Thursday, May 31, 2007

I know It's Late

I'm trying alternate plan B-7. There I was, making todays entry around 5:30 and when I clicked "save", I got zip, nada, nico! So, I lost a hour. I'm angry, but I'll get over it.  Now, I can't get May 30th's entry to download. I go to the journal and a big, black hole appears where the pictures are supposed to be.

This is alternate plan B-7 and I'm running out of solutions. I'm one of the few people that can screw up a one car funeral, so I'm used to adverse reactions.  If per chance this plan works (i.e. skipping and forgetting about the May 30 entry), I will return for a longer explanation. If not, I'm like that little girl in the movie that goes into the TV and gets lost in INTERNET WORLD.

Stay Tuned (no pun intended) !

WELL IT WORKED ! I feel like the fisherman who after losing the big fish, retells the story so that the unseen fish is larger than it actually was. Well, horseshit ! It was a good entry ! I liked it so much, I read it twice and even Shithead put on his reading glasses and read it again.

Ok, such is life. I will calm down, regroup and prepare my mind for a better tomorrow. I will possibly return later, after my blood pressure drops below 300, with fascinating stories and anecdotes that will leave you spellbound. If I can't find anything to plagiarize, however, you will be subjected to the normal (?) raving and mad rants that I am wont to do !  

That's it for now, my little lunatics. More tomorrow

Stay Tuned !    

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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Today Is Memorial Day !

Yes, friends, today is Memorial Day ! It always was, since I was a puppy. Somewhere back in the '60s, it was decided that the memorial observance would be changed to a generic date, obstensibly to allow everyone to have a three day weekend of celebration (?). I wonder if the troops get a three day weekend so they can celebrate also. I'm not knocking a three day weekend, I think it's great. Just continue to remember the fallen and injured troops on today's date and be proud that their efforts allow us the three day weekend. (Jimmy has gotten off the soapbox).

I'll be in Area 51 this afternoon at Krystel's. Hump Day is here, rapidly I might add, and I will be at my post and taking names. No excuses for not attending today's festivities.

Odds and Ends: I noticed the other day that my toenails needed cutting and I trimmed them in the same manner as usual, but I noticed something. Why is it that as you get older, your toenails get tougher to trim? I briefly considered getting a pedicure, but I was warned by the nail salon that really tough toenails owners are normally escorted outside the premises where they are clipped by the Vet. Fortunately, I don't yet qualify for that procedure, but I didn't want to test the waters.

My friend called me the other day for advice on his upcoming divorce settlement and I advised him to demand that the bar tab be split equally.

The Pictures: I think you'll like these, especially Indigo and the ladies.! I've also included some signs of "gas". (Insert flatulence joke here).

This Date In History: 1783; The Pennsylvania Evening Post and Daily Advertiser is the first newspaper to be published in the United States. 1911; Ray Harroun wins the first Indianapolis 500 automobile race. 1971; The U.S. space probe (don'tcha just hate that word?) Mariner 9 is launched on its first mission to Mars; it becomes the first artificial satellite of another planet when it orbits Mars the following November.

Birthdays: Maria Del Carmen S-B, Happy Birthday my love (19XX), Cornelius Otis Skinner, actor (1901), Benny Goodman, jazz clarinetist and orchestra leader (1909), Alexi A. Leonov, Soviet cosmonaut and artist (1934).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

What's the difference between the Pope and your boss? The Pope just expects you to kiss his ring. How do you stop your husband from reading your email? Change the file to read "Instructions Manual". If women with big boobs work at Hooters, where do women with one leg work? IHOP. Why did the blonde only change her baby's diapers only once a month? Because the box said. "good for up to 20 pounds".

Larry Birkhead's former attorney, (A) and former C.A.T. winner, Debra Opri, has requested binding arbitration for her nearly $650,000 dollar bill to Birkhead for representation. The bill included dinner bills in excess of $1,000.00 (Birkhead wasn't present), her husband's dry cleaning, plane fare to and from the Bahamas to attend the funeral for Anna Nicole Smith (she wasn't invited) and bills for lobster dinner take-outs. How do you get an attorney out of a tree? Cutthe rope !    

That's it for today my little peaches. More tomorrow. See you tonight at Krystel's.

Stay Tuned !

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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

We're Only One Day From Hump Day !

It was a good weekend and Monday got it's just rewards. We all seem to hate Mondays until those "long weekends" come along. I think we're going to have to give Monday the top billing in these "long weekends" to counter-balance all the negatives normally given to the first day of the work week (what in hell are you talking about? I have no idea...too many hours of watching auto racing).

Speaking of racing, Scotsman Dario Franchitti (Ashley Judd's husband) won the rain shortened Indianapolois 500 in a story book ending. The race started under the threat of rain and after a little over 100 laps, the race was red-flagged due to rain. Tony Kanaan, probably the best car in the field, was leading with Marco Andretti and Danica Patrick running second and third, respectively.

Amazingly, the race was restarted late in the afternoon and between some bad luck for Tony Kanaan and some good fortune for Franchitti, the rains returned and the race ended under yellow and checkered flags. Marco Andretti's car flipped after he accidentally cut in front of an upcoming driver and this caused a long yellow flag period and that's when the rains came. CARPE DIEM ala CARP. (Seize the day with a carp..you're sick ! I know).

Danica Patrick drove probably the best race of her career and, although she's had better Indy finishes, her ability to win in the future was quite obvious. Sarah Fisher had so-so equipment and finished in the middle of the field. Rookie female driver Milka Dano crashed early in the race. Bad equipment, combined with inexperience, was her downfall.

Casey Mears won a crash filled Charlotte 600 and did so on good fuel mileage. This not to say he wasn't fast,...he was, and combined with good fuel conservation he finished first, ahead of J.J. Yeley and Kyle Petty. I was surprised that NASCAR didn't screw up the race with their mysterious "caution  flag for debris", thus allowing the race to end under green flag with the most calculating team coming out victorious. How fitting a car sponsored by the National Guard won the Memorial Day race !

The Pictures: Mostly shots from the Indiannapolis 500 and the Charlotte 600. As always, a picture for Indigo and today, one for me, a picture of Danica (there are several). Guess which one's for me.

This Date In History: 1790; Rhode Island becomes the 13th state, the last of the colonies to ratify the constitution. 1953; New Zealander Edmund Hillary and Sherpa, Tenzing Norgay, are the 1st men to reach the summit of Mount Everest, the world's tallest mountain.

Birthdays: Charles II, King of England, Scotland and Ireland (1630), Patrick Henry, statesman and patriot, whose words, "Give me liberty or give me death", spoken in a speech at the Virginia Convention, became immortalized (1736), Bob Hope, comedian and film actor (1903), John F. Kennedy, President of the United States (1917), Al Unser, four time winner of the Indianapolis 500 (1939).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Greeting Cards You'd Like To See !

I'm so miserable without you! It almost seems like you're here. If I could have anything I want for Christmas, it would be your sister. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends; Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends. As time goes by, I think of how lucky I am...that you're not here to ruin it for me. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help wondering...What was I thinking? You're such a good friend that if I was on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket, I would miss you a lot and think about you often. Congratulations on you're new bundle of joy! Did you ever find out who the father is? You are so talented you ought to be on stage. There's one leaving in ten minutes. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday, so we're having you put to sleep. Happy Birthday Uncle Dad (available only in New Orleans).

That's it for today my little apple dumplings. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Saturday, May 26, 2007

It's A Long Lazy Weekend !

This will be a long relaxing weekend and my hope is that everyone enjoys it and more importantly, gets throught it safely. I'm breaking from my normal (?) routine and I'm going with a more laid back style for today.

Last night's escapades at Krystel's were minor and it was very slow due to the long weekend. I represented Area 51 in a manner that you would be proud of, limiting myself to a few drinks with Mr Dewars and wrapping up any outstanding world problems prior to escaping for the weekend. My friend, Brenda, came in late and her outfit was outstanding! I snapped a few pictures which I'll show you next week. We recessed earlier than usual and went home.

I sure do miss seeing you, Laury ! I'm going to try and set up lunch for next week. Please make plans, my perfect martini.

The problems with AOL pictures will hopefully be resolved by Wednesday and everyone will be back on track. In the interim, I'm using some pictures which are good for the panning style of this particular feature, in which the camera moves side to side, in and out, and up and down. I know you've seen most of these, Indigo, but perhaps not in this style. Nancy, I left out the white wine pictures, but I'm chilling a bottle for you. 

I'll probably be in and out with entries this weekend, hopefully with some thoughts on the Indianapolis 500 and the Nascar Charlotte 600, both of which will be run tomorrow. I be calling you, Jeanne, to see if you're watching the race.

The Indy race will be interesting as there will be three ladies racing in the event and I hope they do well. My thinking is that Danica Patrick will have a good chance to win and she has good equipment (and the car's fast too). Sorry, lost my train of thought for a moment.

A note to my lady friends: I'll be preparing your drinks, as usual, this weekend. I know you all can't make it here physically, but I appreciate you stopping by, at least in thought. Remember to bring some munchies ! Jackie, leave the mule home ! I'll close for now and leave you with one of my favorite pictures, which I'm sure you girls will appreciate. That's it for today, my sexy little kittens. Stay Tuned !  

                         

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Friday, May 25, 2007

We Have A Winner !

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who would win of this week's "Cat Ass Trophy" (catastrophe, for those not in the know). My cat, Possum S. Hemmingway, lovingly known as "Shithead", and I sat down last evening and after a brief discussion, we decided that former winner Rosie O"Donnell, also known as RO'FA, was this week's winner of the prestigious award.

 

                         

                                         

     

After her performance this week on "The View" and her previous C.A.T. award winning performances, (see Wednesday's and Thursday's journal entries), she was the obvious choice. TMZ.com reported that Mr. O'Donnell possibly may not return to finish her contact which ends in June. TMZ further reported that Mr. O"Donnell trashed her dressing room after the verbal argument with Elisabeth Hasselbeck and was escorted off the premises after being discovered drawing moustaches on pictures of Ms. Hasselbeck. ABC confirmed that the pictures were vandalized, but said that Mr. O'Donnell was not present when the damage was discovered. Congratulations Rosie, You 'da man !

It's Friday and you're all invited to Krystel's for happy hour. I keep saying I'm going to snap some new pictures and with my razor sharp mind, I always forget. I also carry a map with me just in case I forget the route. I do, however, always remember the capital of Vermont and that evening in Paris (Texas). What?

Wacko Michael Jackson is going to the prince of Brunei's 25th birthday party, which reportedly will cost 14 million dollars, 10 million of which will be paid to Michael Jackson, whose only requirement is to show up.. Brunei is a small, oil-laden country in the mid-east and they obviously have their preferences in proper order. I wonder if O.J. was invited ?

Post Script: As of 4:30 p.m, ABC announced that Rosie O'Donnell would not be returning to "The View".

The Pictures: Just a few. AOL Journals Editor, Joe Loong, is keeping us abreast of the current repairs for the picture problem and reports that everything should be back to normal as soon as Wednesday.

This Date In History: 1787;  The Constitutional Convention, presided over by George Washington, opens in Philadelphia to establish a new constitution. 1977; Science fiction film "Star Wars", directed by George Lucas, is released.

Birthdays: Ralph Waldo Emerson, poet and poet  1803), Bill "Bojangles" Robinson, tap dancer and entertainer (1878), Miles Davis, jazz trumpet player and bandleader (1926), Beverly Sills, opera singer (1929).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A woman wanted to purchase a pet for her husband's birthday but discovered that they were too expensive. The pet shop owner told he her he did have cheap, large, female frogs in the rear of the store. The pet store owner said, "They say the frogs are excellent lovers. I don't know if it's true, but we've sold 30 of them this week."

The woman bought the frog as a "gag gift" for her husband and told him about the frog's supposed ability. Later on that night, the woman was awakened by banging sounds coming from the kitchen. When she entered, she found the man holding the large frog, while reading a cookbook.

The woman asked her husband, "What in hell are you doing?" The man replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone !"

That's it for today, my little wine sippers. See you tonight at Krystel's. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned ! 

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Thursday, May 24, 2007

It's Not Just Me !

Sometimes I see things and they just piss me off ! In retrospect, I oft times re-examine my rants and try to ascertain if they have merit or has anger gotten the best of me. I'm torn between the two in the case of Rosie O'Donnell versus Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

You'll notice that I'm referring to Ms. O'Donnell in a different manner than I normally do. One of my pals reminded me that it's not nice to refer to people because of their physical attributes. I agree in most cases and I don't really have an excuse for my adjectives. I will say, in a very weak way, that one must imagine one's anger, if, for example, one is in traffic and one gets cut off severely by a discourteous driver. One's first reaction would be to verbally insult the discourteous driver by the most obvious means, i.e, race, color, creed, choice of vehicle, dress, looks, age, nationality, heighth, weight, smell or political party (what?). If all else fails, the standard "Yo Momma" always works for me. I apologize for my juvenile reactions, but I can't promise that it won't happen again, given the stimulus.

In the case of Ms. O'Donnell, I suggest you read yesterday's entry to bring you up to speed and then watch the following video originally aired by ABC News and copied from AOL News. It's not just me, my little rugrats ! It seems like everyone got "inspired" over this one.

                   

The Pictures: Just a few, the usual suspects" and Indigo's picture .

Odds and Ends: Jordin beat Blake in the American Idol final. Who is Red Truck and S.R., the Golfer and why do they keep following me? Joey Buttafuoco and Amy Fisher are dating (what?). Never leave a tern unstoned. No matter where you go, there you are. Good night, Mrs. Kalabash, wherever you are (You don't know who said that at the end of his show, do you? Hint: The Schnoz). AREA 51 REPORT: All hands accounted for. Slow night, except fot my pals Dr. Marc, Rhotshoes, Melina, Emilio, Hector and Raul. New things expected for Friday ! 

This Date In History: 1884: The first telegraph message is sent by it's inventor, Samuel Morse, from Washington, D.C. to Baltimore, Maryland; he telegraphs,"dot-dot-dash-dash-dash-dot". 1883; The Brooklyn Bridge is opened to traffic. The bridge is sold three times within the first two hours after opening. 1976; Britain and France begin transcontinental flights to Washington, D.C.

Birthdays: Victoria, Queen of England and Ireland (1819), Bob Dylan, Singer and songwriter (1941).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:    M A R R I A G E

You can refrain from marriage and be miserable or get married and wish you were dead. A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then, she's finished. Little Boy: "Dad, is it true that in Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Father: "That happens in every country, son." If you want your spouse to listen to every word you say, then talk in your sleep. At a cocktail party, a woman told another woman that she was wearing her wedding band on the wrong finger. The woman told her, "I married the wrong man." If it weren't for women, men would go through life thinking that they had no faults. Little Boy: "Dad, how much does it cost to get married?" Father: "I don't know, son, I'm still paying." First Man: "My wife's an angel!" Second Man: "Mine's still alive!".  

That's it for today, my little swethearts. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !     

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

She Did It Again !

Well, I knew if I waited, Rosie O'Fat Ass wouldn't let me down. I tuned into "The View" about 11:10 est and Joy Behar, a staunch democrat, was reading a list of why President Bush is a poor leader, most of which are true (and I'm a republican). It was semi-serious and semi-comical, which I like. Elisabeth Hasselbeck, a Bush supporter, said something about some of the good things Bush has done, which were also true. She further stated something about the war and that Iraq was a threat to our troops.

O'Fat Ass said, "Do you believe that Iraq is our enemy? Did we invade Iraq or did Iraq invade us? To which, Hasselbeck said that the people of Iraq are not our enemy, but Iraq harbors terrorists and the like.

Well, I hate to say this but, I completely agree with O"Fat Ass. We have no business in Iraq and it's costing us in deaths and injuries to our troops, not to mention the financial implications. I do, however, support the President, no matter who he is, and the United States of America. I don't, even by inference, regard our troops as terrorists.

Rosie then went on to say that she didn't want to get into it, because the media would misquote and distort her statements, as she thought they did when the media reported that O'Fat Ass insinuated that our troops were terrorists. She said the end result would be, "Fat, out-spoken, lesbian attacks poor, little Christian"(Duh). Rosie asked Elisabeth, "Do you think I believe our troops are terrorists? Yes or no ?" Hasselbeck said, "You have to defend your insinuations." In the interim, the guest host and Joy Behar continually attempted to calm things down and change the subject, to no avail. Rosie was quiet for a moment (what?) changed the subject and went to commercial (fade to black).

What Rosie fails to understand is that most people do not like big-mouthed, biased people, who tend to obnoxiously dominate the conversation, while pushing their own agenda. I really don't care about the escapades of you and your "partner" or anyone's mates during a conversation about peanut butter. Stick to the theme and leave your personal beliefs at home (you done, now? yeah.)

The Pictures: I'd be remiss if I didn't include pictures of today's rant, the "usual suspects" and a picture for Indigo.

This Date In History: 1785:  In a letter, Benjamin Franklin explains his newest invention, bifocal eyeglasses, which proves to be a bad idea for people with ugly spouses. 1873; The North-West Mounted Police (now called the Royal Canadian Mounted Police) is established as Canada's national police force; officers are popularly called M, as are my ex-girlfriends. 1934; Notorious criminals Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow, known as "Bonnie and Clyde" are shot to death in an ambush in Louisiana. New Orleans famed 9th ward residents continue this practice today.

Today's hump day and I'm going to Krystel's to see my friends in "Area 51". I'll alert you as to any new aliens or alien like antics. You're all invited !

Birthdays: Douglas Fairbanks, actor and producer (1883), Artie Shaw, jazz clarinetist and bandleader (1910), Anatoly Karpov, chess player (1951).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: ,Thanks to my sister, Jeanne ! 

You've got problems you need to solve? How about illegal immigration, hurricanes and animals attacking humans. No Problem ! 

Dig a moat the length of the United States/Mexican border. Use the fill to raise the levees in Louisiana. Fill the moat with Florida alligators !

Got Any More?

That's it for today, my little beanie babies. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Cat Ass Trophy Is Being Polished !

The natives are getting restless and things are warming up. It's been a dry spell for the "Cat Ass Trophy", but methinks it's time to wipe off the dust. The first candidate for the envied award is (A) Rosie O'Fat Ass, who, while trying to explain that she was misinterpreted when she likened U.S. troops to terrorists, went off on a tirade against Elisabeth Hasselbeck. O'Fat Ass came down on Hasselbeck after she responded that there were terrorists/jihadists who wanted nothing more than to attack America and kill it's citizens. O'Fat Ass told Hasselbeck that she got her information from watching the "crappy cable shows" and inferred that the terrorists/jihadists weren't trying to kill Americans and were just defending Islam. Both Barbara Walters and Joy Behar came to Hasselbeck's defense in stating that jihadist's mission's, indeed, were to inflict pain and death to America. Rosie responded by reiterating that she did not call U.S. troops to terrorists and changed the subject. Isn't that just like a man ! 

The Pictures: AOL is diligently working on restablishing the old picture format and expects to have the situation fixed within the next week. In the interim, I'll be posting pictures as usual with apologies to anyone using dial-up. Today's theme is Central America with pictures of Belize, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Guatemala and El Salvador, in no specific order. Indigo's pictures today are of a beautiful Osprey and a Chamelion. Oh, and the "usual suspects".

Sunday is the running of the 91st Indianapolis 500 and if you've never watched the pomp and circumstance that surrounds the event, you're in for a treat. Helio Castroneves won the pole (1st) position and this year establishes a record, with three ladies racing in "the show". Lady drivers Danica Patrick, Sarah Fisher and rookie Milka Duno are among the 33 starters of the race which will be televised at 1:00 p.m EST. That evening, Nascar takes to the 1.5 mile quad-oval at Charlotte for the World 600.

This Date In History: 1455; England's thirty year War of the Roses begins. 1939; German dictator Adolf Hitler and Italian dictator Benito Mussolini sign the "Pact of Steel" establishing a military alliance. 1992; Johnny Carson ends his thirty year reign as host of "The Tonight Show". 2007; Rosie O'Donnell goes into surgery to repair her recent adadictome operation.

Birthdays: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, physician, novelist and detective story writer, creator of Sherlock Holmes, and author of the phrase "No shit, Sherlock" (1859), Laurence Olivier, actor, producer and director (1907).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks,Victor ! 

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She was attractive and not bad for 55 years old. We had a few drinks and got cozy. She then asked me if I'd ever had a "sportsman's double", a threesome with mother and daughter. I said no and she said that "today's your lucky day."

We had a few more drinks and then she invited me to her home. When we entered the house, she turned on the hall light and shouted upstairs, "Mom, are you still awake?"

That's it for today, my little niblets. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Monday, May 21, 2007

Honey, I'm Home !

Ok, Ok, I know I'm late but I have an excuse. Today was insurance, auto tag and Publix day, which I successfully accomplished. It's just that it took a tiny bit longer than I had planned. See, I was fine until the hood slammed shut on my hand (You've used that one already. Oh, right !).

Ok, the truth is that my brain wasn't in concert with my body today and I screwed up a few things, starting with getting up late. When I got to the insurance agency, the owner and my friend Carmen, had to recalculated the issue date because it seems someone procrastinated in purchasing the policy. So, I blamed it on Shithead.

The tag agency was slam, bam, thank you ma'am, so I stopped to get some of that good gas that they're selling today. It must be good, 'cause it was $3.35 per gallon. My friend, Eddie, put some air in my tires and after we shot the bull for a while, I left for Publix. Half way there, I realized that I must have had a senior moment because I failed to pump the good gas into my car. Eddie thought it was funny.

Never go food shopping when you're hungry and agitated. At Publix, I was almost finished when I noticed a kid with long baggy shorts and a baggy shirt. The masterpiece was topped off with a baseball cap, carefully worn to the side so as to mimic cheetah, co-star of the Trazan movies. The final "Pierre Cardin" look was the gold teeth. I felt so shabby. The funny thing is that the kid is latin and I used to date his aunt. He's what we call a "wannabe". Don't ask about the bill. I had to finance it !      

The Pictures: Check out the re-touched picture of  a novel new way to beat traffic, the "usual suspects" and some pictures for Indigo. Late post script.  Anyone notice the "nappy hoe?".

This Date In History: 1881; Clara Barton establishes the American Red Cross. 1932; Amelia Earhart becomes the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean when she arrives in Ireland from Newfoundland, Canada.  1945; Actor Hunphrey Bogart marries Lauren Bacall.

Birthdays: Henri Rousseau, painter (1844), ,Fats Waller, musician (1904).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

I'm not saying the lady was old, I'm just saying that when she applied to medical school, they accepted her application and classified her as a cadaver. 

That's it for today my little early birds. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !  

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Saturday, May 19, 2007

It's Going To Be A Good Saturday !

Why is it going to be a good Saturday? I'll tell you why my little tinker toys. First and foremost, it's the day after Friday and I am still intact (compared to what? Shut up !). Krystel's was fun ! I sang, danced and generally had a good time. Nice to see Pepe again and always nice to dance with Carmen. I am sad to say I only resolved about thirty-five percent of the world's problems during happy hour, 'cause Dr. Saca Muela got there early in the afternoon and was on his fourth martini when I got there. Needless to say, his words flowed aimlessly, bordering on the inane. Fortunately, he later drifted into oblivion, which is close to where he lives.

Today is the running of the Preakness, the second leg of the Triple Crown. My heart's with Street Sense, who's become the odds on favorite and a heartwarming colt that reminds me of the great Barbaro. They're also running the Nascar All Star race tonight, which is a non-points race that pays a cool One Million dollars to win. Should be good !

The journals are going to bring back the old style of picture entries and will keep the new styles also, which pleases me no end. This will enable me to return to my deeply trodden journalistic path, which is easy for me to remember. It will also allow me to add a little more flair with the newer ideas, but at my pace (which is painfully ancient Don't make me smack you Ok,ok !). 

The Pictures: The theme today is "No Helmet Necessary". You'll see what I mean, plus the"usual suspects". I've got some new ones, but they'll keep 'til Monday when things are settled. Note: If you see a picture you like, just click it and the movement will stop. Also: You can click any of the tags at the bottom of each page, or the "other journals" and "favorites" on the left side of the journal and it will take you "somewhere" !  

This Date In History: 1536; Ann Boleyn, second wife of King Henry VIII, is beheaded in the Tower of London after she was convicted of adultery. 1643; Representatives from four New England colonies meet in Boston to form a military alliance. 1935; T.E. Lawrence, British soldier known as Lawrence of Arabia, dies in England from a motorcycle accident.

Birthdays: Johns Hopkins, financier and philanthropist (1795) ,Pete Townshend, musician (1945).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The rich host invited everyone to a pool party, including Leroy. Everyone was enjoying the food and drink when the host exclaimed, "There's a large man-eating alligator in the pool ! I'll give anyone $100,000 to jump in with him."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a splash and there was Leroy, thrashing about the pool with the alligator. When a bloody Leroy got out of the pool, the host said, "Well Leroy, I guess I owe you $100,000. Leroy said, "Nah Sir, I don't want your money, but I sure do want the name of the son-of-a-bitch who pushed me into the pool ! 

That's it for today my little dog paddlers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !  

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Friday, May 18, 2007

It's No Wonder Robinson Crusoe Named His Friend Friday !

I read Daniel Fefoe's 1719 novel, regarded as being the first English Novel, when I was a puppy. I liked it then and I read it again often. I also recommend "Lord Of The Flies", if you never read it (Hey, you could be just like Okrah and have a book club Shut up !). Pardon the rant !

Friday's my pal 'cause it allows me to go to Krystel's, see my friends, solve world problems during happy hour, flirt, sing and perform, dance, close the hood on my hand and then, gossip like hell the next day ! (Surely you rant ! Leave me alone and don't call me Shirley). Sorry about that !

Yeah, I'm going to Krystel's tonight and have some fun with my pals. I'm trying to get my journal entry in early (for me) 'cause I have a lot of things I want to say. The new journal format still has bugs, especially with the pictures. I can load them and see the result in edit form, but I can't return to see them again because my computer and the AOL pictures program are having a hissy fit (Ask your Southern friends for the translation).

The Pictures: I've downloaded some pictures from Dribbleglass.com along with some other pictures I found along the way. The main theme for today is "advertisements". I've got two nice pictures of Native American artwork for Indigo. She's got some great pictures and you can check her out under "Other Journals" on the left side of my journal or just click this link. http://journals.aol.com/rdautumnsage/ravens-lament/  Please check out all the other journals under this site. They're my pals ! 

 A Message And An Idea To AOL Journals And AOL Pictures: Solving the problems with the journal pictures is as easy as pie. Just find out who created the advertisements at the top of every journal. Come hell or highwater, the advertisements never give error messages or fail to appear ! 

This Date In History: 1804; Napoleon Bonaparte is proclaimed emperor of France by the Senate and the Tribunate. 1860; Abraham Lincoln, a former Illinois Senator, receives the Republican presidential nomination at the Republican National Convention in Chicago. 1980; Mount Saint Helens volcano in Washington erupts; 57 people die in the largest eruption in U.S. history.

For those of you who are wondering about the esteemed "Cat Ass Trophy", fear not. It simply has not been awarded to any one who has qualified. I know it's been a while, but, oddly enough, very few "Assholes" have surfaced recently. The "Quack Ass" award, for honorable mention does go to Paris Hilton for her pissing and moaning about the slap on the hand she received, which, by the way has been cut in half for "good behavior (What?). 

Birthdays: Nicolas II, emperor of Russia (1868), John Paul II, Pope (1920), Dame Margo Fonteyn, ballet dancer (1919), Reggie Jackson, baseball player (1946).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The old man came home from his doctor's appointment and exclaimed to his wife, "The doctor said I'm in great condition and I have the body of a man ten years my junior." 

His wife growled, "What about your big, fat ass?" The old man replied, "Dear, your name never came up."

The husband came home from work and upon entering the bedrood, found his wife in a negligee with rope in her hands. He asked, "What's going on?" 

His wife replied, "Tie me up and you can do anything you'd like." So, the man tied her up and went fishing !

Why do men have brains larger than dogs? So they don't hump women's legs at parties.

That's it for today my raving beauties. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Thursday, May 17, 2007

If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It !

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water! Yeah, AOL revamped the journals. Quite frankly, I like what they did. They did, however, fail to take into account that my computer runs on elctricity provided by a windmill and 56k is my top speed because the little hamster in the cage has corns on his feets. So, for they next few days, I'll be trying to make my entry using the path of least resistance, while I figure out alternate plan B.

The Pictures: Right ! I know how to put them in, but it's taxing on my computer to view the results. I'll have to count on you to make a comment and tell me if the pictures are running as planned. The new forum is cool but today's pictures will just be two or three of me and Shithead to see if it's working ok. More as things progress.

This Date In History: 1792; A group of brokers meeting at a coffeehouse in New York City organize the New York Stock Exchange. 1875; The first Kentucky Derby is held at Churchill Downs; racehorse Aristedes is the winner. 1973; The United States Senate Committee investigating Watergate begins televised proceedings.

Birthdays: Edward Jenner, physician (1746), Dennis Hopper, actor (1936), Sugar Ray Leonard (1956).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:      A T T O R N E Y S

What do you call one hundred attorneys at the bottom of the ocean? A GoodStart ! Why don't sharks eat attorneys? Proffesional Courtesy How do you get an attorney out of a tree? Cut the rope !

A man spots a sexy woman at the bar, walks up to her and makes a crude remark. The woman, already on her third long island iced tea, turns and says, "Listen Buddy, I screw anyone, anytime and anyhere ! I been screwing people since I got out of college.

"Really !", the man replies, "I'm an attorney, too ! What firm are you with?"

That's it for today, my little ducklings. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

What? Me Worry? It's Humpday !

Hump day, from the latin, canus humpus leggus, is my salvation during the boredom of the five days one must endure to get to the next weekend.

I didn't get to see my friend Tom yesterday. Something came up and he wasn't able to make the meeting. We'll reschedule for another day and when we meet, I'll snap a picture of the "Griz".

Last night on TV, I saw another one of those commercials that you just want to shoot whoever thought of it. You know, like that asshole in the black and yellow suit that has the question marks on it and who runs around screaming like a schoolgirl about free money. If there's so much money available, why doesn't he keep it a secret and get it all? Then there's the Head-On commercial, whose producer hopefully will have a head-on crash with the director for making such crap.

Last night's commercial was really a winner! It's called Gold Kit. They send you an envelope and you search around for all your old gold, put it in the "handy" envelope and mail it to them. Then, they will assess it's value and send you a check. What's wrong with this picture? If you send them your gold, without a receipt and without knowing it's value, you deserve the "check" that they send you ! 

The Pictures: As one can plainly see, there are none, Why, you might ask? AOL has redesigned the journals. As you well know, I am always aware of any changes and my keen intellect is the key reason that I am always on top of the situation. Therefore, I had no idea that changes were coming, hence, no pictures. I'm not sure if it's AOL's fault or mine, but I will put the blame squarely where it lies...AOL. I'll get this thing figured out today and will get the pictures later if possible.

                                   

This Date In History: 1770; At Versailles, Marie-Antoinette marries future King Louis XVI of France. 1886; The United States Congress votes to replace the half-dime with a five-cent coin called the nickel. 1929; The first Academy Awards are presented in Hollywood, California; the film "Wings" wins Best Picture.

Birthdays: Henry Fonda, actor (1905), Wladziv Valentino Liberace, pianist (1919), Janet Jackson, singer (1966).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The young boy asked his mother, "How many kinds of 'willies' are there?" His mother said, "A man goes through three stages. When he is in his twenties, his 'willie' is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his twenties and thirties, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. In his fifties, it's like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?", asked the boy. "Yes", the mother said, "Dead from the root up and the balls are only for decoration."

That's it for today my pictureless little ducklings. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned ! 

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I'm Gonna Go See "Grizzly Adams" !

My friend, Tom, called me yesterday. We haven't seen each other in a while and his wife went to visit her Mom for Mother's Day, so we're gonna meet up today at Krystel's and shoot the bull a little bit. Tom's been my buddy for along time and he kinda reminds you of an older "Grizzly Adams". We've known each other for a while and when I first met Tom, he reminded me of a young "Grizzly Adams". He's just one of those good guys you run across from time to time, full beard, big as a bear, and just as nice a guy as you'd ever want to meet. If my mind functions somewhat normally today, I'll snap a picture and show you tomorrow.

Today is the gas boycott day. I'm not sure of what's going to come of it, but emailing may just be a way for the common folk to make statements. I received a lot of emails from different sources, all with the same message for today. Then, again, I get the occasional chain letter messages that tells me about God and that something bad will happen if I break the chain. I can assure you that I first report it as spam (friend or no friend) and then I break the shit out of the chain by deleting same. I speak to God every evening and he assures me that he does not own a computer !

The Pictures: My friend Pamela sent me these very funny billboard signs. I love them and I hope you do too. You have to look at very one of them or something bad will happen to your neighbor's hamster  (you're sick.  I know). I added the "usual suspects" and a picture for Indigo.

Here's Michael Buble, today's featured artist, performing "Kissing A Fool".

                                       

This Date In History: 1930; United Air Lines introduces the first stewardesses on a flight from San Francisco, California to Cheyenne, Wyoming. One hour later, the "Mile High" club is formed. 1940; Nylon Stockings go on sale for the first time in America. The next day 43 liquor stores are robbed. 1941: Baseball player, Joe DiMaggio, begins 56 game hitting streak. 1957: Great Britain drops a hydrogen bomb on Christmas Island, becoming the 3rd nation, after the United States and Russia, with thermonuclear capabilities.

Birthdays: Pierre Curie, physicist (1859), Joseph Cotton, actor ,(1905), Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State (1937).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:  Q and A:

Q; What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. Build a basement. When you are done, you will have a place to live. Q; As people age, do they sleep more soundly? A; Yes, usually in the afternoon. Q; What is the most common remark made by older people when they enter antique shops? A; "I remember these."

Three cats were bragging about their kittens. "Mine are Persian, their father was a Persian.", said the first cat. The second one said, "Mine are Siamese, Their father was from Siam." The third cat said nothing. The first two looked at the third cat and one said, "And yours? What was their father? The third cat replies, "Oh, I don'tknow. I had my head stuck in a tuna can." 

That's it for today, my little gas guzzlers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !                                           

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