Three Blowhards - Gustav, Obama and McCain

Hurricane Gustav is thankfully playing itself out in the gulf region, leaving behind a lot of damage and plenty of water, but not much more. Of course, since 'tis the season, we still have Hurricane Hanna, who has been wandering like a drunken sailor in the Atlantic and newly formed tropical storm Ivan not far behind her. Additionally, tropical storm Josephine has formed off the African coast giving us plenty things to keep an eye on in the coming days.

The Media is driving me crazy with their presidential election coverage. I'm getting to the point that I don't care if they elect Sammy Davis Jr as president. Just do it and get it over with! Their non-stop coverage and re-coverage of the same inane bullshit is starting to make Billy Hays commercials a pleasant distraction. Their obnoxious reporters, especially CNN's Jack Cafferty, are always asking the same stupid questions over and over.

The current word of choice is "vetting," a word that I had heard very little in previous year's coverage and now it's said a thousand times a day. It like the little child who discovers a bad word and once mastered, he uses it every day, ad nauseum.

The new subject is the choice of Sarah Palin as the vice-presidential nomination. The air waves are full of these reporters asking the vexing question, "Who is Sarah Palin and what qualifies her as vice president?" Although it's an excellent question, it's a question these assholes should have been asking of Barack Hussein Obama-Lama-Ding-Dong from day one. The reason it has not been asked is because we have to tread lightly and be politically correct, so that we don't hurt anyone's feelings and be labeled racists.

That subject notwithstanding, they're now concentrating on Palin's daughter, who happens to be pregnant out of wedlock. Uh, it's 2008 people, give the kid a break and move on. There are a lot more important issues that still have not been addressed, the main one being that neither candidate has submitted a written plan explaining exactly what they intend to do if elected. It really doesn't matter when you get right down to it because as long as we have a do-nothing Congress, ol' Sammy Davis Jr., could preside from his grave and still accomplish the same thing. 

The Pictures: Thanks to brother, Kirt, for these birth to flight, chronological pictures of two baby hummingbirds, taken between February 8, 2005 to March 9, 2005. These amazing pictures were taken with a Panasonic DMC FZ20 camera with a 12X zoom lens, creating little or no stress to the nesting mother. As a point of reference, keep in mind that these eggs are smaller than two tic-tacs and the opening of the nest is smaller than a quarter.

Obviously, I would be remiss if I didn't include some additional avian etchings for your review and amusement. 

This Date In History: 1666; The Great Fire of London starts in a baker's shop. The fire devastates the city, destroying many buildings, including Saint Paul's Cathedral and the Guildhall. 1864; Union armies led by General William Tecumseh Sherman occupy Atlanta, Georgia. They will burn much of the city beginning their march to the Atlantic ocean.

1945; On board the USS Missouri in Tokyo Bay, Japanese officials make their formal surrender to the United States, ending the conflict between the two countries in World War II. 1945; Viet Minh forces, led by Ho Chi Minh, declare the independence of Vietnam from France, beginning an eight-year colonial war that will result in a portioned country.

1969; Ho Chi Minh, leader of North Vietnam and architect of Vietnamese independence, dies at the age of 79.

Birthdays: Liliuokalani, Hawaiian queen, sister of Kamon Eyewana Laya and Lakanooki (1838), Al Spalding, baseball pitcher and manufacturer (1850), Romare Bearden, artist (1912), Christa McAuliffe, astronaut and teacher (1948), Terry Bradshaw, football quarterback (1948), Jimmy Connors, professional tennis player (1952).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Garnett, for the following story.

A man walks into a restaurant with a full grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a burger and fries." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." After they finish their meal, the waitress brings them a check for $9.40. The man reaches into his pocket, pulls out $9.40 and pays the bill.

The next day the man and the ostrich come in again. The man says, " I'll have the burger and fries." The ostrich says, "Me, too." When the waitress brings the $9.40 check, the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly $9.40.

This routine continues for the week and on Friday, when the waitress sees the two again, she says, "The usual?" The man says, "No, today I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same thing." After the meal is finished, the waitress brings a check for $32.75 and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out theexact amount and pays her.

The waitress can no longer contain her curiosity and says, "How is it that you always have the exact change in your pocket?" The man says,"Several years ago, I was cleaning my attic when I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie came out and gave me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, all I had to do was reach into my pocket and the exact amount of money would always be there."

The waitress says, "That's brilliant! Most people would wish for a million dollars, but you'll always be rich for the rest of your life. So, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs and says, "My second wish was for a chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say." 

                         

That's it for today my little whip or wills. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, pshemmingway, Hurricane Gustav, Jimmys AREA 51, My Perfect Martini, Sarah Palin, Jimmys-MySpace, Possums Videos, ham and eggs, Stay Tuned, Jimmys Pictures, The Hits Just Keep On Coming

Hurricanes And Her-icanes, I'll Take The Latter

Hurricane Gustav hit the Louisiana coast this morning as a category three hurricane with sustained winds of 115 miles per hour and wind gusts up to 40 miles per hour. As of yet, there seems to be a sense that the gulf coast will come out of this in much better shape than they did when Katrina hit. The final tallies are not in yet, but things look good. My hopes and prayers go out to those affected by the storm.

My Friday journey to AREA 51 was different from my usual weekend sojourns. I decided to go Saturday evening to Alcazaba in Coral Cables, a place I used to go to many years ago. The club has been resurrected and it was packed. Alcazaba is located in the Hyatt Regency, a five star hotel and resort near Miami. It's non-stop music and dancing with a another bar called Two Sisters next to it. Alcazaba is a mix of all types of music and dancing and Two Sisters is a salsa and meringue bar.

The good thing about both bars is that there are a number of French doors leading out into the terrace area. The terrace also has a bar and one can escape the noise for a bit or possibly have a private conversation with one of the many lovely ladies that were in attendance.

Although a little on the expensive side (drinks were $11 and up), it was well worth the expense for the excellent atmosphere and elegance. It was a very enjoyable evening and I made it home before the paper boy (just barely).

Phil Hill, the American-born 1961 Formula One champion and three-time 24 hours of Le Mans, died last Thursday, August 28 of complications from Parking disease. Hill also was a three-time winner of the Sebring twelve-hour race and a member of the International Motorsports Hall of Fame. Hill was a true gentleman and champion in every sense of the word.

                                     

Billy Mays is a commercial announcer who I've learned to hate. This bearded motor mouth seems to be on every commercial that possibly exists. Has a loud, one-toned method of delivery that makes you want to stick a sharp pencil in your ear. I'm afraid if I were to hear him in person, I would be forced to strangle him with my bare hands! Whew ! I feel better now.

                       

The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award had one nomination which was made by Woody, author of Old Woody's Boomer Page. He nominated China Arnold, who was convictedFriday of killing her one month old daughter, Paris Talley, by burning her in a microwave in 2005. How sad that an infant's life was senselessly ended by a some dimwitted Neanderthal who shouldn't have been permitted to breed in the first place. The CAT Award goes to China Arnold.  

The Pictures: I downloaded some pictures of the Hyatt Regency and Alcazaba so you could get an idea of the resort. Of course, there's also a few of my eclectic selections for your dining and dancing pleasure.

This Date In History: 1807; Former American vice president Aaron Burr is acquitted on charges of treason in his alleged attempt to set up an independent republic in Spanish territory in the Southwest. 1923; A major earthquake nearly destroys the city of Yokohama, Japan, as well as much of nearby Tokyo. More than 100,000 people die in the quake.

1939; Nazi Germany begins World War II with its invasion of Poland. The invasion will lead Britain and France to declare war on Germany two days later. 1972; Bobby Fischer becomes the first American to win the world chess championship when he defeats Soviet champion Boris Spassky in Reykjavik, Iceland.

1983; In one of the last major incidents of the Cold War, a Soviet fighter plane shoots down Korean Air Lines flight 007, killing all 269 on board, after it strays into Soviet air space.

Birthdays: Special birthday wishes for my pal, Rosa and my pal, Hector, both of whom had birthdays this past Saturday (19XX), Gentleman Jim Corbett, boxing champion (1866), Edgar Rice Burroughs, novelist and creator ot Tarzan (1875), Walter Reuther, labor leader (1907), Rocky Marciano, heavyweight champion boxer (1923), Lily Tomlin, comedienne (1939).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Beverly for the following story.

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
 
Over the course of the years, the woman kept tightening the knob, and the effects were wonderful, and the woman remained young-looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
 
“All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now, I've developed two   annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.”
 
The doctor looked at her closely and said, “Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.”
 
“Well,' She said, 'I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.”

                                                             

That's it for today my little moonpies. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, pshemmingway, Possums Journal, Jimmys AREA 51, ham and cheese, my perfect martini, Jimmys-MySpace, Possums Journal, ham and eggs

Butterflies Are Free But The Drinks You Have To Pay For

It's Friday at last and methinks I'm going to get a little partying done in AREA 51 before the coming storms set in. Hurricane Gustav is going to miss Miami, but we have tropical storm Hanna seemingly heading northwest. She is expected to take a hard left around Wednesday and head for Florida, thereby possibly wreaking havoc on my hump day plans. That said, I think I'm going to make hay while the sun shines (so to speak).

I ran into a woman that I went to high school with the other day and I didn't recognize her at first. In school, she was always quiet, but she definitely has come out of her shell since then. She asked me if  I went to school in Miami and I told her that I did. She told me her name and I instantly remembered who she was, in that I used to be good friends with her older brother.

She asked me if I still was performing and I told her that I was and told her about karaoke night in AREA 51. The end result is that she will be going to AREA 51 tonight because she likes to sing and she'd like to see me again. She said she'll be coming with a friend.

Deja vu? I told her that I knew a person who owned a business called "Third Wheel Shuttle Service." When she asked me what kind of business it was, I told her it was a social service and there might be a good chance that her friend would be able to use it.

Hurricane Gustav is getting stronger and seems to be steering towards Louisiana. It's still too early to be sure, but all of the models point strongly towards Gustav hitting just southwest of New Orleans. Early predictions are that Gustav will become a category three hurricane and will make landfall some time Monday. Eerily, on August 29th (today's date), Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana and Mississippi.

The Cat's Ass Trophy is open for nominations until Monday at noon so if you've seen or heard of any worthy candidates, feel free to throw their hat into the ring.

The Pictures: Butterflies....margerine walks, but butterflies (sorry). I've shown these in the past but I like 'em, so here they are once more.

This Date In History: 1831; English chemist Michael Faraday discovers electromagnetic induction, the production of an electric current by change in magnetic intensity, which is the principle of the electric generator. 1842; Under the Treaty of Nanking, which ends the First Opium War, China cedes Hong Kong to Britain and opens five of its ports to British trade.

1897; The first Zionist Congress, called by journalist Theodore Herzl to organize a movement for a Jewish homeland in Palestine, meets in Basel, Switzerland. 1966; The Beatles play their final live concert at Candlestick Park in San Francisco, California. The band continues to record together until their breakup in 1970.

2005; Hurricane Katrina hits the states of Louisiana and Mississippi as a category three storm causing many deaths and injuries and billions of dollars in damage. 

Birthdays: John Locke, philosopher (1632), Preston Sturgess, film director and writer (1898), Ingrid Bergman, Swedish actress (1915), Charlie Parker, jazz saxophonist (1920),  John McCain, Senator (1936), Michael Jackson, singer (1958).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Garnett, for the following story.

Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself and have a good relationship with God?"

George replied, "god and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night, poof!...the light goes on and I go to the bathroom. Then...poof! the light goes off.""Wow," commented Dr. Smith,  'That's incredible!"

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is  just fine.  Physically he's great. But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.  Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! The light goes off?"

Thelma replied, "Oh God!  He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

That's it for today my little lemon drops. Have a safe and great Labor Day weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, pshemmingway, Hurricane Gustav, Jimmys AREA 51, ham and cheese., tropical storm Hanna, my perfect martini, Jimmys-MySpace, ham and eggs, butterflies, stay tuned !, Jimmys Pictures, Possums Journal, Labor Day

".....And This Is My Friend, Mata Hari"

During my occasional wanderings in AREA 51, I often see a phenomenon that has existed since I was a young puppy. It seems that when women go out at night, they always seem to have a special friend with them. The special friend's sole purpose is to screw up any chance a man might have with her friend. While both men and women regularly go out in pairs to socialize, it's the women who always seem to have this special friend (from hell) with them.

This never happens to men. All men know that their buddy will abandon them in a New York minute should that special moment materialize. Furthermore, men will actually congratulate their buddy on this feat, knowing full well that his friend will be leaving with the woman and quite possibly leaving him at the bar. The situation becomes worse when you're twenty-five miles from home, but that's the code and all men follow it.

I don't know who came out with this pairing scheme, but I know it has ruined many a man's evening. It's always statements like, "I can't leave her alone" or "She's riding with me" that pierces a man's heart. Add to that the drinks that you purchased for her and her friend (who drinks like a fish but never gets drunk), and you have all the makings of a social fiasco.

You would think that in this day and age, enterprising men would own and operate a "Third Wheel Shuttle " to take these special women home free of charge, but that's just me.

Steven Warshak, the founder of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, has been sentenced to 25 years in prison and his company has been ordered to forfeit 500 million dollars by a federal court that found him guilty of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering.

You may not know his name or the company, but they are the manufacturers of of Enzyte, a company similar to Extendz, which promises growth of that "special part of a man." I'm, sure you've seen "Smiling Bob," the idiot who takes these "special" pills and is always very popular with the "ladies." The makers of Enzyte and Extrendz are making huge sums of money from male idiots who obviously never finished the ninth grade. Well, today "Smiling Bob" smiles no more as the courts have ruled that Enzite doesn't work....... Duh!

                                                   

                                                 Smiling Bob In Better Days

The Pictures: Some bumper stickers that amuse me and a few more things from the back of the refrigerator.

This Date In History: 430; Saint Augustine, one of the most influential theologians in the history of the Catholic Church, dies at Hippo at the age of 75. 1859; Composer and pianist Franz Liszt conducts the premiere of Richard Wagner's opera Lohengrin in Weimar, Germany.

1955; Fourteen-year-old Emmit Till is abducted and later murdered by two men in Mississippi, after he allegedly flirts with a white girl. 1968; Police in Chicago, Illinois, violently attack protesters against the Vietnam War who have filled the streets outside the Democratic National Convention.

Birthdays: Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German poet and playwright (1749), Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton, educator and philanthropist (1774), Leo Tolstoy, novelist and philosopher (1828), James Wong Howe, cinematographer (1899), Rita Dove, poet (1952).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A woman in New Orleans is filling out a welfare application and the social worker sees that the woman has five boys. The social worker says, "Five Boys! How wonderful! What are their names?"

The woman says, "Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy and Leroy." The social worker says, "Why did you name them all Leroy?" The woman says, "When I want them all to come inside and eat dinner, I just yell out 'Leroy' and they all come inside."

The social worker says, "What do you do when you want one of them in particular for something?" The woman says, "Then I call him by his last name."

Down the road a bit in the farmlands of Baton Rouge, a man drove up to a farmhouse and knocked on the door. A young man answered the door, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Is you pa home?" The young man said, "No sir, he went into town."

The man said, "Is your ma home?" The young man said, "No sir, she went with my father." The man looked uncomfortable, then asked, "How about your brother, Joe?" The young man said, No sir, he went fishing."

The man looked even more uncomfortable and said to the young man, "Well, I need to talk to your pa about your brother getting my daughter Ellie pregnant."

The young man said, "Well I know my pa gets $500 for the bull and $250 for the boar hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Joe."

                         

That's it for today my little pickled pepper pickers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, pshemmingway, Hurricane Gustav, Jimmys-MySpace, ham and cheese, peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, easy for you to say, my perfect martini, T.G.I.F., Jimmys Pictures, ham and eggs, Jimmys AREA 51, John McCain

Time For A Break !

Day two of the Democratic National Convention is over and there are three more excruciatingly mundane days left, then a brief weekend respite, followed by another five droll days of Republican rhetoric.

Fortunately, this phenomenon only happens every four years or there would be a lot of intellectuals jumping off bridges and out of skyscrapers to avoid the mass gathering of these delegates and "super delegates." I would rather they be referred to as cronies or super-cronies, which would be much more descriptive 

                            . 

According to the whales, it's Hump Day, and an excellent reason to visit AREA 51 to define and resolve this week's world problems. All things carefully weighed, I may just go for some table games of chance including, but not restricted to, poker and dominoes. (Sorry for the structure of that last sentence. For some odd reason, my real estate contract verbage became entertwined with my social speak).

Did you know that on my sidebar, there are several other sites that I have that you can visit? There is also links to several songs that I have recorded on My Space karaoke, the latest being "L-O-V-E" by Nat King Cole.

United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) raided Howard Industries in Laurel, Mississippi yesterday and captured 600 illegal aliens employed there. Federal agents got a tip from a union worker there several years ago and have had the plant under surveillance since then.

American workers in the plant broke into applause as the immigrants were rounded up and transported to an ICE holding facility for prosecution and deportation. Kudos, ICE, only 11,999,400 immigrants left to capture.

A Miami man was found murdered in his apartment yesterday. Police found the man face down in his bathtub. The tub was filled with milk and cornflakes and police suspect a cereal killer.

The Pictures: The game's called "One Letter Off." Imagine, if you will, your favorite movies with a typo. Take a look ! Oh, by the way, my friend, Rose, gave me a woody and I'm going to show it to you. Authors Note: Caution, not for the faint of heart or the hard of understanding.

This Date In History: 1660; After the restoration of King Charles II of England, the books of poet and pamphleteer John Milton are burned in London for his attacks on the king during the English Revolution. 1859; In Titusville, Pennsylvania, Edwin Drake drills the first successful oil well in the United States.

1976; Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announce they have assembled a synthetic gene and implanted it into a living cell of the bacterium E. coli. 1982; Oakland A's outfielder Rickey Henderson steals his 119th base of the season, breaking Lou Brocks single-season record for major league baseball.

Birthdays: Theodore Dreiser, American novelist and journalist (1871 Man Ray, photographer and painter (1880), Lyndon B. Johnson, 36th president of the United States (1908), Lester Young, saxophonist (1909), Mother Theresa, Catholic missionary 1910, Jeannette Winterson, novelist (1959).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent Anything you say can and will be held against you." The drunk replies, "Tits."

An Amish lady is trotting down the in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. The cop says, "Ma'am, I'm not going to give you a ticket, but I do have to issue a warning." The woman says, "Thank you, officer."

The cop says, "First, you have a broken reflector on your buggy. Secondly, I also don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around his balls. I consider that animal abuse and cruelty." The woman says, "Thank you again, officer, I'll tell my husband when I get home."

When the woman arrived home, she told her husband that she was pulled over by a cop and received a warning. The husband said, "What did he say was wrong?" The woman said, "He said that the reflector was broken."

The husband said, "I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" The woman said, "I'm not sure...something about the emergency brake."

                      

That's it for today my little ginger schnapps. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, pshemmingway, Democratic National Convention, ham and cheese, Possums Journal, Jimmys-MySpace, Hurricane Gustav, Jimmys AREA 51, My Perfect Martini, Jimmys Pictures, Stay Tuned, The Hits Just Keep On Coming,

There's A New Storm Abrewin'

Yesterday, I made a mental note to make all of my future daily entries at the usual time. This decision was made based on the numerous emails I received wondering why I had not made my daily entry. I'd like to thank everyone who was concerned about me, but every time I close my eyes, the image of a woman with an impatient look and a rolling pin pin in her hand comes into view. I have seen this look before and my past experiences tell me that my mental notation is an excellent idea.

John Pierce has to be the world's dumbest thief. When Paul Ives returned from work, he found Pierce hanging upside down in a broken front window. Pierce had attempted to break into Ives' home and got his foot caught while smashing the window with a hammer. Pierce hung upside down for about an hour before police and rescue workers freed him. He was still holding the hammer in his hand.

                  

Hurricane Gustav is lurking in the Caribbean and early indications are not good for the Gulf of Mexico. It's still a little early to predict exactly where it will make landfall, but I don't like the looks of the early projected track. The market is already reacting to the possibility of the havoc Gustav might wreak upon the Gulf of Mexico oil drilling platforms.

The Democratic and Republican Conventions are running for the next two weeks if you follow these circuses, you know that they will be long on rhetoric and short on substance. It's be bad enough that the media will be covering these two events twenty-four-seven, iterating and reiterating the same inane comments until one's nose and ears begin to hemorrhage. In addition, you have the delegate interviews.

Although the majority of the Democratic and Republican delegates are intelligent and well-meaning, you will also see some of the most stupid people God ever put on this earth. Inevitably the media will seek out these particular yoyos and interview them, ad nauseum.

I think that it's part of the media rules that every available media type is given a microphone and a cameraman to seek out the 73-year-old, beer-bellied yahoo with a straw hat containing 47 pounds of American flags, pinwheels and mudflaps.

Occasionally the correspondent will make an error and choose an intelligent, well-spoken delegate, but when the yahoos see the light, they overpower the normal delegate and once again jump into the spotlight. It's the American version of the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.

These people are part of the decision makers that will decide the fate of this country for the next four years. Fortunately, the wiser delegates outnumber the yahoos, most of whom will not make it to the final vote due to excessive drinking and partying. Of course, there's always the ones who get gored or trampled, but that's another story. 

The Pictures: Sidewalk Art - Part Deux. More of artist Julian Beever's amazing artwork. I would be remiss if I didn't include the other two pictures of master thief, John Pierce. Look for these pics at the end of today's pictures.

This Date In History: 1883; The small volcanic island of Krakatoa in Indonesia begins to erupt. The eruptions, which destroy the island, cause tidal waves that kill thousands of people on the larger islands of Java and Sumatra. 1896; Armenians in Constantinople revolt against the Ottoman empire, leading to a three day massacre of more than 6,000 Armenians.

1920; Eight days after Tennessee becomes the final state to ratify the 19th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States, the amendment is formally adopted, giving women the right to vote. 1977; The province of Quebec, under the leadership of premier Rene Levesque, passes a law extending the requirements for the use of French as the province's official language.

Birthdays: Robert Walpole, British prime minister (1676), Antoine Laurent Lavoisier, French chemist (1743), Lee De Forest, radio pioneer (1873), Christopher William Bradshaw Isherwood, American writer born in England (1904), Ben Bradlee, newspaper editor 1921Geraldine Ferraro, politician (1935).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps. They can also track her calves to their stalls.

Why is it then, that they are unable to locate 12 million illegal aliens wandering around our country? I think the solution is to give every illegal alien a cow.

                                                          

A beautiful young woman gets into an elevator on the tenth floor, smelling of expensive perfume. She presses the 50th floor, turns to an old Italian woman on the elevator with her and say arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills! $100 an ounce!"

The old Italian woman reaches over and calmly presses every elevator button from the 11th to the 49th floor. She turns to the young woman, farts, and says, "Broccoli - Publix! 49 cents a pound!"

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a Princess "Will you marry me?" The Princess said "No."

...And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting and drank beer all day, every day, for the rest of his natural days.

The End.

                           

That's it for today my little artichoke hearts. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, pshemmingway, The Democratic Convention, Stay Tuned !, Hurricane Gustav, ham and eggs, Jimmys-MySpace, Jimmys AREA 51, Possums Journal, Jimmys Pictures, Artichoke Hearts, The Hits Just Keep On Coming

Honey, I'm Home !

Congratulations to the United States Olympic team who finished the 2008 Olympiad with 110 medals, 36 gold, 38 silver and 36 bronze. China finished second with 100 medals, 56 of which were gold, the most gold medals won in this Olympiad.

Politics aside, all of the countries and participants should be congratulated for their efforts. It's difficult to imagine how all of these young athletes could have maintained their composure with all of the controversies now seemly associated with the Olympics. One would think that for such a short period of time, politics, grudges and demonstrations would be checked at the door.

Friday night's journey into AREA51 was fun and it was nice to see my pals, Jeannie and Bob there enjoying the Karaoke show. There were many fine singers on hand for the show and the music and performers were very good. I couldn't help but think in the back of my mind that, with the sale of Lakes Cafe currently pending, a search for a new AREA 51 site may be in order. On the other hand, perhaps the new owners will just improve on the current theme. Time will tell.

I stopped by The Billiards Club for a final nightcap and arrived home somewhere in the neighborhood of 2:00 am. Thankfully, it was also the neighborhood where I reside.

The Cats Ass Trophy (CAT) Award: Garnett, author of My Brain Is In Pain, nominated Vladimir Putin, the egotistical pseudo-tsar and prime minister of Russia. Personally I haven't liked the little weasel (Putin, not my pal, Garnett) since day one and the judges (my cat, Shithead and I) are in agreement and happy to give the CAT Award to Vladimir Putin for his country's disgusting behavior in Georgia.

The War In Georgia: Speaking of Russia, they are supposedly in the process of pulling out of Georgia. AREA 51 operatives and secret agents are sending daily reports to command headquarters and Linda has advised me that the Walmart located at the Alabama-Georgia border has sold out of ammunition. Alabama militiamen have stated that Russia may have invaded Georgia but you can bet your ass that they ain't invading Alabama.

I'm concerned about Jackie, who's embedded with the Alabama troops, but I'm sure she'll be good under the covers...., uh, undercover. I have no idea where Garnett's ass is. Unlike most of the parties he attends as a civilian, when he's in military mode, he's not quick to show his ass.

Rose has not spoken lately to Johnny Walker-Red, a former red communist leader and now AREA 51 ally. Constant rains have prevented her from a debriefing with Mr. Walker-Red, but I'm sure she will complete her mission this week.

As a former soldier with the U.S. Army, I am fully aware of the inherent danger of pulling out, but it's usually a lot safer done sooner than later. My assumption is that the Russians will withdraw via Savannah.

Two muffins were in an oven and the first muffin said, "Damn, it's hot!" The second muffin said, "Damn, a talking muffin!"

The Pictures: Sidewalk Art - Part One. Known as "The Sidewalk Artist," Julian Beever is an artist whose specialty is drawing three dimensional  pictures in public areas. His works, nothing short of spectacular, are featured today and tomorrow.

In the interim, take a look at this kitty born with four (count-'em), ears. WHAT?

                     

Birthdays: Ivan IV Vasilyevich, known as Ivan the Terrible, first tsar of Russia (1530), Alan Pinkerton, detective (1819), Clara Bow, actress (1905), Leonard Bernstein, composer and conductor (1918, Althea Gibson, tennis player (1927), Sean Connery, actor (1930), Elvis Costello, singer (1954).

This Date In History: 1718; French colonists in Louisiana establish a settlement named for the Duc d'Orleans, regent of France, which will become the city of New Orleans. 1825; Uruguay declares itself independent of Brazil.

1900; Ten years after suffering a mental breakdown from which he never recovered, philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche dies in Weimar, Germany at the age of 55. 1944; American troops, along with Free French and French Resistance forces, liberate Paris from German occupation.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and say, " Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"

The doctor says, "Medically, no, but try taking an elastic band and slide it on you upper thigh. When you're husband enters you, snap the elastic band and tell him that it's your virginity snapping." The woman smiled, knowing that her fiancee would fall for this.

On their honeymoon, the wife is preparing herself in the bathroom. She slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and slides into bed with her husband.

Things progress and at that certain moment, she snaps the elastic band. Her husband says, "What in the hell was that? The woman says, "That was the sound of my virginity snapping, my love." The husband says, "Well, snap it again, it's got me by the balls!"

A survey was conducted, asking women what they thought of their ass. Eighty-five percent said that they thought their ass was too big. Ten percent said that they thought their ass was too small. Five percent said that they would marry him again.

                     

That's it for today my little baby buggy bumpers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, pshemmingway, The Beijing Olympics, ham and cheese, My Perfect Martini, Jimmys My-Space, Possums Journal, Jimmys Pictures, Stay Tuned, rubber baby buggy bumpers,

Obama To Choose Running Mate - Jimmy To Choose Mating Run

The rains have finally subsided in Miami and the sun has decided to make an appearance. The sunshine has picked me up as well and I'm ready to make my own appearance at an AREA 51 watering hole, yet to be determined. I stayed home on Hump Day and the words "staying home" are not a normal part of my vocabulary.

I'm planning on going out early, so if this entry happens to come out earlier than my normal time, you'll know why. I've been having lower back pain lately and my pal, Emilio, swears that I need to drink coconut juice for my kidneys. I don't like coconut juice, but maybe I can add some rum to it to spice it up. Personally, methinks my Fred Astaire meringue dancing a week or so ago is the culprit. We'll see.

The Cats Ass Trophy (CAT) Award is open for nominations until Monday at noon. Look behind bushes and under rocks, my little wranglers, there's always one or two lurking around.

Macho men have a tendency to strut like a peacock, running off at the mouth like a bad case of diarrhea. Real men normally don't behave as such and every once in a while, macho man meets real man.

                                                        

Say what? You be what? Pimp this, my man! Poetic justice is alive and well. Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

Odds And Ends: If you apply for welfare in Mexico, they give you a map of the United States. Female midgets have been warned against the dangers of using tampons as many have fallen after stepping on the string. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. To cure a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives and then you'll be too afraid to cough. Everyone has a photographic memory, it's just that some don't have film. Where are we going and why are we in this hand basket? I want to die in my sleep just like my grandfather and not like the people who were riding in the car with him.

The Pictures: BEER ! An excellent source of entertainment whether you choose to imbibe or merely watch the people who do. Beer has many additional uses and values as witnessed in today's pictures.

This Date In History: 1642; The English Civil War begins as King Charles I organizes his army to fight against the Puritan forces of Parliament. 1812; In present-day Jordan, Swiss explorer Johann Ludwig Burckhardt discovers the ancient city of Petra, capital of an Arab kingdom.

1864; Twelve nations sign the Geneva Convention, which establishes rules for the treatment of wounded and the protection of medical personnel in wartime and chooses a red cross on a white background as its symbol. 1922; Irish revolutionary Michael Collins, who signed the peace treaty with Britain that created the Irish Free State the previous year, is assassinated by Irish nationalists opposed to the treaty.

1922 (oops 1992) thanks to my pal Dirk; In the second day of Ruby Ridge incident in Idaho, an FBI sharpshooter kills Vicki Weaver, the wife of white separatist Randy Weaver.

Birthdays: Claude Debussy, composer (1862), Dorothy Parker, writer (1893), Deng Xiaoping, Chinese leader and table-tennis partner of Deng Xiapong (1904), Henri Cartier-Bresson, photographer (1908), John Lee Hooker, blues musician (1917), Carl Yastremski, baseball player (1939).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The

In a Veteran's Day speech, President Bush vowed, 'We will finish the mission. Period.' Afterwards, he was advised he doesn't have to read the punctuation marks.

Bush and Cheney were sitting in a restaurant to discuss the craziness of the 2008 election. When the waitress came to take their orders, Cheney said, "I'll take the steak." When she asked Bush, he said, "I'll take the quickie." Cheney motioned for the waitress to come closer, and whispered into her ear "He means the quiche."

A man was coming home one day and he noticed that there was a lot more traffic than normal. As he got further up the road all of the traffic had come to a halt. He saw a policeman coming towards his car, so he asked the cop what was wrong.

The cop said, "Man, we are in a crisis situation. Barack Obama is in the road very upset that Hillary's eighteen million voters are not getting on board with him. He is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and start a fire."

The man asked the cop exactly what he was doing there." The cop said, " I feel sorry for Obama, so I am going car to car asking for help." The man asked, "How much help have you received so far?" The cop replied, "Well as of right now, we've received 33 gallons of gas, but many people are still siphoning as we speak!"

                         

That's it for today my little bare cubs. Stay dry, have a safe and great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

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