You're in the middle of some kind of project around the house - planting a lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, whatever. You're hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you do one of the following:
In your 20's: You stop what you're doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's: You stop what you're doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister of someone you went to school with.
In your 40's: You stop what you're doing. Put on a sweatshirt that's long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel think she's hot.
In your 50's: You stop what you're doing. Put on a hat, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog shit in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait Shop and it says, "I Got Worms".
In your 60's: You stop what you're doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you're not sure.
In your 70's: You stop what you're doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready too. You don't even notice the dog shit on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's: You stop what you're doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you're looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
In your 90's and beyond: What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Who farted?
That's it for now my little tomato blossoms. More soon !
Stay tuned !
