Mission Aborted !

There I was....ready, willing and able! My intentions were honorable! The conditions were perfect! Then, things dimmed and everything went black. When I regained consciousness, it was too late! Where did I go wrong? I tried to replay the events in my mind searching for the answers. Then, as my mind cleared, it came to me. I made one minor error in executing my plan.

I sat down to watch the last fifteen minutes of the news before making my Wednesday trek to AREA 51. To get a little more comfortable, I slipped off my shoes and eased my recliner into the cruise control position. The next thing I knew, David Letterman was doing his nightly monologue.

Yes, my little scotch glasses, I went into a brief coma and completely missed Happy Hour in AREA 51. Even my cat, Shithead, couldn't believe I fell asleep and told me as much. Well, so much for Hump Day.

Ed McMahon, the long time sidekick of Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show, is currently trying to avoid foreclosure on his 4.8 million dollar Beverly Hills home. Unable to work since breaking his neck 18 months ago, the 85 year old pitchman for American Family Publishes sweepstakes is behind in his mortgage payments to the tune of $644,000. Although the current economy is causing many people to face foreclosure, this is one man who has entertained me for years and I am hopeful that he can resolve is financial issues.

Today's Thought: I've been using aluminum foil and plastic wraps for more years than I care to remember. Did you know that on the ends of both boxes, there's a tab that you can push in to stop the stupid roll from coming out when you pull on it? Don't believe me? Getup and go check...it's okay, I'll wait.

See? That tab has been there since the creation of the product. You's think there'd be a large sign on the package for the hard of understanding, but noooooo, it's their little secret. This has been a public service of Jimmy's Journal. We now return you to you regularly scheduled journal.

The Pictures: Chinese pandas or street artist illusions. The choice was my predicament, which one? So, I went with pandas painting street illusions (kidding). There's a little of both (plus "the usual suspects"). The street painting illusions are remarkable and the pandas are the results of artificial insemination to insure survival of the species.

This Date In History: 1884; In response to Republican hopes that he will be the party's nominee for president, General William T. Sherman send a telegram saying, "If nominated, I will nor accept; if elected I will not serve." 1900: Novelist, poet and journalist Stephen Crane dies of tuberculosis at the age of 28, five years after his novel, "The Red Badge of Courage" gained international acclaim. 1933; President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs legislation taking the United States off the gold standard, which required that all paper money and coin be redeemable in gold.

1947; U.S. secretary of state General George C. Marshall calls for a European Recovery Program (The Marshall Plan), funded by the United States, to help European countries recover from World War II. 1967; On the first morning of the Six Day War, Israel attacks Egypt. By the day's end Israeli forces will have virtually destroyed the air forces of both Egypt and Jordan. 1968; On the night he wins the California Democratic primary, Robert F. Kennedy is shot by Sirhan Sirhan in Los Angeles. He dies of his wounds the next day.

Birthdays: Adam Smith, philosopher and economist (1723), Francisco "Pancho" Villa, Mexican revolutionary leader (1877), John Maynard Keynes, British economist and one of the most influential economists of the 20th century (1883), Federico Garcia Lorca, poet and playwright (1898).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud "thud", and then he would swerve back on the road.

As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road. The truck driver said, "I'll give you a lift."

The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "thud." Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors.When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer."

The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."

That's it for today my little Pez dispensers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !