What Did You Call Me?

Here's the scenario: Barack Obama says,"You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig." John McCain, although he has used the same phrase himself, was offended. When accused of using an insulting remark, Obama, is his best "Vinnie Barbarino" voice, says "Whaa?"

Enter the pain-in-the ass media to do two days of analization. Is it an insult? Is it just a commonly used phrase? Was it meant for Sarah Palin? Was it? Is it? Ad nauseum! The way I've always heard the phrase is, "You can put a silk shirt on a pig, but it's still a pig."

That said, let's analyze this, my little pit bulls. The phrase is used to describe something (or someone) that cannot cannot be changed or does not become different by adding, enhancing or changing the basic character or being. That understood, the phrase, in and of itselfis not offensive.

Now we come to intent. If the phrase comes close to where one lives, it begins to be offensive. If Obama had said, 'You can give an AOL subscriber a computer and a journal site, but that doesn't make he or she a journalist," would that be offensive? If McCain had said, "You can send an idiot from Illinois to the senate. He's still an idiot." would that be offensive? Of course it would!Did Obama realize his implications? Unless he's a complete moron, of course he did! Did McCain feign being insulted for political gain? Of course he did!

I'll now rephrase Obama's words so that it fits all of the politicos. You can send egotistical, self-absorbed, self-serving, liars and thieves to represent the people of the United States. They're still just egotistical, self-absorbed, self-serving, liars and thieves. Nuff said !

Which brings to mind a story. A band was playing in a nightclub one evening and it was the piccolo player's turn to do a solo. As the piccolo player began, someone in the audience shouted, The piccolo player's an asshole!"

Insulted, the bandleader stood up and said, "Who called the piccolo palyer an asshole?" A voice from the back responded, "Who called that asshole a piccolo player?"

It's Hump Day and with any luck, I'll be heading over to AREA 51 for some rest and recreation this evening. I have no idea where I'm going, but I'll just give my car its head and let it take the lead. Then again, maybe I won't because the Amoco station doesn't have a bar.

The Pictures: Today's pictures do not need much explanation. Let's just call them "current events."

This Date In History: 1608; The colony of Jamestown in Virginia, after a troubled first year, elects John Smith as its president. 1846; American inventor Elias Howe patents his sewing machine. 1935; Two days after being wounded by an assassin, U.S. senator Huey Long, the dominant political figure in Louisiana during the Depression, dies in Baton Rouge.

1981; The mural Guernica (1937), painted by Spanish artist Pablo Picasso in reaction to the German bombing of the town of Guernica during the Spanish Civil War, returns to Spain for the first time. 1988; German tennis player Steffi Graf completes the sport's first Grand Slam since 1970 by winning her fourth major title of the year, the U.S. Open.

Birthdays: Charles Sanders Pierce, philosopher (1839), Arthur Holly Compton (1892), Arnold Palmer, golfer (1929), Roger Maris, baseball player (1934), Stephen Jay Gould, paleontologist (1941).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.

Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the popoff method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.

Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

                                               

That's it for today my little pork chops. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, pshemmingway, Jimmys-MySpace, Jimmys AREA 51, ham and cheese, Jimmys Journal, lipstick on a pig

Can I Call Home Before You Shoot Me?

The scientific world keeps coming up with inventions, some good, some not so good. A video of one of the latest inventions was sent to me by my pal, Gipsy. It is a cell phone gun. Yep... a cell phone gun. In the wrong hands (where things of this type are normally found), this could be a major problem and create chaos, especially in a crowded place or on an airplane.

On the other hand, it would be nice to have this type of device on your person when one of the numerous street monkeys try to rob you, kill you or hijack your car. Take a look and beware, the first shot is a little loud.

The O.J. Simpson trial is its second day and they are in the process of jury selection. The judge has told the prospective jurors that if anyone has the intent to punish Simpson for the murders of his ex-wife, Nicole, and Ron Goldman, that they will not serve as jurors. Too bad that same judge wasn't ruling in the first trial. She could have told the mostly black jury just the opposite. The jury selection is expected to take the rest of this week.

                                                      

The Pictures: The Beatles are today's influence on my pictures. Each pictures represents the title(s) to a Beatle song. can you name them?

This Date In History: 1850; Under the Compromise of 1850, California enters the Union as the 31st state. 1914; The First Battle of the Marne ends, in which German troops in World War I are decisively halted in their drive towards Paris, France. 1968; Amateur Arthur Ashe wins the U.S. Open tennis tournament in the first year it is open to both professional and amateurs.

1971; Inmates at the state prison in Attica, New York, take30 guards hostage in a revolt over prison conditions. Forty-three prisoners and guards will die in the revolt, which is violently suppressed four days later. 1976; Mao Zedong, the leader of the Peoples Republic of China since its founding in 1949, dies of Parkinson's disease at the age of 82.

Birthdays: Cardinal Richilieu, French statesman (1585), Frankie Frisch, baseball player (1898), Otis Redding, singer (1941), Huch Grant, actor (1962).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The

Two elderly women are sitting at a restaurant, eating breakfast. Mabel turns to Ethel and says, "Do you know you have a suppository in your left ear?"

Ethel reaches into her ear, pulls out the suppository and looks at it. She says, "Mabel, I'm glad you told me. Now I  think I know where to find my hearing aid."

A truck driver was driving down the road when he saw a priest on the side of the road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride. A little farther down the road, he saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned on a direct course with the lawyer. The n he thought, 'Oh no, I have a priest in the truck. I can't run this lawyer down."

At the last second, the truck driver swerved to miss the lawyer, but he heard a thump outside of the truck. He looked in his rear view mirror but he didn't see anything.

He turned to the priest and said, "Sorry, father, I just missed that lawyer on the side of the road. The priest said, "Don't worry son, I got him with my door."

                                  

That's it for today my little pigeon toes. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned ! 

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, my perfect martini, Jimmys AREA 51, ham and cheese, pshemmingway, O.J.Simpson, Jimmys-MySpace, Jimmys Pictures

Who'll Stop The Rain?

My weekend jaunt to AREA 51 was a little different than usual, seeing that I was forced to keep one eye on Hurricane Ike. Fortunately, my Friday evening went rather well, because between the intermittent showers, I ran to a friend and we decided to go to my house for a couple of drinks.

Saturday, I went to see my pal, Emilio, who prepared some great Cuban dishes and we had dinner with his daughter and her boyfriend. We ended up doing some Karaoke songs and generally having a good time. Although my alcohol consumption was relatively small, I still didn't get home until 4:00 am and by then it was getting a little windy.

Hurricane Ike took a shift to the south and left South Florida in relatively good condition. It's going through Cuba at this time and is expected to gather strength when it emerges. The next target looks to be the Texas-Louisiana coast as a category three hurricane. I'm sure that by now, the gulf coast residents are getting a little slap happy.

Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac, two of the largest mortgage lenders in the nation, have been taken over by the U.S. government. The CEO's of both companies were also dumped. I strongly applaud this preventative move as these two lenders own or guarantee 5 trillion dollars and have lost over 14 billion dollars. This effectively makes the U.S. government the largest mortgage lender. The move will probably cost taxpayers money initially, but it will inevitably lower mortgage rates and save taxpayers future costs caused if the two giants were to fold completely.

The O.J. Simpson trial begins today in Las Vegas with jury selection. The killer is facing robbery and kidnapping charges and faces life in prison with the possibility of parole. Since the venue is Las Vegas, and not Los Angeles, perhaps this time the jury will get it right.

The Pictures: Are you tired of movies with sequels? The first movie may or may not be good, but you can bet your sweet bippy that the sequels will tank. Remember how good "The Exorcist" was and how bad "The Exorcist II" was?

Today's pictures are called "future movies," id est, sequels to some of today's current feature movies. Take a look.

This Date In History: 1565; Spanish colonists led by explorer Pedro Menendez de Avile establish the first European settlement in North America at Saint Augustine, Florida. 1900; An unexpected hurricane devastates Galveston, Texas, killing 6,000 people.

1954; The Southeast Asia Treaty Organization (SEATO) is founded by the United States, Australia, New Zealand, Pakistan, Thailand, the Philippines, The United Kingdom and France. 1974; U.S. president Gerald Ford, who took office after Richard Nixon's resignation months earlier, pardons Nixon for "crimes he committed or may have committed."

Birthdays: Richard I, the Lion-Hearted, English king (1157), Antonin Dvorak, composer (1841), Jimmy Rodgers, country music singer and songwriter (1897), Peter Sellers, actor and comedian (1925), Patsy Cline, country music singer (1932).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

An elderly couple were discussing plans to get married and wanted to iron out any potential problems with their particular properties.

The woman said, "I want to keep my condominium in my name" The man said, "That's fine with me." The woman said, "I also want to keep my Cadillac in my name only." The man said, "that's fine with me."

Then, the lady said, "I want to have sex six days a week." The man said, "That's fine with me - put me down for Fridays."

A man goes in to work and notices that his co-worker, Tom,  is wearing an earring.He says, "Hey, Tom, I didn't know that you were into earrings." Tom says, "Yeah, it's no big deal."

The man remains quiet for a while, but his curiosity prods him to ask, "When did you start wearing earrings?" Tom replies, "Ever since my wife found it in my car."

Two old men were sitting on a park bench and the first old man says, "Do you ever play doctor with your wife?" The second old man says, "No, what's it like"?

The first old man says, "It's amazing. Last night, my wife and I spent almost 10 hours playing it." The second old man says, "10 hours? How in the hell did you manage that at your age."

The first old man replied, "It was easy, I just left her in the waiting room for the first 9 & 1/2 hours."

                                       

That's it for today my little patty cakes. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, pshemmingway, Jimmys AREA 51, my perfect martini, Stay Tuned !, Hurrican Ike, Jimmys-MySpace, Possums Videos

Listen To The Rhythm Of The Falling Rain, Sleet, Hail, And Tornados

These hurricanes in the Atlantic are (you'll pardon the pun) raining on my parade. There's been intermittent showers thanks to Hurricane Hanna today, but it looks like they will ease up a little to allow me to go to AREA 51 tonight. That fact notwithstanding, tonight's foray may be a little wetter than normal, but you know me.

Hurricane Ike, on the other hand, is making a beeline for south Florida and he may be the more dangerous of the two. It's beginning to look like Hump Day may be celebrated at home.

                       

Thankfully, today is Friday and I'm just going to deal with the matters at hand and much like Scarlett O'Hara, I'll worry about Ike tomorrow.

The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award has no nominees as yet this week. If Hurricane Ike doesn't get his act together, he'll certainly qualify as a nominee. In the interim, remember that nominations are open until Monday at noon, so keep an eye peeled for deserving candidates.

A black bear in the mountains near Panguitch, Utah, has raided a clandestine pot (marijuana) growing farm so many times that it chased the grower away. Deputies found food containers ripped apart and strewn everywhere, claw marks and bear prints all over the area.

The operation had 4,000 "starter" sacks of pot and 888 withered young plants. The bear was last seen lying in a field, munching down huge amounts of berries and listening to a Pink Floyd tape. You can see more in today's pictures.

The Pictures: Since today's a freaky Friday, I scrounged up some freaky pictures to compliment the day. They're weird, but they struck my eye. I've also included pictures from a clandestine pot growing operation that was abandoned due to the constant, menacing presence of a large black bear.

This Date In History: 1774; Delegates from all of the 13 American colonies except Georgia meet as the First Continental Congress convenes in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. 1877; Oglala Sioux leader Crazy Horse is killed by a U.S. soldier while in custody allegedly after he resists his confinement. 1905; Russia and Japan sign the Treaty of Portsmouth, ending the Russo-Japanese War. The treaty gives the victorious Japanese, a territorial stake on the Asian mainland.

1916; D.W. Griffith's epic motion picture "Intolerance" opens in New York City. 1972; At the Summer Olympic Games in Munich, Germany, Palestinian terrorists murder 11 members of the Israeli Olympic delegation in a hostage-taking attempt that ends with a firefight with German police.

Birthdays: Louis XIV, French King (1638), Jesse James, American outlaw (1847), Napolean Lajoie, baseball player (1875), John Cage, composer (1912), Werner Herzog, filn director (1942).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A man and woman were in divorce court awaiting the judge's ruling on the financial and property settlement. The judge said, "Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $750 a week."

Mr Clark said, "That's very fair, your honor, and every now and then, I'll try to give her a few bucks, myself."

A rich Texas oilman and his wife were having dinner when a stunning woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss and walks away. His wife glares at him and says. "who was that?" The husband replies, "She's my mistress."

His wife says, "That's the last straw. I want a divorce and I'm going to hire the meanest, most aggressive lawyer I know and make your life miserable.

The husband says, "I understand, but remember, if we get a divorce, we'll have to divide everything. I'll have to sell our estate, so that we can buy two two smaller homes. I'll have to sell the Rolls-Royce, so that we can buy economical cars. It will mean no more vacations in the Caribbean, no more country club privileges and you'll have to give up all your charge accounts.

Just then, a mutual friend came in with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. The wife asks, "Who's that with Jim?" The husband says, "That's his mistress." His wife says, "Ours is prettier!"

                        

That's it for today my little tiger lilies. Have a safe and great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, pshemmingway, Hurricane Ike, Jimmys-MySpace, ham and cheese, Jimmys AREA 51, tiger lilies, what?, My Perfect Martini, The CAT Award

Ike, Kwami And Billy - Rub A Dub Duh !

In the 50's, there was a bumper sticker saying "I Like Ike", which was used in General Dwight D. Eisenhower's 1952 presidential campaign. Well, I did like Ike, but his Hurricane namesake is heading for Miami and I'm not too sure if I still like Ike. Ike is now a large category four hurricane and seems to have bad intentions. On top of that, his projected landfall date is in conflict for my next landfall date in AREA 51. Jeez, talk about rude !

                     

I made an entry a few days ago about the obnoxious, loud-mouthed, commercial whore, Billy Mays, and I think it's coming back to haunt me. Since I made that post, it seems like every other commercial that I see features this idiot. It's not that I dislike him as a person so much, it's that non-stop, monotone rant that makes me want to stick a pencil in my ear. Maybe it's just me, but if I needed a spokesperson to hawk my wares, it would not be Billy Mays.

Nevertheless, Billy's new product is health insurance called I Can Benefit. I'm sure Billy will benefit, but I'm not so sure about the public. Maybe Billy's customers who have eardrums that have been punctured with pencils or have inhaled the fumes of his toxic products will benefit.

Kwami Kilpatrick finally copped a plea in Chicago court today, pleading guilty to felony charges and receiving four months in jail and a million dollars in fines. He was facing 10 felony counts against him in two separate criminal cases. He should have done this months ago and allowed the city of Chicago to recover from the chaos and turmoil caused by his actions.

                     

The Pictures: Today's photos are titled "What if truth in advertising was actually enforced?" Here is a sampling that I've compiled in my daily trek to Internet World.

This Date In History: 1781; Spanish colonists found a settlement  in southern California known as El Pueblo Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Pociuncula, later shortened to Los Angeles. 1881; American electrical engineer Thomas Alva Edison supplies electricity to the first customers of the Edison Electrical Illuminating company in New York City.

1886; Geronimo, the Chiricahua Apache who led raids on white settlers for ten years after the U.S. Government attempted to move the Apache to a reservation, surrenders to U.S. general Nelson A. Miles. 1972; At the summer Olympic Games in Munich, West Germany, American swimmer Mark Spitz wins his seventh gold medal of the games, as part of the U.S. 400 meter relay team.

Birthdays: Rene de Chateaubriand, writer and statesman (1768), AntonBruckner, composer (1824), Richard Wright, American writer (1906), Tom Watson, golfer (1949).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A Chinese couple got married and the wife was a virgin. Truth be told, he was not too experienced either. On their wedding night, the wife was trembling underneath the covers an her husband undressed.

He climbed into bed and trying to be reassuring says, " My darring, I know dis you fus time and you berry frighten. I plomise I give you wat you wan, you jus ask."

A thoughtful silence followed and then she said hesitantly, "My girfrens say 69 is gud. I wanna numba 69."

More silence, this time from the husband. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks, "You wanna chicken goo pan wif bwoccori?"

That's it for today my little apple fritters. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, Hurricane Ike, Kwami Kilpatrick, Jimmys AREA 51, ham and cheese, My Perfect Martini, Moo Goo Gai Pan, The CAT Award, apple fritters, Jimmys-MySpace, That Was The Week That Was

It's Hump Day And I Can Bearly Stand the Suspense

It's Hump Day and a well deserved break in the hectic work week. I'm looking forward to easing on over to AREA 51 for happy hour this evening. With all the hurricanes we have wandering around this area, it's a bit difficult to plan my weekly treks, but where there's a will, there's a way. 

The trial of O.J. Simpson begins on September 8th and will be covered in its entirety by CNN. Simpson was arrested and charged with seven felony counts of armed robbery and kidnapping in September of 2007. I wonder if they'll finally nail his sorry ass this time.

It didn't take too long for the street monkeys to begin looting in New Orleans. It was reported by CNN that a group of looters have been roaming the streets and shooting at National Guard Troops. This crap would stop overnight if the National Guard and police just shoot looters on sight, but that, of course, would violate their civil rights and we surely wouldn't want to do that.

Actor and country music star, Jerry Reed, of Smokey and The Bandit fame, died August 31st at the age of 71. Reed had a hit song in the 70's called "When You're Hot, You're Hot," and another top ten song called "East Bound and down" from the Smokey and the Bandit movies.

Is It Just Me? The media doesn't dwell or delve into Barrack Obama's admitted drug use as a young man but they're all over Sarah Palin's daughter for being pregnant? Hurricane Gustav hits the gulf coast and all of the hundreds of oil rigs and the price of oil goes down? Did anyone carefully read yesterday's "Birthdays?" Eye think (therefore, I am) ewe should reed between the lions. There's just something about (Mary?) that Hawaiian queen and her sisters.

                  

The Pictures: Thanks to my pal, Andy, for today's pictures, which he has aptly titled "The Next Time, I'll Take The Pictures And You Let The F**king Bear Loose."

This Date In History: 1658; Lord Protector Oliver Cromwell, leader of the English Revolution of Parliament against the monarchy, dies on the anniversary of his greatest military victories, at Dunbar in 1650 and Worcester in 1651. 1783; The Treaty of Paris is signed between Britain on one side and France, Spain and the United States on the other, ending the American Revolution.

1939; Two days after Nazi Germany's invasion of Poland, France and Britain enter into World War II by declaring war on Germany. 1976; The U.S. Viking 2 spacecraft lands on the surface of Mars, where it analyzes the soil and climate and sends back some of the first close-up photographs of the planet.

Birthdays: Sarah Orne Jewitt, writer (1849), Louis Sullivan, architect (1856), Loren Eisley, anthropologist (1907), Alison Lurie, writer and Pulitzer Prize winner (1926), Caryl Churchill, playwright (1938).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A doctor was examining an elderly female patient. He put his stethoscope on the patient's chest and said, "Big breaths." The patient replied, "They used to be."

While acquainting himself with an elderly female patient, the doctor asked, "Have you ever been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion, the patient said, "Not for about twenty-four years ago when my husband was alive."

The nurse said to the elderly male patient, "How did you like your breakfast?" The patient said, "It was good for the most part, but I can't seem to get used to the taste of that KY Jelly on the toast."

Mr. Smith went to the doctor's office to pick up his wife's test results. The doctors says, "I'm sorry sir but we have a problem. Your wife's test samples, as well as the test samples from another Mrs. Smith, were sent to the lab and they got mixed up. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible.""

Mr. Smith says, "What does that mean?" The doctor say, "Well, one Mrs. Smith tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other Mrs. Smith tested positive for venereal disease."

Mr. Smith says, "Can she take the tests again?" The doctor replied, "Normally, yes, but you have a HMO and they wont pay for those expensive tests, more than once."

Mr. Smith says, "What should I do?" The doctor says, "The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town and if she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

                            

That's it for today my little fried green tomatoes. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, Possums Journal, Jimmys AREA 51, Jerry Reed, ham and cheese, fried green tomatos, Hurricane Ike, Jimmys Pictures, My Perfect Martini, Comedy, John McCain

Three Blowhards - Gustav, Obama and McCain

Hurricane Gustav is thankfully playing itself out in the gulf region, leaving behind a lot of damage and plenty of water, but not much more. Of course, since 'tis the season, we still have Hurricane Hanna, who has been wandering like a drunken sailor in the Atlantic and newly formed tropical storm Ivan not far behind her. Additionally, tropical storm Josephine has formed off the African coast giving us plenty things to keep an eye on in the coming days.

The Media is driving me crazy with their presidential election coverage. I'm getting to the point that I don't care if they elect Sammy Davis Jr as president. Just do it and get it over with! Their non-stop coverage and re-coverage of the same inane bullshit is starting to make Billy Hays commercials a pleasant distraction. Their obnoxious reporters, especially CNN's Jack Cafferty, are always asking the same stupid questions over and over.

The current word of choice is "vetting," a word that I had heard very little in previous year's coverage and now it's said a thousand times a day. It like the little child who discovers a bad word and once mastered, he uses it every day, ad nauseum.

The new subject is the choice of Sarah Palin as the vice-presidential nomination. The air waves are full of these reporters asking the vexing question, "Who is Sarah Palin and what qualifies her as vice president?" Although it's an excellent question, it's a question these assholes should have been asking of Barack Hussein Obama-Lama-Ding-Dong from day one. The reason it has not been asked is because we have to tread lightly and be politically correct, so that we don't hurt anyone's feelings and be labeled racists.

That subject notwithstanding, they're now concentrating on Palin's daughter, who happens to be pregnant out of wedlock. Uh, it's 2008 people, give the kid a break and move on. There are a lot more important issues that still have not been addressed, the main one being that neither candidate has submitted a written plan explaining exactly what they intend to do if elected. It really doesn't matter when you get right down to it because as long as we have a do-nothing Congress, ol' Sammy Davis Jr., could preside from his grave and still accomplish the same thing. 

The Pictures: Thanks to brother, Kirt, for these birth to flight, chronological pictures of two baby hummingbirds, taken between February 8, 2005 to March 9, 2005. These amazing pictures were taken with a Panasonic DMC FZ20 camera with a 12X zoom lens, creating little or no stress to the nesting mother. As a point of reference, keep in mind that these eggs are smaller than two tic-tacs and the opening of the nest is smaller than a quarter.

Obviously, I would be remiss if I didn't include some additional avian etchings for your review and amusement. 

This Date In History: 1666; The Great Fire of London starts in a baker's shop. The fire devastates the city, destroying many buildings, including Saint Paul's Cathedral and the Guildhall. 1864; Union armies led by General William Tecumseh Sherman occupy Atlanta, Georgia. They will burn much of the city beginning their march to the Atlantic ocean.

1945; On board the USS Missouri in Tokyo Bay, Japanese officials make their formal surrender to the United States, ending the conflict between the two countries in World War II. 1945; Viet Minh forces, led by Ho Chi Minh, declare the independence of Vietnam from France, beginning an eight-year colonial war that will result in a portioned country.

1969; Ho Chi Minh, leader of North Vietnam and architect of Vietnamese independence, dies at the age of 79.

Birthdays: Liliuokalani, Hawaiian queen, sister of Kamon Eyewana Laya and Lakanooki (1838), Al Spalding, baseball pitcher and manufacturer (1850), Romare Bearden, artist (1912), Christa McAuliffe, astronaut and teacher (1948), Terry Bradshaw, football quarterback (1948), Jimmy Connors, professional tennis player (1952).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Garnett, for the following story.

A man walks into a restaurant with a full grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a burger and fries." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." After they finish their meal, the waitress brings them a check for $9.40. The man reaches into his pocket, pulls out $9.40 and pays the bill.

The next day the man and the ostrich come in again. The man says, " I'll have the burger and fries." The ostrich says, "Me, too." When the waitress brings the $9.40 check, the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly $9.40.

This routine continues for the week and on Friday, when the waitress sees the two again, she says, "The usual?" The man says, "No, today I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same thing." After the meal is finished, the waitress brings a check for $32.75 and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out theexact amount and pays her.

The waitress can no longer contain her curiosity and says, "How is it that you always have the exact change in your pocket?" The man says,"Several years ago, I was cleaning my attic when I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie came out and gave me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, all I had to do was reach into my pocket and the exact amount of money would always be there."

The waitress says, "That's brilliant! Most people would wish for a million dollars, but you'll always be rich for the rest of your life. So, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs and says, "My second wish was for a chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say." 

                         

That's it for today my little whip or wills. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, pshemmingway, Hurricane Gustav, Jimmys AREA 51, My Perfect Martini, Sarah Palin, Jimmys-MySpace, Possums Videos, ham and eggs, Stay Tuned, Jimmys Pictures, The Hits Just Keep On Coming

Hurricanes And Her-icanes, I'll Take The Latter

Hurricane Gustav hit the Louisiana coast this morning as a category three hurricane with sustained winds of 115 miles per hour and wind gusts up to 40 miles per hour. As of yet, there seems to be a sense that the gulf coast will come out of this in much better shape than they did when Katrina hit. The final tallies are not in yet, but things look good. My hopes and prayers go out to those affected by the storm.

My Friday journey to AREA 51 was different from my usual weekend sojourns. I decided to go Saturday evening to Alcazaba in Coral Cables, a place I used to go to many years ago. The club has been resurrected and it was packed. Alcazaba is located in the Hyatt Regency, a five star hotel and resort near Miami. It's non-stop music and dancing with a another bar called Two Sisters next to it. Alcazaba is a mix of all types of music and dancing and Two Sisters is a salsa and meringue bar.

The good thing about both bars is that there are a number of French doors leading out into the terrace area. The terrace also has a bar and one can escape the noise for a bit or possibly have a private conversation with one of the many lovely ladies that were in attendance.

Although a little on the expensive side (drinks were $11 and up), it was well worth the expense for the excellent atmosphere and elegance. It was a very enjoyable evening and I made it home before the paper boy (just barely).

Phil Hill, the American-born 1961 Formula One champion and three-time 24 hours of Le Mans, died last Thursday, August 28 of complications from Parking disease. Hill also was a three-time winner of the Sebring twelve-hour race and a member of the International Motorsports Hall of Fame. Hill was a true gentleman and champion in every sense of the word.

                                     

Billy Mays is a commercial announcer who I've learned to hate. This bearded motor mouth seems to be on every commercial that possibly exists. Has a loud, one-toned method of delivery that makes you want to stick a sharp pencil in your ear. I'm afraid if I were to hear him in person, I would be forced to strangle him with my bare hands! Whew ! I feel better now.

                       

The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award had one nomination which was made by Woody, author of Old Woody's Boomer Page. He nominated China Arnold, who was convictedFriday of killing her one month old daughter, Paris Talley, by burning her in a microwave in 2005. How sad that an infant's life was senselessly ended by a some dimwitted Neanderthal who shouldn't have been permitted to breed in the first place. The CAT Award goes to China Arnold.  

The Pictures: I downloaded some pictures of the Hyatt Regency and Alcazaba so you could get an idea of the resort. Of course, there's also a few of my eclectic selections for your dining and dancing pleasure.

This Date In History: 1807; Former American vice president Aaron Burr is acquitted on charges of treason in his alleged attempt to set up an independent republic in Spanish territory in the Southwest. 1923; A major earthquake nearly destroys the city of Yokohama, Japan, as well as much of nearby Tokyo. More than 100,000 people die in the quake.

1939; Nazi Germany begins World War II with its invasion of Poland. The invasion will lead Britain and France to declare war on Germany two days later. 1972; Bobby Fischer becomes the first American to win the world chess championship when he defeats Soviet champion Boris Spassky in Reykjavik, Iceland.

1983; In one of the last major incidents of the Cold War, a Soviet fighter plane shoots down Korean Air Lines flight 007, killing all 269 on board, after it strays into Soviet air space.

Birthdays: Special birthday wishes for my pal, Rosa and my pal, Hector, both of whom had birthdays this past Saturday (19XX), Gentleman Jim Corbett, boxing champion (1866), Edgar Rice Burroughs, novelist and creator ot Tarzan (1875), Walter Reuther, labor leader (1907), Rocky Marciano, heavyweight champion boxer (1923), Lily Tomlin, comedienne (1939).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Beverly for the following story.

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
 
Over the course of the years, the woman kept tightening the knob, and the effects were wonderful, and the woman remained young-looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
 
“All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now, I've developed two   annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.”
 
The doctor looked at her closely and said, “Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.”
 
“Well,' She said, 'I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.”

                                                             

That's it for today my little moonpies. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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