Hump, Two, Three, Four.....It's Not The Army !

Happy Humptey Dumptey Day ! I'm not sitting on a wall and I don't anticipate having a great fall (although there's a good chance of leaning a bit). Wednesday's the day when I amble on over to AREA 51 and hook up with my pals. It's normally a reserved night (compared to Fridays) but I still manage to get into trouble sometimes. We'll see !

Text Messaging

I'm not much of a text messager, but I do use the option quite often. It's usually to ask a quick question which requires no rapid answer or send someone an idea of where I'm at or my expected time of arrival. Occasionally, I have a quick conversation that requires a full sentence or thought. Herein lies the problem. Why do I have to fight with my cell phone over which word I want to type?

I realize that modern technology is alive and well, but I'll be typing a word, one letter at a time, when my phone decides that it has surmised the word I want to type and in pale little letters, finishes it for me. As I stare at the word in amazement, I realize that it is not the word I want to type, but the next letter is correct.

When I accept the next letter...voila,  the whole damned incorrect word comes out, plus a blank space. What the hell? So I backspace back to the part that's correct and before I can type the next letter, the damned little wrong word comes out again. Ok, now I'm getting pissed !What do I do ?

First of all, I'm usually in AREA 51 and I don't have my reading glasses. If I have "company",I want to discretely send a quick message as to my current status and go back to attending to my guest. So I fumble through the message which usually comes out like this: "Cantelope talking - called method lateral."

Obviously, what chance I had with "future company" has been severely compromised as she probably thinks it was my associate and spiritual advisor, Johnny Walker Black, doing the texting.

Breaking News (also known as "This Just In)

The parachute found in Washington did not belong to the infamous D.B. Cooper. Cooper's parachute was made of nylon and the parachute that was found was made of silk. Oddly enough, the parachute expert that examined the parachute, Norwegian Loof Lirpa, has been sighted in Mexico having lunch with a short-haired man with sun glasses. Coincidence ? Ask Linda in cold Washington State or ask these two ladies....                             

                             

The Pictures: The next time you complain about crowded beaches, remember these pictures of the "beach scene" in China. I've also included a couple of pictures sent to me by my pal, Garnett, of a monster grouper caught in the Gulf of Mexico.

Has anyone caught on to the mysterious Loof Lirpa yet? Oh, I poured some drinks for the ladies.

This Date In History: 1513; Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon, searching for the mythical fountain of youth, discovers Florida. 1792; Congress passes the Coinage Act, authorized the establishment of the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia, then the nation's capital. 1917; President Woodrow Wilson asks the U.S. Congress to enter World War I. 1932; In New York, aviator Charles Lindbergh pays a ransom to secure the return of his kidnapped, infant son; the baby is later found murdered. 1982; Argentina invades the Falkland Islands, a British dependency; Britain responds by sending in its armed forces to retake the islands. 2003; Special operations forces rescue U.S. soldier Jessica Lynch, who was captured in the early days fighting in Iraq.

Birthdays: Charlemagne, king of the Franks and emperor of the Romans (742), Giovanni Giacamo Casanova, adventurer (1725), Hans Christian Anderson, author (1805), Emile Zola, novelist (1840), Max Ernst, artist (1891), Sir Alec Guinness, English actor, considered one of the finest of the 20th century (1914), Marvin Gaye, singer (1939).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The Alligator And The Chicken

This guy walks into a bar, carrying an alligator and a chicken. He sets them down on the stool next to him, and says to the bartender "I'll have a Scotch and Soda."

 

Then the alligator says "And I'll have a Whiskey Sour." The bartender gasps "That's incredible! I've never seen an alligator that could talk!" The guy says "He can't. The chicken is a ventriloquist."

 

When The Time Is Right 

 

A man goes into a bar and tells the bartender to give him a double. He slams it down and takes a picture out of his pocket, looks at it for a moment, then puts it back.

 

He then asks the bartender for another double. He drinks it, looks at the picture, puts it back, and asks for another drink. This time, the bartender is overcome by curiosity.

 

The bartender asks. "What pictures are you looking at?" The man slurs, "It's a picture of my wife and when she finally starts looking good, I'll go home!

 

                           

 

That's it for today my little tadpoles. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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