Monday, May 12, 2008

When You Turn Out The Lights, They Come Out Of The Woodwork !

When I posted Friday's entry, I left everything neat and all tidied up and sauntered off to AREA 51 where I intended to party a bit. In my haste to finish the entry and rendezvous with the fair ladies of AREA 51, I neglected to inform you that as of that entry, there had been no nominees for The Cat's Ass Trophy. I figured that I'd just let it ride because surely no one would do anything stupid over the weekend, but nooooo ! Never underestimate the resources of the hard of understanding, they always seem to come out of the woodwork, sooner or later.

                                                       Gif - Mon 03

As I sit here making my entry, I must tell you there were two idiots worthy of nomination. The nominees are:

Earl Simmons aka rapper, DMX - nominated by Linda. Simmons was arrested Friday for possession of drugs and animal cruelty after two searches of his home turned up weapons, drugs, dog carcasses and abused pit bulls.

Jamar Hornsby nominated by Garnett. Hornsby, a University of Florida football player, was arrested for charging close to $3,000 on a credit issued to Ashley Slonina, a University of Florida student who died in an October 2007 motorcycle accident in which walk-on Florida football player, Michael Guilford, was also killed. The credit card abuse started on Oct 13, 2007, the day after Slonina was killed.

As both of these dirtbags are quite worthy of the much sought after CAT Award, the judges (my cat Shithead and myself) have decided that both DMX and Jamar Hornsby are co-winners of the Cat's Ass Trophy. Way to set an example, men ! Additionally, you're still in the running for Obama's short list of potential vice presidential candidates (behind Jeremiah Wright, Oprah and "Podium Al" Sharpton, of course).

The Indianapolis 500 pole position was won by Scott Dixon with Dan Wheldon and Brian Briscoe rounding out the front row. Danica Patrick qualified in the middle of the 2nd row in position five. The race is scheduled for May 25th. NASCAR Darlington 400 was won by Kyle Busch, followed by Carl Edwards and Jeff Gordon.

The Pictures: I hope all the mom's had a happy Mother's Day. With holidays in mind, I found a few holidays that are upcoming and I thought I'd share them with you. Please be sureto mark your calendar. I've included photographs of the Indianapolis 500 front row qualifiers as well and, as per my wont, a few "different" pics.

This Date In History: 1870; Manitoba becomes a province of the Dominion of Canada. 1932; Over two months after he was kidnapped, American aviator Charles Lindbergh's baby is found dead. Lindbergh had paid the ransom on April 2. 1949; Soviet troops end their 11-month land blockade of Berlin, Germany. The blockade was deemed useless since western powers airlifted food and supplies to the city. 1978; The U.S. Department of Commerce declares that hurricanes will no longer be named after women and they've been bitching and making everyone's life miserable ever since. Just checking to see if you read this.

Birthdays: Edward Lear, painter and humorist (1812), Florence Nightingale, British nurse and founder of the first school for nurses (1820), Katherine Hepburn, actress (1907), Yogi Berra, professional baseball player, coach and manager (1925).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed and again the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expenses. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood up and shouted "Having children is an Act of God!" An older man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"

Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informed her that she could not enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without wearing a blouse." The woman replied, "But Father, I have a divine right !" The priest says, " I can see, and your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church."

Mother superior calls all the nuns together and says to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." An elderly nun at the back of the room says, "Thank God, I'm so tired of Chardonnay."


That's it for today my little gypsies. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !


lsfp1960 said...

Oh thank you so much for the reminder~Procrastination Day.  I always forget that.  But you forgot several like, my favorite; Talk Like A Pirate Day on Sept 19th.   Hope you had a marvy weekend.  Linda in Washington state

garnett109 said...

Jim I never knew you were a model ? Can you give this 250 pound stud tips on wearing his speedos in public?

ksquester said...

I will never think of casual Friday in the same way again.  You're looking pretty good on that "magazine" cover.  Still laughing at the cartoon.   Anne

lanurseprn said...

OMG your pics made me laugh more than usual today. Loved you on the magazine cover!! Handsome..!!
Have a good night Jimmy,
Pam xoxox

bamawmn46 said...

Stupid is as stupid does.... (CAT award, that is...)

The pics are a hoot! Seems like I saw a familiar face or two on the cover of Model.


fowfies said...

Good morning Jimmy, just stopping in to say hi and catching up here with you. Always great jokes on here...a good way to start the day..smiling. :) Kelly

shrbrisc said...

can you nominate ungrateful adult children lmao just kidding I am glad you had a good time and great nominees