It's Friday And The Sun Is Shining !

The sun's shining and that's a good reason to hit the streets and celebrate. Officially, it's Happy September 28th, since there's no official holiday today, but most of the denizens of AREA 51 will drink to almost anything (including potato week), so Happy September 28th it is ! I'm sure that there'll be many toasts to that and other things such as world peace.

Tonight's Karaoke night at Lakes Cafe and Pub and I always enjoy that. Since everyone's been indoors this week due to the constant rain, I'm sure cabin fever has taken it's toll and the place will be buzzin'. I hope you'll join me tonight !

CNN has a story today about Pedro Zapeta, an illegal immigrant from Guatemala wha was stopped at the airport with $59,000.00 he had saved working as a dishwasher. The money was seized by customs, mainly due to the fact that all monies over $10,000.00 taken out of the country has to be declared. Mr. Zapeta has attempted to regain his monies and due to CNN's airing of his plight, donations have been sent to him (currently held in trust).  His reasoning for wanting all of his money back is that he was unaware that this particular law existed (reporting amounts over 10K).

He was offered $10,000.00 and the $9,000.00 in donations to leave the U.S. and return to Guatemala. He refused the offer. Now the IRS is holding the $9K for taxes on the donations and as taxes on the monies he earned working in the U.S. It seems Mr. Zapeta never bothered to report his income or pay his taxes. Although washing dishes is no piece of cake, I'm sure we all could squirrel away a few pesos if we didn't report our income or pay our taxes.

Mr. Zapeta said, "I no longer feel good about this country." Well, Pedro, here's the plan. When you're a playing a game you have to play by the rules. You have to enter the U.S. legally, report your income and pay your taxes. Sorry for the inconvenience, Pedro, but if we were playing the game of Monopoly, you would not pass go, you would not collect your monies and go directly to jail.

The Pictures: First and foremost, there are three fantastic pictures of flowers taken after the rains by my pal, Nancy. Then, I have a picture of the "Fall Cake" prepared by my pal, Anne. There's the Kramdens, Mama and Baby Katz, a really big katzfish, and a Siberian Husky stealing a cookie. There's also a picture of my (ex) mother-in-law's response to my request for a loan.

This Date In History: 1941; Choosing not to sit out the season's final double header to protect his .400 batting average, Boston Red Sox outfielder, Ted Williams, gets six hits in eight at-bats to finish the season with a .406 average. 1951; Quarterback Norm Van Brocklin of the Los Angeles Rams sets the NFL record for passing in a single game when he throws for 554 yards. 1960; In Boston's Fenway Park, 42 year old Red Sox outfielder, Ted Williams, hits his 521st home run in the final swing of his career.

Birthdays: Ed Sullivan, TV host (1901), Al Capp, political cartoonist and creator of the comic strip, "Lil Abner" (1909), Marcelo Mastroianni, actor (1923), Brigitte Bardot, actress (1934).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

An old man goes to a priest to ask him if he can help him to remove a "Curse" that he has been living with for the last 40 years. The priest says, "I don't believe in curses, but tell me what it is and I'll see if I can help you."

The old man replies without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

The old man goes to the Rabbi and tells him, "You have to help me, Rabbi, I think my wife is trying to poison me." The Rabbi says, "Let me talk to her and I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

The following day the Rabbi meets with the old man and says, "I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man says, "Yes", and the Rabbi replies, "Take the poison !"

That's it for today my little pea shooters. See you tonight at Lakes Cafe, have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

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Variations On A Theme (In Other Words, I Don't Have A Witty Headline) !

It seems every damned thing you do nowadays causes cancer. The latest study comes from Spanish researchers and reports that women who drink one to two drinks a day of any alcoholic beverage run a ten percent (10%) higher risk of breast cancer. Women who drink three alcohol drinks per day run a thirty percent (30%) higher risk of breast cancer. I am not an alarmist, but I thought I would pass this information on to my female readers, who are all sexy and beautiful (how do you like that for a nice kiss-up).

That said, I'm a little tired of hearing all the things that cause cancer. If you don't die from cancer, your heart will quit on you. If that doesn't get you, there's other diseases patiently waiting in line to do you in. Last, but not least, if you don't drink, smoke, or have sex all your life (and assuming that you're not brain dead), you're probably going to step in front of a Mack truck. Bottom line, sooner or later, you're outta here !

Odds and Ends: Michael Vick has a new problem. He has tested positive for marijuana use. Talk about your "Dog Day Afternoon" ! Paris Hilton will be competing with Hope and Crosby soon 'cause she's "Off On The Road To Rwanda". It seems Ms. Hilton has decided to adopt a black child and is visiting several sites there. That's hot and this could really get interesting.

More from Stephen Wright: Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. Boycott shampoo, demand real poo. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.  

The Pictures: A menage of some of my favorites, including one of Indigo's pictures I "borrowed", some photoshop pictures featuring "animal rocks", a comfort dog in the September 11 bombings, and the seven foot 350 pound woman, who still fascinates me (I'll just need a step-ladder and a whip). Fidel Castro is featured in "A Weekend at Bernies" spoof. Of course, I have to include a bloody mary for my pal, Jackie, who like myself, is being plagued with car problems this week.

This Date In History: 1942; American bandleader, Glenn Miller, makes his last performance with his orchestra in Passaic, New Jersey, before enlisting in the U.S. Army where he will lead an all star band until his death in 1944. 1964; The Warren Commission, named to investigate the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, releases its report which finds that Kennedy's assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald, acted alone.

Birthdays: Samuel Adams, American patriot and a maker of fine beer (1722), Bud Powell, jazz pianist (1924), Mike Schmidt, baseball player (1949).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: You know Your Getting Old When...

Your friend compliments you on your alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care where your spouse goes as long as you don't have to go. You are cautioned to slow down from your doctor rather than the police. A young woman catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. Getting a little action means that you fiber diet is starting to work. An all-nighter means that you didn't have to get up in the middle of the night to pee. Getting lucky means you were able to find your car in the parking lot.

That's it for today my little mermaids. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Today's A Weird Humpday !

You know it's going to be a weird day when you wake up and it's still raining from the night before. It continues to rain as I make this entry, giving me pause to consider the logic of going to AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe tonight. Since I, myself, have occasionally been referred to as weird, I have decided to embrace the thought, so lets just go with that theme.

I find that when everything seems to be going well, I have obviously overlooked something. It's like those days that everything is going so well, you start looking for the sucker punch from life that is surely due. With that in mind, I choose to continue to look at the glass as being half full and I will brave the rain.

Speaking of weird, I wonder who sat one rainy day preparing a salad and thought that carrots would make a nice cake. You know when I'm not in my right mind, my left mind can get pretty crowded (are you referring to me? You betcha !). If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? The shin is defined as a device used to locate furniture in the dark. Many people quit looking for a job, once they find work.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. Why do psychics have to ask you your name? You never really learn to swear properly until you learn to drive. The problem with the gene pool is there is no lifeguard. The preceding courtesy of Steven Wright and myself.

The Pictures: As I always try to bring you outstanding photographs from around the globe, expanding your thoughts and opening your minds. I continue today with intelligent, outstanding architecture and construction. Weird being today's theme, I give you the Beer Can Sculpture competition.

This Date In History: 1580; The British ship the Golden Hind, commanded by Sir Francis Drake, returns from it's around-the-world journey, bearing a cargo of spices and captured Spanish treasure. 1907; New Zealand, formerly a British colony, becomes a dominion within the British Commonwealth of Nations. 1789; U.S. President George Washington approves John Jay as the nation's first Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and Thomas Jefferson as its first Secretary of State. 1957; West Side Story, the stage musical by Arthur Laurents and Jerome Robbin with songs by Stephen Sondheim and Leonard Bernstein, makes its Broadway debut.

Birthdays: George Gershwin, (1874), Paul VI, Pope (1887), T.S. Eliot, poet and critic (1888).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: You May Not Be A Southerner If...

You don't know what a polecat is. You think Heinz Catchup is really spicy and bar-b-cue is a verb meaning to eat outside. You refer to people as you guys even if they're women. The soft drinks that you buy are referred to as cokes instead of pop or soda. The words "poke sack" have no meaning to you. You have no idea how to prepare or have never eaten a tomato sandwhich. You have never eaten fried green tomatoes or okrah (which you believe to be a talk show host). Finally, if you never ridden your bike to the store, bought an RC Cola and a moonpie and consummed both 'neath a viaduct..........

That's it for today, my little chicken gizzards. Thanks for putting up with me today ! See you tonight at Lakes Cafe and more tomorrow,

Stay Tuned !

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It's Been A While, But Today's Entry May Be A......

....slam bam, thank you, ma'am entry. I wish I were going on a mission, but, alas, I have to pick up my car. It was supposed to be ready tomorrow, but I just received word that it's ready now and I need to retrieve it. So, I an making today's entry at pace that I am not comfortable with so that when my ride arrives, I can sign off and get my car.

In the interim, Michael Vick now has additional state charges being filed against him. I hope that this is a lesson for others who would entertain the thought of cruelty to animals.

Post Script (6:10 post meridian): I have returned ! The bill for my car was reasonable and less than I expected. Moreover, not having to worry about a leaky radiator, a leaking front tire and my car starting, I think I will go on a semi-mission, i.e., no specific target, but if one come's into my sights....... We'll talk tomorrow. Please folllow the easy instructions at the bottom of today's entry. For the hard of understanding, Stay Tuned !

The Pictures: Today's theme is South America. From the gauchos in the pampas to the indigenous lady from Bolivia. The falls in Suriname, the statue of Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro, Machu Picchu in Peru and others will hopefully delight you.

This Date In History: 1513; The members of a Spanish expedition, led by Vasco Nunez de Bolivar, cross the Panamanian isthmus, becoming the first Europeans to see the Pacific Ocean. 1789; Led by James Madison, the U.S. Congress approves 12 amendments to the Constitution, of which, ten of these will be ratified by the states in 1791. 1965; Satchel Paige becomes the oldest pitcher in major league history when he throws three consecutive scoreless innings for the Kansas City, Athletics, at the age of 59.  

Birthdays: My Mom, who passed away a few years ago. It's still her birthday, so Happy Birthday, Mom, I miss you ! (1915), William Faulkner, novelist (1897), Barbara Walters, TV journalist (1931), Scottie Pippin, basketball player (1965).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:  Dogs !

The reason why dogs are man's best friend is because they wag their tails instead of their tongues. Don't accept your dogs admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful ! A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down. I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a religeous cult. Outside of a dog, a book is probably mans best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. My dog is worried about the price of Alpo, it's $3.00 a can. Thats $21.00 a can in dog years. Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to it.

That's it for today, my little pez dispensers. Sorry about the brief entry and more tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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For A Wet And Rainy Monday, This Headline's As Good As Any !

Mundane Monday came in wet and windy, a perfect setting for the demise and ultimate death of my car's alternator. I took my car today to have a new alternator installed and my leaky front tire replaced. Yea, though I walk into the valley of the shadow of debt, I fear that it is a much better idea than wearing out a perfectly good pair of shoes.

By the way, this is my second entry for today. Unfortunately, you do not get to read the first entry as my lighting-quick mind and my nimble little fingers clicked the cancel button instead of the save button. Getting old is a good thing! I can tell you all my secrets because you can't remember them either. It's a shame though because the little grey haired lady that I was helping across the street today turned out to be my girlfriend.

Columbia University hosted Iranian President Mahamoud Ahmadinejad today, an idea that virtually everyone else in the nation protested. The president of Columbia, Lee Bolinger, stated that he would vigorously "grill' the Iranian president, which he did, but also embarrased himself by resorting to name-calling during the Iranian leader's introduction. All in all, it was a bad idea, a waste of time and media coverage, and allowed Ahmadinejad a forum to voice his idiotic views and opinions.

More Politics: President Bush said today that he fully believed that Hillary Clinton will be the democratic candidate for president... Oback Obama received the endorsement of the Corrections Officers Benevolent Association. Do I hear a pardon for the brothers in the future?

The Pictures: As I was looking into my library for photographs today, I paused at my music album covers and got a bit nostalgic. Today's photographs are some of the musical artists that I enjoy. I hope you enjoy them, as well.

This Date In History: 1957; Playing in their last game at Brooklyn's Ebbets Field before moving to Los Angeles, the Brooklyn Dodgers defeat the Pittsburgh, Pirates, 2-0. 1969; The trial of the Chicago Eight (later the Chicago Seven) anti-Vietnam protestors charged with inciting a riot at the 1968 Democratic Convention in Chicago, Illinois, begins. 1991; Theodor Seuss Giesel, writer of childrens books under the pseudonym "Dr.Seuss", dies in La Jolla, California at the age of 87.

Birthdays: My pal, Lydia. Happy Birthday, baby ! (19XX), John Marshall, Supreme Court Justice (1755), Jim Henson, Puppeteer (1936), Joe Greene, football player (1946).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

I met a police office with Alzheimers. He pulled me over and said, "Do I know why I pulled you over? I don't want to say my girlfriend's stupid, but on her last application for employement, in the box marked "sex", she entered, "occasionally", and where it said "sign here", she entered, "Sagittarius". In the restaurant, a cowboy watched as the chesty blonde waitress walk towards him. When asked her what the special was, the annoyed waitress pointed towards a sign that read, "Lobster Tail Beer". The cowboy grinned and said, "I'll have that, it's my three favorite things!"

That's it for today, my little peacocks. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Did I Mention That Beside Attorneys, I Hate Politicians ?

The United States Senate passed a resolution Thursday denouncing an ad in the New York Times, paid for by the liberal, anti-war MoveOn.org., that questioned the patriotism and impugned the integrity of General David H. Petraeus, the American Commander in Iraq. The republican party has been outraged by the audacity of MoveOn.Org, as has many democrats. While I am not a huge fan of the manner that the war is being conducted in Iraq, I am an American and I support our troops no matter where they are or what they're doing. With the outrage of September 11, 2001, and the constant flag burning and protests by foreign entities, I'm personally about fed up with these assholes !

My humble opinion notwithstanding, I am constantly amazed at the stand taken by presidential candidates (and all other political candidates) when it comes to defending an outright insult to the military. The resolution passed by a vote of 72 to 25, with the following notable votes and/or statements regarding the vote; a) Hillary Clinton voted against the resolution, b) Rudy Giuliani strongly criticized Ms.Clinton's remarks on the vote against the resolution, while not bothering to mention how many times he has flip-flopped on his own actions and statements. c) Oback Hussein Obama (yep, that's his real name, folks) did not bother to vote, covering his freshman year senator, you want to run for what?, ass.

If you want to be president, it seems to me that you need to be a Republocrat, i.e.(that is, for the hard of understanding), a person that combines the strong points of both parties, votes his heart and conscience, and honestly represents the best interests of the citizens of the United States of America. We currently have a bumbling, uneducated, inept President, who represents money, power and oil interests. We also have an inept, do nothing Congress, whose main goals (aside from pork barreling) seem to be voting along party lines, thus insuring the usual impasse that is the result of same.

My current choice for president of the United States was and still is Sammy Davis Jr., a dead, black, one-eyed, Jewish man. I guarantee he would accomplish more than any of the current candidates. As my pal, Forrest Gump, would say, "That's all I have to say about that."

The Pictures: Politics is the theme for today with pictures of General Petraeus, Hillary Clinton, Rudy Giuliani and Oback Obama. Some of the pictures are flattering, some are not. I don't particularly care because some of the things that they sometimes do and say rub me the wrong way !

This Date In History: 1904; Chief Joseph, the Nez Pierce Native American Chief who led his people on a 1,000 mile journey to escape the U.S. Army, dies on the Colville Reservation at the approximate age of 64. 1937; "The Hobbit", Oxford University Professor, J.R.R. Tolkien's tale of middle earth, is published.

Birthdays: H.G. Wells, novelist and political writer (1866), Stephen King, novelist (1947).

Now that I have calmed down a bit, I want to tell you that the current do not call agreement, aimed at telemarketers who call your home or cell phones, expires soon. If you do not wish to have telemarketers calling your land phone or cell phone you can register at donotcall.gov and this will be registered until 2112. Thirty days after you have reistered, telemarketers who call you and you report them can be fined up to $11,000.00 !

Today's Social Friday and I'll be off to AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe and Pub. We have Karaoke tonight and I always enjoy the great performers who stop by to sing. I alway like to sing a couple of songs myself and if I can dodge the projectiles, I just might perform. Join me tonight, if you like. The first drink's on you.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Astudy conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychology, reveals that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ, depending where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with strong and rugged features. If she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest, while he is on fire.

One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair, drinking a beer and watching his wife mow the lawn. His neighbor from accross the street was so outraged, she came over and shouted, "You lazy bastard, you should be hung!"

The man took a sip from his cold beer, wiped the foam off his mouth, lifted his sunglasses and stared into the face of his nosy-assed neighbor and calmly said, " I am, that's why she's mowing the lawn."

That's it for today, my little tater tots, See you tonight at Lakes Cafe and more tomorrow.

Post Script: It's 7:45 p.m., Saturday and I'm behind as usual, therefore, howsomever, consequently and such as, I will make my next provocative, interesting yet, flacid and flatulent entry, such as, on Monday. Have a nice weekend and, like the man who was overcome with a severe case of attention deficity and continually surfed the radio station, thereby annoying all other listeners,..., Please, 

Stay Tuned !

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Jena, Louisiana Overwhelmed By Protestors !

The Wednesday Night Therapy session for the resident aliens in AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe and Pub went well last evening and many local, national and world problems were successfully resolved. I had to call on the services of the mysterious Red Truck Man for a ride to our watering hole because my car, after recently being equiped with a new battery, has decided that it is in need of an alternator and refuses to charge my battery. Since I've virtually always been self employed and my entire financial portfolio is based on the domino theory, it is quite likely that I will seek out the services once again of Red Truck Man for Friday's rendezvous at Lakes Cafe.

Hector and Lourdes, Al and Lydia, Dr. Marc and Rosie, and myself were the hardcore representation of AREA 51 and we were later joined by Emilio (who was celebrating his birthday), Mario and Marcelino. The dart league was there in full force and no one was hit by errant darts. Unfortunately, not many of the targets were hit either. 

The tiny town of Jena, Louisiana is brimming with protestors as I make today's entry. While some of the things that have happened there need to be addressed, it is overkill at best and I believe the black representatives who are protesting could have gone there with a much smaller throng and still made their point. Thinking as an entrepreneur however, if I lived there, I think I'd have a roadside stand selling bottled water or whatever product that crowd purchases. Hell I'd cater to my ex-mother-in law if it was profitable, especially for one day.

As always, the usual patronizing idiots are there including (A) Jesse Jackson and the perennial CAT award winner, (A) "Podium Al" Sharpton. These two idiots prey on their own people, chasing after anything that gets them publicity. Their followers, however, have to pay their own way to these events and, in my opinion, I'm sure these monies would be better spent if the protest was better organized and a select number of people would go to protest. It doesn't take a machine gun to kill a mosquito. But, that's just me.

                       

                     

The Pictures: My pal Anne, who writes the journal "Saturday's Child" was kind enough to email me these adorable pictures of a deer and a rabbit, who, by the looks of it, have established a relationship and are obviously fast friends. You can read Anne's journal by clicking Saturday's Child on the left portion of this journal under the title "Other Journals", or just click the link below.

http://journals.aol.com/ksquester/SaturdaysChild/

This Date In History: 1519; Five vessels comanded by Ferdinand Magellan, sail from Spain to attempt a circumnavigation of the world. Although Magellan was killed in the Phillipines, one of the ships completes the voyage. 1998; Ending a record streak of 2,632 consecutive games played, which lasted almost 17 seasons, baseball player, Cal Ripkin, Jr., of the Baltimore, Orioles, asks to be removed from the starting lineup.

Birthdays: Sir James Dewar(s), writer and reformer and one hell of a fine scotch producer (I added that last part) (1878), Red Auerbach, basketball coach and winner of 8 consecutive NBA titles (1917), Sophis Loren, actress (1934).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Lourdes !

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink one liter of water per day, at the end of the year we would have consumed one kilo of Escherichia coli (E. COLI) bacteria, found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming one kilo of poop, yearly. We do not run that risk, however, when we are drinking wine (or scotch,vodka,rum, gin,beer or any other liquor). This is because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermentation.

Therefore, it is better to drink wine and talk stupidly than to drink water and be full of shit ! This has been a public service announcement.

That's it for today, my little honey bees. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !  

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I Have Returned From My Mission !

You may have noticed my brief entry yesterday, but I have an excuse (I can't wait to hear this one. Shut up !). Tuesdays are normally laid back and tranquil, meaning it's virtually impossible for me to cause, or get into, trouble. But, like Bruce Wayne when he sees the Bat Signal, I must rise to the occasion (no pun intended) when necessary. I had mentally prepared my journal and was preparing to enter same, when what to my wondering eyes should appear? My cell phone ringing, and a call from one reigndear !

                                      

It was My Perfect Martini and she asked if I would join her for drinks. I weighed the choices..., make my elaborate, time consuming entry and miss seeing MPM or bail....? Knowing in my heart of hearts that all my preciously perfect readers (that's it, butter them up, my brown-nosed friend. Shut Up !!!) would excuse my faux pas, I made a brief entry and was on my way. I readily plead guilty to fawning and doting over my long time love and I was unable to timely return to fill in the gaps of yesterday's entry. Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do !

                                          

(A) O.J.'s out of jail on $125,000 bond as I make this entry. He wasn't smilingor smirkingtoday when he appeared for his bond hearing. Perhaps the severity of his current escapades has finally entered into his wayward mind. One of his alleged victims, Bruce Fromong, had a heart attack yesterday and is in critical condition at this time. All in all, O.J.'s got several felony charges pending and unless he gets a jury like he got in Los Angeles, he's in profound caca !

In the interim, a Los Angeles judged has ruled that Ron Goldman's father, Fred, can have O.J.'s gold Rolex watch (bling ! bling !) and that the items seized in the Las Vegas case can be requested on an individual basis.

(A) "Podium Al" Sharpton is now involved in the "Jena 6" racial situation in Jena, Louisiana. It is estimated that the rally and march scheduled for the tiny town (2,971 in the 2000 U.S. census) tomorrow will have anywhere from 5,000 to 50,000 demonstrators. The "Rev" stated today on CNN that he was "axed" to be there by the parents of the black teenagers. Oh, Al, if that were only true, as nothing would please me more.

It's Hump Day and I'll be in AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe and Pub for the evening. The new floor is finished and we'll be there resolving problems such as establishing literacy tests for the Miss Teen pageants and, of course, the answer used by all beauty pageant contestants,"solving world hunger." See you there !

The Pictures: Today's photos are mostly from Banff, Canada, located in the Rocky Mountain chain. As is my wont, there's always a few of the "usual suspects" as well as a few of the unusual.

This Date In History: 1846; English poets, Elizabeth Barrett and Richard Browning, elope to Italy after marrying, against Barrett's father's wishes, in England. 1928; Walt Disney's Mickey Mouse makes his first appearance in the animated short, "Plane Crazy". He will later star in "Steamboat Willie", the first animated film with synchronized sound. 1934; Carpenter Bruno Hauptmann is arrested for the kidnapping and murder of Charles Lindburgh Jr., the baby of aviation hero, Charles Linbergh.

Birthdays: My friend and pal, Emilio ! Happy B-Day Bud ! (19XX), Joe Morgan, professional baseball player (1943), Jeremy Irons, actor (1948).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses and said to the class, "Everyone who believes they are stupid, stand up !" After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher asked Johnny, "Do you believe you are stupid?" Little Johnny replied, "No Ma'am, but I hate to see you standing by yourself."

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. How many honest, caring, intelligent men does it take to wash the dishes? Both of them. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them. Why are blondes so easy to get into bed? Who cares?

Little Billy watched, fascinated, as his mother applied cold cream to her face. He asked her, "What's that for?" His mother replied, "To make myself beautiful." Then, after finishing applying the cold cream, she began removing it with a tissue. "What's the matter", little Billy said, "Giving up?"

That's it for today, my little popsicles. See you tonight at Lakes Cafe and more tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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I'm On A Mission !

Early entry 'cause I'm going on a mission. Things have been hectic today but it's under control. I'll explain more later or if I'm fortunate, tomorrow.

The Pictures: Some more of my favorites and a special poster for all my nurses and educators.

This Date In History: 1851; The first issue of the New York Daily Times appears, The word "Daily" will be dropped from the newspaper's title six years later.

Birthdays: Greta Garbo, actress (1905).

The Hits Just  KeepOn Coming: Two guys were walking home from work when one turned to the other and said, "Man, I'm gonna rip off my wife's panties when I get home." His friend replied, "What's the rush?" The man answered, "The damned elastic in the legs is killing me !"

That's it for now, my little bunnies. More later, if my mission fails. More tomorrow if it doesn't.

Stay Tuned !

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O.J. Simpson Arrested For Robbery With A Deadly Weapon !

Some days just begin perfectly and today is one of them ! Our usual mundane Monday is marvelous Monday, as (A) O.J. Simpson is in a Las Vegas jail, without bond, facing felony charges of armed robbery and conspiracy to commit armed robbery with a deadly weapon. The earliest date that he can expect to bond out of court is Wednesday.

                      

The Emmy Awards were held last night in Los Angeles and I really tried to watch the show. After five or ten minutes of the actual show, combined with the previous inane red carpet interviews, I had to check out. Between the really bad production and clothes that made me wonder if taste was no longer an option, I decided I would watch the coverage after the fact on the news. The only good thing that I saw was that the obnoxious, obtuse (A) Joan Rivers and her clone, Melissa, were no longer on the red carpet for TV Guide.

The racial tension going on in Jena, Louisiana, concerning the six black teens who attacked a white teen, should be really blown up when the protest hits the tiny town in the coming days. Expect to see (A) Al Sharpton there with his conspicuous, traveling podium (thus the nickname "Podium Al"). You know Al, where there's smoke, he's immediatley there with gasoline to make it into blazing inferno.

This Date In History: 1630; English Puritans, led by John Winthrop, establish a settlement on the Shawmut Peninsula in the Masssachusetts Bay Colony, later named Boston after the town of Boston in Lincolnshire, England. 1787; At the close of the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, the delegates sign the new Constitution of the United States. 1796; U.S. president George Washington gives his Farewell Address in which he declines to stand for a third term as president and warns the new nation to avoid entanglements with foreign governments.

Birthdays: Hank Williams, country music singer and songwriter (1923), Maureen Connolly, tennis player (1934), Orlando Cepeda, baseball player (1937).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A man wanted an attack dog to protect his business, so he went to a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man said to the kennel owner that he wanted the meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel and the kennel owner took the man on a tour of the premises.

Upon entering the kennel, they came upon a large, snarling dog who attempted to attack them through the fence. The man told the kennel owner, "This is the type of dog I'm looking for." The kennel owner replied, "He's good but I've got a meaner one I want to show you."

They continued to walk through the kennel and soon came upon an even larger dog, who was lying quietly on his side, licking his butt. The kennel owner said, "This is the dog that I have in mind for you." The man exclaimed, "You're joking ! This dog looks tame. He's just lying there licking his ass."

The kennel owner replied, "I know, I know. He just finished eating an attorney and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth !"

                       

That's it for today, my little hush puppies. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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"West Virginia Six" Win The Cat's Ass Trophy !

The six people from West Virginia who kidnapped, raped and brutally beat and tortured a black woman are this week's recipients of the Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) award. The poster children for the result of inbreeding deserve and will receive their just rewards soon enough. My only regret is that we couldn't send some our finest from the Miami area to deal with them like they dealt with Shawn LaBeet, the slimeball who murdered a police officer and wounded four others.

CAT award hall of famer (asshole) O.J. Simpson, who is currently being investigated for breaking into a hotel room and stealing sports memorabilia, isn't having a good week. His book, the rights to which was awarded to the family of Ron Goldman, has been released by the Goldman family and sales are brisk. The photograph below is not the quality I wanted, but it was the only one I could find today. It's entitled "If I Did It", but the Goldmans took the word "if" and put in very tiny print at the top of the "I". So, at a glance it reads, " I Did It". Ya gotta love it !

                       

The AREA 51 inmates were at Lakes Cafe last evening, including Al and Lydia, Hector and Lourdes, Dr. Marc and Rosie, Emilio, Roberto and moi. I was also happy to see my friend Marie, who I haven't seen in a while. It was karaoke night and quite a few really good singers performed. My friend, Gypsy sang a few songs and we ended up singing a duet of Elvis Presley's "Love Me Tender". The new tables and chairs are in (and yes, I forgot to take pictures again) and they look nice. There were quite a few people there last night and they will be having a new grand opening ( a rebirth, if you will) in the next two weeks. It should be fun.

The Pictures: Odds and ends from all over. I've included pictures of Rosie O'Diesel's book along with the Goldman family book. There's some neat pictures of airliner paint jobs that I found interesting. I have more, but I'll save them for another day.

This Date In History: 1821; The colony of Guatemala, including the present day nations of Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua and Costa Rica, declares it's independence from Spain. 1928; Scottish bacteriologist Sir Alexander Flemming notices a bacteria-killing mold growing in his laboratory, which he will later develop into penicillin. 1935; In Nuremburg, Germany, the NAZI party enacts the Nuremburg Laws, which deprive Jews of basic civil rights. 1963; Four black girls are killed in the Ku Klux Klan bombing of the 16th Street Babtist Church in Birningham. Alabama.

Birthdays: William Howard Taft, 27th president of the United States and chief justice of the Supreme Court (1847), Agatha Christie, author (1890), Oliver Stone, film director (1946), Dan Marino, football quarterback (1961).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

When Dan found out that he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided that he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So, one evening, he went to a singles bar, where he spotted the most beautiful woman that he had ever seen. He approached her and said, "I may look like an ordinary  man, but in a few weeks my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and three days later she became his step-mother.

Thomas said to his best friend, Bill, "Last night, my wife and I were watching "ER" on the television. There was a story about an ailing old man on life support and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependant on a machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, pull the plug. So, she got up, unplugged the TV and threw out my beer!"

                   

That's it for today, my little muskrats. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

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Police Murderer Shot Dead !

There are some endings that could not be scripted any better than if I wrote myself. In the case of Shawn Labeet, the scumbag who murdered a Miami Dade Police officer and seriously wounded three others, the ending was excellent. A police multi-task force cornered Labeet last evening and when he produced a pistol, they shot his ass, dead !

Labeet, who had additional ammunition clips and body armor, was obviously not willing to be taken alive. When he confronted the police, they fulfilled his wishes (and mine), saving the taxpayers the cost of clothing and housing him until his execution. As we say in baseball, no hits, no runs, and nobody left on base.

Speaking of assholes, O.J. Simpson has been detained in Las Vegas, allegedly for breaking into a hotel room, armed with a pistol, and stealing sports memorabilia. The other side of the story is that Simpson did not break into the room, rather, he entered the room to remove his memorabilia on a sale that didn't go through. I'll update this as more information comes in. In the interim, his book "If I Did It", now owned by the Goldman family, is due to be released today or tomorrow. I hope it sells a million copies !

My pal, Jackie, has nominated the six people in West Virginia (to be referred to hereinafter as the "West Virginia Six") for the "Cat's Ass Trophy" (CAT) award. The West Virginia Six kidnapped and brutally, sexually, assaulted a black woman. Allegedly, they also stabbed her four times, beat her severely and other horrors that are too disgusting to mention. I've seen pictures of the white suspects and they should be poster children for why you shouldn't marry your sister. I second the nomination !

It's Friday and I'm going to AREA 51 at Lakes Cafe to see my pals ! My current plan for this evening is to take some more pictures so that I can combine them with the ones I have and show them to you next week. That's my current plan ! As you well know, sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men........ If my black pal, Johnny Walker, will just give me the least bit of assistance, I will carry the plan through until it's completion. He wasn't a big help Wednesday as Nicole and I didn't get home until the wee hours.

Odds and Ends: The proposed bill for unlimited access for Mexican truckers to the Unites States was shot down in Congress. Personally, I was for the bill with the proviso that the Mexican truckers be obligated to fill the semi with illegal aliens on their return trip to Mexico ! The constipated panel of judges on American idol, Simon, Randy and Paula, have offered to help Britney Spears rehabilitate herself. Imagine that, (Asshole) Simon, (no talent) Randy and poor, disturbed Paula helping Britney. And the hits just keep on coming............

The Pictures: Today's theme is the odd couple, the reason being is that CNN has been running a picture of a twelve week old baby macaque (it's a little monkey) that was abandoned by it's mother and was near death when found. It seems the little tot fell in love a white pigeon and the rest is history. I searched the web, high and low, so that I could show you the picture. That being the thought, I went through my pictures (now totaling 1,500+) to find similar pairings. The only exception is the picture of my brother Kirt's three ex-girlfriends. You'll be able to find them easy enough ! Hint: Their father was not an orthodontist, rather, a traveling salesman.

This Date In History: 1814; Inspired by the defense of Baltimore's Fort McHenry during a British attack in the War of 1812, lawyer (uh-oh) Francis Scott Key writes the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner. 1839; After years of experimenting, Russian-born Igor Sikorsky flies his first successful helicopter, the VS-300. 1982; Princess Grace of Monaco, formerlyAmerican film actress Grace Kelly, dies of injuries she suffered the previous day in an automobile accident.

Birthdays: Alexander Von Humbolt, naturalists and explorer (1769), Lawrence Klein, economist (1920).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:  Attorneys - Part III

What do you call one thousand attorneys at the bottom of the ocean? A good start! How many attorney jokes are there? Three...the rest are are true ! How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three...one to climb the ladder, one to shake it and one to sue the ladder company. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many can you afford? What are lawyers good for? To make used car salesmen look good ! What do attorneys and dinosaurs have in common? They're both extinct ! What do lawyers and sperm have in common? It takes 300,000 of them to make a human being ! What do you do if you run into an attorney? Back over him again and then carve another notch on your steering wheel ! What do you get if you mate a lawyer with a pig? Nothing...There are just some things a pig won't do ! What's the difference between God and an attorney? God doesn't think he is an attorney. What happens when you give an attorney Viagra? He gets taller !

The aforementioned jokes are true with the exception of my attorneys, who are very fine people and after reading todays journal will laugh hysterically and not overcharge or sue me.

That's it for today, my little woodchucks. The Cat's Ass Trophy and more tomorow.

Stay Tuned !

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Variations On A Theme; Disrespect And Violence !

There is a police manhunt going on as I start today's entry. A car was pulled over this morning for erratic driving by police who were conducting an undercover investigation into robberies in the area. A black male came out of the car with an AK-47 automatic rifle and fired on the police officers, killing one and wounding three others. At this time, the murderer is still on the loose and the intensive manhunt is now covering three counties. I assure you if I was one of the officers who happened to find this dirtbag, he would never see a courtroom or another light of day, for that matter.

Rosie O'Diesel has a new book, coming out (no pun intended) October 2nd, called "Celebrity Detox (The Fame Game)". From what I've been able to gather from news blurbs, RO'FA is still dissing and regurgitating garbage about everyone and everything, including Barabara Wawa. She states that on "The View', during commercial breaks, the audience would shout out "we love you, Rosie" and that Walters admonished the audience, saying that they should not say they loved Rosie when there were three other people on the panel. I'm sure that I'll have more on Ms. O'Diesel in the coming days !

The inmates from AREA 51 met last night at Lakes Cafe and Pub. I had the pleasure of the company of my sweet Nicole, and we joined Hector and Lourdes, Al and Lydia, Dr. Marc and Rosie, et al, and we laughed all night. There just seemed to be a distinct aroma....of happiness in the air followed by an urge to eat chicken wings. Richard and Danny have about eighty percent of the new flooring down and it really looks nice. Richard says he thinks they'll be finished by Friday and the new tables and chairs are in, ready to be placed on the new floor. I did take a few pictures last evening which I will show you next week along with the other pictures I hope to take Friday.

 The Pictures: More of the stunning pictures that I extracted from a slide show. I hope the clarity and crispness of these pictures come across your screens as brilliantly as they do mine.

This Date In History: 1942; During World War II, the German siege of Stalingrad, Russia, begins. Their failure to take the city during the four month battle will alter their drive toward Moscow. 1943; Chiang Kai-Shel, the longtime leader of Nationalist China, is elected president of the country. 1993; Palestinian leader Yasir Arafat and Israeli prime minister Yitzhak Rabin meet at the White House signing of a peace accord.

Birthdays: Milton Hershey, choclate manufacturer and my personal hero, as well as the hero of many of my readers, whose names will not be mentioned, but you know who you are (1857), Claudette Colbert, actress (1905), Bill Monroe, blue grass musician (1911).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:   Attorneys - Part deux

How are an apple and an attorney alike? They both look good hanging from a tree. Have you heard about the new sushi bar that caters to attorneys? It's called sosumi ! The post office has recalled their latest stamps, featuring pictures of famous lawyers, because consumers could not figure out which side to spit on. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future attorney? She has a craving for a lot of baloney. How many attorneys does it take to changea light bulb? It only takes one attorney to change your light bulb into his light bulb. How many attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? Attorneys can't change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for an attorney to screw a light bulb...... What do you call twenty-five skydiving lawyers? Skeet ! What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator ! What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of bullshit? The Bucket ! What's black and looks good on a lawyer? A doberman ! Why don't sharks bite attorneys? Professional courtesy !

That's it for today, my little kitty kats. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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We've Reached The Summit Of Mount Humpday !

It's here at last and we've summited Mount Humpday ! So, tear down the tents and clean the cages, my little trapeze artists, the circus is moving to Lakes Cafe and Pub ! Yesterday was a solemn day for remembering the people injured and killed on September 11, 2001. Today is a day to let off the steam and enjoy your friends and family, so I'll be in AREA51 this fine afternoon and most of the evening, for that matter, resolving worldly problems, electing presidents and handling anything else that arises.

Nominations are open for the Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) award this week, with the winner(s) being chosen via the new polling feature on Friday. The winner will be announced in Saturday's entry. In the case that Shithead (my cat) parties too much Friday night, then the winner will be announced when I..., he finally comes out of his coma. Shithead and I will have one vote each and the balance of the voting will be done by you. If there are no nominees from you, Shithead and I will bestow the CAT award to a deserving recipient, should there be one. As per my usual, the judges (Shithead and I) reserve the right to name a receipient, in addition to the eventual winner via the polling system, mainly because this is a dictatorship <grin>.

Quite a few of my readers are in the medical field, mostly nurses. I'm not quite sure if there's any particular reason for this, other than the fact that I am quite certifiable and maybe I'm just being analyzed and studied further before the intervention. Keep in mind that I was trained as a combat medic (U.S. Army 1966-1971) so I am theoretically a fellow care giver. In any case, I thought it was kinda neat to mention this little ditty.

Additionally, there are quite a few educators that also read my journal. This intimidates me a little in that I'm always checking and re-checking my grammer. Of course, the fact that I'm obsessive-compulsive doesn't hurt either.

The Pictures: I copied these pictures of places around the world from a beautiful slide show that I have. I'll have more of these pictures tomorrow and I hope you enjoy them a much as I do.

This Date In History: 1935; Multi-millionaire Howard Hughes sets a world speed record of 357 miles per hour in an airplane of his own design. 1940; French teens following their dog into an underground cavern near Lascaux, France, discover 17,000 year old paintings made by stone age artists. They also found a sign the said "Kilroy was here", but could not authenticate it's author. 1953; Future President John F. Kennedy marries Jacqueline Lee Bouvier in Newport, Rhode Island.

Birthdays: Maurice Chevalier, singer and actor (1888), Jesse Owens, track and field athlete (1913), George Jones, country music singer (1931).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:   Attorneys - Part I

An accused thief took over a Los Angeles courtroom taking 15 attorneys as hostages. He threatened to release one per hour until his demands were met. How do you tell if an attorney is lying? His lips are moving. How does an attorney sleep? He lies on one side and then he lies on the other. If an attorney and an IRS agent were drowning, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper? What happens to an attorney if he jumps from an airplane without a parachute? Who cares? What should you do if you find an attorney up to his neck in cement? Get more cement. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead lawyer on the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog. What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer? One is a blood-sucking parasite and the other one is an insect. What's the difference between a vulture and a lawyer. The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.

That's it for today, my little dixie cups. See you tonight at Lakes Cafe and more tomorow.

Stay Tuned !

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