Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Who would Name Their Child Tuesday?

It's Tuesday (not Weld) and Monday's just a memory. See? it didn't hurt that much, did it? We're one day closer to Hump Day and that's the carrot that keeps the horse pulling the wagon.

Seen And Heard Today: Rumor has it that one of the main causes in Ed McMahon's foreclosure and financial woes is Pamela, his wife of 16 years. TMZ reports she's oblivious to their financial problems and owes American Express 750 thousand dollars (what's the name of that movie - "They Shoot Horses Don't They?").

Trouble, the nine-year-old Maltese dog who was left an inheritance of 12 million dollars by her owner, the late billionaire Leona Helmsley, was relieved of 10 million dollars of that sum by a Manhattan judge. The judge ruled that the ten million will go to charity and the pooch will have to exist on a paltry two million dollars. Ain't that a bitch !

                       

Jimmy's Handy Dandy Flying Guide: I don't like flying. Beside the fact that it makes me nervous, there are additional factors make it even more unpleasant. Seating is probably the most annoying factor and has forced me to fly first-class despite the price.

This comes from my early days when I would be seated next to some annoying little brat whose mere existence was due to the fact that are no laws prohibiting morons from giving birth to little morons. The other example is that I'm usually seated next to someone who has no life whatsoever, but is determined to tell me about it no matter how much I protest.

I haven't flown on a plane in ten years. In the past, when I did fly, my methods were short and succinct.A simple plan when you consider it, the first step being to check in my bags, verify the flight and ticketing, then proceed to the closest bar. As the workers fuel the plane, I, in turn, fuel Jimmy with high test Johnny Walker Black.

My fueling completed and a seat in first class gives me the ability to withstand a flight of between two to three hours (with additional physical refueling as needed). An attractive flight attendant also alleviates the stress, but in this day and age, I ofttimes get little Johnny Twinkletoes serving me, which is the reason I travel with a cattle prod.

Methinks that with the new airline rules and regulations and the constantly rising prices, it will be a long time until I fly again. I'd much rather drive to my destination at my own pace and under conditions I am comfortable with. Time not being a factor for me, it's unimportant as to the time it takes to arrive at my destination and much more important to arrive comfortably. But, that's just me.

Today's Thought: By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

The Pictures: Animals with a personality or so it seems. Some of my more interesting pictures of photoshop creations of some our animal friends. Then, there's always.......

This Date In History: 1775; In the early days of the Revolutionary War, British troops attack Massachusetts militiamen in the Cattle of Bunker Hill. The British suffer high casualties, but capture the American position. 1876; In the Battle of Rosebud Creek, OglalaSioux and Cheyenne forces led by Crazy Horse repel U.S. troops, eight days before joining Sitting Bull to defeat General George Custer at Little Big Horn. 1972; Five men are arrested in a burglary of Democratic Party offices in the Watergate building in Washington, D.C. The subsequent cover-up of White House involvement will lead to President Richard Nixon's resignation in 1974. 1994; Driving a white Ford Bronco, O. J. Simpson leads police on a slow freeway chase before being arrested for the murder of his wife and Ron Goldman, a crime he was acquitted of the following year.

Birthdays: Charles XII, Swedish king and general (1682), John Wesley, founder of Methodism (1703), Igor Stravinsky, composer (1882), Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House of Representatives (1943).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute." She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off!"

A guy went out hunting. He had all the gear, the jacket, the boots and the double-barreled shotgun. As he was climbing over a fence, he dropped the gun and it went off, right on his manhood. Obviously, he had to see a doctor. When he woke up from surgery, he found that the doctor had done a marvelous job repairing it. As he got ready to go home, thedoctor gave him a business card. "This is my brothers card. I'll make an appointment for you to see him." The guy says "Is your brother a doctor?" "No," Doc replies, "he plays the flute. He'll show you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye."

That's it for today my little artichoke hearts. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

11 comments:

rjsisti said...

I love the way your entries entertain me with your amazing sense of humor!

Hugs, Rose

luvrte66 said...

I don't have a problem with flying, although it seems that with the security, etc., we spend a full day traveling no matter what. We're starting to seriously consider more road trips now that I'm not working and we have a little more time. Road trips are a lot more fun, anyway!

And you never have a screaming child beside you, or one behind you...kicking your seat. UGH!

Beth

lsfp1960 said...

I don't like to fly either but if our plans for the Oct-Nov adventure fall into place...I'll be flying for just over 5 hours, next to the window...so I can step on 2 people if I have to get out & go powder my nose. Bob's courage comes from gin & tonic but we are set to leave Orlando at 7:15am...so he's going to have to get an early start.  Since I don't drink, and Dr Pepper wouldn't do any good anyway...I'm going to be a white knuckle flyer.  Love the pictures!  Can you imagine have a Visa bill for $750,000?  Somebody need to cut up her cards.   Linda in WA

garnett109 said...

Those jokes were great!

nhd106 said...

SPEAKING of flying...go see my entry!  lol
Nance

nhd106 said...

PS
Love those animal shots!

bamawmn46 said...

Jimmy,
I flew down to St. Augustine in April. I had booked about 5 or 6 weeks prior to the trip and it turned out to be a much better deal than driving because gas prices began to surge around that time. Whew... sometimes, I really do something smart!   And as far as the brat and no-life wimpy, ain't that the truth????

3 more days till the happy weekend!!

Jackie

midwestvintage said...

  The first time I flew it was for a job interview.  I took valium and drank all the way there.  They had to pour me off the plane.  I still got offered the job.  I hate to fly.  Loved the jokes

             Julie

shrbrisc said...

lol I would love to take a flight if I could go the ole way lol have a happy hump day
hugs
Sherry

lanurseprn said...

When I was young I loved to fly. Nowadays it scares the H*** out of me! I'd rather drive!
You mentioned OJ....when he drove the white Bronco he drove by my house. The world in this neighborhood stopped. Helicopters, cops, news people everywhere! The people were just RUNNING over toward the freeway to see him roll by. Sick!
Hope you have a good day.
Pam

jmorancoyle said...

    I'd be embarrassed to repeat that one, but it was good. I used to play the flute, too.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay