes. You're sick ! Eye know...er, I know.What do you call a smart blonde? A Golden Retriever.

That's it for today, my little chickadees. See you at Krystel's ! More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub, Comedy, JimSulliv3, JimmysVideos, PossumsVideos, ham and eggs, E&M@Krystel's, JimmysPictures, eggplant, what?, youheardme, Yoursick, What's new?, perfectmartini, mysisterJeanne, YABBADABBADOO !

"Breaking News" - "This Just In" Sensationalism...Ain't It Great ?

You hear it every day. What does it mean? Hell, I don't know but it makes you stop, look and listen, don't it? If it's Channel 7 (Fox News, my local channel ), then you can be sure it's just their daily dose of sensationalism. In broadcasting, it's referred to as a tease, which in layman's terms, means get your attention, then make you watch four minutes of obtuse, inane commercials before picking up (returning to) the news. That's when you realize the "Breaking News" is something that often is one to two days old and it's just the same rehashed shit they spoon feed us every day.

But everyone has an agenda and today mine is to report that the Bahamian Court ruled that a DNA sample be taken from the late Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, Danielynn, and according to TMZ.com, that has been done. TMZ further stated that the sample is on it's way to the United States (Ohio, to be exact) where it will take 3-4 days for the tests to be completed.

The Pictures: Larry Birkhead and (asshole) Howard K. Stern. I saw this and couldn't resist showing it to you, in that it visually depicts my above mentioned observations. I also added some friends and family from Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub.

This Date In History: 1763; To raise revenue in the American colonies, The British Parliament passes the Stamp Act, levying a direct tax on colonial legal and commercial documents. 1963; The Beatles first album, "Please, Please Me", is released in Britain; it is soon number one on the pop charts.

The waitress was taking the order of a man and his two small sons. Amused, she asked they older boy what he would like for lunch. " I don't know", he said, "Just give me a damn hamburger". The  father promptly smacked the child in the back of the head.

Embarrased, the waitress turned to the younger boy and asked him what he would like. "I'm not really sure", the youngster replied, "but you can bet your sweet ass it won't be a damn hamburger".

Birthdays: Marcel Marceau, mime (1923), Stephen Sondheim, thestrical music composer and lyricist (1930).

That's it for today my little cub reporters. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned ! 

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub, Comedy, JimSulliv3, JimmysVideos, E&M@Krystel's, PossumsVideos, myperfectmartini, hamandeggs, Newt, what?, Breaking News, JimmysPictures, fartsandcrafts, you're sick, Orack Alabama, what?, Billary, Okrah, Larry Bud Melman R.I.P., YABBADABBADOO !

Rehabilitated ? Right, Me Too !

Rehab...that's what they call it. Short for rehabilitation, the premise is that if you have a problem, albeit social, mental or physical, you can get it fixed. Rehab, it sounds like a destination. Like, when you visit Miami, you go to South Beach, Bayside, Rehab, and Gulfstream Park. From watching the television, I have learned that it is also a miraculous place;

A Minister who was caught in a homosexual act, went to Rehab and was healed and converted to being a heterosexual in less than a month ! Can I get an amen ? Brittany Spears went to Rehab three times and now is at home, cured and resting. The miracles continue......! And then we have the Court System who sentenced Naomi Campbell to 5 days of public service for hitting her maid in the head with a cell phone. She arrived to work at a sanitation department wearing a chinchilla fur, designer clothes and a bejeweled handbag, which she promptly handed to a co-worker to hold for her. And they say the courts aren't fair.....Commit the crime and do the time?

Commit the crime? In Texas; Then we have the two Texas Border Patrol officers who shoot an armed marijuana smuggler illegally crossing the border in the ass. The smuggler turns states evidence, receives immunity and testify against the officers, who in turn, receive years in prison while the smuggler walks. The ghost of Mexican General Santa Ana is returning to reclaim the State of Texas. Wake up, folks !

The Pictures: Some of my musician friends. No, that's not O.J., it's my guitar player. He just got back from Rehab. 

This Date In History: 1963; Alcatraz, a federal prison for dangerous criminals located in San Francisco Bay, is closed. I have been there, although not as a prisoner. I went to Rehab, instead. 

Birthdays: Johann Sebastian Bach, German composer (1685). 

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts ! Why is air like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. What's the difference between a northern zoo and a southern zoo? The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage....along with a recipe.

That's it for today, my rehabilitated little musicians. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Lost 12 Year Old Boy Scout Rescued !

Michael Alberry, the 12 year old Boy Scout, was found alive and well in the North Carolina mountains this morning by rescuers. Lost for 4 days in 20 to 30 degree temperatures, the boy was weak and needed fluids, but was otherwise unhurt. Elated parents, Kent Alberry and Debbie Hayes, were waiting when the child was escorted from a National Park vehicle into the safety of the medical center. National Park spokesperson, Tina White, stated that a search dog named Grandalf picked up the boy's scent and followed the trail to the boy's location. Some days just bring plain old "nice" news! But don't worry, there's always a jerk handy to wipe your (Judge Larry Seidlin) with.

A Bahmas judge has ruled that a DNA sample from Danielynn, child of the late Anna Nicole Smith, will be taken to determine the father of the child. Since Larry Birkhead has already given a DNA sample, my guess is that (asshole) Howard K. Stern will no longer have that fictitious role to play.

The Pictures: Michael Auberry and pictures associated with the search and rescue. And always remember the last picture is always a little different!

This Date In History: 1852; Harriet Beecher Stowe's "Uncle Tom's Cabin" is first published in book form. 1969; John Lennon and Yoko Ono marry on the Rock of Gibralter. 1995; Nerve gas kills 12 people and injures about 5,000 on the underground railroad in Tokyo, Japan.

Birthdays: Sir Michael Redgrave, British stage and motion-picture actor (1908), Bobby Orr, Canadian ice hockey player (1948), Holly Hunter, actress (1958).

You know what's next ! (for the hard of understanding, color is the key to the journal) Next !

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it ! Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. What did the Asian couple name their dimwitted baby? Sum Ting Wong. What does it mean when the flag at the post office is at half mast? They're hiring.

What does it take to get an 80 year old lady say the "F" word..........? Get another 80 year old lady to say, "BINGO !"

That's it for now, my little rescue puppies. Get the Scent? More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Do You Have "The Monday Blues" ?

Monday is resolve problems day! Everyone I know begins the day by first putting out any fires that may be still smoldering from Friday. After Friday night's escapades, I know a lot of people who will be putting out fires. Speaking of Friday, we had a great time at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub. Thanks, Hector, for the "gift."

Back to Mondays. From Friday afternoon's happy hour to Monday morning's sunlight, I don't care about business! There's not too much you can get done during that time frame, because, even if you are working, everyone's calling and asking, "where the hell are you?"

Orack Alabama will be on Larry King this week. I hope someone asks him how a first term senator with little political experience could even think to be elected President.

The Pictures: 1) There's always a standout in the crowd. 2) Wyatt Earp, Sherrif of Dodge City and one of the participants in the famous "Shootout at the O.K. Corral". 

This Date In History: 1977; CBS broadcasts the final episode of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show". 2003; The United States of America forces invade Iraq beginning the U.S.-Iraq war of 2003.

Birthdays: David Livingstone, Scottish missionary and physician (1813), Wyatt Earp (see pictures), American law officer of Tombstone, Arizona fame. Earp, along with Doc Holiday, teamed up against the Clanton Family in the shootout at the O.K. Corral (1848), Ursula Andress, Swiss actress (1936), Glen Close, actress (1947), Bruce Willis, actor (1955),

Lets Play Jeopardy ! Answer: Juan on Juan. Question: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Answer: A different bar. Question: Where do Irish men go on vacation.

What makes a man chase a woman he knows he can't have? The same reason a dog chases a speeding car. What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog? After a year, the dog's still happy to see you.

What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The Position of the dirtbag. What do attornies use for birth control? Their personalities. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Are you sure it's mine? What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale? A northern fairy tale begins, "once upon a time..." A southern fairy tale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...."  

That's it for today my little gunfighters.. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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A Lazy Sunday !

As you might have guessed by the time of this entry, I was in between configuring my computer, watching the Nascar race at Altlanta Motor Speedway and eating junk food all day. When I finally looked up and saw it was dark outside I knew I was in trouble. But never you worry! I got some stuff for 'ya today.

Jimmie Johnson won his second consecutive Nascar race today at Atlanta Motor Speedway, beating Tony Stewart to the finish line. A minor controversy ensued when it appeared that Johnson squeezed Stewart (which he did) with two laps to go and caused Stewart to brush the wall. The end result, as it appeared to me, was that Johnson had the faster car and the brushing incident was attributed to hard racing and nothing more. Columbian Juan Pablo Montoya finished a respectful 5th position.

The Pictures: I saw this today in my daily Internet trek and thought I'd show it to you. It struck me as funny.

This Date In History: 1959; President Dwight D. Eisenhower signs a bill into law that approves statehood for Hawaii. Statehood was finalized on August 21, 1959. 1967; The Beatles hit single "Penny Lane" goes to Number One.  

Birthdays: John Calhoun, 7th Vice President of the United States of America (1782), Grover Cleveland, 22nd and 24th President of The United States of America (1837), Rudolf Diesel, German engineer who invented the Diesel engine (1858), John Updike, author (1932), Bonnie Blair, United States speed skater (1964).

This one's for you:

             

That's it for today, my little animal crackers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Happy Saint Patrick's Day !

Well, I'm on day 2 with my newer computer and while it is much faster than my old one, it feels weird. It's like when you get a new pair of shoes. The new ones look nicer, but they hurt you feet. Well, this computer is better, but it hurts my feet........What?

Anyway, that's what I'm doing today, especially re-downloading little programs. Shithead, my cat, has to sit in my lap while I type and he's already stepped on the keyboard twice and erased about three paragraphs.  

The Pictures: 1)Happy Saint Paddy's Day ! 2) My little sweetpie, Cristina and her parents, Hector and Lourdes.

This Date In History: 1743; James IV, King of Scotland (1488-1573). 1762; The first Saint Patrick's Day parade is held in New York City. 1862; The Kingdom of Italy is formally proclaimed. 1905; Anna Eleanor Roosevelt marries Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Here's a picture of some of the new paint schemes they're putting on some trucks in Germany. Now, that's a bottle of beer ! 

                           

Birthdays: Bobby Jones, amateur golfer (1902), Gotlieb Daimler. German engineer and inventor (1834), Nat "King" Cole (1919).

If Today Is Your Birthday: You are Pisces, the water sign, You are sensitive and emotional. You are built so low to the ground that when you fart, you get sand in your shoes.

That's it for today, my little leprechans. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Friday And Not A Moment Too Soon !

I finally got my newer computer up and running. Now, I'm in the process of moving files from the old one to this one. I realized today that I needed a short re-training period because I forgot how I customized things on the old one.

Attorney Debra Opri, who represented Larry Birkhead in the Anna Nicole Smith hearings, is no longer asociated with Birkhead. Why? I don't know.

The Pictures: 1)This is Nicole! We've been good friends for a long time and she stopped by Krystel's the other night with J.C. to see me. As you can plainly see, she's beautiful and she sings well too. 2) My pals, J.C. and Nicole. 3) This is Nikki's sister, Kathy. She's a sweetie pie too!

Hi Cristina, you too, Lourdes, Barby, are you ever going to come by? Hi Ester, Pepe, where in hell are you? My family on my mother's side came to the United States from Paris, France in 1683. My family on my father's side came from Ireland in the 1700's after my great, great, great, grandfather was kicked out of a bar in Dublin and put on a ship to America. I'm not African-American, I've never been to Africa. I'm not French-American, I've never been to France, I'm not Irish-American, I've never been to Ireland. I'm just American ! 

This Date In History: 1802;  West Point, site of the United States Military Academy, is founded by the Congress of the United States of America. 1850;  Nathaniel Hawthorne's "The Scarlett Letter" is published. 1971;  Simon and Garfunkel win the Grammy Award for Best Album for "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and a Grammy for Best Song.

Regis Philbin, co-star of the daily television show, "Live With Regis and Kelly", successfully underwent triple bypass surgery Wednesday.

The difference between "guts" and "balls": (Thanks, to a perfect martini)

Guts: When you come home late at night after a night out with "the boys" and find your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and ask, "Are you still cleaning or are you going somewhere?"

Balls: When you come home drunk with lipstick on your collar, wreaking of the smell of cheap perfume, smack your wife on the ass and say, "You're next. "

This should clarify both definitions. Medically speaking, there is  no difference in the outcome since both ultimately end in death.  

Birthdays: James Madison, 4th President of The United States (1751), Pat Nixon, first Lady and wife of President Richard M. Nixon (1912), Daniel Moynihan, United States Senator (1927)

After my second perfect martini: 

A turkey and a bull were having a chat. The turkey said, "I'd like to fly to the top of that tree, but I don't have the energy." The bull said, "Why don't you eat a few of my droppings? They're packed with nutrients." The turkey ate a few droppings and sure enough, he was able to fly to the bottom limb of the tree. Each day he ate a little more bull dung and after a few days, he got to the top of the tree.

A farmer spotted the turkey in the top of the tree and promptly shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!  

That's it for today. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned ! 

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