Chico's Las Vegas Act ! **Post Script: Rosie Fat Ass**

So, who's Chico, you ask? Chico is Dr. Marcos' Siberian Husky and also my nephew. When his Dad goes out of town, I have to take care of him, so we're pals. Chico weighs around 100 pounds and he can take you for a walk if you let him. So, out of sheer boredom, we produced this video. Chico does the acting and I am the director. As anyone can plainly see, I have not mastered the camera part, but I try and if you squint, it's ok. Chico wants to do a sequel and we are currently in negotiations with 18th Century Fox as to the next production. We are currently arranging the financing and looking for investors as the current projected costs may well surpass $19.85 (plus dog food and scotch). ENJOY THE VIDEO.

The Pictures: Possum S. Hemmingway, my cat.

This Date In History: 1863; The fire extinguisher is invented by it's creator, Alonson Crane. Since it's invention, I've been putting out fires as long as I can remember (add your own caption). 1998; Champion figure skater, Peggy Flemming, successfully undergoes breast-cancer surgery.

Birthdays: Dame Judith Anderson (1898), Leontyne Price, operatic soprano (1927), Peter III, Czar of Russia (1728), Lon Chaney, the Wolfman (1907), Greg Norman, golfer (1955), Possum S. Hemingway (2003)........just seeing if you read this. Possum's birthday really is today (according to his Mom). 

This Just In: Talk about timing, check out Rosie Fat Ass' remarks about Anna Nicole Smith a couple of days prior to her death. She had some nasty things to say about Ms. Smith, including her son's death and Anna's daughter. You can go AOL news and click the link to Viral Videos. I'm trying to see if I can download it, but as of now, I have been unable to do so. I will find a way, even if I have to quote her. Needless to say, her continual brainfarts, only insure her coming demise.

 

Post Script: I see that you tube has pulled this video. I'll search to see if I can find a copy (I should have copied it). Essentially, she said she was tired of hearing Ms. Smith and generally was derogatory, referring to her word slurring and alleged use of drugs. Condescending as always, Rosie Fat Ass should consider her own persona or lack thereof, and use her brief time on the view to better herself first and then work on others.

 

Post Post Script: I found the Director's Cut. I know it's redundant, but I wanted to show you that the first video was pulled either by You Tube or the author. Subsequently, I went to the source and got the Director's Cut. Let's see if they pull this one! Comments appreciated!

That's it for today, my little Huskies. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub, Comedy, Possum S. Hemingway, Chico, ham and cheese, Rosie Fat Ass, Diesel Truck Driver, lobotomys, the sexlifeofafricanantelopes, what?, you heard me!

Anna Nicole Smith Dies and The Vultures Circle !

The death of Anna Nicole Smith is very sad, but even sadder is all of the cockroaches that come out of the woodwork, since Anna Nicole's child, Danielynn, now comes with a potential inheritance of over 400 million dollars.

Cockroach "A", attorney and alleged husband, Howard K. Stern, a recent graduate of the Anna Nicole Smith School of How To Screw Someone Out Of Their Money (which is redundant because being an attorney, in and of itself, would suffice), is very concerned about the child's welfare. Cockroach "B", photographer Larry Birkhead, insists that the child is his. Cockroach "C", the estranged sister of Anna Nicole is very concerned about her "niece's" welfare.

I wonder if these insects would be as concerned if the child didn't come with an estate of 400 million dollars? This deal will be in the courts for another ten years (and the barracudas continue to feed).

The Pictures: Anna Nicole Smith (I tried to select pictures that weren't degrading because on AOL alone there were 54 pictures).

This Date In History: 1950;  Senator Joseph McCarthy claims the State Department has been infiltrated by Communists. He is later censured for his tactics.  1964;  Ed Sullivan presents the Beatles on his weekly variety show, helping to advance the careers of the "Fab Four". 1971;  Satchel Paige is inducted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

Fridays are great because I get to see my friends! Join me at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub for happy hour today. Kenny starts performing at 6:00 p.m..

Birthdays: William Henry Harrison, ninth President of the United States (1773), Dean Rusk, statesman (1909), Carmen Miranda, dancer and singer (1909).  

This Just In: An Asian gentleman was at the currency exchange at his bank, exchanging yen for dollars. He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty dolla. Why it change?"

The teller shrugged and said, "Fluctuations".

The Asian man replied, "Fluc you white people, too!"

That's it for today my little currency changers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub, Comedy, Anna Nicole Smith, cockroaches, ham and cheese, grits, Possum S. Hemmingway's Journal, Perfect Martini's,

I Feel The Need For Speed !

The Daytona Speed Weeks get down to business this Saturday, with the ARCA race on Speed at 4:00 and the Bud Shootout at 8:00 p.m. On FOX. For those of you that have never watched a Nascar Race, try it, you'll like it. Need more? The Daytona 500 is a 500 mile race around a 2.5 mile banked super speedway, with 43 cars, sometimes three abreast,  attaining speeds of nearly 200 m.p.h.  The race will be televised Sunday afternoon, February 18, on FOX. That, my friends, will be interesting. If you'd like more information go to www.nascar.com .

The Pictures: Dale Earnhardt Jr, will be one of the entries in Saturday's Bud Shootout at Daytona International Speedway.

This Date In History: 1915; The silent motion picture, "Birth Of A Nation", directed by D.W.Griffith opens to mixed, but popular reaction in Los Angeles. 1959; Charles De Gaulle, the President of the newly formed Fifth Republic of France, takes office.

The Karaoke party at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub was crazy last night. Good to see Frantz back as emcee and congratulations to Frantz and his lady on the birth of their baby girl. Emilio did his always good job and was featured in a couple of solos. I had several requests, but I sang anyway.

Birthdays: William Tecumsah Sherman, general (1820), Lana Turner (1920).

A Word To The Wise: Gentlemen, do yourselves a favor and start planning what you're going to get your lady for Valentines Day now and make sure you make dinner reservations now, preferably at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub. Take my advice, guys and I promise you your chances of living another day will be excellent!

This Just In: In an effort to stop the spread of the Bird Flu, President George Bush bombed the Canary Islands.

That's it for today my little speed freaks. More tomorrow. 

Post Script: Late Entries, Cryptic and Blatant Hellos, Et Cetera; Chill my glass, I'm ready for my Perfect Martini, Cristina, where's Carmen?, Lito, thanks for the soccer help!,  Carrie, you'd better have plans to see me, soon! Thank you toot tones!, Lourdes and Hector, where the hell are you? SusiQ, did you get my message last night?

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub, Comedy, Nascar, Daytona, Budweiser, and a redneck chick in tight shorts, who said that?, pressed ham, ham and cheese, green eggs, Lisa Nowak, Let her be!, Valentines Day is Coming 

The Sharks and Barracudas Move In ! Sensationalist Media Bastards !

Lisa Nowak, the astronaut, who, now, allegedly tried to murder a female rival in a love triangle has been released on bond after two, count 'em, two hearings.  To begin, I believe the lady needs some help, but let's take a gander at her modus operandi. An educated woman, thus I'm given an insight as to her capabilities to plan things, was to attempt to kidnap and then murder her rival using a can of mace and a BB gun.

How does one kidnap a person on foot? Assuming that's possible, what are you going to do, mace her and then shoot her repeatedly with a BB gun, while wearing rubber gloves? Give me a break! Ok, charge her with assault and battery, then send her on her way, right? Wrong, astronaut breath!

If this was Jane Doe and this crap happened, she would have been charged with asault and battery, and that's it! The media bastards who obviously had a bad news day, ran the shit up the flagpole. She was the main subject of Larry King's program last night. I guess Larry has forgotten his little scandal in Miami during his radio days. Oh, you didn't know that?

The Pictures: Frankie Laine, one of the most popular entertainers during the 1950's, died yesterday at the age of 93. Frankie's recordings sold over 100 million songs with 20 gold records, including "That Lucky Old Sun", "Mule Train" and "I believe" 

This Date In History: 1884; The last sanctioned bare knuckles fight is fought in Mississippi City, Mississippi. John L. Sullivan retains his heavyweight crown defeating Jack Kilrain. 1964; British rock group, The Beatles, arrive at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York City to begin their 1st U.S. tour. 1986: Jean-Claude Duvalier leaves the Presidency of Haiti and flees to France.

It's Wednesday and that means Karaoke night at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub. Frantz will be back tonight to emcee the show. Happy Houris from 4-7 p.m. and Karaoke starts at 6:00 p.m. Hope to see you there.

Birthdays: John Deere, inventor (1804), Charles Dickens, English novelist (1812), Sinclair Lewis, novelist (1885).

Just To Remind You: Simon Cowell is an asshole ! Mathew Lesko, the idiot with the black and yellow suit with the question marks on it should be tarred and feathered and forced to listen to 1,000 hours of his moronic, mindless commercials!

The United States government sent 360 tons of $100 bills (12 billion dollars cash) to Iraq and can't find it. The government oversight committee is investigating. 

Oversight? An oversight is when you realize you're peeing in the dirty clothes hamper and you've tossed your dirty socks into the toilet. An oversight is when you close your hand before it reaches your wine glass and you knock the glass into your date's lap. An oversight is when you refer to your partner as "Baby" because the name you printed on her forehead has worn off.

When you lose 360 tons of $100 blls, it's refered to as a major XXXX-UP !

That's it for today, my little muskrats. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystels's Restaurant and Nightclub, Karaoke, ham and cheese, media asswipes, curel wipes, Simon the simian, naked bus drivers, don't fry bacon naked

Things That Make You Go Hmm !

I was amused to see that a female astronaut was arrested yesterday because of attacking another female who allegedly was involved in an affair with the astronaut's beau. The arrest wasn't amusing, it was sad, but the woman drove from Houston to Florida non-stop and wore adult pampers in order to drive straight through. I've been on a mission before, but peeing my pants in order to achieve my mission was not part of the agenda. I can't think of any good reason to pee in my pants. I have done so before, but that was due to my drinking partner, Johnny Walker, who insisted that it was a good idea.

I do, however, admire a woman with that much desire to give an attitude adjustment to another woman who she thinks is invading her territory. God hath no fury like a woman!

I also saw a report of a 14 pound baby born to a woman in Mexico. Fourteen Pounds! The child was the size of a six month old baby. I can't imagine approaching my woman three months after she had the child and even think of sex! I mean talk of inadequate. How do you follow an act like that? Did I hurt you, honey? NOT!

The Pictures: Things that make me smile !

This Date In History: 1899; The Spanish-American War peace treaty is ratified in the United States Senate by a margin of one vote. 1952; Elizabeth II succeeds the throne of Britain following the death of her father, King George VI.

Birthdays: Aaron Burr, 3rd Vice President of the United States (1756),  Anne, Queen of Great Britain and Ireland (1665),  Babe Ruth, baseball great (1895), Francois Truffant, French director (1932), Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States (1911).

Yahoo had an article about a Scandinavian gym that decided it was going to have Naked Sundays. This brilliant idea came after Reefer Saturdays, I'm sure! I'm not much for gyms, but you can bet your sweet bippy I'm not getting on the stationery bicycle. I don't care how many Curel wipes you use!

Denial is not just a river !

That's it for today, my little pamperettes. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub, Comedy, Go Naked In A Gym, I don't know, Depends, ham and cheese, pressed ham, Jamonero, Egyptian Rivers, Denial, 14 pound babies, The New York Tunnel

Indianapolis Colts 29 Chicago Bears 17 !

The Super Bowl is over and the Indianapolis Colts won, 29-17, convincingly! Under sloppy and rainy conditions and with a mildly cold wind, the teams started off well with the Bears kickoff return by Hester and an early 7-0 lead.

Overall, the teams played well with clean, hard hitting that you could hear in the stands and on TV. Although the commentators were dwelling on the fumbles and dropped passes by the players, I assure you that both teams played very well under the nasty conditions. The tide started turning for the colts when they started the second half with a 16-14 lead. The game was exciting including two sets of back to back fumbles and some tremendous running and receptions. The stand out players were Addai, Rhodes, Harrison and Peyton who along with the rest of an excellent Colts team simply turned on the pressure and finished off the Bears, The final minutes of the fourth quarter were plainly written on the faces of the Bears players.

Prince played the halftime show, which I would give a grade of B+, especially considering that the artists also had to perform under the damp and rainy conditions.

The halftime report was the most comical because of Shannon Sharpe. An excellent player and a very sharp dresser, Shannon speaks in monotonic way that reminds me a lot of the way O.J. Simpson speaks. I just can't understand a word the guy says. He is very knowledgeable and I'm sure with some speech lessons, he will become a better commentator.

The Pictures: Me ! Because of my excellent prediction !

This Date In History: 1960;  Marty Robbins song "El Paso" tops both Popular and Country Charts and later wins a Grammy for Best Country and Western Performance.  1971;  Alan Shepard is the first person to play golf on the moon and the fifth man to walk on the moon.  1988;  Manuel Antonio Norriega, former Dictator of Panama, is indicted by a United States Grand Jury in Florida on drug and racketeering charges.

The Doritos Commercials were excellent and I managed to get a copy to you so you can watch it if you missed it. This one's my favorite, although they were all good! Budweiser, Cocoa Cola  andChevrolet commercials were also well made. Why don't these guys just make good commercials always! (Duh-tu-Duh)

 

Birthdays: John Dunlop, British inventor (1840),  Roger Staubach, professional football quarterback (1942),  Marie De Sevigne, French Writer (1850)

That's it for today, my frisky colts. More Tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub, Comedy, Super Bowl, Doritos, Budweiser, Cocoa Cola, Chevrolet, commercials, loserswhobetonchicago, Hot ham and cheese, Possum S Hemmingway's Journal, girls gone wild who are not strippers or call girls

This Won't Hurt, Did It ?

Super Bowl...ready, set, HYPE ! Today's entry is going to be short and sweet (don't go there!). I've been surfing the TV and all the other channels have just given up on programming for today. I guess they know that the Super Bowl will win hands down over anything else. What they don't realize is that anything, anything, is better than mindless hours of hype that will numb one's senses to the point that Sesame Street seems to be a viable option.

Don't get me wrong, I'll be tuned in BIG TIME once the game begins, but the interviews are amusing, then confusing, as the art of conjugation seems to be as elusive as a liquor store thief. I think they should have that lady who signs for the deaf also translating at the same time for those of us who have passed 5th grade English and have mastered conjugating the verb, "to be"!

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS BY TEN POINTS OVER THE CHICAGO BEARS. 

The Pictures: People, places and things in my life that make me smile!

This Date In History:  1789;  The Electoral College unanimously vote George Washington to be the 1st President of the United States. 1945; The Yalta Conference convenes with Franklin D. Roosevelt, Winston Churchill and Joseph Stalin to establish the formation of Allied military strategy in World War II.  1987;  Liberace dies in Palm Springs, California.  1991;  The National Baseball Hall of Fame induction committee unamimously votes to ban Pete Rose from the Hall of Fame.

Birthdays: Dan Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States (1947), Ida Lupino, actress (1918) 

As stated yesterday, this segment is undergoing change and will hopefully emerge as a cross-dressing Democrat who is obsessive-compulsive. Or, it could just remain on crack.

That's it for today, my little quarterbacks. Enjoy the game. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub, Comedy, Super Bowl, cereal bowl, bowling for dollars, I be bowling, ham and cheese, pressed ham, aardvarks, moe larry and curly

Super Bowl Commercials Part Deux !

I'm sticking with this type for now, although it's a little larger that I like and takes up a lot of space. Conversely, the next step down seems to be too small. You're input as to size (don't go there) will be appreciated.

The storms that battered Central Florida unnerved me as I have family and friends in the area. I checked with everyone and they're all ok. It was sad to see the death and injuries cause by the storm.

The Pictures: I received a ton of pictures from Carrie, My Perfect Martini, Beverly and Marta. I can't use them all today, but you can bet your bippy I'll be adding some daily. The pictures today are indicative of some of the things I see and hear daily. For my squinters, remember you can always enlarge them (I said, don't go there).

This Date In History: 1959;  Buddy Holley, Richie Valens, and The Big Bopper (J.P.Richardson), die in a plane crash near Clear Lake, Iowa. 1994;  President Bill Clinton ends the trade embargo with Vietnam.

Birthdays: My friend, Beverly. Happy Birthday, my love! Felix Mendelssohn, German composer (1809), James A. Mitchner, author (1907), Horace Greely, journalist (1811), Norman Rockwell, painter and illustrator (1894), Fran Tarkington, Professional football player (1940).

 

The Question of the day spot usually seen here is being re-evaluated and will probably under go a metamorphism. Unlike circumcision, this process will be painless and hopefully refined.

That's it for today, my little cockatoos (or threes). That's what my ex-girlfriend told me when I asked her where she was going. She replied, "I going out to find a cockatoo".  I didn't know she liked birds.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub, Comedy, cockatoos, or threes, Budweiser, bud dumber, what?, ham and cheese, signs for dumb asses, Rumplestiltskin, antidisestablishmentarianism

Super Bowl Commercial Preview !

Good Morning Viet Nam ! I'm trying some new stuff today, starting with the type. I am enlarging the type for the hard of squinting, especially for my friend, Rosa! This Bud's for you, sweets ! sweets!

Speaking of Budweiser, I'm adding some TV commercials that was sent to me by my sweetie pie, Carrie. I hope this works 'cause if not, you're going to see a big blank spot.

I found out some interesting things about myself today:

1) I'm psychic and I have amnesia. I know, in advance, what I'm going to forget.

2) I'm paranoid and phobic. I'm afraid no one is talking about me.

I wonder if Mozart, the iguana with the erection problem, is doing ok and was he on Viagra when the incident occurred? And, who in the hell was that bitch he was going for anyway? I mean, how good looking can a female iguana be? Even after the mandatory Florida Keys philosophy, "Go Ugly, Early".

The Pictures: Hopefully, besides the "normal" pictures, there'll be some videos. We'll see! In the interim, here's some reasons why people move south. Enjoy !

This Date In History:  1876; The National League of Professional Baseball Clubs is formed.  1942; German forces surrender following the successful Russian siege of Stalingrad.

 

I'll have another one for you tomorrow !

Birthdays:  George Halas, professional football player and coach (1895),  James Joyce, Irish author (1882),  Stan Getz, saxophonist, "The Girl From Ipanema" (1927)

Something that men definitely need to know! My Perfect Martini, stirred and gently served, sent me the following: When and How Women are attracted to men;

1) If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

2) If she is menstruating, she tends to prefer a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass, while he's on fire.

3) If she is pregnant and in the delivery room, after her 14th hour of labor, she generally likes a man dressed in white or blue scrubs, who has the ability to hear her garbled, loud screams of " I don't give a flying fork about natural delivery, give me a forking epidural, you slime bag of humanity!" (you'll excuse my grammar, please)

4) If she is menopausal, her tendency is to love/hate/love/hate a man who has the physical ability to quickly lower/raise/lower/raise the air conditioning and withstand her non-stop kisses/beatings/kisses/beatings. Her mate usually oblivious to her condition and continually asks, "What's the matter with you?".

That's it for today, my little parrots! More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

 

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystels Restaurant and Nightclub, Comedy, Budweiser, Cockatoo, Parrots, menstruation (shouldn't that be womenstruation?), Menopause (shouldn't that be menoRUN?), ham and cheese, cauliflower

Jimmy's Handy Guide to Love Making !

It has come to my attention (don't even go there) that a few of my older friends are having trouble in the boudoir (that's bedroom for the hard of understanding). Well, Billy Bob, I'm here to help! I'm even enlarging the type to help you see.

Jimmy's tips for making love !

1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.

2. Set timer for three minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them all off.

4. Make sure you have 911 on your speed dial before beginning.

5. Write your partner's name on your hand in case you forget it.

6. Keep polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed or between the thighs.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the news.

10. Do not even think about doing it twice!

The above courtesy of my sister, Jeanne !

Senator J. Biden is being berated because he said Barack Alabama was "Clean". Sorry, Barack, my bad. What was I thinking? I'll open my Politically Correct manual and find a more proper term. Please, don't tell Jesse or Al.

The Pictures: Courtesy of my friend, Beverly; (1-7) The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These men will be parachuted into Iraq and have been given the following information about the terrorists: a) Season opens today  b) There is no limit  c) They taste like fried chicken d) They don't like beer, pickup trucks, country music or Jesus e) They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt. (8) An Italian talk show host (9) An American talk show host.

This Date In History:  1862;  The Atlantic Monthly publishes "The Battle Hymn of the Republic", written by Julia Ward Howe.  1908;  Carlos I, King of Portugal, is assassinated along with his eldest son following increased pressure by Portuguese statesman Francisco Franco.  2003;  Space Shuttle Columbia breaks up and burns while entering earth's atmosphere, killing all 7 crew members.

It was Karaoke Night and I had a nice evening last night at Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub.  It's always nice to see Emilio and Melina, Larry and Rhodie, Doc, Jorge, Willie, Mario, Samantha, and all the rest of the gang (sorry for the blatant hellos).

Birthdays: Sir Edward Coke, English jurists (1551),  Boris Yeltzin, Russian President (1931),  Clark Gable (1901),  John Ford (1894).

The picture (number 2) under Pictures is of my childhood friend, the late Robert Day Jr.  Bobby was an avid photographer who specialized in auto racing and was a member of our neighborhood buddies who grew up together. God Speed, Bobby !

That's it for today my little sex kittens. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

 

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, Entertainment, Krystel's Restaurant and Nightclub, Comedy, Sex Tips, Senior Sex, Any kind of sex, I'm lonely, so's my cat, sexual encounters, penis amputation, Mozart Rocks!