Thursday, September 27, 2007

Variations On A Theme (In Other Words, I Don't Have A Witty Headline) !

It seems every damned thing you do nowadays causes cancer. The latest study comes from Spanish researchers and reports that women who drink one to two drinks a day of any alcoholic beverage run a ten percent (10%) higher risk of breast cancer. Women who drink three alcohol drinks per day run a thirty percent (30%) higher risk of breast cancer. I am not an alarmist, but I thought I would pass this information on to my female readers, who are all sexy and beautiful (how do you like that for a nice kiss-up).

That said, I'm a little tired of hearing all the things that cause cancer. If you don't die from cancer, your heart will quit on you. If that doesn't get you, there's other diseases patiently waiting in line to do you in. Last, but not least, if you don't drink, smoke, or have sex all your life (and assuming that you're not brain dead), you're probably going to step in front of a Mack truck. Bottom line, sooner or later, you're outta here !

Odds and Ends: Michael Vick has a new problem. He has tested positive for marijuana use. Talk about your "Dog Day Afternoon" ! Paris Hilton will be competing with Hope and Crosby soon 'cause she's "Off On The Road To Rwanda". It seems Ms. Hilton has decided to adopt a black child and is visiting several sites there. That's hot and this could really get interesting.

More from Stephen Wright: Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. Boycott shampoo, demand real poo. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.  

The Pictures: A menage of some of my favorites, including one of Indigo's pictures I "borrowed", some photoshop pictures featuring "animal rocks", a comfort dog in the September 11 bombings, and the seven foot 350 pound woman, who still fascinates me (I'll just need a step-ladder and a whip). Fidel Castro is featured in "A Weekend at Bernies" spoof. Of course, I have to include a bloody mary for my pal, Jackie, who like myself, is being plagued with car problems this week.

This Date In History: 1942; American bandleader, Glenn Miller, makes his last performance with his orchestra in Passaic, New Jersey, before enlisting in the U.S. Army where he will lead an all star band until his death in 1944. 1964; The Warren Commission, named to investigate the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, releases its report which finds that Kennedy's assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald, acted alone.

Birthdays: Samuel Adams, American patriot and a maker of fine beer (1722), Bud Powell, jazz pianist (1924), Mike Schmidt, baseball player (1949).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: You know Your Getting Old When...

Your friend compliments you on your alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care where your spouse goes as long as you don't have to go. You are cautioned to slow down from your doctor rather than the police. A young woman catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. Getting a little action means that you fiber diet is starting to work. An all-nighter means that you didn't have to get up in the middle of the night to pee. Getting lucky means you were able to find your car in the parking lot.

That's it for today my little mermaids. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

6 comments:

midwestvintage said...

  The one sure thing Jimmy is no one gets out of this life alive so enjoy the moment your here.  I am happy to see the case against Vick is getting strong enough that at least some dogs will be spared his cruelty.  Now if we could only get the rest of them.


                   Julie

bamawmn46 said...

Thanks for the bloody mary, luv... I really needed it this evening.

So, the little hilton is joining the likes of adopting... I know it's the thing to do, but will she hire a nanny to raise it for her? hhhmm... still tired of hearing about her too.... And the cancer thing too, for that matter.....

Toodles!
Jackie

nhd106 said...

And what do they say about MEN who drink, huh??  HUH???  
Also, are you really sure those are Steven Wrightisms?  I've heard some of that before, but some are a bit too profound for the nutty guy.
Anyway, I sit here reading your entry with my (1st) glass of white wine...
: )

Nance

ksquester said...

SCREW taking care of your heart.  Give me a heart attack anyday over cancer.  EAT, DRINK and I'll be Mary!!!   Anne

ksquester said...

Oh, and as for Paris, I hear she needed a NEW purse accessory because her dog died.   Anne

mpnaz58 said...

Where do you get those little one liners??  I sit here laughing out loud sometimes...my husband thinks I am nuts!  TGIF!! (I'm reading on Friday :)
xoxo ~Myra