Like Quasimodo on his first date, ring the bells children, it's Hump Day and I feel like a new man, a changed man! Yesterday seems like a year ago and I feel older, more mature and ready to take-on the trials and tribulations of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. Actually, I really don't have much of a choice, you see, today's my birthday.
Being over 50 has it's advantages. In a hostage situation, I'm likely to be released first and my secrets are safe with my friends because they can't remember them. Lately, I find myself singing along with elevator music and when some of my friends call me in the afternoon, they always ask, "Did I wake you?" But fear not, my little hearing aids, I'm on my game and up for the task.
Johnny Walker Black, is my sidekick and trusted advisor while in AREA 51 and has quite a history. Since I am prone to consult him quite often on Hump Days, I thought I'd give you some history.
In 1805, John Walker (the elder) was born and not long after, the recipe for the world's favorite Scotch Whisky brand was created. Walker's story began in Kilmarnock, Scotland. As a young man, Walker left the family farm to follow his entrepreneurial spirit.
He became a grocer, trading a wide variety of goods; tea was his specialty. It was his skill at blending tea leaves that gave Walker the idea for blending grain and malt whiskies to createa smoother drink and more consistent quality.
Billary and Obama-Lama-Ding-Dong each had their day in the democratic elections yesterday. Obama ran away with the North Carolina vote and Hillary narrowly eked out a victory in Indiana. Bottom line, nothing has changed and more rhetoric to come. It seems to me that the economy is getting so bad that the common man will grasp at any hope for a better life, including subscribing to the words and baloney of these two idiots. I guess that's why there are sheep and then there's the shepherds who sheer them.
The Pictures: Trees and forests are today's theme although sometimes you can see the forest for the trees (what?).
This Date In History: 1847; The American Medical Association is founded in Philadelphia. 1915; The British ship Lusitania is torpedoed by a German submarine off the Irish coast, killing 1,198 people and increasing sentiment in the United States to enter World War I. 1945; German Nazi forces surrender unconditionally to U.S. General Dwight D. Eisenhower's army in Rheims, France, ending the European phase of World War II. 1945; The Sullivan family celebrate the birth of their first son, James Jr. 1960; Leonid Brezhnev becomes president of the Soviet Union. 1994; The masterpiece, The Scream, by Norwegian painter Edvard Munch, is recovered undamaged nearly three months after it was stolen.
Birthdays: Robert Browning, poet (1812), Johannes Brahms, composer (1833), Peter Tchaikovsky, Russian composer of the Nutcracker and Sleeping Beauty (1840), Archibald MacLeish, poet, critic and educator (1892), Gary Cooper, actor (1901), Eva Peron, political figure and wife of President Juan Peron of Argentina (1915), Johnny Unitas, professional football player (1933), Jimmy, noted singer, musician, journal author and hockey puck (1945).
The Hits Just Keep On Coming:
A Louisiana couple were sitting on the couch watching news on TV with the man's arm around the woman. The man says "Look at those homosexuals ruining the sanctity of our institution. We should go to San Francisco just to show those liberals that marriage means one man, one woman. Right, Darling?" The woman replies, "That's right, Daddy."
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they suddenly realized they both needed to relieve themselves. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone.
The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend, however, was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin it. Looking around, she was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "These damn girls' nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."
"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her ass that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!'"
That's it for today my little pilot lights. More tomorrow.
Stay Tuned !