It's Memorial Day Weekend - Let's Party !

Whoo Hoo ! Today starts the long and exciting Memorial Day weekend and I'm rearing to go! It's karaoke night at Lakes Cafe and Pub and I'll be heading to AREA 51 to hang out with my pals and maybe sing a song or two. Well rested and re-energized after Tuesday and Wednesday jaunts, I'm looking forward to this evening's festivities and a long relaxing weekend. 

In auto racing, we've got the NASCAR Charlotte 600 and the Indianapolis 500 both happening this weekend and that alone is quite a bit of entertainment. Both races are giants on the racing schedule and I expect non-stop action in both races.

In addition, my pal, Beth, advised me that A&E is showing a re-make of the film "The Andromeda Strain" which will air in two parts, with part one beginning Monday evening. If the remake is as good as the original movie, it should be good.

As A Public Service to my readers, I am always searching for any useful product or tool that will aid or assist you in the social world. As we all know, socializing and dining out are a big part of every day life, but with that comes the social responsibility to refrain from exercising some bodily functions while among others.

Well sit back and relax, my cute little flatulators, I have the newest product on the market for your review and comments.

                                                                   

This brings the term 'downloading a ringtone' to new lows !

The Cats Ass Trophy: There have been no nominees for this week's CAT Award and in a way, that's good. It's kinda nice to have a few days when the assholes go underground for a bit. But fret not, my little nominators, we've got until Monday at noon for one of them to crawl out from underneath a rock and piss us off. Keep your eyes peeled !

The Pictures: You may say to yourself, 'Self, I've seen all the movies that are out there.' Wrong, popcorn breath ! I've got a few that haven't quite made the silver screen yet, but they may be on the horizon. Take a look at these movies that never quite made the cut.

This Date In History: 1785; In a letter, Benjamin Franklin describes his latest invention, bifocal glasses. the upper portion of the lens is ground for distance and the lower part for reading. One hour later he misplaces them. 1873; The North-West Mounted Police (now the Royal Canadian Mounted Police) is established as Canada's national police force. Officers are popularly called Mounties. 1934; Notorious partners-in-crime Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow, commonly known as Bonnie and Clyde, are shot to death in a police ambush in Louisiana.

Birthdays: Douglas Fairbanks, film actor and producer (1883), Artie Shaw, jazz clarinetist, bandleader and composer (1910), Anatoly Karpov, chess player (1951).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: For those of you who remember the original Hollywood Squares, I bring you a flash from the past with host Peter Marshall's questions posed to the panelists:

Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

 

Q. How high should you be before parachuting out of an airplane?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

 

Q. True or false? A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A. George Goebel: Boy, it sure seems that way, sometimes.

 

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take over three words to say 'I love you?'

A. Vincent Price: No, I can say it with a pineapple and twenty dollars.

 

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two things at a nudist camp. One is politics. What is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

 

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with a man kissing another man?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

 

Q. According to Cosmopolitan magazine, if you meet an attractive man at a party, is it ok to ask him if he's married?

A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

 

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?  

A. Marty Allen: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

 

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are the two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

 

Q. Your having a problem falling asleep. You're probably a man or a woman?

A. DonKnotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

 

That's it for today my little bacon bits. Have a great and safe Memorial Day weekend. God Bless America and our soldiers, past and present, who have protected us. More on Monday.

 

Stay Tuned !

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