When I was small, in the weeks before Santa came, my brother Kirt, sister Jeanne and I would thumb through the Sears Catalog, a virtual encyclopedia of toys and games mixed in with a lot of useless items like refrigerators, stoves, school clothing and the like. It was like a game where on each page we would take turns having first, second and third picks.
Once every page had been scavenged and signed, we would turn the catalog over to Mom and Dad, who would ostensibly submit our choices to Santa. As the days to Christmas grew closer, we would discuss which toy we would play with first.
As Christmas Eve arrived, I vaguely remember Mom and Dad having clandestine meetings behind the car. During their conversation, they would mysteriously open and close the trunk many times (keep in mind, the trunk of a 1954 Buick could and has held several bodies, or didn't you ever go to a drive-in movie).
When we finally were prepared for bed (not sleep), we were instructed not to leave the room, because we might scare Santa away. We could hear the side door open and shut many times, and every time we heard the door, we knew it must be Santa.
Somewhere during that night of anticipation, we made a pact that the first one up would wake the others. Finally, the Sandman arrived to do his work and we drifted off. The next morning (about 5:30-6:00), we awoke and rushed into the living room to see what Santa had brought. As a courtesy to Mom and Dad, we woke them also and both were just flat-ass overjoyed to hear the news.
I pointed out to Mom and Dad that, although it was ok with me, Santa had drank about four or five of Dad's beers and left them strewn about the house. Mom just smiled and said, "It's ok, son, Dad just left them so Santa would have something to drink with his cookies."
Odds and Ends: I was happy to see a recent picture of little Youssif, the Iraqi boy whose face was horribly disfigured by ignorant assholes for no apparent reason. Thanks to donations that have come in from all over the world, he is able to smile and things will look better after some future operations.
Rudy Giuliani, a politician whose campaign carries significant baggage, whose total political ability and speeches consist of a verb, a noun and a 9-11 reference, had his lead drop 13 points today. He checked himself into the hospital shortly thereafter, given a clean bill of health and was released (timing is everything). Way to play the sympathy vote, pal.
Barack O'Bama (is O'Bama an Irish name?) has lost more ground to Hillary Clinton. I wonder when he will figure out that you just can't come off the virtual political sidelines and become starting quarterback?
Jamie Lynn Spears is still pregnant and today, at last, someone on "The View" mentioned the question that I raised when I first became aware of the story, to wit: If the boy is an 18 year old adult and the girl is a 16 year old minor, is that or is it not, statutory rape?
The Pictures: For all of you who have wondered what I want for Christmas (and please, keep it below $100,000), I have posted some ideas for you. Others, who astonishingly may have not wondered what I want, there's more pictures of Santa related objects and thoughts for your immediate review. Then again, there's just pictures that I put in to see if anyone is taking notes. Remember, you never know when there is going to be a pop quiz.
This Date In History: 1790; American cotton producer Samuel Slater opens the first American cotton mill. 1803; France formally transfers authority over the territory of Louisiana to the United States. 1820; Missouri passes legislation that taxes single men, aged 21 to 50, one dollar. 1860; South Carolina becomes the first state to secede from the United States, following the victory of Republican Abraham Lincoln in the presidential election. 1880; In New York City, electric lights are installed on Broadway. 1922; The Union of the Soviet Socialist Republics is formed.
Birthdays: Branch Rickey, American baseball executive (1881), Harvey Firestone, American industrialist (1868), (Jack) John Christiansen, American football player (1928).
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: From My Perfect Martini, the remainder of yesterdays anecdotal post's in which airline flight attendants attempt to make flights more interesting.
11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captaintaxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
20.. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.... OH, My God !" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants !"
A passenger in coach yelled, "That's nothing, you should see the back of mine."
That's it for today my little mall rats. More tomorrow.
Stay Tuned !