Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Sorry I'm Late !

I know, I'm late. AOL is life's way of telling you to slow down. It's bad enough that I use dial-up, but then AOL continually upgrades my safety and security by sending me new downloads that take 47 days to install, thus effectively turning dial-up into yodeling.

That said, I need to tell you a few things about myself and my journal. I enjoy people and writing, and I always have. The purpose of my journal is to stop me from yelling and screaming obscenities at my television everytime I see something stupid (hey, that could be a song. It already is. Oh!). 

One of things that absolutely delights me is humor. I enjoy humor and I also enjoy inserting little things in my journal that you have to really read to understand. Normally in the upper part of my journal, you will see words in blue parentheses. This is me. Since I talk to and answer myself, my alter ego is in green. You should have written the word "green" in green. Shut up! You have to really search the entry because there's always something either between the lines, tongue in cheek, or completely fabricated. There's times that I completely invent things in This Date In History. There are times that I forget the Birthday year of someone, so I just make one up. It saves time on research. Then, there are cryptic and blatant messages for many of my friends. You just have to look for them. Always read the tags and better yet, try clicking some of them. You never know where it will take you. Comments are definitely welcomed and encouraged, if for nothing more than my ego. You're sick! I know, I'm also dyslexci.

In short, my mission is to entertain and amuse you. I hope that I succeed because when I do so, it makes me happy! This leads me to the following story.

A man was on a plane waiting to take off when he noticed a beautiful woman coming down the aisle towards him. His heart raced when she took the vacant seat beside him. Nervously, he said hello and the woman told him she was going to Las Vegas to a nymphomaniac convention.

"I'm a lecturer and I'm going to debunk a few misconceptions of sexual behavior", she said. "Really?, he replied, "What kind of myths?"

"Everyone thinks that African men are the most endowed, when in fact, it's the Native Americans who have that distinction. People think that Frenchmen are the best lovers and it's really Jewish men who are the best. I also discovered that Southern Rednecks have the best stamina".

Suddenly, the woman became unconfortable. " I'm sorry", she said, "I shouldn't be telling you all this. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto", the man said. "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba !"      

The Pictures: My little frustrated pal. Then there's the "usually suspects" and some pictures for Indigo.

This Date In History: 1886; Atlanta pharmacist John Pemberton invents Coca Cola. 1945; V-E Day (Victory in Europe) officially goes into effect on the day after Jimmy was born and also Germany unconditionally surrendered to U.S. General Dwight D. Eisenhower.

Birthdays: Harry S. Truman, 33rd President of the United States (1884), Roberto Rosellini, film director (1906).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: More from Larry the cable guy:

Ok, So what's the speed of dark? When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now! How much deeper would the ocean be if there weren't sponges? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. What happens when you get scared to death, twice? 

That's it for today, my little elves. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !


bamawmn46 said...

Honey, you need to upgrade to DSL.... makes a world of difference... trust me, it's worth it!

Yes, i've noticed the two/three way conversations in your journal!! What a hoot! Thanks for the entertainment!!

lanurseprn said...

Jimmy, you definitely entertain me!! No doubt about that. For that, I thank you. But, I'm disappointed that you fessed up to using fake dates for things you aren't sure of. It really makes me question your already questionable reputation. <sly grin>

You really gotta get cable or DSL. It will make you NEVER want to leave your computer!