Mutt and Jeff Battle in Ohio and Texas !

The voters go to the polls today in Vermont, Rhode Island, Ohio and Texas. Quite frankly, I'm tired of the rhetoric and I really don't care ! I can't stomach neither democratic candidate, nor the prejudiced, hypocritical media who are covering their every move. I also not overly enamored with republican John McCain.

As an independent, I try to seek out the most qualified candidate in any election. Unfortunately, like most elections, there aren't any. So what happens? You end up voting for the least evil. The real problem is that many people would vote for Sammy Davis Jr. or Alfred E. Neuman, rather than cross party lines. That's how we ended with George Bubba Bush.

Oback "I voted against the war" Obama, our salvation sent from above, is in the news in the investigative way. The Canadian government announced yesterday that a top Obama aide told them "not to worry" about what Obama says in his speeches, noting that it's "only politics".

Meanwhile, as Obama is walking across the waters to save us, Tony Rezko, the slum lord who contributed a ton of money to Obama's campaign, went on trial yesterday for political corruption, involving bribes and kickbacks.

Obama went to Rezko seeking "advice" on how to purchase a house. The parcel included a vacant lot which Obama stated that he couldn't afford. On the same day Obama closed on the house at a price several hundred thousand dollars below market value ($1,650,000), Rezko's wife purchased the adjacent lot for fair market value ($625,000), meeting the seller's conditions that both properties be sold together. Anyone smell anything?

                     

The presidential elections are not American Idol. If people don't wake up and smell the roses soon, you may be see a "Presidential Sanjaya".

Also In The News - Jennifer Lopez has announced that she has named her twins. Hopefully, she'll come up with names for the new babies as well.

The Pictures: I had to go over and above the call of duty to retrieve these fantastic pictures of the space shuttle. Included in these pictures is a hurricane, the name of which I could not ascertain. As per my wont, I've also included the "usual suspects".

This Date In History: 1681; King Charles II of England grants Quaker landowner William Penn a vast tract of land between New York and Maryland, including the last uncommitted piece of the Atlantic seaboard south of Massachusetts. 1787; The United States Congress meets for the first time in New York City and the U.S. Constitution goes into effect. 1877; Tchaikovsky's ballet "Swan Lake" premieres at the Bolshoi Theater in Moscow, Russia. 1933; Frances Perkins becomes the first woman cabinet member in the United States as Secretary of Labor. 1950; Walt Disney's feature-length motion picture "Cinderella" is released.

Birthdays: Henry the Navigator, prince of Portugal (1394), Knute Rockne, football player and coach at the University of Notre Dame (1888), Dazzy Vance, baseball player (1891), Miriam Makeba, South African singer (1932).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: So, my candidate for president is:

ALFRED E. NEUMAN FOR PRESIDENT

"He is just as smart as the other candidates, and twice as popular"

On the Issues:

• Guaranteed Health Care: ban all HMO's and medical insurance. Outlaw the American Medical Association. Change the medical deductions on the 1040 to 100%. Result: People will shop for their medical needs, thereby reducing inflated prices of pharmaceuticals, laboratories, doctors, and hospitals. After all, medical insurance is designed to guarantee that the medical industry be paid, not that people receive adequate treatment.
• Social Security: Since when?
• Education: The Government should stay out of it. Government interference only perpetuates existing stupidity.
• Welfare: Get a job.
• National Security: Who would be stupid enough to invade the U.S.? And what would they do with us if they won? Would it be any worse than what we have now?
• Congress: Cut salaries to what these idiots are worth. Minimum wage for entry level.
• Protecting the public from itself: The government has no business interfering in people's lives or protecting us from our own stupidity.
• Lobbyists and Special Interests: Tax all cash flow at 50%. Tax all religious institutions that engage in politics. (separation of church and state works both ways)
• Equal Rights: Get over it.
• Personal Income Tax: Dump it. Flat tax corporations 50% of gross with no deductions

On the Candidate

• He decided to run for office because the other candidates were all so boring.
• He has never failed at business, defrauded the Small Business Administration, sought special favors from the Government, or inhaled.
• His brother never fixed his election.
• He has no wife to cheat on.
• He is not a politician and makes no promises, which he wouldn't keep anyway.
• He has never been investigated by 60 Minutes, ATF, IRS, or the National Inquirer. He doesn't know Matt Drudge or that Coulter woman.
• Heads of State: "I don't know them. They're all foreigners anyway."
• Despite his resemblance to the incumbent, he is not related to the Bushes or the Walkers.

On Reforming the Government

• Merge the Department of Justice, FBI, CIA, DIA, and ATF. Move them all to a compound in Area 51 and post National Guard or Reservist MP's as sentries.
• Disband the IRS, lay off all employees and relocate them to their own "retirement" community in Area 51.

I Want Your Vote on Election Day!
Vote Early, and Vote Often

Yes, I support Alfred E. Neuman for President

But just remember: If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

That's it for today, my little fruit loops. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmys Journal, pshemmingway, AREA 51, Jimmys-MySpace, my perfect martini, Billary, Barack Hussein Obama, John McCain, Stay Tuned, ham and eggs, Obama-Lama-Ding-Dong, The Hits Just Keep On Coming