Monday, May 19, 2008

I Can Take Rainy Days, But Mondays Always Get Me Down !

It's Monday, not one of my favorite days, but step one towards Friday. It was an enjoyable weekend and as far as I know, I didn't get into any trouble. Friday's foray was quite droll by normal standards. Saturday, however, was much more interesting.

I went to Lakes Cafe to see my pal, Gipsy, and listen to the karaoke show. The crowd was good and I ended up singing three songs, two of which were unrehearsed. My rendition of the third song, a beautiful Spanish song called "Sabor a Mi", left a little bit to be desired. Although I know the song well and have sang it countless times, the arrangement was new to me and way too regimented. I prefer a more laid back, cabaret arrangement for this beautiful song.

Around 1:30 a.m., I headed over to the Billiards Club for a night cap, encountering several old friends that I had not seen in a long while. After an enjoyable chat with my friends, I headed for home arriving safe and sound and easily beating the paper boy to the front door. I would tell you the time of arrival, but as you have learned, during the wee hours, time for me translates to either night time, dawn or harsh morning sunlight.

The Preakness: If Saturday's Preakness Stakes at Pimlico Racetrack is any indication, Big Brown has a good chance of becoming the first winner of the Triple Crown since Affirmed in 1978. The colt broke well from the gate at the start of the race and jockey Kent Desormeaux tucked him in neatly in the rail going in to the first turn.

At the end of the backstretch, the jockey moved the colt to the outside, ostensibly to keep sand out of the big colt's face, which he apparently doesn't like. Rating Big Brown the entire distance, Desormeaux gave him his head at the top of the homestretch and the colt literally accelerated away from the field, winning convincingly by six lengths over Macho Again and Icabad Crane. The jockey never had to go to the whip and relaxed the horse nearing the finish line.

Assuming everything goes well and all things being equal, I believe this colt will have every chance to win the upcoming Belmont Stakes in three weeks. On a side note, I love gray horses and when I saw the odds on the gray "Macho Again", I bet ten dollars across the board on him. The colt paid $17.20 and $10.40, netting me a sweet $108.00.

The Cats Ass Trophy: There were three nominations for the CAT Award from last week. The nominations are:

Howard Stern, nominated by Linda, for his apparent doctoring of the Dolly Parton audio book. The excerpts suggested that Parton made racist remarks and distasteful allegations about Kenny Rogers.

Mike Huckabee, nominated by Beth, for his crude remark made when, upon hearing the noise caused by a falling chair, said, "That was Barack Obama. He just tripped off a chair. He's getting ready to speak and somebody aimed a gun at him and he dove for the floor."

Although I do not support nor recommend Mr. Obama's candidacy, the mere thought suggesting a possible assassination is abominable at best. The U.S. Secret Service, who are assigned to protect all the presidential candidates, are already on high alert concerning the possibility of an assassination attempt on Obama.

Lori Drew, nominated by myself, for her alleged role in perpetrating a hoax on My Space against a 13 year old neighbor girl who then committed suicide.


The judges (my cat Shithead and I)  don't think there's any question as to the worthiness of Lori Drew for the CAT Award and she certainly deserves the award. On the other hand, Howard Stern and Mike Huckabee represent the real intent of the CAT Award, which is to ridicule and denounce audacious and idiotic acts.

In the case of Huckabee and Stern, the acts of both showed their true colors. Huckabee's quick apology notwithstanding, it proves that one should have one's brain in gear before engaging one's mouth. Stern merely evidenced the common adage, "once an asshole, always an asshole."

The Cat's Ass trophy is thereby awarded to all three nominees (don't worry, we have plenty in the warehouse), Lorie Drew by default, Stern and Huckabee for living up to the intent of the Award. In the interim, keep your eyes an ears open as this is a new week and there'll surely be more potential candidates for the CAT Award !

The Pictures: I think you'll enjoy the photographs of today's new products, sent to me by brother Kirt. Most of them are quite intelligent and then there's a few.... well, you'll see.

This Date In History: 1536; Anne Boleyn, second wife of King Henry VIII, is beheaded in the Tower of London after she was convicted of adultery. 1643; Representatives from four New England colonies meet in Boston to form a military alliance. 1935; T. E. Lawrence, the British soldier and adventurer known as Lawrence of Arabia, dies in England from a motorcycle accident. 1967; The Soviet Union, Great Britain and the United States ratify a treaty banning nuclear weapons in space.

Birthdays: Johns Hopkins, financier and philanthropist (1795), Nora Ephron, screenwriter, director columnist and novelist (1941), Peter Townshend, musician (1945).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The following jokes are rated G, but I can edit them and add some profanity and innuendo if it makes you feel more comfortable.

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Although cats are relatively delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I have never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up and then wake them ten minutes earlier.

Dogs have owners. Cat's have staff.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as your dog does.

I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life.

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

We wonder why dogs and cats drink out of our toilets. On the other hand, they wonder why we pee in their water bowls.

Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

That's it for today my little artichoke hearts. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !


garnett109 said...

Can I borrow a hundred bucks till my brother straightens out ?he's hunched back you know.

midwestvintage said...

 I love the hand door knob, does it come in a left handers do you think?


nhd106 said...

Do you think those are real inventions?  If so, where did you find them and where can I get me some!


robinngabster said...

Love those pictures..think they should all be real inventions!

lanurseprn said...

Love those pics!

It's a bad week when you give out so many Cat Ass Awards! Sheesh!

Glad you had a good time with your friends.
Love, Pam xoxox

shrbrisc said...

I agree with your awards big time and that part about obama does have a lot of people worried

luvrte66 said...

Glad to hear you had a great weekend!

I was also appalled at the Howard Stern thing (as you may have read). I really am a firm believer in freedom of speech, and I've always felt that if you don't like Howard (or any other performer), all you have to do is turn the station. However, his vile comments toward one of the rare, truly decent and classy people in entertainment were just plain nasty. I really hope she sues the pants off of him!


jmorancoyle said...

    You're right. There's more than enough to vote on. I don't think there's a person on this earth, good or bad, that doesn't have one of those 'cat ass' moments. And I love the animal jokes.

fisherkristina said...

Lori Drew gets the award in my book.  The girl she tortured killed herself, for crying out loud.  
I didn't know you did Cabaret Karaoke!  If I am ever in town, I will look you up.  Not that I know what Cabaret is, LOL.  I just had to ask John.  He said it was Lounge Lizard music, LOL.  **ducking**

Krissy :)

acoward15 said...

I've made many less than friendly remarks about Kenny Rogers myself. Dolly Parton has also not had her praises sung by me!