It's A Rainy Mundane Monday And The Ark's Still Unfinished !

This weekend I seriously considered building an ark because it rained the entire weekend. We need the rain but it seems to me if you are in need of a glass of water, you don't want it poured by a fire hose. Nevertheless, neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail will stop......, nah, that one's been used before. Besides, I don't have the tendency to go ballistic.

My brother, Kirt, sent me the following poster which I believe every parent can use. This should be on the walls in every home that has  teenagers.

                                       

Brother Kirt also sent me this story about the California Highway Patrol. While the veracity of the story is a bit dubious, I like the thought...

Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar.

One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding  vehicles approaching the crest of a hill. The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then turned off.

Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander and the reply came back in with true USMC style:

Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on this
incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.

Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location. Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.

The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech. Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar . It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster. Thank you for your concern. Semper Fi !

Ya Just Gotta Love it !

There were two nominees for the Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award and one was a little difficult to understand. Julie re-nominated the "Rev. of Obama", who I assume means last week's CAT Award winner, Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Author's Note: I emailed Julie earlier to determine if she wanted to re-nominate Rev. Wright. She replied, "Gosh, I am behind, LOL. No, there are plenty to take his place this week"

Garnett nominated an Amsterdam parent, who, while in the process of shoplifting a package of meat at the local supermarket and making a quick exit, forgot to take his twelve year old son with him. Authorities, naturally, were able to trace the parent because of the son. When contacted, the parent refused to claim the boy and asked instead that they contact his mother. The parent eventually turned himself in.

All things considered and weighed by the esteemed judges, this week's CAT Award winner is "The Amsterdam Parent". Congratulations and thanks for setting a fine example for your son. You 'da man !

The Pictures: Today's pictures come from my pal, Beverly. The structure shown is not a hotel. It is the residence of Sheik Zayad bin Sultan Al Nahyan, the former president of the United Arab Emirates and ruler of Abu-Dhabi. Easily mistaken for my house, this is what your oil dollars help to purchase. Aside from that, it's one hell of a homestead.

This Date In History: 1882; German scientist Robert Koch announces that he has discovered the bacillus that causes tuberculosis. 1934; President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs the Tydings-McDuffie Act, granting future independence to the Philippines. 1958; Elvis Presley, the "King of Rock and Roll", enters the U.S. Army for two years. 1989; The Exxon Valdez oils tanker starts spilling 260,000 barrels of crude oil into Alaska's Prince William Sound.

Birthdays: William Morris, poet, artist and social reformer (1834), Harry Houdini professional name of Ehrich Weiss, one of the most famed magicians in history (1874), Fatty Arbuckle, film actor, writer and director (1887), Steve McQueen, actor (1930), Bob Mackie, American costume and fashion designer (1940).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Words of Wisdom

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people "appear" bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable-- except from a vending machine.

3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability that you'll get it wrong.

6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, on a hill, in the fog.

7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.

8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When going to court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Hypnotist at Senior Center

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the
watch...

"The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred
pieces.

"Sh*t !" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.

That's it for today my little chickadees. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !