Friday, May 4, 2007

As Time Goes By !

Somewhere along life's road I seem to have lost certain inane abilities (no, not that one). Simple little things! For some reason, I now have to be very careful when I cough. Why? I don't know, it 's just that way now. If I begin to cough, my whole system seems to think that it's a free-for-all and everyone wants to be a player. Sometimes I'll cough and throw in a sneeze at the same time. Other times, I cough real hard and for some reason, Shithead (my cat) gets up and moves away from me.

I cannot differentiate between my lungs and my stomach. I take a sip of my drink and for some reason it goes into my lungs, forcing me to gasp for air and I think I'm going to die. I recall when we were kids, this same thing would happen to my father and he would get up, put his hands over his head and walk around the room making strange sounds, while at the same time, my dog, Beannie, followed him around the room, smelling the back of his boxer shorts. At the time, we would howl with laughter at the sight of the dog following Dad around the room. I have become my father, but Shithead knows better than to follow me around the room, 'cause I don't wear boxer shorts !

Speaking of walking, my mother started walking for her health at the age of 72. She's 75 now and I have no idea where in the hell she is. The only reason that I exercise at all is to hear the sounds of heavy breathing. I was considering cross country skiing, but it'll have to be a very small country.

The Pictures: Today's featured artist, Duke Ellington and "The ususal suspects".

For the second week in a row, we do not have a winner of the coveted Cat Ass Trophy. In many ways, that's good. There's so many potential winners out there each and every week and it's nice that no one fouled up this week. Fear not, friends, I've no doubt that someone will come out of the woodwork. I hear (A) Rosie O' Fat Ass has a deal in the works that possible will compete with "The View" in the same time slot! 

This Date In History: 1932; Notorious gangster Al Capone enters a federal prison in Georgia to begin serving a sentence for tax evasion. 1979; Margaret Thatcher is sworn in as Britain's first female Prime Minister. 1980; Lt. Col Oliver North is convicted of obstruction of justice and destruction of documents in the Iran-Contra affair; it is later overturned.

Today's featured artist is Duke Ellington performing "Satin Doll". It brings back memories because the first song I ever performed in a jazz club was this Ellington classic. Here's Duke Ellington.

                                     

Birthdays: Horace Mann, educator (1796), Hosni Mubarak, president of Egypt (1928), Audrey Hepburn, actress (1929).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks, Vivian ! 

The man was walking down the aisle of a store and asked the clerk where the Polish sausage was. The clerk asked the man if he was Polish.

The man said , Why do you ask if I'm Polish? If I asked for rice, would you ask me if I'm Asian? If I asked you for pasta, would you ask if I was Italian? If I asked for kosher hot dogs, would you ask me if I was Jewish?

The stunned clerk clerk said, "No sir, I probably wouldn't." The indignant man blurted, "Why then, do you ask me if I'm Polish when I want to purchase Polish sausages?

"Because, sir,", the young man replied, "This is the Home Depot."

That's it for today, my hot little sausages. See you at Krystel's tonight. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !   

4 comments:

rdautumnsage said...

I couldn't help laughing about what you wrote about your dad. The things we could only wish we didn't inherit from our parents. I think it's awesome your mom is walking for her health , sounds like your having a hard time keeping up (winks).
Loved the pictures, of course you know the nature ones always win with me. (Hugs) Indigo

bamawmn46 said...

No boxer shorts?  Must be briefs...<grin>  Have a good one!!
Jackie

jtbeanster said...

That was hysterical!!!  And the funny thing it is the truth!!!!  And Jim, I thought I was the only one who could cough and sneeze at the same time!  Sure wish they were still here so we could all laugh together....
Jeanne

lanurseprn said...

Be careful when you swallow. Don't wanna get aspiration pneumonia. Nasty!
Enjoyed the pictures. No boxers, huh? You crack me up Jimmy!
Pam