It's Going To Be A Good Saturday !

Why is it going to be a good Saturday? I'll tell you why my little tinker toys. First and foremost, it's the day after Friday and I am still intact (compared to what? Shut up !). Krystel's was fun ! I sang, danced and generally had a good time. Nice to see Pepe again and always nice to dance with Carmen. I am sad to say I only resolved about thirty-five percent of the world's problems during happy hour, 'cause Dr. Saca Muela got there early in the afternoon and was on his fourth martini when I got there. Needless to say, his words flowed aimlessly, bordering on the inane. Fortunately, he later drifted into oblivion, which is close to where he lives.

Today is the running of the Preakness, the second leg of the Triple Crown. My heart's with Street Sense, who's become the odds on favorite and a heartwarming colt that reminds me of the great Barbaro. They're also running the Nascar All Star race tonight, which is a non-points race that pays a cool One Million dollars to win. Should be good !

The journals are going to bring back the old style of picture entries and will keep the new styles also, which pleases me no end. This will enable me to return to my deeply trodden journalistic path, which is easy for me to remember. It will also allow me to add a little more flair with the newer ideas, but at my pace (which is painfully ancient Don't make me smack you Ok,ok !). 

The Pictures: The theme today is "No Helmet Necessary". You'll see what I mean, plus the"usual suspects". I've got some new ones, but they'll keep 'til Monday when things are settled. Note: If you see a picture you like, just click it and the movement will stop. Also: You can click any of the tags at the bottom of each page, or the "other journals" and "favorites" on the left side of the journal and it will take you "somewhere" !  

This Date In History: 1536; Ann Boleyn, second wife of King Henry VIII, is beheaded in the Tower of London after she was convicted of adultery. 1643; Representatives from four New England colonies meet in Boston to form a military alliance. 1935; T.E. Lawrence, British soldier known as Lawrence of Arabia, dies in England from a motorcycle accident.

Birthdays: Johns Hopkins, financier and philanthropist (1795) ,Pete Townshend, musician (1945).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The rich host invited everyone to a pool party, including Leroy. Everyone was enjoying the food and drink when the host exclaimed, "There's a large man-eating alligator in the pool ! I'll give anyone $100,000 to jump in with him."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a splash and there was Leroy, thrashing about the pool with the alligator. When a bloody Leroy got out of the pool, the host said, "Well Leroy, I guess I owe you $100,000. Leroy said, "Nah Sir, I don't want your money, but I sure do want the name of the son-of-a-bitch who pushed me into the pool ! 

That's it for today my little dog paddlers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !  

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It's No Wonder Robinson Crusoe Named His Friend Friday !

I read Daniel Fefoe's 1719 novel, regarded as being the first English Novel, when I was a puppy. I liked it then and I read it again often. I also recommend "Lord Of The Flies", if you never read it (Hey, you could be just like Okrah and have a book club Shut up !). Pardon the rant !

Friday's my pal 'cause it allows me to go to Krystel's, see my friends, solve world problems during happy hour, flirt, sing and perform, dance, close the hood on my hand and then, gossip like hell the next day ! (Surely you rant ! Leave me alone and don't call me Shirley). Sorry about that !

Yeah, I'm going to Krystel's tonight and have some fun with my pals. I'm trying to get my journal entry in early (for me) 'cause I have a lot of things I want to say. The new journal format still has bugs, especially with the pictures. I can load them and see the result in edit form, but I can't return to see them again because my computer and the AOL pictures program are having a hissy fit (Ask your Southern friends for the translation).

The Pictures: I've downloaded some pictures from Dribbleglass.com along with some other pictures I found along the way. The main theme for today is "advertisements". I've got two nice pictures of Native American artwork for Indigo. She's got some great pictures and you can check her out under "Other Journals" on the left side of my journal or just click this link. http://journals.aol.com/rdautumnsage/ravens-lament/  Please check out all the other journals under this site. They're my pals ! 

 A Message And An Idea To AOL Journals And AOL Pictures: Solving the problems with the journal pictures is as easy as pie. Just find out who created the advertisements at the top of every journal. Come hell or highwater, the advertisements never give error messages or fail to appear ! 

This Date In History: 1804; Napoleon Bonaparte is proclaimed emperor of France by the Senate and the Tribunate. 1860; Abraham Lincoln, a former Illinois Senator, receives the Republican presidential nomination at the Republican National Convention in Chicago. 1980; Mount Saint Helens volcano in Washington erupts; 57 people die in the largest eruption in U.S. history.

For those of you who are wondering about the esteemed "Cat Ass Trophy", fear not. It simply has not been awarded to any one who has qualified. I know it's been a while, but, oddly enough, very few "Assholes" have surfaced recently. The "Quack Ass" award, for honorable mention does go to Paris Hilton for her pissing and moaning about the slap on the hand she received, which, by the way has been cut in half for "good behavior (What?). 

Birthdays: Nicolas II, emperor of Russia (1868), John Paul II, Pope (1920), Dame Margo Fonteyn, ballet dancer (1919), Reggie Jackson, baseball player (1946).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The old man came home from his doctor's appointment and exclaimed to his wife, "The doctor said I'm in great condition and I have the body of a man ten years my junior." 

His wife growled, "What about your big, fat ass?" The old man replied, "Dear, your name never came up."

The husband came home from work and upon entering the bedrood, found his wife in a negligee with rope in her hands. He asked, "What's going on?" 

His wife replied, "Tie me up and you can do anything you'd like." So, the man tied her up and went fishing !

Why do men have brains larger than dogs? So they don't hump women's legs at parties.

That's it for today my raving beauties. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It !

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water! Yeah, AOL revamped the journals. Quite frankly, I like what they did. They did, however, fail to take into account that my computer runs on elctricity provided by a windmill and 56k is my top speed because the little hamster in the cage has corns on his feets. So, for they next few days, I'll be trying to make my entry using the path of least resistance, while I figure out alternate plan B.

The Pictures: Right ! I know how to put them in, but it's taxing on my computer to view the results. I'll have to count on you to make a comment and tell me if the pictures are running as planned. The new forum is cool but today's pictures will just be two or three of me and Shithead to see if it's working ok. More as things progress.

This Date In History: 1792; A group of brokers meeting at a coffeehouse in New York City organize the New York Stock Exchange. 1875; The first Kentucky Derby is held at Churchill Downs; racehorse Aristedes is the winner. 1973; The United States Senate Committee investigating Watergate begins televised proceedings.

Birthdays: Edward Jenner, physician (1746), Dennis Hopper, actor (1936), Sugar Ray Leonard (1956).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:      A T T O R N E Y S

What do you call one hundred attorneys at the bottom of the ocean? A GoodStart ! Why don't sharks eat attorneys? Proffesional Courtesy How do you get an attorney out of a tree? Cut the rope !

A man spots a sexy woman at the bar, walks up to her and makes a crude remark. The woman, already on her third long island iced tea, turns and says, "Listen Buddy, I screw anyone, anytime and anyhere ! I been screwing people since I got out of college.

"Really !", the man replies, "I'm an attorney, too ! What firm are you with?"

That's it for today, my little ducklings. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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What? Me Worry? It's Humpday !

Hump day, from the latin, canus humpus leggus, is my salvation during the boredom of the five days one must endure to get to the next weekend.

I didn't get to see my friend Tom yesterday. Something came up and he wasn't able to make the meeting. We'll reschedule for another day and when we meet, I'll snap a picture of the "Griz".

Last night on TV, I saw another one of those commercials that you just want to shoot whoever thought of it. You know, like that asshole in the black and yellow suit that has the question marks on it and who runs around screaming like a schoolgirl about free money. If there's so much money available, why doesn't he keep it a secret and get it all? Then there's the Head-On commercial, whose producer hopefully will have a head-on crash with the director for making such crap.

Last night's commercial was really a winner! It's called Gold Kit. They send you an envelope and you search around for all your old gold, put it in the "handy" envelope and mail it to them. Then, they will assess it's value and send you a check. What's wrong with this picture? If you send them your gold, without a receipt and without knowing it's value, you deserve the "check" that they send you ! 

The Pictures: As one can plainly see, there are none, Why, you might ask? AOL has redesigned the journals. As you well know, I am always aware of any changes and my keen intellect is the key reason that I am always on top of the situation. Therefore, I had no idea that changes were coming, hence, no pictures. I'm not sure if it's AOL's fault or mine, but I will put the blame squarely where it lies...AOL. I'll get this thing figured out today and will get the pictures later if possible.

                                   

This Date In History: 1770; At Versailles, Marie-Antoinette marries future King Louis XVI of France. 1886; The United States Congress votes to replace the half-dime with a five-cent coin called the nickel. 1929; The first Academy Awards are presented in Hollywood, California; the film "Wings" wins Best Picture.

Birthdays: Henry Fonda, actor (1905), Wladziv Valentino Liberace, pianist (1919), Janet Jackson, singer (1966).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The young boy asked his mother, "How many kinds of 'willies' are there?" His mother said, "A man goes through three stages. When he is in his twenties, his 'willie' is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his twenties and thirties, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. In his fifties, it's like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?", asked the boy. "Yes", the mother said, "Dead from the root up and the balls are only for decoration."

That's it for today my pictureless little ducklings. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned ! 

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I'm Gonna Go See "Grizzly Adams" !

My friend, Tom, called me yesterday. We haven't seen each other in a while and his wife went to visit her Mom for Mother's Day, so we're gonna meet up today at Krystel's and shoot the bull a little bit. Tom's been my buddy for along time and he kinda reminds you of an older "Grizzly Adams". We've known each other for a while and when I first met Tom, he reminded me of a young "Grizzly Adams". He's just one of those good guys you run across from time to time, full beard, big as a bear, and just as nice a guy as you'd ever want to meet. If my mind functions somewhat normally today, I'll snap a picture and show you tomorrow.

Today is the gas boycott day. I'm not sure of what's going to come of it, but emailing may just be a way for the common folk to make statements. I received a lot of emails from different sources, all with the same message for today. Then, again, I get the occasional chain letter messages that tells me about God and that something bad will happen if I break the chain. I can assure you that I first report it as spam (friend or no friend) and then I break the shit out of the chain by deleting same. I speak to God every evening and he assures me that he does not own a computer !

The Pictures: My friend Pamela sent me these very funny billboard signs. I love them and I hope you do too. You have to look at very one of them or something bad will happen to your neighbor's hamster  (you're sick.  I know). I added the "usual suspects" and a picture for Indigo.

Here's Michael Buble, today's featured artist, performing "Kissing A Fool".

                                       

This Date In History: 1930; United Air Lines introduces the first stewardesses on a flight from San Francisco, California to Cheyenne, Wyoming. One hour later, the "Mile High" club is formed. 1940; Nylon Stockings go on sale for the first time in America. The next day 43 liquor stores are robbed. 1941: Baseball player, Joe DiMaggio, begins 56 game hitting streak. 1957: Great Britain drops a hydrogen bomb on Christmas Island, becoming the 3rd nation, after the United States and Russia, with thermonuclear capabilities.

Birthdays: Pierre Curie, physicist (1859), Joseph Cotton, actor ,(1905), Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State (1937).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:  Q and A:

Q; What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. Build a basement. When you are done, you will have a place to live. Q; As people age, do they sleep more soundly? A; Yes, usually in the afternoon. Q; What is the most common remark made by older people when they enter antique shops? A; "I remember these."

Three cats were bragging about their kittens. "Mine are Persian, their father was a Persian.", said the first cat. The second one said, "Mine are Siamese, Their father was from Siam." The third cat said nothing. The first two looked at the third cat and one said, "And yours? What was their father? The third cat replies, "Oh, I don'tknow. I had my head stuck in a tuna can." 

That's it for today, my little gas guzzlers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !                                           

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Monday And I Are Here.....Ready To Rock And Roll !

Good Morning and a belated Happy Mother's Day to all. I took a little break yesterday, but I'm back on the keyboard to give you your daily dose of insanity. Pull up a chair, have a cup of coffee and let's get this party started.

Attornies for the Ronald Goldman family notified Kentucky restaurant owner, Jeff Ruby, that they have taken pre-emptive action in case (A) O.J. Simpson sues Ruby for refusing service to him. They reportedly told Ruby that if Simpson sues him and wins, any monies received by Simpson would go to the Goldman family, who, in turn, would return the money to Ruby. Thank you, Lord !

Paris Hilton's upcoming jail stint continues to be front page stuff. I found her some help (see pictures). By the way, there's still a war going on, gas is nearing $4 a gallon and my hand still hurts!

Speaking of gas prices, I have received countless emails stating don't buy gas May 15th, which I agree with. It will hurt the oil companies that particular day, My logic, however, tells me that they will set gas sales records on May 14th and 16th. The way to force gas prices down is drive at 55 mph, plan your driving routines intelligently and generally conserve fuel when possible.

Area 51 Report: All my readers are honorary members of my area. I can guarantee your safety, but not your mental health. For those of you who missed Saturday's entry, I put in some pictures of the "Area 51" most wanted posters. For those of you who did read it, I added some more pictures. By the way, the white cadillac is the one who hurt me ! 

The Pictures: If you ever watched "I love Lucy", you have to remember the "Vitameatavegamin" bit. Picture #3 should give you a "visual" on gas prices. Picture #4 is to help Paris Hilton. Pictures #6-7 are horses made from driftwood. Picture #8 is white wine for Nancy and, as always, pictures for Indigo and the "usual suspects."

I had dinner Saturday night with Dr. Marc, Rosie and my pal, Danny. As usual, Rosie found something for me to cookthat I'v never cooked before (steaks coated with a sauce of garganzola cheese and garlic butter), but we got by all right, especially with the help of assistant chefs Danny, Chico and Johnny Walker.

Here's Alan Jackson, today's featured artist performing "Don't Rock The Jukebox".

                                     

This Date In History: 1796; British physican Edward Jenner tests the first smallpox vaccine on a eight year old boy. 1904; The United States hosts it's first Olympics in St. Louis, Missouri. 1948; British rule over Palestine ends, Israel is proclaimed an independant state and is declared open to immigration. 1973; NASA launches Skylab, the first American space station.

Birthdays: Gabriel D. Farenheit, physcist ,(1686), Sidney Bechet, jazz musician (1897), George Lucas, director and producer (Star Wars) (1944).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my sister Jeanne !

Q & A: Q; Where do women over the age of 60 find sexy young men who are interested in them? A; Try a bookstore, under fiction. Q; How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband? A; Tell him your pregnant. Q; Why should older people use valet parking? A; Valets don't forget where they parked your car. Q; Is it common for older people to have problems with short term memory? A; Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is ! Q; Where do older people look for fashionable glasses? A; Their foreheads. Q; How can you avoid spotting wrinkles every time youy walk by a mirror? A; Take off your glasses.

That's it for today my little boppers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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I Was Fine Until The Car Hood Closed On My Hand !

Yeah, I was fine until then. We closed "Area 51" and Krystel's. I was looking under my hood to check something whan a car passed, "honked" goodbye and I waved. When I looked back at the car, the hood was partially closed. It would have been completely closed had I removed my hand. It didn't hurt that much but that bad boy bled like a stuck pig. I'll live !

Krystel's was rocking and "Area 51" was full, including some "new" friends (see pictures). I sang a few songs including "After The Loving" by Engelbert Humperdinck and "Sabor A Mi." My favorite song was "Mi Viejo San Juan", a lovely song about Puerto Rico, which I sang in trio with Armando and Zineb (that's his name, what can I tell you). Dr. Marc's from Puerto Rico and he was very moved.

The Pictures: Some of the "Area 51" regulars and a "new" friend I met last night. I'd tell you her name, but after she painfully pronounced it three times and I still couldn't repeat it, I gave up. I call her "Baby". There's some "unusual" suspects and as always, a picture for Indigo.

Here's Carly Simon, today's featured artist performing "I Only Have Eyes For You". I said that last night until I went blind.

                                    

This Date In History: 1870; Manitoba becomes a Province of Canada 1932; Over two months after he was kidnapped, American Aviator Charles Lindburgh's infant son is found dead. 1978; United States Department of Commerce declares hurricanes will no longer be named exclusively after women; they further stated that male storms will be called "hizicanes" (I made the last part up).

Birthdays: Florence Nightingale, nurse and founder of the first nursing school (1820), Katherine Hepburn, actress (1907), Yogi Berra, baseball player and coach (1925).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The gentleman walked into court and told the judge he wanted to change his name. The judge told him that that was an important decision and that he should carefully consider the change. The man insisted that he still wanted to change his name.

The judge said, What is you name, sir?" The man replied, "Harvey Schitz." The judged smiled, knowingly and asked, "And, what would you like to change you name to?"

The man replied, "Murray Schitz." 

That's it for today, my little salsa dancers. More tomorrow.

Saty Tuned ! 

Friday's Here And I'm Already Behind !

My car got a new battery today and I've been running my arse off, so this entry may be a slam bam, thank you ma'am. I'm making a quick entry so that you know we're here, but way behind schedule.

I'm getting ready to go to Krystel's and solve some world problems and maybe flirt a little bit. It's kinda like a "Cheers Bar". Everybody knows everybody and we all usually meet up on Wednesday's and Friday's. My area of the bar (same seat, twenty plus years) we call "Area 51". It's the best corner of the bar and filled with good people, although a bit strange, hence "Area 51". I will tell you something though, sooner or later they all wind up in our area and they don't usually leave. We have a lot of fun. I'll tell you more about it in the future.

The Pictures: Just some drinks for my ladies so they can sit back and relax. Oh, and the "usual suspects".

This Date In History: 330; Constantinople becomes the new capital of the Roman empire. 1858; Minesota becomes the 23rd state 1949; Siam, in Southeast Asia, changes it's name to Thailand.

Here's Brooks and Dunn performing "Boot Scootin' Boogie".

                                     

Birthdays: Irving Berlin, composer (1888) Salvador Dali, Spanish painter (1904).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. No matter where you go, there you are. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 

That's it for today my little happy hour playmates. More tomorrow. See you at Krystel's.

Stay Tuned ! 

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Think of Thursday As A Bridge Between Wednesday and Friday !

There's some good news occasionally in the daily garbage that permeates the media. Today is one of those days. A ten year old child, in the hospital awaiting a heart transplant donor, suddenly became a candidate as a donor heart was found. Doctors desperately tried to locate the mother and called her home, work and cell phone numbers to no avail. Knowing that time was of the essence, they used GPS to track her cell phone and found that she was at a concert.

The doctors called the venue, spoke with the individuals in charge and advised them of the situation. The conductor of the orchestrta was notified, he stopped the concert and paged the mother over the P.A. system. The concert officials then rushed the mother to the hospital where doctors successfully transplanted the new heart into the young child.

Bits and Pieces from last night at Krystels;  Good to see my friend, Larry, with whom, we successfully solved most of the world's problems. CNN will be notifying you....Melina and I won $8.00 on a lotto scratch-off, which may seem insignificant to you, but we haven't won anything in several weeks....Nice to see Doctor Marc and Rosie last evening. I will be joining them for dinner Saturday night....Thanks to Emilio for coming to my home to jump start my car. I don't know what's wrong with her but I think she's going through menopause because she's overheats quite often and then won't start.

The Pictures: 1) My brother, Kirt. When we were in the gene pool lane, we were asked what color eyes and hair we wanted and Kirt chose blond hair and blue eyes. When they asked me I said, "Nah, just give me the shitty dark brown hair and eyes. Please make sure the hair turns grey as prematurely as possible. 2) Diana Krall, today's featured artist. 3) A picture for Indigo. 4) The "usual suspects".

Here's Diana Krall, today's featured artist performing "Basin Street Blues".

                                      

This Week In History: 1863; Confederate General Stonewall Jackson dies of wounds accidentally inflicted by his own troops during the Civil War. 1869; A golden spike is driven into the ground in Promontory, Utah where the Union Pacific and the Central Pacific railroads make the completion of America's first continental railway. 1940: British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlin resigns; at the request of King George VI, Winston Churchill agrees to take over as Prime Minister. 

Birthdays: John Wilkes Booth, assassin of President Abraham Lincoln (1838), Fred Astaire, dancer and actor (1899), David O. Selznik, producer of "Gone With The Wind" (1902).  

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks Beverly !

A young woman walked into the confessional and said to the priest, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned." The priest replied, "Confess you sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night, my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times." The priest said,"Squeeze the juice of seven lemons into a glass and drink the juice."

The woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The priest answered, "No, but it will wipe that smile off your face."  

That's it for today, my little lemonade drinkers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !    

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Mount The Camels Boys And Girls...It's Humpday !

Ah, Wednesday, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. You bringeth the sight of yon Friday, looming in the distance. You provideth (That's not a word ! Shut up ! It is now !) a venue from whicheth I can embibe and speaketh el trasho with my friends (Longfellow just rolledeth over in his grave...eth). Surely, my cup will run over or at least increase from B to C. Thank you for existing.

Kudos To: Jeff Ruby, who refused to serve O.J. Simpson at his establishment, Jeff Ruby's Steakhouse on Kentucky Derby day in Louisville. Upon advising Simpson that he wouldn't serve him, tables began to applaud and gave Mr. Ruby a standing ovation. Naturally, Simpson later responded by using the "race" card. He should have used the "asshole" card.

Oback Alabama reported in a speech yesterday that "10,000" perople were killed in the Greenburg, Kansas tornados. Try "12" Oba. In all fairness, the political roads are very tiring, and anyone can slip.  

The Pictures: Frank Sinatra, Tonto "Bubba" Goldstein, the "usual suspects" and a picture for Indigo. 

This Date In History: 1974; The United States House Judiciary Committee begins hearings on whether to recommend the impeachment of President Richard Nixon following the Watergate scandal. 2007; This journal author adds more verbage to this particular paragraph with the hopes of making same seem full of important information.

Here's the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra, performing"It Was A Very Good Year:".

                                     

Birthdays: James Brown, abolitionist and R&B singer (1800), Candace Bergen, actress (1946), Billy Joel, singer and songwriter (1949).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: More from Larry the Cable Guy;

How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand. Why do psychics have to ask you your name? Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happened?" Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people seem bright until they speak. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow !

That's it for today, my little. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !  

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