Thursday, June 19, 2008

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night......

Someone needs to tell the powers that be that rainy nights are meant to start later in the evening. It started drizzling last evening just about the time that I got out of the shower. Unswayed by the winds, rain and lightning, I continued to dress because I, much like the heralded postman, have my own mission and neither rum, nor schnapps, nor Schlitz, nor something will prevent this courageous courier from the (somewhat) swift completion of his appointed rounds.

Actually, lightning has a way of closing my sphincter muscle to the point that it actually causes aging. I can handle the rains and winds, but lightning ofttimes forces me to yell out that old warning, "women, children and journalists first."

With those thoughts in mind, I am proud to tell you that I went out my front door, opened my umbrella and a bolt of lightning hit within fifty yards of my proximity. Like the mighty warrior that I am, I turned and ran back into the house, screaming like a campfire girl. Nay, my little lightning rods, mama didn't raise no fool. I surrendered the evening to the elements and was forced to sit at home alone. Thankfully, my friend Johnny Walker was there to console me. 

ABC News issued orders yesterday forbidding reporters to wear lapel pin American flags or other patriotic insignia. Their reasoning was that ABC should remain neutral about "causes."

Patriotism is a "cause?" I hope so! In a time that you have to refer to illegal aliens as illegal immigrants and you don't know whether to order black coffee or african-american coffee lest you "offend" someone, now they don't want you to wear an American flag lapel pin?

It seems that the only ones that can stand up and make noise are the ones who are normally causing all the trouble. It's time to tell the politically correct crowd to kiss my white American ass!

Author's Note: The report mentioned in the preceding paragraphs have been checked out and verified at http://www.snopes.com/rumors/noflags.asp

The Pictures: Lately my little animal buddies have been seen only in their elements, so I sent them emails and asked them if they would dress up a little for a photo shoot. They agreed and here are a few of the better dressed as judged by my cat, Shithead. 

This Date In History: 1846; The New York Knickerbocker Base Ball Team, organized by Alexander Cartwright, meet the New York Nine in Hoboken, N.J., in the first baseball game played under Cartwright's rules. 1953; Americans Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, convicted of passing nuclear weapons information to the Soviet Union, are executed. 1984; The Chicago Bulls pick Michael Jordan of the University of North Carolina in the NBA draft.

Birthdays: James I, of England, English and Scottish king (1566), Lou Gehrig, professional baseball player (1903), Abe Fortas, Supreme Court justice (1910), Salman Rushdie, novelist (1947).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The following video was provided to me by my friends as an instructional tool for tequila drinkers. It is also the reason I quit drinking tequila.

                                                    

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France."

The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.

She asked if there was something she could help  the gentleman with. The man said "this is embarrassing  for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister." When she returned, she said, "the best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000 a month in living expenses.

That's it for today my little sunflower cedes. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

10 comments:

lsfp1960 said...

Thanks again for my mid-day chuckle.  Loved the tequila video !   And Gabi agreed with S.H. also enjoying the animal pictures other than the lady with no clothes on.  Sorry that Mom Nature ruined your evening...so did you sit & watch "Wife Swap" and Super Nanny" since you were home?  Looking forward to tomorrow's entry.  Linda in balmy Washington

rjsisti said...

Oh how I enjoy your entries to your Journal.

Glad you stayed home and out of harms way...........I live in South Florida, Capital Lightening of the World area and it scares the crap out of me.

Hugs, Rose

luvrte66 said...

Sorry to hear the weather put the kibosh on your plans. I think it was last summer that we had a lightning strike hit a tree about 20 feet from our front door. The almost-immediate crack of thunder made both of our butts leave our chairs, I swear. It was SCARY. It was close enough that it fried our modem and computer (thanks to the wonderful cable company who didn't GROUND the line--remedied by Ken), as well as our phones and most of the phone lines. We're lucky our house didn't catch on fire.

So probably a good choice for you to stay inside!

Beth

garnett109 said...

Jimmy they can kiss my white ass also!
ABC or channel 16 is in my area and the suck as news reporters!

ksquester said...

gosh, I've missed you.  I'm back in Kanasa now..........rain and all, but no lightening.  Love ya Jim Sullivan!   Anne

shrbrisc said...

lmao I don't do lightening either and I could just see you running back in the house .. thanks for the laughs have a great night
hugs
Sherry

robinngabster said...

LMAO....Linda said I needed to read this entry she was right!  Thanks for the laugh...hope your sphincter is okay.

midwestvintage said...

You never have a camcorder on when you need it. I would have loved to see you bolt.


               Julie

bamawmn46 said...

"Go, Americans!! Proudly wear your flag pins!!" say I.
I think we should teach ABC America is the BEST cause!!
And besides, I've never cared who I pissed off when I'm right!!!

Glad you got your ass back in the house last night!!

Luv,
Jackie

mpnaz58 said...

Ah, so now your weakness is revealed! I never though I'd live to see the day when a lil' ol' lightnin' strike would frighten you!  LOL...j/k...I am deathly terrified of lightning AND thunder too.  I go no where, I do nothing, but sit in the middle of the room and wait out a storm.  If I'm driving in it, I turn off the radio and drive in silence...why?  I don't know.
xoxo ~Myra