Tuesday, December 18, 2007

My Way To Party For The Holidays !

The holidays are upon us and it is my desire to be a good Shepard. Athough I don't have a coat of many colors, I do have a nice Halston gray suede jacket that should suffice. I have just returned from today's trip around the web and I bring you useful information so that you may spend your holidays in the right mental condition

I have been to the mountain and I have found the answer. Not possible you say? Mais oui, my little croissants ! I have holiday eating tips for you that will make your holidays a delight.

1. Avoid carrot sticks ! Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately and go next door. They're serving rum balls !

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can, and quickly ! Who cares if it has 1,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic. Have a few ! It's later than you think..... it's Christmas !

3. If something comes with gravy, eat it. If there are mashed potatos, don't ask if they were made with 2% milk. Make a small volcano out of the mashed 'taters and load that bad boy with gravy !!

4. Don't have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to have other people's food and drink for free. Hello?

5. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's Day ! You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate and that vat of eggnog.

6. Wear something with large pockets in case you come across something really good at the buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies. Eat as many as you can while at the buffet table, daintily put a couple on your plate and grab handfuls for each pocket. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

7. Do not eat the fruitcake. I know, it's somewhat obligatory, but avoid it. I mean, have some standards.

8. Finally, if you don't feel bloated and half in the bag when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read today's tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and a scotch in the other, body thoroughly used up and screaming. "Whoo Hoo, what a ride !"

The Pictures: Finnegan the squirrel is the topic of today's photographs. Debby Cantlon found an infant squirrel, who she cared for and bottle fed. Her unlikely nurse's aide was her pregnant Papillon, Mademoiselle Giselle.

Finnegan, who Ms. Canton plans to release back into the wild upon maturity, was in a nest in his cage just days before Giselle was due to deliver her puppies. Cantlon and her husband watched as Giselle twice dragged Finnegan to her bedside before she gave birth. Canton was concerned, but ultimately allowed Finnegan to remain with Giselle as she delivered her puppies. Two days after giving birth, Giselle encouraged baby Finnegan to suckle along side her five puppies. The pictoral account is an amazing example of inter-species bonding.

This Date In History: 1787;  New Jersey ratifies the U.S. Constitution. 1865; Following its ratification earlier in the month, the 13th Amendment to the Constitution takes effect, ensuring that "neither slavery nor involuntary servitude... shall exist within the United States." 1957; The first full-scale commercial nuclear power station in the United States opens at Shippingport, Pennsylvania. It produces 60,000 kilowatts of electricity. 1958; Project Score, the world's first experimental communications satellite, is launched.

Birthdays: Paul Klee, Swiss Painter, (1879), Ty (Tyrus) Cobb, professional baseball player (1886),  Edwin Armstrong, American inventor and electrical engineer (1890), Keith Richards, member of the Rolling Stones (1943), Steven Spielburg,film director (1946).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

At a motivational seminar, three men are asked to come up to the stage. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and family and friends are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? 

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy says, "I would like to hear them say..........Look ! He's Moving !!"


That's it for today my little Christmas cookies. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !


garnett109 said...

the cartoon was hilarious

ksquester said...

You made me smile today.................thanks Jimmy!   Anne

lanurseprn said...

These pictures were amazing!! Loved the cartoon, too! Hilarious!

mpnaz58 said...

Love the tips!!  I work at a resort/spa, where all of the above would make us cringe...I'll pass it around...after all, it is Christmas!
xoxo ~Myra

bamawmn46 said...

Those are the best Christmas tips I've seen in a long time, Jimmy.... I do love a good vat of egg-nog, don't you??


midwestvintage said...

Love the tips.  I will remember them.  Also I really liked the pictures and the joke today.