Monday, April 2, 2007

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Water !

Just when I thought I had cleaned the caca off the proverbial fan, a plethora of candidates for the coveted Asshole Of The Week award have surfaced, to wit;

Debra Opri:  Ms. Opri, former attorney for Larry Birkhead, sent a 112 page bill via Fed-Ex to Mr. Birkhead to the tune of $620,492.84 (an explicit amount isn't necessary in the case of rape), Charging $475 per hour (without sex), the charges include; 20 hours @ $475 for attending the funeral of Anna Nicole Smith (Mr. Birkhead didn't invite her), Restaurant bills surpassing $1,000 each (Mr. Birkheand wasn't there), and $1,500 (x3) to Luck Media and Marketing (Ms. Opri's publicists).

Larry "da judge" Seidlin:  With video tapes of the Anna Nicole Smith hearings in hand, reportedly holding face to face meetings with TV producers in hopes of landing his own "judge show" (you're kidding? No, I'm not)).

Rosie Fat Ass O'Donnell:  On "The View" Thursday, Rosie Fat Ass stated that the World Trade Center tower 7, which fell hours after the Twin Towers, was possibly destroyed puposely by explosives. O'Fat Ass stated, "I do believe that it was the first time in history that fire melted steel " - "I do believe that it defies physics for the World Trade Center tower 7, which collapsed on itself, - it is impossible for a building to fall in the way it fell without explosives beong involved. Miracuously,the first time in history steel was melted by fire".

Iran:  Keep it up guys, keep screwing with the United Sates and Great Britain. You  might want to read your history books (assuming you can read), it's been tried before !

Howard K. Stern:  Bahamian courts today rejected his appeal to block the DNA results of baby Danielynn. Stern was fined $10,000, with $5,000 awarded to the registrar of the Bahamian courts and $5,000 to Larry Birkhead's Bahamian attorney (not Debra Opri). The DNA results are expected to be released tomorrow.

The Pictures: What's a guy to do?  

This Date In History: 1513; Spanish explorer, Juan Ponce de Leon, discovers Florida (it was lost?) 1792; Congress passes the Coinage Act, authorizing the establishment of the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia, then the nation's capitol. 1917; President Woodrow Wilson asks the U.S. Congress to enter World War I saying, "the world must be made safe for democracy." 1932: Aviator Charles Lindberg pays a ransom for the release of his infant son; the baby is later found murdered. 2003; Special Ops forces rescue U.S. soldier Jessica Lynch, who was captured in the early days of the Iraq War. 

Birthdays: Giovani Giacomo Casanova, adventurer (?) (1755), Emile Zola, novelist and essayist (1840), Max Ernst, artist (1891), Sir Alec Guiness (1914), Marvin Gaye, singer and songwriter (1939). 

The hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my perfect martini. 

"You've been looking at our marriage certificate for hours", the wife asked her husband, "What are you looking for?" The Husband replied, "The expiration date." The wife says to the husband, "You want dinner?" The husband replies, "What are my options?" The wife responds, "Yes or no !"      

That's it for today. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned ! 

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