Saturday, January 27, 2007

Iguana With An Erection !!!

I know you're going to think I fabricated this story, so I downloaded the video so you can see that I don't invent this, I just report it!

OK,  It's not the number one news story of the day, but when you see words like "Iguana with an erection", you think, what?

It seems that Mozart, an iguana in Antwerp, Belgium's Aquatopia was having what he thought was a quick piece of ass, when his lady friend spurned his advances. As most men know, when something like this happens, certain problems arise. You suddenly have a perfect instrument with no place to put it.

In Mozart's case, he has had the "condition" for a week. If that was me I take picture and videos of "Ralph" and email them to every woman in America!This condition usually results in a term I fondly remember from my youth, commonly referred to as "blue balls". I can assure you that while most females reading today's entry might chuckle, but I can assure you that there is not one male that finds this malady amusing.

This condition was further worsened by the fact that our friend what was dragging his equipment in the sand as he paced around his enclosure trying to figure out how to solve the problem. As any male who has had amorous relations at the beach would know, this is not good!

The vets at the zoo saw this problem and decided it would be best to amputate Mozart's penis because of the risk of infection. I am sure that Mozart, as well as I, would strenuously object to this hasty decision! The words "penis" and "amputation" should never be used together in a sentence, paragraph, story, encyclopedia, dicktionary............No Where!

Here's the clincher! Vets say that Mozart's sex life should (?) not be affected because of the fact that male iguanas have two, count 'em, two (2) penises. I can see the scenario; "Excuse me baby, I just broke my dick, but don't worry, I've got a spare (life is good).

The Video: I just learned how to download videos to this site today and I could not have found a more  fitting subject than an iguana with a woody!

This Date In History: 1880;  Thomas Edison patents the first electric light bulb. 1888; The National Geographic Society is established.  1967;  Astronauts Virgil "Gus" Grissom, Edward White and Roger Chaffee are killed in a cockpit fire aboard the Apollo 1 spacecraft during a flight simulation test. 1984;  Michael Jackson's hair catches on fire during the shooting of a Pepsi commercial.

Birthdays: Jerome Kern, composer (1885),  Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, composer (1756),  Lewis Carroll (Charles Dodgson), author (1832), Donna Reed, actress (1921).

Post Script: Late Entries, Cryptic and Blatant Hellos, Et Cetera; Thank you CSR, I had fun, Nice to see you last evening, Carmen, You gotta admit it, where can you find a more stimulating story about an iguana penis than here, An escaped convict was spotted driving a tour bus that he stole from a country music artist. Isn't that fodder for a song? Dry martini, jigger of gin, Oh what a spell you've got me in,

Question Of The Day: Who's The Best Group?;  a)  Hootie and The Blowfish b)  The Doobie Brothers  c) Monica and The Weenie  d) Peter, Paul and Married  e) The Green Bay Packers

Answer: It's always the Green Bay Packers. No matter what the question, the answer is The Green Bay Packers. Why, you ask? Because when I asked my ex-girlfriend if she had any previous relationships, she said "one". The Green Bay Packers !

That's it for today my little veterinarians. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !


csr0427 said...

CONGRATULATIONS !!!! and here I thought you were only venting! What do you know..... LOLOL you are welcomed for the pics.... and yes last night was alot of fun.

bobandkate said...

Hi Jimmy,
Just wanted to say that I have added your blog to the directory today,

talentmatterslv said...

OMG, that is HILARIOUS, and I haven't even watched the video yet!  Your description alone is, dare I say, outstanding?!  I'm not sure I want to watch, but I am in total agreement with you about certain things.  For example, the words "penis" and "amputation" should NEVER be used in the same sentence!  (I am a fervent fan and admirer, nay FRIEND, of said appendages...)  You, sir, are a wordsmith of the highest calibur!

I'm so glad you dropped by to hip me to this (brace for pun) ENTRY!  HA!  (I sent you an email but not sure it got to you - hard drive crashed, as you know...)

Anyhoo, though it's a tad personal, I leave you with my wishes and hopes that you NEVER find yourself with such an affliction.  (A few hours, sure.  DAYS?  NAY!)  But if you do, lets all pray for a somewhat less severe consequence than our poor friend, Mozart...

Cheers, and happy Sunday!