Some Days You Win, Some Days You Lose - It's The Ones That Get Rained Out That Gets You !

Well, it was bound to happen again, as it has in the past. Yesterday, our hero was dressed to the nines, the scent of cologne wafting in the air. As he mused about Thursday's tentative date with the lovely Rocio, CNN News was starting the 7:00 p.m update, so he sat in his recliner to catch the first ten minutes of the news. Fade to black............

I awoke about 10:30, drooling at the mouth as I am wont to do when sleeping, and wondering who I was and where in the hell was I. As my senses began returning to normal,  I finally realized that I had gently slipped into a coma, possibly due to Tuesday night's dominoes game, but a coma nevertheless.

I pondered for a moment as to whether to press on to my intended destination in AREA 51, but discretion being the better part of valor, I decided it was better to cut bait than fish and reserve my energy for another day. For some reason, I still think with a forty year old mind, but the sorry carcass that carries that youthful mind around town has been rode hard and put away wet too many times. Fear not, my little tater tots, the South will rise again and hopefully the body will follow suit and go along with the plan.

Today's Plan A  has gotten a bit complicated as my evening plans, although tentative, have a new twist. My sweet Nicole called and she is getting together this evening with her sister, Kathy, and they invited me for a drink. As of yet, I have have not spoken to the lovely Rocio, with whom I am supposed to meet this evening for happy hour. This one may go down to the wire. We'll see.

I have been following the current situation in Texas, where three hundred plus children have been taken away from their mothers and are currently being held until the current investigation to the Church Of What's Happening Now  (or whatever it's called) has been resolved.

I normally leave each person to his own religion and it's a subject I usually don't bring up in normal conversation. I'm not really sure of what is happening with this sect or group (or whatever..), but I lean towards the children remaining with their mothers and the ones that should be doing some 'splaining are the men. 

I happened to see an interview of some of these women today and it seems to me, if I were a member of this group, that I'd being looking for an organization where the women were a little less homely. That particular feature notwithstanding, all those beauties spoke as if they had recently purchased and used the Sears do-it-yourself lobotomy kit. 

The Pictures: Birds of a feather...... That's todays theme and I've got some new pics mixed in with some of my favorites for your viewing pleasure. Of course, you realize that, as per my wont, there are always variations on a theme. 

This Date In History: 1492; Christopher Columbus signs a contract with Spain, giving him a commission to seek a westward passage to Asia. 1861; The Virginia convention votes to secede from the Union and join the Confederacy. 1961; U.S.-backed Cuban exiles land at the Bay of Pigs to overthrow Fidel Castro's government; the mission is thwarted and the invaders killed or captured. 1964; The Ford Motor Company unveils its new car, theMustang. 1969; Sirhan Sirhan is convicted of assassinating Senator Robert F. Kennedy in June 1968.

Birthdays: Nikita Khruschev, Soviet prime minister (1894), Thornton Wilder, author and Pulitzer Prize winner for his novel, "Our Town" (1897).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: I have run this particular joke in the past, but it always makes me laugh, so here it is once more.....

New Prescription For Women!

BUYAGRA: Stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-oticfor older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You look absolutely gorgeous. Can we get naked now?"

ST. MOM'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering kids unconscious for up to six hours.

EMPTY NESTROGEN: Highly effective supplement that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

PEPTO-BIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

DUMMEROL: When taken with Pepto-bimbo, can cause lowering of IQ, causing enjoyment of loud country music and cheap beer.

FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number.

RAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, savingthe wifethe time and trouble of doing it herself.

DAMMITOL: Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for 8 hours!

                      

That's it for today my little pigeon toes. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Tax Day Has Passed - Let's Party !

Happy Hump Day to everyone on this bright and sunny Wednesday. I strayed from my normal Tuesday routine and went over to see my pal, Emilio, to play some games of dominoes....and I killed him ! Don't fret my little snow bunnies, his death was figurative, not literal. The last time we played, he absolutely destroyed me and payback was very pleasant.

Hump Day means I'll be off on my usual evening trek to AREA 51, most probably at Lakes Cafe and Pub. I feel a little more adventurous than I normally do, so chances are I'll make the rounds tonight, diagnosing and taking care of any and all worldly and social problems. Tax day's passed, now it's time to console some of my favorite tax payers.

Speaking of Lakes Cafe, my pal and oft times singing partner, the lovely Gipsy, will be hosting the Karaoke show on Friday and Saturday ! Yes, my little vocalists, Saturday has been added to Lakes Cafe for Karaoke, so put on your singing hats and come on over and visit us on Friday and Saturday. You'll have a great time, I guarantee it !

Odds And Ends: They've been studying parking habits of the male and female species to determine how quick a parking lot fills up when a sale has been announced. Here's a picture of the ladies parking lot.

                     

What can I say?

The Pictures: Today's pics are varied, basically because I've gotten scads of singletons hanging around and they're pretty good so take a look.

This Date In History: 1912; Pilot Harriet Quimby becomes the first woman to fly across the English Channel. 1917; Vladimir Lenin returns to Russia after years of exile to lead the radical socialist Bolshevik party to power during the October Revolution. 1962; Broadcast journalist Walter Cronkite becomes anchor of the CBS Evening News. 1999; Hockey star, Wayne Gretzky, announces his retirement from professional hockey.

Birthdays: My Perfect Martini - Have A Great One, my love (19XX),  Anatole France, novelist (1844), Wilbur Wright, aeronautical engineer and pilot, (1867), Charley Chaplin, English motion-picture actor, director and producer (1889), Sir Peter Ustinov, actor, director, producer and writer (1921).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My pal, Victor sent me this very important information about the dreaded.....

Ed Zachary Disease

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid that she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Wang Chang.

So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "Ok, take off your crose." The woman did as she was told. Dr. Chang said, "Now, get down and  craw reery, reery, fass to odderside of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, "Ok, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." The woman did what he said.

Dr. Changshook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary disease, dat why you haf no sex o dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass."

I'll probably have a drink tonight with either my spiritual advisor, Johnny Walker Black or his associate. Mr. Dewars. In either case, we are all in agreement with the following poster....

                        

I can assure that they're right. Whether Iimbibe or not, there's not a snowball's chance in hell that my lips would get within a ten foot pole's distance away from these beauties.

That's it for today my little glow worms. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Jimmy's Handy Dandy Guide To Today's Tax Deadline !

Today is April 15th, tax day, and I'm here to help you with tax information, ideas and tips. First and foremost, we can thank George Bush for making it easier for people to do taxes this year. No job, no income, thus, no income taxes due this year. Bush, himself, is saving a lot on taxes this year, he's writing off his entire second term.

There are two forms that you use when filing your taxes, the short form and the long form. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the accountant gets your money.

Keep in mind that there are additional deductions for the blind. Just remember to check the box marked blind as you fill out your return. 

Everybody is doing their part to make the 12:00 deadline tonight. The IRS is staying open until late, the post office is accepting tax returns until the last minute and even the hookers are helping. For an extra $50.00, they will handle your extension.

It is necessary to know how to spend your $600 tax rebate when you receive it so that the money stays in economic circulation. If you spend it at Walmart, all the money will go to China. If you spend it on computers, all the money will go to Korea or India. If you spend the money on gasoline, all the money will go to the Arabs. None of these scenarios will help the U.S. economy.

Therefore the only way to invest the money in the United States is wine, women and song, which I highly recommend.

There you have it my little pencil sharpeners, Jimmy's handy, dandy tips for income tax evas...., er, preparation. You'll thank me later !

The Pictures: This being tax day, I thought I'd just throw in a few serene photographs aimed at repairing your mental health after the tax day lobotomy.

This Date In History: 1865; President Abraham Lincoln dies after being shot the previous night at Forbes Theater in Washington, D.C. Vice President Andrew Johnson is sworn in as president. 1912; The British luxury liner Titanic sinks after colliding with an iceberg. It is among the worst maritime disasters in history, with over 1,500 dead. 1947; Jackie Robinson becomes the first Black in the 20th century to play in a major league baseball game. 1986; In retaliation for the terrorist bombing of a Berlin discotheque, the United States launches an air raid against Li, killing nearly 40 people. 1990; The enigmatic Swedish film actress Greta Garbo dies in New York.

Birthdays: Leonardo Da Vinci, Florentine artist, painter, sculptor, architect, engineer and scientist (1452), Bessie Smith, blues singer (1894), Evelyin Ashford, track and field athlete (1957).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My pal, Garnett, never fails to send me something of interest and today it's......

The Blind Salesman

A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She is unsure of what to buy, so she grabs the closest one and takes it to a salesman wearing dark glasses at the counter.

She says, "Excuse me sir, can you tell the price of this rod and reel?" The salesman relies, "Madam, I'm completely blind, but if you'll just drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything by the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway.

The salesman says, "That's a six foot Shakespeare graphite rodwith an Abu Garcia reel. It's a good combination and it's on sale this week for $40.00"

The woman says, "It's amazing that you can know all that just by the sound of it hitting the counter. I'll take it." As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. She bends down to pick up the card and accidentally passes wind.

At first, she is really embarrassed, but then realizes that there is no way that the blind clerk could tell it was she that tooted, since he couldn't know if there were other people near the counter.

The clerk rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $54.50" Confused, the woman says, "I thought you said the rod and reel was $40.00?"

The clerk responds, "Yes Ma'am, the rod and reel is $40.00, the duck call is $11.00, and the catfish bait is $3.50"

And From Jimmy's Corner

A man who was called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice. The account told him. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you're a pauper."

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his Rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.

"Let me tell you a story," replied the Rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.'

But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a v-neck right down to your navel."

The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"  The Rabbi replied, "No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed.

That's it for today my little tax dodgers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, AREA 51, pshemmingway, Jimmys Handy Dandy Tax Tips, My Perfect Martini, Possums Journal, Jimmys Pictures, Jimmys-MySpace, The Hits Just Keep On Coming, Jimmys AREA 51, ham and eggs, Stay Tuned, Jimmys Journal

Same 'Ol, Same 'Ol - It's Monday !

I was all over the place on Friday, starting with happy hour at The Alibi, formerly Krystel's Restaurant and Lounge. I stopped by to see Pepe, the owner, and to see how the club was progressing. I stayed for a bit and from there, I went to a little place called El Burrito (the little burro) to see my pal, Estevez, perform. I used to perform with Estevez when he played at Krystel's.

Estevez was in great form, as usual, and I stayed to listened to one set, while sipping Dewars and talking to the lovely little bartender. After I was sure she wasn't buying my story of my being a former POW in Vietnam, I packed up and headed to Lakes Cafe. I actually was captured once and put in handcuffs, but enough about the Las Vegas strip.

Lakes Cafe was packed when I got there, and I actually spent a pleasant and somewhat uneventful evening there, arriving home around 1:30 a.m. All things considered, I'm relatively sure that I was a good boy.

The CAT Award: The nominees for the last week's Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award were; 1) Aaron Fike, nominated by Garnett. Fike, a NASCAR Nationwide Series racer, recently admitted to using heroin last year prior to driving a race in the Craftsman Truck Series. 2) Adam, Sheila and Ryan of Big Brother, nominated by Sherry.

I'm aware of the recent admission of drug use by Fike, but I must admit I know nothing of Big Brother. All things considered, and keeping in mind that Big Brother is a television reality show, the judges have decided that the winner of the CAT Award is Aaron Fyke. Way to ruin your career and endanger the lives of other racers, Aaron. You 'da man !

The Pictures: My pal, Garnett, sent me some neat pictures of a bear made completely of pine needles and some really nice pictures of antler carvings. Pamela sent me some interesting pictures in which there are hidden pictures. Take a look.  

This Date In History: 1828; American lexicographer Noah Webster published the first edition of his dictionary under the title American Dictionary of the English Language. 1865; Confederate malcontent John Wilkes Booth shoots President Abraham Lincoln at Ford's Theater in Washington, D.C.; Lincoln dies the next morning. 1910; President William Taft starts an American tradition, throwing out the first ball on opening day of the major league baseball season. 1912; The Titanic strikes an iceberg four days into its maiden voyage; over 1,500 passengers drown when the ship sinks early the next morning.

Birthdays: Sir John Gieldgud, actor, director and producer (1904), Rod Steiger, actor, (1925), Loretta Lynn, singer (1935), Pete Rose, professional baseball player (1941).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My pal, Garnett sent me some interesting information about...

The Blind Bunny

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop, right on his twitchy little nose. 'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.'

The snake said, "That's ok, it was probably my fault. I didn'tmean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?'

'Well, I really don't know,' said The bunny said, I really don't know. I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!'

The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?' The snake repliedthat he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, 'Well, what kind of an animal am I?'

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, 'You're cold, you're slippery, and you haven't got any balls....You're either an attorney or a politician.

That's it for today my little cashew nuts. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, AREA 51, pshemmingway, Jimmys-MySpace, Stay Tuned !, Possums Journal, My Perfect Martini, Jimmys Journal, Possums Journal, ham and cheese, Possums Videos, Jimmys Videos, Jimmys Pictures

On The Road Again !

Today's plan is to employ alternate Plan B as my guide to today's excursion to AREA 51, ostensibly at Lakes Cafe, but one never knows, do one? The reasoning behind this decision is based on Plan A, which I employed on Wednesday's jaunt, and which created havoc not only to my mental and bodily health, but also forcing me to postpone my intended Thursday evening rendezvous with the lovely Rocio.

Fortunately, she too, had partied the previous evening with friends and thus allowed us to mutually agree to move the engagement to next week.

But fear not my little alley cats, for I will carry the banner forward, representing AREA 51 with honor, for neither rain, nor snow, nor..(that's the post office, dummy! Oh yeah, I forgot).... never mind !

Suspected Murderer Captured In Mexico: Cesar Laurean, the Marine corporal suspected of murdering fellow Marine, Lance Corporal Maria Lauterbach and her unborn fetus, was captured last evening and is currently being held for extradition by Mexican authorities.

Laurean has not yet waived extradition and American authorities said they will take all necessary legal steps to extradite him. If convicted, Laurean will not face the death penalty as the terms of extradition from Mexico cite that that option cannot be applied.

The CAT Award: There have been no nominations for the Cat's Ass Trophy thus far. Nominations are open until Mondays at noon.

Random Thought And Musings: You know that you're getting Old Timer's disease when the phone rings and you pick the TV remote control to answer the call.... Paris Hilton was spotted coming out of a trendy Beverly Hills restaurant clutching her chihuahua. She was also carrying a small dog.... In London, they're selling a type of coffee that goes for $100 per cup. What's the attraction? They feed the unground beans to a civet cat and when the beans pass through the cat, they're roasted, ground and brewed. I've heard the term "that's shitty coffee" before, so I assume this one's called "Shitty Kitty Coffee."

The Pictures: It's raining cats and dogs !

This Date In History: 1951; U.S. president Harry S. Truman relives General Douglas MacArthur from his command during the Korean War after the general publicly criticized the administration's war policy. 1970; Apollo blasts off toward the moon; an explosion two days later forces astronauts to abort the mission and make a daring return to Earth. 1979; Idi Amin is overthrown as president of Uganda; during his brutal regime, an estimated 300,000 civilians were killed.

Birthdays: George Canning, British prime minister (1770), Edward Everett, U.S. statesman, educator and orator (1794), Charles Evans Hughes, chief justice of the U.S. Supreme Court (1862), Dean Acheson, secretary of state under Harry S. Truman (1893).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Three Guys In A Sauna

Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Texan were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager,"he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Texan felt decidedly low tech, but not to be undone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.

The Texan said, "Well, dang-it, would you look at that, I'm getting a fax."

That's it for today my little jelly beans. Have a great and safe weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, AREA 51, pshemmingway, My Perfect Martini, Jimmys-MySpace, Stay Tuned, CAT Award, Cat's Ass Trophy, Jimmys Pictures, Jimmys Journal, Possums Journal, Jimmys Pictures, The Hits Hust Keep On Coming, TheAlibi-Miami, Lakes Cafe and Pub

Thursdays Always Come Too Early !

Since I always seem to be getting home at that hour anyway, I asked the paperboy if he was hiring anyone part time for Thursday and Saturday mornings, but he just smiled and indicated that he thought the route would be a little too difficult for me.

My cat, Shithead, was patiently waiting for me to get home this morning because I was low on cat food when I left for AREA 51 last evening. For some reason, I thought I'd get home early, but I bought his cat food first, just in case. Predictably, it turned out to be good idea because I didn't leave Lakes Cafe and Pub until late (as in people were leaving to go to work).

He still had a little food left in his dish, but when it gets low, he just looks at it like one looks at leftovers at the dinner table. I gave him the old "people in China are starving" routine, but he told me to ship the crap to China, 'cept he didn't say crap.

There's this thing going on over at the Magic Smoke journal and the idea is to add a caption to a picture that they post. I rather like the idea, so I posted the following caption to this picture:

                                    

                       "Ok, I get the 'bright-eyed' part, but 'bushy-tailed'?"

What I really wanted to post was "I wonder what she meant when she said that I must have posed for the CAT Award?" Then, I figured the only people who would get it would be you guys, so I didn't post it.

The game evidently goes on every Wednesday and it looks like fun. They only thing I have to remember to do is make a post there on Wednesday, because if I wait until Thursday (like I did today), my thinking isn't quite clear, especially after last night's "excursion" to AREA 51, if you get my drift.

The Pictures: Today's theme is flowers because I've been stea.., borrowing pictures from Nancy and Julie and Beth and........, well, just take a gander at some of these shots.

This Date In History: 1790; The first U.S. patent law, protecting inventions against piracy, is approved. 1866; The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) is founded in New York. 1912; The British luxury liner Titanic sets off on it's maiden voyage across the Atlantic Ocean; five days later it sinks after hitting an iceberg. 1925; The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald is published; it will become one of the most important novels of the 20th century.

Birthdays: William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army (1829), Joseph Pulitzer, journalist and newspaper publisher (1847), Claire Booth Luce, playwright and legislator (1903), Omar Sharrif, actor (1932), Paul Theroux, novelist and writer (1941).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: More of Brother Kirt's sage advice....

Kirt's Facts Of Life Part - Deaux

1) There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 2) Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 3) By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 4) Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 5) It ain't the jeans that makes your butt too fat. 6) There's a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness. 7) Never trust a naked bus driver. 8) You will never find a compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 9) Never say anything to woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you actually see a baby coming out of her at that particular moment! 10) The one thing that unites all humans is that we ALL think we are above average drivers. 11) Always remember that a lone amateur built the Ark and a group of professionals built the Titanic. 12) Never lick a steak knife.

                              

That's it for today my little ginger bread cookies. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmys's Journal, JimSulliv3, AREA 51, pshemmingway, Lakes Cafe and Pub, my perfect martini, Jimmys Pictures, ham and cheese, Jimmys Videos, Possums Videos, ham and eggs, Flower Pictures, Jimmys Journal,

Tag ! I'm It ? Well, You Asked For It, You've Got It !

I've been tagged so many times this week that I feel like a sailfish in a tag and release fishing tournament. I was tagged by Beth, Garnett and Julie (plus a little sweetheart in AREA 51, but she was playing a different game). I don't play these type of games normally because I usually don't have any lucid answers, but I'm going to give it my best shot !

As I understand it, the rules are that you answer the questions and then you "tag" five people to continue the game. Since it is a "pyramid" type game, sooner or later there's no one else to tag, so I will forego naming anyone. Suffice to say that almost every journal that I read on a daily basis has been tagged, speared, hooked, gaffed or hoodwinked (hoodwinked? Shut up!).

There are probably some more rules, but I'm just going to answer the questions. Keep in mind that I reserve my Miranda Rights and my answers are tentative until approved by my attorney or Jessica Simpson.

What Were You Doing Ten Years Ago? Right ! If the question pertains to my real estate business, I was running it. Otherwise, since Old Timer's disease runs rampant, I'm going to assume I was up to no good in AREA 51 at either the Penthouse Cafe or Delaney Street Restaurant and Lounge.

What Are The 5 Things On My To-Do List Today ? Assuming you're not referring to anyone on my amorous side, pay some bills, buy two new shirts, call my lovely Rocio to see if we're still on for tomorrow, finish my journal and ease on down, ease on down the road to AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe and Pub. 

Snacks I Enjoy 1) Dark, expensive chocolate 2) Dark chocolate cake with fresh strawberries that have been diced and sugared, then left overnight (ala strawberry shortcake) 3) Potato chips (every kind) 4) Flan 5) Guava shells in heavy syrup (just like peaches or pears) with Philadelphia cream cheese. Did I mention chocolate ?

What Would You Do If You Were A Billionaire ? Solve world hunger (It's not the Miss Universe pageant ! Oh yeah,... right !) 1) Resolve all financial problems for my family and friends. 2) Rent the penthouse at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas for a month, invite all my family, friends, members of AREA 51, my journalists friends and my ex mother-in-law to come (all expenses paid) and get down and party ! This would be an annual occurrence. Why my ex-mother-in-law ? Someone's got to clean up after all that partying ! Just kidding..., I'd hire someone to help her.

Bad Habits Carousing, flirting, drinking, dancing, smoking, eating anything that I fancy, sleeping late, short tempered.... (I think that'll about cover it ! Ya think ?). 

Five Places I Have Lived Excluding Miami, where I was born and raised, and assuming I can omit the night a lady flew me to Las Vegas fortwo weeks, the following were the compliments of Uncle Sam's fine U.S. Army (1966-71), where I served as a combat medic.

1) Fort Polk Louisiana, the nearest city's name I do not recall. I do know, however, if they ever give the world an enema, that location is where the will insert the tube ! 2) Fort Sam Houston, Texas, located in or near San Antonio. Like Marty Robbins' hit song, "El Paso", I, too, fell in love with a Mexican maiden. but I wasn't killed. Shot at, yes, but not killed.

Jobs I Have Had You have no idea ! I started out as a child. Other jobs in chronological order include, warehouse worker, baker, laborer, carpenter, gambler, soldier, musician, guitar player, keyboard player, singer, insurance salesman, real estate broker and part time lover.

People I Want To Know About: Once again, I assume that you're not referring to my current campaigns in AREA 51. Quite frankly, I enjoy learning more each day about my journal friends and their escapades. I had a good time doing this and I hope I did it right.

Ok, now that that's done, I've got cabin fever and I am definitely ready to head to AREA 51  for the Hump Day festivities.

The Pictures: Faces and places. 

This Date In History: 1865; Confederate General Robert E. Lee surrenders his troops to Union General Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox, Virginia, paving the way for the end of the Civil War. 1959; NASA announces the selection of America's first seven astronauts, chosen to participate in the Mercury program, the Nation's first manned space program. 1968; Slain civil rights leader, Martin Luther King, Jr., is buried in Atlanta, Georgia. 1970; Paul McCartney announces the official breakup of the Beatles.

Birthdays: Paul Robeson, singer and actor (1898), Gregory Pincus, biologist (1903), Sir Robert Helpmann, actor and dancer (1909), Jean-Paul Belmondo, French actor (1933).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Brother Kirt sent me some sage advice and although he's my younger brother, I found his points to be valid.

Kirt's Facts Of Life - Part I

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative the same night. Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it very often. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. A balanced diet is a chocolate chip cookie in each hand. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. Middle age is when the broadness of the mind and the narrowness of the waist changes places. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

                           

That's it for today my little banjo players. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmys Journal, Possums Journal, AREA 51, Jimmy's Journal, ham and cheese, pshemmingway, The Hits Just Keep On Coming, blogplugs, Lakes Cafe

Whether You Stayed Home From School Or Called In Sick to Work, You Watched This Show !

Without a doubt, everyone has managed a way to stay home from school or call in sick to work, at least once in their lifetime. There is one television show that everyone has seen at least once on those particular days. That television show is "The Price Is Right".

This game show, hosted by Bob Barker, is probably the first time that you realized that you talk to yourself and to the television too. You know you do !

Starting with that famous cry, "Murray Goldstein, Come On Down! You're The Next Contestant on The Price Is Right !" And come down he did, a 110 year old man, wearing a yellow shirt with the obligatory "Best Buy" name tag and blue Bermuda shorts. Murray walks so slowly down the aisle that the pages are taking bets as to whether he will make it or have a coronary.

Murray finally arrives in contestant's row, which is already occupied by Gladys, a heavy Hispanic woman with huge breasts, Staci, a beautiful blonde "college coed" with the IQ of a frog, and Joe, the construction worker sporting a plethora of unsightly tattoos and resembles someone you either know or have seen on adult videos.

Barker's Beauties show the next prize to be bid on, which is a "a new electric floor mop", to which the contestants jump and scream for joy at such a wonderful prize. And the bidding begins.

Murray bids $150. Gladys, who has to look to the audience for a hint because evidently she has never purchased an electric floor mop before, bids $200. The sly Joe, who has fallen in love with the lovely Staci, bids $201. It's now Staci's bid.

This is when you start talking to yourself and the television. "$202 ! $202!", you cry out. Staci smiles and says "$1,000" and begins to jump up and down, satisfied with her bid. You cry out loudly, "you're a dumb ass, Staci !" and Joe wins the prize.

The games begin ! The mountain climber, the tic-tac-toe game, the dice game, three strikes, and the one we all wait for....., Plinko !

Contestants come and go and it's time for the Big Wheel, which weighs 37,000 pounds. Two contestants have their spin and then Murray attempts to spin the wheel and almost is sucked under the wheel. Bob Barker helps him and then it's on to the Showcase Showdown.

You guessed it..., it's Murray and Staci, who gets to bid or pass on the first Showcase. The first Showcase is a Cadillac, $10,000 in cash, a new boat, and cruise around the world. Staci blankly stares to her fellow "college coeds" in the audience and in one painful instant, passes the showcase to Murray.

Now you have left your chair screaming at the blonde bimbo for passing the best prize, because you know very well that at least one showcase has to have a living room group, carpeting, a hammer and a year's supply of Exlax. Murray grasps his heart, overbids by $200,000 and Staci wins her showcase. Bob Barker gets her phone number.

Remember folks, always have some of your friends spayed or neutered !

The Pictures: Shots from "The Price Is Right." 

This Date In History: 1652; Cape Town in South Africa is founded by Jan van Riebeck as a supply post for the Dutch East India Company. 1973: Spanish Painter and sculptor Pablo Picasso dies in his villa in France at age 91. 1974; In Atlanta, Georgia, baseball great Hank Aaron hits his 715th career home run breaking the record previously held by Babe Ruth.

Birthdays: Buddha, founder of Buddhism (563 BC), Mary Pickford, actor and motion-picture producer, nicknamed "America's Sweatheart" (1893), Sonja Henie, ice skater and actress (1912), Jim "Catfish" Hunter, professional baseball player (1946).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: I get a lot of jokes from my pals on a daily basis and I thought I'd share a few with you.

From Anne: Judge to prostitute, "..and when did you realize that you had been raped?" Prostitute, "When the check bounced!"

From Gipsy: Question; "Hillary and Obama were riding in a boat going down the river. The boat capsized. Who was saved?" Answer; "America!"

From Jackie: Question; "What can a bird do that man cannot?" Answer; "Whistle through his pecker."

From Garnett: Question; "Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?" Answer; "Because every Mexican that can run, jump or swim is already in the United States."

From Vivian: "God gave me two choices...I could either have a great memory or be great in bed.... Shit ! Now I forgot what I was going to tell you...."

From my Perfect Martini: First man, "My wife's an angel!" Second Man, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

From brother Kirt: The next time you're on a plane and someone is annoying you, try this; 1) Quietly open your laptop. 2) Make sure the person who is annoying you can see the screen. 3) Close your eyes, tilt your head up to the sky and move your lips as if you are praying.

Then run this screen.

That's it for today my little cotton pickers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, AREA 51, pshemmingway, Jimmys-MySpace, ham and cheese, Jimmys Journal, My Perfect Martini, Jimmys Pictures, Stay Tuned, ham and eggs, Possums journal, The Price is Right, Bob Barker

Manic Monday - Ya Gotta Start Somewhere !

I partied rather hardy in AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe and Pub Friday night. Oddly enough, Plan A was "just to chill", but to quote Sidney Sheldon, "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." My mentor and spiritual advisor, Johnny Walker Black, suggested that we go with "Alternate Plan B" and away we went.

My pal, Gipsy, hosted the karaoke show and that was one of the main reasons I went to Lakes Cafe. I wasn't in very good voice, but I sang a couple of songs anyway. It was good to see Hector and Lourdes there. Actually, I didn't really see them and I received a call from them on my cell phone. I told them I was at Lakes Cafe and asked where they were. The said, "we're sitting across the bar from you."

What can I tell you, it was dark (that's my story and I'm sticking to it). I arrived home at a respectable hour and Friday's foray to AREA 51 was officially a complete game with no hits, no runs, no errors and nobody left on bar...er, base.

                                                      

The Cat's Ass Trophy Mark A. Castillo, from Rockville, Maryland was nominated for the CAT Award by Jackie. Castillo picked up his three children, ages six, four and two, from his estranged wife and drowned them in a bathtub at a hotel. My only hope is that he gets what he deserves in the penitentiary.

Odds And Ends: My buddy got pulled over this weekend by a Florida Highway Patrol officer who had Alzheimer's Disease. When he pulled off the road, the trooper walked up to his car and said "Do I know why I pulled you over?"

The Pictures: I was browsing through my photograph portfolio and I came across this picture. I do not know how credible the story is, but the thought is certainly beautiful. If the story is actually true, then it is more beautiful indeed.

                      

The picture is from an article entitled "Rescue Hug", entailing the first week in the life of twins. It seems that each twin was put in their respective incubators and one was not expected to live.

A hospital nurse fought against the hospital rules and placed the babies in one incubator. When they were placed together, the healthier of the two threw her arm over her sister. The smaller baby's heart stabilized and her temperature rose to normal.

The final thought of the article was "let us not forget to embrace those whom we love." That works for me ! Nuff said !

I picked out some of my more interesting pictures for your perusal.

This Date In History: 1919; The Original Dixieland Jazz Band, the first jazz band to record its music, makes its debut in London, England; its song "Tiger Rag" becomes popular. 1940: Educator Booker T. Washington becomes the first Black pictured on a U.S. postage stamp. 1948; The World Health Organization, an agency of the United Nations dedicated to improving worldwide health, come into existence. 1949; Rodgers and Hammerstein's musical play "South Pacific", opens on Broadway; it earns a Pulitzer Prize the following year. 1980; U.S. president Jimmy Carter breaks off diplomatic relations with Iran during the hostage crisis.

Birthdays: Saint Francis Xavier, Jesuit missionary (1506), William Wordsworth, poet (1700), Billie Holiday, nee Eleanora Fagan, jazz-blues singer (1915), Ravi Shankar, sitarist and composer (1920), Francis Ford Coppola, director (1939).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:     The Gift Of Gloves

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note -- romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:

Darling,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my Love,
Hollingsworth

P.S The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

That's it for today my little bacon bits. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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