Wednesday, December 19, 2007

It's Eggnog for Hump Day Dump Day !

Just think, this time next week you'll be sitting in your favorite chair, bloated, nursing a hangover and trying to balance your checkbook from the red side. At the same time, you'll be trying to decide if you want to fight the traffic again for yet another "day after Christmas sale" or to return the things that didn't fit or that you don't like.

You'll find little messages from your subconscious like, "I don't believe Aunt Ethel go so tipsy yesterday after just one eggnog" or "I'm thinking about seriously crippling my mother-in law for buying the kids that shrieking fire engine truck". The Christmas tree is starting to lilt a little, but it still looks nice. The main reason that it's dry is that your animals used the base as a water dish and for some reason, they now have evergreen breath. Thankfully, the dogs have not used it as a port-o-potty.

There's still scattered boxes and wrappings that you haven't thrown away. Your plan to save all the Christmas tags for thank you cards has gone awry because the men in the family pasted them on each other's foreheads and backs after their third or fourth drink on Christmas day.

Yet, despite the chaos that you're going through, you're pretty content with the fact that everything went well. After all, it's only once a year!

Christmas parties, office and otherwise, are on the agenda this week and the Lord only knows who'll be where, but the residents of AREA 51 will gallantly carry the banner wherever we end up. We'll see ! 

The Pictures: Some crazy critters from my perfect martini are today's focus. Since both she and I qualify for this dubious title, I thought I'd pass them along to you. I've put in some of my stranger ones also to add to the madness.

This Date In History: 1776; Thomas Paine publishes the first installment of "The American Crisis". 1777; The Continental Army under General George Washington enters its winter camp at Valley Forge, twenty miles from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. 1950; U.S. President Harry S. Truman names General Dwight D. Eisenhower to command the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) forces. 1975; The Altair 8800, a do-it-yourself computer kit, goes on sale for $397. 1984; Britain formally agrees to return Hong Kong to China after 99 years under British rule.

Birthdays: Ford Frick, American baseball executive (1895), Leonid Brezhnev, Soviet leader (1906), Edith Piaf, French singer (1915), Cicely Tyson, actress (1933).

Odds and Ends: Nice to see the Spears girls are keeping up the good work. As Britney calms down, 16 year old Jamie Lynn is there to pick up the slack to keep the Spears names high on the all time slut list. Jamie recently announced that she is pregnant by her 18 year old boyfriend. Another fine example to show the 9 to 12 year olds who watch her on the television show, Zoey 101. By the way, if the father is 18 and she's 16, theoretically, isn't that statutory rape? 

                                            

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The following is a two-part series of airline attendant announcements from my pal, Vivian, who also seems to have help create a theme for today's post that "Podium Al" Sharpton would call..., You Must Be Out Of Your Cotton-Picking Mind !

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
 
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
 
2 On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
 
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.
 
4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
 
5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
 
6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
 
7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
 
8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
 
9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
 
10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

                            

That's it for today my little sleigh bell ringers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

7 comments:

garnett109 said...

Ho, Ho, Ho Merry christmas Podium al!

nhd106 said...

Jimmy,
You're on a roll today...you funny guy you!

Nancy

ksquester said...

#11 and #18 are my favorite.   Anne

bamawmn46 said...

Happity Hump Day to you, Jimmy.... Hope it was as fun and squeal-able delightful!

Jackie

luvrte66 said...

It always makes the flight a little more fun when your flight attendants have a sense of humor!

Beth

midwestvintage said...

I think your right, I believe they would call it rape in most states but still, poor kid will be punished enough.  Loved the pics.


             Julie

acoward15 said...

If you were "really bad" you would light the fire!