The Asshole of the Week award was problematic this week in that although we have the perennial candidates, no one really emerged to capture the "Cat Ass Trophy. After a serious discussion with my cat and co-judge, Shithead, and with several nominations by Jackie, Indigo and others who wish to remain unknown, this week's winner is a tie. Yes, my little chicken pluckers, I said a tie!
The winners are: Simon Cowell, the moron who constantly criticizes everyone he speaks to and who really needs to rethink the tight t-shirt look that went out in the '50's and Al Sharpton, who like Santa Claus makes me laugh ho,ho,ho! An opportunist at best and a Webster's Dictionary poster boy for the personification of ignorance. I'd like to ax both Al and Simon to accept this week's award from the bottom of my groin.
The Pictures: 1) (A) Simon Cowell 2) (A) Al Sharpton 3) The prestigious "Cat Ass Trophy" 4) Sanjaya 5) ...and a few more odds and ends I always hide at the end.
This Date In History: 1812; Vice President George Clinton is the first Vice President ever to die in office. 1841; Edgar Allen Poe's "The Murders in the Rue Morgue", considered to be the first detective story, is published in Philadephia. 1902; Marie and Pierre Curie isolate the radioactive element radium. 1968; Pierre Trudeau is sworn in as Canada's Prime Minister, eh?
Here's "The Police" performing "Every Breath You Take".
Birthdays: Adolf Hitler, German Dictator (1889), Napoleon III, emperor of France (1808), Juan Miro, painter (1893), Tito Puente, percussionist and bandleader (1923), Jessica Lange, actress (1949).
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The gentleman looked down at the end of the bar and saw a monkey with a hat on, sitting in the last seat. The man ordered a martini and after the drink was set in front of him, the monkey promptly got upon the bar, walked up to the drink and gentle lowered his balls into the man's martini. He abruptly stood and scampered back to his seat.
The man called the bartender and told him what happened. The bartender apolgized and replaced the martini, whereupon, the monkey rose and did the same thing again.
The man was infuriated and got up to whack the monkey. The monkey walked over to the piano player and sat down beside him. The man thought, this must be the piano player's monkey. The man approached the piano player and said, "Do you know you're monkey's been putting his balls in my drink?"
The piano player replied, "No, but if you hum a little bit of it, I'll try to play it."
That's it for today, my breathless little kittens. See you tonight at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub. More Tomorrow.
Stay Tuned !