Friday, February 15, 2008

Friday Night In AREA 51

Today is my favorite day of the week. It's also the day that most of my adventures begin. Most of the time, the outcome is good. There have been times, however, that things have gone south. In the past, my pal Johnny Walker Black has aided and abetted me in making some decisions that, in retrospect, were not good ideas.

But I forge on, with the thought that tonight will be an evening of enlightenment, that someone will come up with the answers to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness (Surely, you rant ! Shutup and quit calling me Shirley).

It's Friday and time to visit AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe and Pub (or the AREA 51 in your area, heart or mind). It's karaoke night and it should be a fun evening. Have a drink on me and I'll let you know if anything interesting comes to pass. As always, I'll have my pal, Johnny W with me so you never know.

This week's Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) award is still open for nominees. As of now, the only nominee is Heather Mills, nominated by Beth. Mills is currently in a divorce battle with Beatle Paul McCartney over millions of dollars, most of which was earned by him before Mills was born, let alone married to him. He has offered her 50 million but she wants 100 million, citing their child's safety, security and care as the major reason. She is now representing herself. Uh, attorney's fees? Hmmm !

I would like to nominate the government of Aruba for the CAT award. Today, it announced that they will not re-arrest Joran van der Sloot for the murder of Natalee Holloway last year. Despite a video of van der Sloot confessing the crime, the judges reportedly have stated that there is not enough evidence to re-arrest him (what?).

On A Happy Note: Bobby Cutts, Jr, the scumbag ex-cop who murdered his wife, Jessie Davis and her fetus last year, was found guilty of murder today and faces the death penalty. Life's a bitch, Bobby boy !

All readers can nominate anyone for the CAT award, and can do so until Monday at 12:00 noon. Additionally you make make your preferences known as to the current weekly nominee(s) in your comments. The all wise and knowing judges (my attack cat, Shithead and I) will decide the winner(s) and publish them in Monday's entry. All decisions are final (unless everybody protests, in which case we'll allow ourselves to be swayed). Void where prohibited, e pluribus unum, prohibited where void, and yadda yadda yadda.

The Pictures: Today's pictures will defintely be eclectic because I'm behind schedule as always. I'm sure I'll be able to come up with some goodies, though. We'll see !

This Date In History: 1879; A bill to allow female lawyers to argue cases before the United States Supreme Court is signed by President Rutherford B. Hayes (what?). 1898; The Battleship Maine explodes in Havana harbor, Cuba. Spain is suspected and two months later the United States declares war on Spain, beginning the Spanish-American War. 1936; Sonja Henie continues her domination of amateur women's figure skating by winning her third gold medal at the Winter Olympics in Germany. 1950; Walt Disney's animated motion picture "Cinderella" is released to theaters across the United States. 1965; Canada adopts the red maple flag as the new national flag, replacing the Royal Union Flag, also known as the Union Jack. 1978; Heavyweight boxing champion Muhammad Ali loses his title to Leon Spinks in Las Vegas.

Birthdays: My ex-wife, Susie, charter member of the Shop 'Til You Drop club (19XX), Babur, founder of the Mughal dynasty of India and great great great grandfather of over one half of the employees of AOL. (1483), Galileo, scientist and astronomer (1564), Louis XV, king of France (1710), Susan B. Anthony, reformer (1820). Matt Groening, cartoonist (1954).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: There's a male answer to Maxine and his name is Max. My pal, Sherry, sent the following to me and it's a hoot ! Thanks, Sherry ! Now, meet Max !                                   


Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven. _____________________________________

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Manand rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.


Author's Note: Being of good health and sound(?) mind, and with the desire to remain in said condition, I personally do not subscribe to anything that Max says !

That's it for today my little bumper cars. Have a great and safe weekend. Have an AREA 51 moment tonight, if nothing else than in spirit. The CAT award results and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


garnett109 said...

enjoy your weekend friend

bamawmn46 said...

How wonderful of you to remember your ex's birthday! I hope she has a happy one!

OK... I agree w/ the nomination of Heather Mills, uh, McCartney. I remember reading in an article from one of her ex-boyfriends where he said she was a gold-digger.... I think he's right. Baby just assures a larger amount of money. And no one will ever be able to replace Linda!


shrbrisc said...

I agree , give me that much money I will protect the little one ...
thanks for using my Max I hope you laughed as hard as I did...

ksquester said...

Did you know that Paul and Linda McCartney used to live in Tucson, AZ?  They loved it and if not mistaken that is where she passed away. Heather Mills is a sorry pitiful greedy person. I'm sure Paul will take very good care of his child.  Anne

mpnaz58 said...

My AREA 51 will include slumber, for sure!
xoxo ~Myra

ma24179 said...

That woman sounds money hungry lol... shoot.. I would take 20 million and be happy :) -Missy :)

midwestvintage said...

Heather Mills is a pretty good choice.  I don't know if I could top it.  Love the jokes and photos


lanurseprn said...

I think Mills is a great candidate...although Aruba is right up there, too! I haven't liked Mills for a LONG time. She's so money hungry. I personally think she's truly crazy, too!
You KNOW I'm in Area 51 in spirit. I've got my tag in my sidebar! Have a cosmo for me, ok?
Love ya Jimmy,
Pam xoxox

lanurseprn said...

I forgot to say that Pic #15 and your jokes had me laughing!!