The Nascar Championship season began Saturday afternoon with Daytona 500 pole qualifying and veteran Mark Martin won his first Daytona 500 pole. Dale Earnhardt Jr qualified on the outside pole giving team owner Rick Hendrick sole possession of the front row. The Twin 125 mile qualifying races on Thursday will determine further positions for next Sunday's Daytona 500. 
The ARCA 200 was run following the Sprint Cup qualifying and the crowd was buzzing over Indy car racer Danica Patrick's stock car debut, wondering how Danica would handle the switch from the lightweight Indy cars to the heavier stock cars. A record six women started the race and Patrick, along with Jennifer Jo Cobb, both ran very competive races. Lack of seat time and experience was the determining factor for the ladies, but both showed potential.
There were multiple wrecks in the early laps and Bobby Gerhart, a four time Daytona ARCA 200 winner took the early lead of the race. Midrace, Danica Patrick, who was running in an admirable seventh position, was forced into the infield by rookie Nelson Piquet, who evidently was unaware that Patrick was beneath him. The result was a wild, high speed spin through the infield. Patrick handled the spin like a veteran, keeping the car off the wall and running through the infield.
Patrick's car was fairly undamaged and after a series of repairs, she was still on the lead lap running at the back of the field. A later caution flag for wrecks allowed Patrick to catch back up to the field where she remained competitive. Bobby Gerhap held off James Buescher and Mark Thompson to win his fifth ARCA 200. Danica Patrick finished in a respectable sixth position.
The Budweiser Shoutout at Daytona International Speedway kicked off the Nascar Sprint Cup Championship season and the race was very interesting. I expected a little more separation between the cars because of the new rules, but they ran in a very competitive pack right from the start. A proverbial chess game of moves and strategy kept positions two through ten constantly changing, but Kevin Harvick put his Chevrolet in front right from the start and was never headed.
The race ended under an anticlimactic caution flag as Jeff Gordon dumped second place Greg Biffle on the final lap causing a big wreck. Gordon has had a tendency to stick his nose into the flay numerous times in the past, and as usual, he came out smelling like a rose as he was able to avoid Biffle after dumping him.
All in all, it was a tense and interesting race and the Shootout looks like an indication of what will come in next Sunday's Daytona 500.
Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and takes it home. When he gets back to Minnesota , he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come look at this here new cow I just bought. Pull her teat, and see what happens." Sven reaches under, pulls the teat and the cow farts.
Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought this here cow in North Dakota, didn't yah?" Ole is very surprised since he had not told Sven about his trip. Ole replies, "Yah, Thats right. But how'd you know?" Sven says, "My wife's from North Dakota."
That's it for now. More soon.
Stay Tuned !
There are certain things that just strike me funny and the following application for a California driver's license is one of them. For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area. Here it is below: GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION: Name:______________ Stage name: ________________
Agent:______________ Attorney:__________________Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ___both
If female, indicate breast implant size: ____Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___ Please list brand of cell phone: ________. If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:________________________ Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum BlondeTeenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers ____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving ____
If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through
d) Call your therapist
e) None of the above (South Central residents only)
In the event of an earthquake, should you:
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4
In the instance of rain, you should:
a) decelerate by 5 mph
b) drive twice as fast as usual
c) you're not sure what "rain" is
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) 1 hour
b) 2 hours
c) 3 hours
d) 4 hours or more
When stopped by police, should you:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.
A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina state line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Savannah to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk good old boy got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test."
That's it for now. More soon.
Stay Tuned !
Tonight is New Year's Eve and I'd like to wish everyone a safe and Happy New Year. In the Interim, here's some New Year's resolutions from people in the news.
I had to post this beautiful picture of the sunsetting on cypress trees in Florida. The roots of these trees are beautiful and were offtimes abused in the past. The roots, when cut, sanded and polished, make beautiful coffee tables. Unfortunately, this practice was often done at the expense of the tree.
I'm tired of the same rhetoric from politicians from the presidential candidates down to the local politicians in the cities and towns across America. Their speeches have been reduced to childish name calling and they rarely speak about their true platforms, to wit:I'm already frustrated enough today to start drinking early except that there's no Johnny Walker Black in my house. The son-of-a-bitch probably migrated over to Blogspot.com as well. Yeah, I established a journal over there too and it's called Jimmy's Journal. Hell of an idea, huh? On top of that, I was taking a shower last night and when I came out of the bathroom, Shithead was on my computer setting up his own journal too.
Ok! Now, I'm doing my journal on AOL and Blogspot and giving time for Shithead to make his entry on his new journal. Add to that the fact that Blogspot routine is totally new to me and each day is a learning process and you have a man that is ready to go to AREA 51 tonight and sip a few cocktails with my pals.
Speaking of AREA 51, those of you who are members and need the icons associated with it, please let me know. There is a way to put the icons on your sidebar and I will be putting that info in this journal tomorrow or Friday and also in the new journal on Blogspot. In the interim, her are the links to Jimmy's Journal on Blogspot and Shithead's Journal, as well.
http://jimsulliv3.blogspot.com/ & http://pshemmingway.blogspot.com/
The economy is still in a snit and a lot of people are not in favor of passing the "bailout" bill. To a degree, I concur, but there needs to be something put in place soon to get the economy rolling again. In a healthy economy, money continually changes hands and when that slows, so does the economy. The one thing that is certain is that the democrats want the rich people to fund the problem and the rich people won't pay. I guess the shrinking middle class will eventually be the payers.
The Pictures: A little mooselet (I know! I just like the name) was rescued from a freezing lake and once rescued and freed by the good Samaritan, it promptly returned to the ice and almost drowned again. Unable to find the mother, the Samaritan took it home. He kept it for a few days and then turned it over to people who had more room and were also raising an abandoned fawn. Take a look.
This Date In History: 1880; Spain sells the North American Territory of Louisiana to France by the treaty of San Francisco. 1903; The American League's Boston Pilgrims play the National League's Pittsburgh Pirates in the first World Series game.
1908; Ford's Model T goes on sale in America; the "Tin Lizzy" costs $850. 1938; German troops enter Czechoslovakia, precipitating World War II. 1961; American baseball player Roger Maris breaks the record for the most home runs in one season.
Birthdays: Henry III, king of England (1207), Paul Dukas, French composer (1865), Vladimir Horowitz, Russian-American pianist (1904), Walter Matthau, actor (1920), Jimmy Carter, 39th president of the United States (1924), Julie Andrews, English-born American and singer(1935).
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: You think you have computer problems? It could be worse!
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one.
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?
Helpdesk: What is on your monitor now? Customer: A teddy bear. My boyfriend bought if for me at Walmart.
Helpdesk: Good day, May I help you? Male customer: I can't print. Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and... Male customer: Listen pal, don't get technical on me. I'm not Bill Gates.
Hi, this is Martha. I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'can't find printer.' I've even lifted it up and put it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.
As I prepare for takeoff to my new Journal home at Blogspot, here's my parting salute to AOL for discontinuing Journals.
That's it for today my little migrating geese. More tomorrow.
Stay Tuned !
First and foremost, an emergency Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award is hereby awarded to AOL for letting AOL journalists know in October know that J-land is shutting down in November. The reason being given is that AOL is not making enough money.
Here's a suggestion. Fire all of the non-English speaking, Indian hacks that are posing as AOL technicians and hire Americans. Then, re-invest time and money into AOL Journals.
In the interim, I suggest that everyone start making an email list of all their favorite journalists as a means of contacting them when a new site for J-Land can be found. It seems to me that if a good blog site is contacted by J-Land representatives (to be determined) with the proposition that a good number of journalists will subscribe, the outcome will be better for all.
I have begun making inquiries today and will do so for the rest of the time available until J-Land shuts down. If anyone has any thoughts or ideas on this subject please contact me.
It's day two of let's find a way to further screw up the economy, headed chiefly by those zany, thieving politicians whose antics keep us on our toes. You have to understand that most politicians are not too bright by definition, for if they were, they'd be the ones escaping on golden parachutes.
Nay, my little buttercups, politicians trek through life unaware of the definition of economics and morality, staying steadfast to their plans to collect as much monies as they can get away with. The few who are already wealthy and/or educated, are only serving in politics to fluff their egos and further their legacies.
You see, smart people don't become politicians. They make as much as 100 times more than politicians and have no time for, or interest in, the politics of America. They do, however, use these little pinheads to further their own interest by contributing directly or indirectly to the politician's pockets. So, be patient, my little gun-toters, their doing the best that they can considering what they have to work with. I'm Jimmy and I approved this statement.
The Pictures: All the cat lovers, who, while enjoying yesterday's dog pictures, asked for equal time. So, today's pic's are from the world of cats. Cat's are a delicate bunch and not big on performing stupid people tricks. Rather, they are aware that cats were worshiped as gods many years age and they have never forgotten that.
It is unwise to meddle with cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer. They suffer from many different ailments but I have never met one who suffered from insomnia. They are also much smarter than dogs. If you do not believe this, try to get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow. One of my girlfriends once told me. "It's either me or the cat." I miss her, sometimes.
This Date In History: 1791; Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart conducts the premiere of his singspeil "The Magic Flute," just over two months before his death. 1927; Outfielder Babe Ruth of the New York Yankees hits his 60th home run of the season, breaking his own record and setting a mark that would last until 1961.
1946; Following World War II, the International Military Tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany sentences 11 leaders of Nazi Germany, including Field Marshall Hermann Goring, to death for crimes during the war. 1949; The Berlin airlift, caused by the Soviet blockade of overland traffic to West Berlin, ends after more than 277,000 flights from Western nations, which supplied the city with food and fuel for nearly 11 months.
1955; Actor James Dean dies at the age of 24 in an automobile accident in California, having starred in only three motion pictures. 1972; Pittsburgh Pirates outfielder Roberto Clemente collects the 3,000th and final hit of his career, three months before dying in a plane crash while on an earthquake relief mission.
Birthdays: My pal and fellow AREA 51 member, Anne. Have a happy birthday, Baby! (19XX), Park Chung Hee, South Korean president and brother of Park Place (1917), Truman Capote, writer (1924), Robin Roberts, baseball pitcher and brother of Robin Redbreast (1926), Elie Wiesel, novelist (1928), Martha Hingis, tennis player (1980).
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Garnett for the following quips.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Mahatma Gandhi, a famed maker of excellent rice, walked barefoot most of the time. This produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
That's it for today my little mongeese. More tomorrow.
Stay Tuned !
Friday's trek to AREA 51 was very enlightening as my first stop was at Lakes Cafe and when I arrived, the first thing that I noticed was that all of the video machines had been removed from the premises, thus alerting me to that fact that the pending sale had been closed.
Sure enough, not five minutes later, I was introduced to the new owners and more importantly, the plans for changes and renovation are very positive. Having stopped at my pal, Emilio's house for some pre-flight fueling prior to going to lakes Cafe, I was already loose and ready for an interesting evening.
I ended up singing "After The Loving" (Engelbert Humperdink) in the karaoke show and after a few hours getting to know the new owners, Emilio and I headed over to The Billiards Club for a nightcap. As it turned out, there were quite a few of our friends there and we ended up staying there a little longer than expected.
The end result was that I remember that Emilio and I were talking with a young lady named Marta and then I went home. The next day, while browsing my cell phone, I noticed that Marta's cell phone number was in my phonebook and I swear, I have no idea how it got there. Oh, and I have no idea if I arrived home before or after the paperboy as I never saw the newspaper.
Paul Newman, who starred in more than fifty major movies in his acting career, died Friday at his home in Westport, Connecticut, at the age of 83. Newman, who was nominated for Oscars ten times, was a three Academy Award winner. He also won an Emmy award and a Golden Globe award. Besides acting, Newman was also a successful race car driver finishing fifth at Daytona in 1977 and second at Le Mans in 1979.
In 1984, Newman teamed with Carl Hass and formed Newman-Hass racing and joined the Cart open wheel series (now the Indy Racing League). The team has won 107 races and 8 championships.
Newman's Own, a brand he created in 1982 with writer and neighbor A.E. Hotchkin, began as a joke and started out with the marketing of his personal oil and vinegar salad dressing. The company has since become a household name with many products and all profits going to charities. In 2007, the company had donated more than 175 million dollars.
One of the few true gentlemen, Paul Newman's legacy will live on through his movies and the Newman's Own charities. May he rest in peace.
The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award had one nomination this week. Jude, author of My Way nominated the CEO of Washington Mutual for his stellar helmsmanship in guiding the institution to failure. I concur wholeheartedly and my hopes are that his golden parachute fails to open. The CAT Award goes to the CEO of Washington Mutual.
Today's Thought: The one track, party minded lawmakers and politicians failed today in their feeble attempt to past the 700 billion dollar bail out, thus reassuring me that they are incompetent, ignorant and greedy assholes....and that's their good points!
The Pictures: Dogs are often in the news and for the most part, it's usually good news. Dogs sometime attack thieves, prowlers, street monkeys and the like, but that's because they're trained to do so.
Occasionally, however, you hear about dog attacks or people who have been bitten my dogs. Did you ever wonder why these normally affectionate animals go postal? The answer is in the pictures.
This Date In History: 1829; Legislation introduced by Sir Robert Peel reorganizes the London police force. Thereafter, London police will be known as "Bobbies," named after Peel. 1862; Otto von Bismarck, the newly appointed premier of Russia who will its wars of unification in the next decade, declares that "the great questions of the day" will be settled "by blood and iron."
1938; In the Munich Pact, France and Britain agree to Adolf Hitler's demand that the Sudetenland, a German-speaking region in Czechoslovakia, be ceded to Germany, in exchange for Hitler's assurance of peace. 1988; The United States space shuttle Discovery is launched, the first launch sincethe explosion of the space shuttle Challenger over two year before.
Birthdays: Miguel de Cervantes, novelist (1547), Horatio Nelson, naval commander (1758), Elizabeth Gaskell, novelist (1810), Enrico Fermi, physicist (1901), Lech Walesa Nobel laureate and president 0f Poland (1990-1995) (1943).
The Hits Just Keep On Coming:
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up and said, "I do...why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, " I just thoughtyou would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and after a few minutes, Silver began to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, please run circles around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver.
There was little the Lone Ranger could except wait so he returned to the bar to finish his beer. A few minutes later, another cowboy came into the bar and said, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands and says, "I do. What's wrong with him now?" The cowboy says, "Nothing, the horse is fine, but you left your Injun running."
That's it for today my little animal crackers. More tomorrow.
Stay Tuned !
