Meandering Through The Day

The evening soiree in AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe went well as I met my old friend Carlos to discuss some business and catch up on old times. It was nice to see Hector, Lourdes and Christina there along with owners Richard and Danny. They have a new karaoke emcee coming in Friday, so tomorrow should be interesting to see how the Friday singers adjust to the newbee karaoke show. We'll see !

Lakes Cafe is having a Super Bowl party Sunday and the food is free ! They'll be serving roasted pig with all the trimmings. I'm not overly excited about the Super Bowl, but I love parties with free food ! I'll be making my prediction for the Super Bowl in tomorrow's entry along with my point spread.

China made the news again today with a report that drugs manufactured there to treat leukemia are tainted and at least two hundred people have died . In a related incident, a drivable kiddie truck sold by Mattel has been pulled from the market. Its paint contained lead that was 8 times the amount allowable. When are the people in America going to start boycotting Chinese products and especially the lead tainted toys of Mattel, who has been in bed with China for years?

                              

I am officially a granduncle (if that's a word), in the sense that my niece Ashley, gave birth yesterday to Mia who weighed in at 5 pounds 8 ounces and 17 inches. Although that sounds like a description of a largemouth bass I once caught, I assure you she's a keeper. Here's a cell phone picture taken shortly after her arrival. I can guarantee she's family because all of us sleep with our mouths open and look homeless.

                     

The Pictures: Sand castle competition pictures are today's subject. I'll be showing them today and tomorrow as they are many in number. The detail and artisan work is mind boggling, which leads me to the question; what do you do if it starts raining? Even worse, what if a horde of stray cats come by?

This Date In History: 1865; The Congress approves the 13th Amendment to the United States Constitution, abolishing slavery. 1958; The United States Army launches the first U.S. satellite, Explorer 1, into Earth's orbit. 1962; Willie Mays, known as the "Say Hey Kid", signs a contract reportedly worth $90,000, a record to date. 1990; McDonald's opens its first fast-food restaurant in Moscow, Russia.

Birthdays: Zane Grey, novelist (1875), Anna Pavlova, ballerina (1881), Tallulah Bankhead, actress (1903), Jackie Robinson, the first Black professionalbaseball player in the major leagues (1919), Norman Mailer, writer (1925).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The fine folks at AOL said....

I Bet you didn't know..

There is a certain group, caste, or religion in India where the women have a little red dot on their forehead. You have probably wondered what this is for.

The answer is very simple. When they get married their husband gets to scratch it off to see if he has won a convenience store, gas station or a motel in America.

                         

Do not swallow your bubble gum. Just take a look at the last group that didn't heed my warning !

                      

That's it for today my little bubble blowers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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It's Hard To Jump On A Runaway Bandwagon !

Pretty much as I predicted, Hillary Clinton massacred Barack Obama in the Florida democratic primary winning 50% of the vote, with Obama taking 33% and John Edwards 14%. Edwards has withdrawn from the race and we're waiting to see who, if anyone, he will endorse. Although the Democratic national committee stripped Florida of its votes in the national convention, the State of Florida, a leading indicator of the national political mood, expressed its' opinion strongly.

John McCain handily defeated Mitt Romney, who outspent McCain ten to one. Rudy Giuliani finished a distant third, garnering only fifteen percent of the vote. It is expected that Giuliani will drop out of the race and endorse McCain today or tomorrow and, with that, Romney can pretty much pack it in.

Super Tuesday (February 5th) will be the deciding factor in the primaries and whoever comes out on top that day will probably be the democratic and republican nominees.

I made my final prediction in my journal months ago, but I have no idea which day or month, and I am not inclined to dig it out. To reiterate, I  believe Hillary Clinton will be the democratic nominee and John McCain, the republican nominee.

I now have a gut feeling on the running mates and I think that John Edwards will be a likely running mate with either Hillary Clinton or possibly Obama. On the republican side, it is a little harder to figure with Mike Huckabee a possible choice and the dark horse possibly Governor Charlie Crist of Florida. It's really too soon to predict, but that's my current thoughts. We'll see !

AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe should be teeming with opinions as we not only made our decision on the presidency, we also approved Las Vegas style slot machines in three of our parimutual sites, Miami Jai Alai, Flagler Kennel Club and Calder Race Track. These sites have been floundering with the advent of the Florida Lottery and this should give them a good financial shot in the arm.

With these two subjects alone, AREA 51 will be abuzz. The mere fact that the two questions have been voted on notwithstanding, I'm sure everyone will have their own input as to how and why the decisions came to pass. The discussions usually come to an end after the beginning of the third cocktail as no one can really speak Jack Daniels fluently. Conversely, Johnny Walker Black, although a dear companion, is a terrible translator. 

The Pictures: The remains of the day, the pics hidden in the nooks and crannys of my portfolio will be the subject of today. What that means is that I don't have any idea what pictures I will run until I dig them out. They'll be good, though.

This Date In History: 1649; A week after having been found guilty of treason, King Charles I is beheaded. 1933; Adolf Hitler is named Chancellor of Germany by President Hindenburg. 1948; Indian leader Mohandas Gandhi is assassinated by Nathuram Godse.

Birthdays: Franklin D. Roosevelt, 32nd president of the United States (1882), Gene Hackman, actor (1930), Boris Spassky, chess champion (1937), Vanessa Redgrave, actress (1937).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My pal, Victor sent me the following contribution.

March 6, 1836:

It was on that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo. He then walked up to the main observation post along the west wall of the fort.

William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall. The three men gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily toward them.

With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie and said, "Jim, are we having some landscaping done today?"

The student pilot was explaining his recent flying lesson to his friend. "It was horrible", he lamented to his friend. "When we got up to altitude, the instructor told me that he was a homosexual and that he had a black belt in Karate. He said that I had to either have sex with him or jump out of the plane."

His friend asked, "Did you jump?" The student pilot responded, "Yeah...a little, at first..."

That's it for today my hanging little chads. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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The Florida Election, Popeye's Mom And A Rectal Thermometer !

This is primary day in Florida, where everyone that cries and complains about the politicians can make their voices heard, albeit a drop in the bucket towards the eventual national outcome. Change starts in your own backyard, so choose your candidate carefully, because it may come back to haunt you.

President Bush gave his State of the Union address and I've never seen so many phony standing ovations and ass-kissing in my life. I watched Obama Bin Laden and Teddy the Drunk holding hands while Hillary stewed. All in all, it was almost as funny s watching the Comedy Channel. I wonder if in the last seven years anyone has said, "Hey Prez, it's pronounced new-klee-are, not new-kew-ler, ya dumb bastard."

Speaking of Bush, I'm reminded of a joke sent to me by my pal, Garnett and I'm sure that my nurse pals will appreciate this one, to wit:

A nurse walks into a bank, exhausted after a 20 hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. She looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says, "Well that's just great...really great ! Some asshole has my pen !"

To live is to learn and I'm pleased to say that I learn something each day. My newest accomplishment is that I've figured out that I can load my own cell phone videos directly to my journal. This may not be news to you, but it is a pleasant surprise to me. Although I can't really upload all of my personal videos, there are some that I can and will upload in the next few days.

The Pictures: Patagonia, a mountainous area between Argentina and Chile is the subject of today's photographs. Some ofthe most exciting panoramas are the subject of many a photographer. I've added a few pics that I've obtained recently including some beautiful pictures from my pal, Nancy.

Of course, since I'm prone to levity, I've found some interesting pic's including a picture of Poeye's mom.

This Date In History: 1891; Liliuokalani became Queen of Hawaii following the death of her brother, King Lalakaua. She was the last monarch in Hawaiian history. 1936; Baseball greats Ty Cobb, Honus Wagner, Walter Johnson and Christy Mathewson are the first players inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. The hall opens its doors to the public in 1939. 1958; Actors Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward marry. 1990; Exxon Valdez oil tanker captain Joseph Hazelton goes on trial in the worst oil spill in the history of the United States. 1995; The San Francisco 49ers make NFL history by winning their fifth Super Bowl.

Birthdays: Thomas Paine, political philosopher (1737), WilliamMcKinley, 25th President of the United States (1843), W. C. Fields, actor (1880), Germaine Greer, Australian writer (1939), Oprah Winfrey, talk show host (1954).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Today, being a day of choice for Florida voters, merits the following story:

While walking down the street one day, a U.S. senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. The soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see an attorney or politician around these parts, so we're not quite sure what to do with you."

The senator says, "No problem, just let me in."

St. Peter says, "I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spendone day in hell and one day in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

With that, St. Peter escorts the senator to the elevator and it goes down to hell. The doors open and the senator is in the clubhouse of a beautiful golf course. Inside are other attorneys and politicians who are enjoying the amenities. They all greet the senator and after cocktails, they dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Everyone is having such a good time that without realizing it, the senator must return to heaven. They bid the senator a hearty farewell and the elevator closes to take the senator back to heaven where St. Peter is waiting.  St. Peter says, "Now, you visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator visiting contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and soon St. Peter returns.

St. Peter says, "Well, you've spent a day in hell and a day in heaven. Now choose your eternity."The senator reflects for a moment and replies, "I never would have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I'd be better off in hell."

So, St. Peter escorts the senator to the elevator which then goes down to hell. When the elevator opens, the senator is in the midst of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. All of the attorneys and politicians are dressed in rags, picking up trash and putting it in black bags as more garbage falls from above.

The devil comes over and puts his arm around the senator who laments, "I don't understand. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course, a niceclubhouse and we dined on lobster, caviar and champagne. Now it's just a wasteland and all of my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says,"Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted."

That's it for today my little republocrats. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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The Ten Drunkest Cities ? - Show Me The Way !

This morning, I read the national, state and local news. Then, as per my usual, I read the AOL news blurbs that always plasters the screen when you go online and something caught my eye. The title read "10 Drunkest cities in the United States". According to the site, a new "Men's Health" study came up with the ten most dangerously drunk cities.

I'm not sure of the criteria necessary to qualify for such an honor, but I was curious to see if Miami made the finals. Reliability and credence of the survey notwithstanding, the results did amuse me and I offer them to you for your review and consideration.

The Winners: 1st) Denver, Colorado 2nd) Anchorage, Alaska 3rd) Colorado Springs, Colorado 4th) Omaha, Nebraska 5th) Fargo, North Dakota 6th) San Antonio, Texas 7th) Austin, Texas 8th) Fresno, California 9th) Lubbock, Texas and 10th) Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Scientifically, I assume that this study has no real weight in determining the true top cities, but it does amuse me that Colorado and Texas had two entries each. I've skied in Colorado and I was stationed in San Antonio, so I can attest to the veracity of those two claims to fame. I'll have some pictoral supplements in The Pictures.

There is also a new study out that reports that moderate drinking was good for one's health, stating women could drink one drink per day and men could drink two drinks per day and improve their health. I'm happy to report that the inhabitants of AREA 51 are indeed a healthy lot although visibly upset that we didn't make the finals of the ten drunkest cities.

Speaking of drunks, I see that Ted "The Drunk" Kennedy endorsed Obama for President. I'm not real sure if that's good or bad as Mr. Kennedy comes with his own baggage, starting with Chappaquiddick and on to the Palm Beach rape case.

The primaries hit Florida tomorrow and hopefully will start ridding us of some of the wannabees currently clogging the political system. My guess is that Giuliani will come in third at best and I believe McCain will edge Romney in the republican race. Although the Florida delegates theoretically have been stripped by the democratic national committee, my thinking is that Clinton will defeat Obama in Florida.

The Pictures: Today we review the "10 Drunkest Cities in the U.S." Surprisingly some of the cities you would think would be on the list are curiously missing. The site where I gathered the list also offered some humorous pictures to go along with each city and I've added some of my own to help illustrate them.

This Date In History: 1866; Scottish explorer, David Livingstone embarks on his final expedition in Africa to establish the true source of the Nile. All outside contact with him is lost after he reaches Lake Tanganyika. 1908; Julia Ward Howe, author and reformer, is the first woman elected to the American Academy of Arts and Letters, in part for writing the famous poem "The Battle Hymn of the Republic". 1916; Louis D. Brandeis is nominated to the United States Supreme Court, becoming the first Jew to attain this position. 1968; Aretha Franklin tops the charts with her hit "Chain of Fools". She goes on to earn a string of awards including lifetime achievement awards from the Grammys and from the Kennedy Center of the Arts. 1986; The space shuttle Challenger explodes 73 seconds after liftoff at Kennedy Space Center in Florida.

Birthdays: Henry VII, king of England (1457), Anna Ivanovna, Russian empress (1693), Susan Sontag, writer (1933).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My pal, Victor, contributed this touching story.

A little boy goes  to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father  answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.  Then I set up a  date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.  We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard  drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of  us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine  months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

                                  

                                             You've Got Male !

And From Jimmy's Corner:   3 Guys in a Sauna..

Three men, one  German, one Japanese and a Texan were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped.The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager,"he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Texan felt decidedly low tech, but not to be undone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.

The Texan said .... "Well, dang-it, would you look at that, I'm getting a fax."

That's it for today my little cyber surfers . More Tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Jimmy And The New York Times - Gotcha !

Occasionally, the gods of good sense and wisdom reward me in written form. Yesterday, the New York Times editorial board endorsed Senators Hillary Rodham Clinton and John McCain on the newspaper's Web site. The board argued forcefully on Clinton's behalf, while saying that McCain was the best of a "flawed field".

Speaking of Ms. Clinton, the board said, "Hearing her talk about the presidency, her policies and answers for America's big problems, we are hugely impressed by the breadth of her experience."

Of Mr. McCain, the editorial said, "John McCain is the only Republican who promises to end the George Bush style of governing from and on behalf of a small angry fringe."

The editorial went on to say that former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani "shamelessly turned the horror of  9-11 into a lucrative business, with a secret client list, then exploited his city's and the country's nightmare to promote his presidential campaign."

The board further stated, "The real Mr. Giuliani, whom New Yorkers came to know and mistrust, is a narrow, obsessively secretive, vindictive man who saw no need to limit police power."

No real mention of Mitt Romney, which is fine as he's busy enough swatting locusts and screwing up his own misguided campaign. 

At a time when I fear the nation is swallowing the Giuliani shuffle and the Barack Obama shuck and jive routine - hook, line and sinker, it's refreshing to see the one of the nation's top newspapers put the presidential race and it's candidates in perspective. My inner self tells me that, at a time when not being "politically correct" sends the street monkeys into a rage, there are a lot of unvoiced opinions of the same ilk as the New York Times editorial and the silent majority will prove so once inside the sanctity of the voting booth.

It's Friday, as you might have ascertained and that means a trip to AREA 51, a mysterious part of my social scene. I'll be heading over to Lakes Cafe to discuss and resolve all of this week's revelations and woes. Normally this begins to happen during the second cocktail of the evening when my pal, Johnny W. Black, begins offering his thoughts on the various subjects of discussion.

Moderation will hopefully be theme this evening as I was entertaining (as far as I could tell) both Wednesday and Thursday evening and my body doth protest a bit. Knowing myself, however, I can never exactly predict the outcome of an evening as the omnipresent J.W. Black is always a companion. After the sunset and a walk on the boulevard, we'll see what the evening brings ! 

The Pictures: "Come a little bit closer.....", famed words from a popular song from the past and today's theme. "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up" (a phrase which some of you are undoubtedly too young to remem-mem, remem-mem-member, but the actress who made the line famous along with the movie title can be found in today's entry if you look around). Close-ups... not exactly all that the name implies, but you'll get the gist of it.

As I told you previously, I've grown a beard over the holidays and last evening, the beautiful Rocio and I went to Lakes Cafe for cocktails. Normally I forget to take a picture, but last night I remembered. Although a bit blurry, you can see my new beard. Of course, adding Rocio to the picture makes it look a lot better !  

This Date In History: 1890; Nellie Bly completes her round-the world in record time, beating Jules Verne's fictional character, Phileas Fogg's record of 80 days. 1947; Notorious Italian American gangster Al Capone dies in Miami. 1998; Pope John Paul II completes his visit to Cuba. 1999; An earthquake in western Columbia kills nearly 1,000 people.

Birthdays: Robert Burns, Scottish poet (1759), Charles Curtis, 31st vice president of the United States, (1860), William Somerset Maugham, British author (1874), Virginia Woolf, British novelist, essayist and critic (1882), Corazon Aquino, former president of the Republic of the Phillipines (1933).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: I've ran this one before but my pal, Gipsy, sent it to me anew yesterday and I thought I'd run it again.

Dear Meat !

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Since the children had not eaten deer meat before, both he and his wife decide not to tell them what kind of meat it is. Instead they agree to give them clues and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what kind of meat it was and begged their Dad for a clue. "Well", the father said, "It's what your Mom calls me sometimes." The little girl drops her fork, turns to her brother and screams, "Don't eat it ! It's an asshole !"

And From Jimmy's Corner:

Little Johnny wakes up from his afternoon nap, wanders into his parents bedroom and catches his parents in the "act". Before Dad can even react, he exclaims "Oh boy ! Horsie ride ! Daddy, can I ride on your back ?"

Daddy, relieved that Johnny wasn't asking more uncomfortable questions and seeing the opportunity not to break stride, reluctantly agrees.

Johnny hops on and Dad starts going to town. Pretty soon, Mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy ! This the part that where me and the milkman usually get bucked off !"

That's it for today my little billy goats. Have a safe and great weekend and more on Monday !

Stay Tuned !

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The Lone Ranger Rides Again !

I recall listening to "The Lone Ranger" on our RCA Victor radio, when my Mom asked me to go for a walk with her. In protest, I told her the "good part" was on and asked to hear the end of the program. She sat down beside me and patiently waited while I listened to the few remaining minutes. He face seemed a little odd and unbeknownst to me, she was in labor with my sister, Jeanne.

As we walked outside, she told me that she had to go to the baby store and pick up my new baby sister. New baby sister? When did this transaction go down? I don't ever remember hearing my parents discuss anything about the new baby nor do I recall ever seeing a belly on my Mom. I guess kids just don't notice sometimes.

She went on to tell me that I was gong to my Aunt's house while she and Dad picked up the new baby. That was fine with me because my Aunt had a piano and every time I went there, I'd sit down and pick little tunes out. Although the memories of this occasion fade in and out, the next picture that comes into my mind was, once again, sitting in the kitchen at my Aunt's house and listening to "The Lone Ranger".

Oddly enough, the only other major memories I have of that period was riding my tricycle in front of my Aunt's house and the night they brought my sister Jeanne home. Everyone was excited and I recall going out to the "Florida Room" and having my picture taken with sister Jeanne and my recently born cousin, Clifford.

Every time I hear the William Tell Overture, the theme song for "The Lone Ranger", it takes me back to those memories.

The Pictures: Just a few of my favorites today, including one of the Lone Ranger and a few of the other memories of that era. Most of these show well enlarged. Then again, I guess we all do !

This Date In History: 1848; The California Gold Rush kicks off when James Marshall, a constructionworker, discovers a gold nugget at Sutter's Mill, California. 1935; The first canned beer is sold by the Krueger Brewing Company in Richmond, Virginia. 1965; Winston Churchill, prime minister of Britain from 1940-1945 and 1951-1955, dies in London England, at age 90. 1985; In Portland, Oregon, Penny Harrington becomes the first female police chief of a major American city. 1993; Thurgood Marshall, the first black member of the United States Supreme Court, dies in Bethesda, Maryland, at the age of 64.

Birthdays: Edith Wharton, writer (1862), Ernest Borgnine, actor (1917),  Aaron Neville, singer (1941), Mary Lou Retton, American Olympic Gold medalist (1968).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out, and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband, "Darling,if you didn't know me, what age would say I am."

Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure; twenty five."

"Oh you flatterer ," she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops here by saying.....

"Whoa, hold up there sweetie", he interrupted, " I haven't finished adding them up yet."

The remainder of Zen of Sarcasm from my pal, Andy.

1. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

2. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

3. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

6. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

7. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

8. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

9. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

10. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

11. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

12. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

That's it for today my little onion rings. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Humped Day At Last !

We're halfway through the week and it's hump day, a good excuse for going out for the evening. Of course, any reason will do, but it seems to sound better when you have a reason to celebrate. Midweek excursions have been a little slow lately, partly due to the economy and partly to the weather. Fortunately most of the AREA 51 denizens don't let little things slow them down and we usually have a decent crowd.

Florida has its primary next Tuesday January 29th. Giuliani's banking on Florida but I believe he will not carry the state. It will be a big step in the primaries with Super Tuesday coming the following week, February 5th. After that, most of the handwriting will be on the wall and most of these wannabee's will hopefully disappear into the woodwork. Of course, that merely means that there will only be a few assholes on television instead of many.

The Pictures: Far Out ! No, really ! Some remote places that merit a closer look. I've also included some beautiful covered bridges from my pals Michelle and Nancy. Last but not least, my pal, Carmen sent me some paper art from the Hirshorn Modern Art Gallery.

This Date In History: 1845; The United States Congress decrees the first Tuesday after the first Monday of November to be the universal election day for presidential elections. 1907; Charles Curtis, the first native American to serve in the United States Senate begins his term. He later resigns to become President Herbert Hoover's vice-president. 1968; United Nations relations with North Korea are strained after gunboats seize the crew of the U.S. Navy intelligence ship Pueblo after it had allegedly strayed into North Korean waters. 1973; President Richard Nixon announces over nationwide television that agreement on all terms for a formal cease-fire in Vietnam have finally been reached. 1975; The hit comedy Barney Miller premieres on ABC. 1989; Salvador Dali, Spanish painter, writer and member of the surrealist movement, dies in Figueras, Spain, at the age of 84.

Birthdays: John Hancock, patriot and statesman (1737), Edouard Manet, French painter (1832), Humphrey Bogart, actor (1899), Jeanne Moreau, French theater and motion-picture actor (1928).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The Zen of sarcasm was sent to me by my pal, Andy.

(1) Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty
much leave me the hell alone.

(2) The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and
leaky tire.

(3) Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it

(4) Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

(5)Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

(6) Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

(7) If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
of car payments.

(8) Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their shoes.

(9) If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

(10) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

And From Jimmy's Corner: Sooo much cheaper!

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"

He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers, because it's sooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so can she!"

That's it for today my little gummy bears. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Presidential Debate or Debacle ?

The democratic debates were on television last evening and frankly, I wasn't impressed. Although several key points were presented, the majority of the evening was basically squabbling back and forth. The candidates that the democrats have presented leave much to be desired.

The race issue is becoming the major factor in determining the democratic nominee. In my opinion, the country would be ready for a black president if one of the caliber of General Colin Powell was available. An officer and a gentleman, Powell would certainly be the recipient of my vote.

The audacity of Barack Obama to believe that with his obvious lack of experience, he deserves and/or could win the presidency with a song and dance (or slam dunk for that matter), only reinforces my opinion of him.

I believe the nominee will come down to Hillary Clinton versus Barack Obama and my belief is that Clinton will be the democratic nominee. John Edwards is as qualified as either of the two, but he's fighting an uphill battle. I believe a Clinton-Edwards ticket could be a winner in the national elections, but if McCain gets the republican nomination (which is very possible), it would be a close race.

Other than John McCain, the remainder of the republican candidates are of the same ilk as the democratic candidates, leaving one ending up voting for the lesser of two evils. All in all, the candidates running for the presidency leave me cold, but still somewhat content with the thought that President George W. Dufus is finally going away. Hopefully, the next president will have the ability to pronounce the word "nuclear" correctly.

My pal, Gipsy, sent me this little ditty that, living in Miami, really made me laugh.

I saw a sign on a Miami billboard that read: Need Help ? Call Jesus. Out of curiosity, I did. Two Cubans showed up with a tow truck.

The Pictures: Today's pictures include the javelina, also known as the collared peccary. My pal, Myra made an entry in her journal today about a hike she took in Arizona. One of the pictures show wild javelinas roaming around. I had no idea they were found in Arizona and I searched the net to find out more. You can read Myra's entry today at http://journals.aol.com/mpnaz58/MyThoughts/ .

It's an animal day, which means "you know who" will appear somewhere in the pics along with the rest of the menagerie.

This Date In History: 1666; Shah Jahan, Mughal emperor of India (1628-1658) who built the Taj Majal, dies in Agra, India, at age 74. 1905; On this date, which became known as Bloody Sunday, members of the Russian Imperial Guard massacred more than 100 peaceful demonstrators outside the Winter Palace. 1968; Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In premieres on NBC. 1973; In Roe Vs Wade, the United States Supreme Court rules that a woman has a constitutional right to an abortion during the first six months of pregnancy. 1973; President Lyndon Baines Johnsondies at age 64.

Birthdays: Francis Bacon, English statesman, philosopher and great great grandfather of Kevin (1561), Lord Byron, English poet (1788), Sam Cooke, singer and songwriter (1931), Linda Blair, actress (1959).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: This gem is from my pal, Anne.

The Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get
rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it tothe plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life. So be yourself, enjoy life and stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier.

My pal, Garnett sent me this one.

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

And From Jimmy's Corner: Be careful of what you wish for. It may come true !

 

                      

That's it for today ma petit croissants. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Ya Gotta Love Monday Holidays !

The weekend was kind to me as I didn't wade in too deeply and the waters were calm. I did stay out a little late Friday evening playing dominoes and shooting the proverbial bull until the a.m., but other than that, I was a relatively good citizen.

I got a bunch of neat stuff this weekend and since it's Monday and I'll be joining "Podium Al" Sharpton in his celebration of MLK day, I thought I'd help you celebrate the day with some of pictures I received.

I always speak of my favorite place, AREA 51 a wonderfully nostalgic and serene destination reached and known by a select few. It seems my world is expanding (and receiving mail) as seen in the following picture captured and sent to me by my pal, Linda.

                      

My pal, Victor sent me the following fishing experience and the words of wisdom that accompanies them.

Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

                

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Mel says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

The Pictures: The photos, other than the ones of the fantastic new Mercedes, follow the absolute insanity of today's entry with totally nonsensical pictures, which has been my wont lately. I will do my best to come up with a theme for tomorrow assuming they don't come get me and put me in the home for carousing, unwed journalists.

This Date In History: 1793; Louis XVI is executed by guillotine for treason. 1924; Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin dies at age 54. 1954; The first nuclear-powered submarine, the "Nautilus", is launched by the United States at Groton, Connecticut. It is also the largest submarine at 319 feet long. 1966; Beatle George Harrison and Patricia Ann Boyd marry after meeting on the set of "A Hard Day's Night". 1976; The first Concordes simultaneously take flight from London and Paris, with commercial passengers on board. People were amazed because no one thought grapes could fly.

Birthdays: My sister, Jeanne, whose birthday was Saturday. Happy birthday, Sis ! (19XX), Stonewall Jackson, Confederate commander (1824), Christian Dior, designer (1904), Jack Nicklaus, professional golfer (1940), Placido Domingo, opera singer (1941), Geena Davis, actress (1957).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The following was sent to me by my pal, Garnett.

Results of recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The first is called Smurf Sex: This kind of sex occurs when you first meet someone and you have sex until you are blue in the face.

The second kind of sex is called Kitchen Sex: This occurs when you have been with your partner a short time and you're so horny, you will have sex anywhere.

The third kind of sex is called Bedroom Sex: This happens when your relationship with your partner has become routine and only occurs in the bedroom.

The fourth type of sex is called Hallway Sex: This occurs when you have been with your partner too long. When you pass each other in the hallway, you both say "screw you".

The fifth kind of sex is called Religious Sex: This means you get Nun in the morning and Nun at night (very popular).

The sixth kind of sex is called Courtroom Sex: This happens when you can't stand your partner anymore. They take you to court and screw you in front of everyone.

The seventh kind of sex is called Social Security Sex: You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.

And From Jimmy's Corner:  The Emergency Room !

A veteran soldier decided the other day that he needed to go to the emergency room to have a gash sutured. Not wanting to spend 6 hours sitting there, he put on his faded old fatigues and stuck a patch on his shirt that he had downloaded off the Internet.

When he entered the emergency room, 3/4 of the people waiting in line immediately got up and left. He assumed that they weren't that sick, after all. Here's the patch. Use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.

                                        

That's it for today my little shortcakes. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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