New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s latest plan for the Big Apple is to require residents to separate food waste for collection to be composted by 2016, following a voluntary program at 150,000 single-family homes and 100 apartment buildings. The diminutive, dimwitted mayor with an obvious Napoleon Complex is fresh off his fight to limit the size of soft drinks and introducing bike sharing. Bloomberg is taking aim at dinner plates, requiring New Yorkers to separate their food waste from their regular trash for composting. Residents will be asked to save chicken bones, rotting fruit, and stale bread in special containers in their homes, which they’ll have to deposit in larger curbside bins that will be emptied weekly by sanitation trucks.
Building superintendents say they’ll face the extra burden of enforcing the city’s rules and keeping the buildings free of unwanted critters lured by the smell. With an average of eight rats (excluding politicians) per person in NYC, I imagine the city streets will have the look of a Golden Corral buffet for rats. Bloomberg is in his last year as mayor and judging by his inane, stupid projects, his next move will be to a nursing home.
Laugh Lines: A lady walked into a jewelry store and bent over to look more closely at a piece of jewelry, inadvertently breaking wind. Embarrassed, she looked around to see if anyone had heard the "accident" and prayed that no salesman would come to attend her until the "fog had lifted".
Her worst fears were realized when a salesman came to assist her. Hoping that the salesman was not near at the time, she nervously asked, "Sir, exactly how much is this lovely bracelet?"
The salesman responded, "Lady, if you farted when you looked at it, you're gonna shit when you hear the price."
A lady is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path to the second tee when she gets stung by a bee. She rushes the short distance back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor.
She bumps into the resident golf pro, who says "What can I help you with?" The woman tells him she's been stung by a bee. The pro asks, "Oh really, where?" The lady replies, "Between the first and second hole." The golf pro says, "Your stance is probably too wide!" That's it for now. More soon. Stay Tuned !
You're in the middle of some kind of project around the house - planting a lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, whatever. You're hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you do one of the following: In your 20's: You stop what you're doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register. In your 30's: You stop what you're doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister of someone you went to school with.
In your 40's: You stop what you're doing. Put on a sweatshirt that's long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel think she's hot.
In your 50's: You stop what you're doing. Put on a hat, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog shit in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait Shop and it says, "I Got Worms".
In your 60's: You stop what you're doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you're not sure.
In your 70's: You stop what you're doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready too. You don't even notice the dog shit on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's: You stop what you're doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you're looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
In your 90's and beyond: What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Who farted? That's it for now my little tomato blossoms. More soon ! Stay tuned !
Nearly 2,000 pro-lifers called local Planned Parenthood clinics Oct. 18 to schedule mammograms, after Obama implied the organization offers the service.
"When Gov. Romney says that we should eliminate funding for Planned Parenthood, there are millions of women all across the country who rely on Planned Parenthood for not just contraceptive care, they rely on it for mammograms,” said Obama Oct. 16 during the second presidential debate.
Planned Parenthood does not actually provide women with mammograms, but refers patients out to other facilities for the exam.
“Call it for what it is … if you're not doing mammograms, don't say that you do them,” Kate Bryan, communications director for Live Action, told EWTN News Oct. 19.
In response to the implication that the organization provides mammograms, the pro-life groups And Then There Were None and Live Action organized “Call Planned Parenthood to Schedule Your Imaginary Mammogram Day.”
Bryan said the idea was generated by And Then There Were None, and that Live Action “thought it was a great idea, to get to the bottom of it and expose the truth.”
Participants called the organization's national toll-free number to be connected to their local center, and were instructed to “tell Planned Parenthood you would like to schedule a mammogram,” according to Live Action's website.
The event's Facebook page asserted that “President Obama, Planned Parenthood CEO Cecile Richards, celebrities in Hollywood and countless Planned Parenthood supporters claim over and over that they” provide mammograms.
It also showed that 1,975 persons confirmed that they were participating in the event to “call out” Planned Parenthood, a turnout that Bryan deemed “a great success.”
In a February episode of The Joy Behar Show, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards said that “ if this bill ever becomes law, millions of women in this country are going to lose their health care access, not to abortion services, (but) to basic family planning. You know, mammograms, cancer screenings,” referring to a GOP-backed bill that would have cut funding to the organization.
Bryan characterized Richards' and Obama's comments as claiming Planned Parenthood is “doing all these live-saving treatments,” and“taking credit for” mammograms.
A statement released by Planned Parenthood on Oct. 17 said that “like the vast majority of primary care physicians and ob-gyns, Planned Parenthood doctors and nurses refer patients to other facilities for mammograms based on breast exams, age, or family history.”
The organization does provide clinical breast exams at their facilities.
“For many women, Planned Parenthood is the only health care provider they will see all year, and thus the only way they will get a referral for a mammogram.”
According to the statement, women “rely on Planned Parenthood for referrals for and financial help with mammograms and specialized diagnostic follow-up tests (like ultrasounds and biopsies).”
The claim that Planned Parenthood improves access to mammograms and other health services is often used to maintain taxpayer funding for the group. The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, "Hi Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, "They won't let me fart." That's it for now my little munchkins. More soon.
Stay Tuned !
NEW YORK (CNN Money) - The White House, in its usual late Friday last minute dumping of bad news or hidden agenda, told government contractors worried about fiscal cliff spending cuts to hold off on warning employees about possible layoffs.
The government said it would cover legal costs if contractors are forced to slash their payrolls because of the looming $109 billion in automatic cuts next year and are alleged to have violated the WARN Act.
The federal WARN Act requires businesses with more than 100 employees to notify workers at least 60 days in advance of a mass layoff or plant closing. Some states require more notice.
"Any resulting employee compensation costs for WARN Act liability as determined by a court, as well as attorneys' fees and other litigation costs (irrespective of litigation outcome) would qualify as allowable costs and be covered by the contracting agency, if otherwise reasonable and allocatable," the Office of Management and Budget said in its guidance. Top CEOs: Fiscal cliff is hurting jobs
Defense contractors in particular have warned for months that the upcoming sequester would cost jobs in their industry. And Lockheed Martin's CEO has said publicly he may be forced to issue notice this fall of possible layoffs in 2013.
If other contractors follow suit, there could be a rash of layoff notices right before Election Day.
Both parties in Congress created the sequester -- a series of thoughtless, automatic, across-the-board cuts -- as a way to force their hand to agree on a more gradual bipartisan debt-reduction plan.
Well, that hasn't happened yet. And if lawmakers can't agree on how to replace the sequester soon, the cuts become effective on Jan. 2. That's it for now my little poppy seeds. More soon. Stay Tuned !
Have you ever felt like the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes? Do you sometimes feel like life is an expressway and you're a 1977 AMC Gremlin in the breakdown lane? Well, cheer up, my little snicker doodles, life could be worse....and it sometimes is.....
Take for example, the lines from the old Clint Eastwood movie, "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly." Life might not always be great, but good is a nice condition too, as we witness below:
Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.
Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
Good: Your husband understands fashion. Bad: He's a cross-dresser. Ugly: He looks better than you.
Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.
Good: Your daughter got a new job. Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.
One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots. The sheriff says, "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?" Billy-Bob replies, "Well sheriff, it's a long story!" Sheriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story.
Billy-Bob continues, "Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did."
"Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did."
"Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots.
Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said, "Okay Billy-Bob, go to town....."
A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is.
The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".
The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants.
His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!".
Everyone has the right to their own opinion and the right to express that opinion via the vote. I believe that most voters are uneducated as to politics and have a relatively short memory span as to campaign promises and the actual realization of said promises.
In Cartegena, Columbia last week, Obama, during a Univision interview said he would seek to tackle immigration policy in the first year of his second term.
"President Obama only talks about immigration reform when he's seeking votes," said Romney spokeswoman Andrea Saul. "Then-candidate Obama promised to tackle immigration reform in his first year. More than three years into his term, America is still waiting for his immigration plan."
Hispanics are an increasingly important voting bloc in presidential elections. Obama won a sizable majority of the Hispanic vote in the 2008 election and his campaign is hoping for similar results this November.
Obama spoke to Univision, a network widely watched by Latinos in the United States, while in Colombia for the Summit of the Americas.
Truth be told, in 2008, candidate Obama ran a "tell them what they want to hear" campaign based on hype. It's relatively easy to draw a crowd when your campaign promise is "free ice cream." The 2008 election appeared to be a version of "American Idol" rather than a serious reflection on the realities of running the country.
The 2012 elections are rapidly approaching. Obama cannot run on his atrocious record so you can look forward to a smokescreen campaign using anything that can be spun away from his first three and a half years.
All politicians are liars. What America has to do is choose the candidate who lies the least.
That's it for now, my little fur balls. More soon.
I've known Ryan Jay since he was a teenager and he has pursued his dreams to become a firefighter-paramedic. This clip from CBS News shows Ryan and other firefighters collecting monies for Honor Flight, a service to fly World War II veterans to Washington, D.C. and be able to see and touch the monument in their honor. Ryan is the son of my dear friends Tom and Anne Jay and I'd say the apple didn't fall to far from the tree. It is a pleasure and and honor to acknowledge the efforts of Ryan Jay and his fellow firefighters in their efforts to make dreams come true for the veterans who served and defended this nation.
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