Eeny Meeny Miny Mo, Fay's Not Sure Which Way To Go

Tropical storm Fay has meandered all over Florida like a drunken sailor, dropping between 20 to 26 inches of water. Although her winds have not been of much consequence, the water damage has been widespread. If Fay maintains her current path, the states of Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana could be feeling her wrath. It kinda reminds me of some of my AREA 51 forays in my younger bar hopping days.

NOAA and NOAA Partnership Stations Relative to the Storm

My television watching is constantly bombarded with these commercials for Extendz, which is evidently a remedy for short-minded men with an I.Q. of 60 or less. It's bad enough that you have to watch this crap, but the cheesy, seedy actors who work in these commercials make it all the (you'll excuse the word) harder to withstand. Could you imagine the chaos in the streets if that garbage actually worked?

My Hump Day Trek did not come to pass mainly due to the craziness of the week and I decided that I'd just catch up on a lot of unfinished projects that I'm working on and wait until Friday night.

Congratulations to my pal, Julie, author of Julie Loses It, for winning last week's "What's The Caption" contest.

The Pictures: My pal, Nancy, tells me that I'm eclectic and according to my Mom we were Baptists, so there's a conflict there somewhere. Nevertheless enjoy these odd photographs while I look up eclectic in the dictionary.

This Date In History: 1831; Virginia slave Nat Turner begins a slave rebellion in Southampton County in which over 50 whites are killed. Turner is captured six weeks later after the rebellion has ended. 1858; Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas meet in the first of debates on the subject of slavery during the Illinois senatorial race.

1911; The Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci is stolen from the Louvre museum, Paris, France. It is recovered in 1913. 1959; Hawaii becomes the 50th state in the Union.

1983; Philippine opposition leader Benigno Aquino is assassinated by allies of President Ferdinand Marcos as he steps off a plane in Manilla to end his three-year exile from the Philippines.

Birthdays: Phillip II, French king (1165), Jules Michelet, historian (1798), Aubrey Beardsley, artist (1872), Count Basie, jazz bandleader (1904), Wilt Chamberlain, basketball player (1936), Kenny Rogers, country music singer (1938), Archie Griffin, football player (1954).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Johnny staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

Johnny asked, "Father Donovan, what is this? Father Donovan said, "It's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Little Johnny said, "Which service, the 9:00 or the 10:30?"

The attendants wheeled Grandma out on the lawn of her new retirement home for some fresh air. Grandma could not communicate well and had resorted to writing notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time, Grandma began leaning to the right and the attendants rushed over and straightened her up, putting pillows on the right of her to prop her up. A few minutes later, Grandma began leaning to the left, and again, the attendants rushed over to her and put pillows on her left side to prop her up.

Shortly thereafter, Grandma leaned forward and the attendants came to her and tied a pillow to her stomach so that she could not lean forward.

Later that day, her nephew came by to pay her a visit and said, "Hi, Grandma, you look great. How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her notepad and slowly scribbled a note that read, "They won't let me fart."

                       

That's it for today my little sweet peas. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, Tropical Storm Fay, pshemmingway, Jimmys-Myspace, ham and eggs, Jimmys AREA 51, Possums Videos, Jimmys Pictures, my perfect martini, jokes, The Hits Just Keep On Coming,

It Doesn't Feel Like Hump Day

It just doesn't feel like Hump Day. With all the hullabaloo about tropical storm Fay, the rains, and the constant dark, windy skies, I've sort of lost my sense of social timing. It's sort of like when the bi-yearly hourly changes occur. It's light when you think it should be dark and vice-versa. It's too early to make a final decision, but I'm not overly enthused about taking the trip to AREA 51 tonight. Then again, with the right call from the right young lady........

Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips. There are more churches, especially Catholic churches, than there are casinos. I learned this fact because brother Kirt just returned from a stay at Caesar's Palace. While he was there, his wife asked him to go to church with her and rather than fight, he decided discretion was the better part of valor and agreed.

He was quite taken aback to see members of the congregation actually putting casino chips in the offering basket. After the services, he asked one of the church elders about it and he was told since quite a few people are from out of town, the church decided to accept the casino chips.

They receive many chips from many different casinos and the collected chips are sent to a nearby Franciscan monastery for counting. Then, the chips are taken to each casino of origin to be cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.

On a sour note, I'd like to nominate the street monkey pictured below for the CAT Award. This asshole attacked 85 year old Lillian France in a New York City elevator, choked her until she was unconscious, took $900 and her cane from her.

                      

Lillian France was hospitalized after the robbery for minor injuries. This is a picture of Ms. France in happier times.

                      

The Pictures: Elvis may indeed still be alive. I was sent these photographs from sources I cannot disclose. See for yourself...is it Elvis?

As a public service, I like to keep abreast (or two) of the newest in cell phone technology so that I may advise you of equipment coming to the market place. Here are the three new things on the market for your review and comments.

                                                                     

This Date In History: 1794; At the Battle of Fallen Timbers on the Ohio frontier, General Anthony Wayne shatters an army of recalcitrant Native Americans, thereby clearing the way for the settlement of the Old Northwest. 1940; Exiled Soviet revolutionary Leon Trotsky is assassinated in Mexico city by a Spanish Communists under the order of Soviet leader Joseph Stalin.

1977; The United States launches the Voyager 2 spacecraft, which will explore the outer planets before leaving the solar system, carrying with it a phonograph record of human civilization. 1980; Austrian Reinhold Messner becomes the first solo climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 1988; Iran and Iraq agree to a United Nations-sponsored cease-fire, ending their eight-year war.

Birthdays: Benjamin Harrison, 23rd president of the United States (1833), Eero Saarinen, Finnish-American architect who designed the Gateway Arch in St. Louis and Dulles Airport in Virginia (1910), George Mitchell, politician (1933), Rajiv Gandhi, Indian prime minister (1944), Robert Plant, rock singer (1948).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.  And they start reminiscing.

The mother says, "This is my oldest son Mohammed.  He would be 24 years old now.'" Her friend says, "Yes, I remember him as a baby." The mother says, "He's a martyr now though." The friend replies, "That's so sad, dear."

The mother continues, "And this is my second son Kalid.  He would be 21" The friend smiles and says, "Oh, I remember him, me had such curly hair when he was born." The mother says, "He's a martyr too."

The friend says, "I remember your beautiful third son, Ahmed." The mother says, "He was so beautiful. He's a martyr as well." The friend says, "Yes, I remember when he first started school."

After a pause and a deep sigh, the friend looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don't they?"

                       

 

That's it for today my little petal pushers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, pshemmingway, Elvis, Tropical Storm Fay, ham and cheese, Jimmys AREA 51, Possums Journal, Jimmys Pictures, Stay Tuned, Jimmys-MySpace, Hi5, my perfect martini, CAT AWard, TAC Award,

The Call The Wind Maria....er, Fay

Tropical Storm Fay passed through the Florida Keys last night doing little damage but dropping quite a bit of rain. I really didn't expect her to do much anyway as she really didn't have any time over warm waters to build any strength. The good thing is that there was no major damage. The bad thing is that we had to watch reporters standing in a light drizzle giving live reports of a non-event as cars and passersby went past with a business-as-usual air of nonchallance.

The weakness of the storm notwithstanding, it is not a wise move to venture out into any kind of inclement weather, especially in Florida, the lightning capital of America. Add to that the possibility of a hurricane force gust of wind and you have the makings of a really bad situation.

Witness the case of a young man who was stupidly out in the above described weather attempting to kite surf in the area of Fort Lauderdale beach. A strong gust of wind took him up about 50 feet into the air and slammed him to the beach. Another gust then picked him up again, took him across the street and into the side of an expressway, critically injuring him.

It's just a matter of time before one of these mindless media reporters is dragged across a parking lot or impaled by a piece of debris while trying to be a part of the obnoxious "breaking news" stories that we are subjected to on a daily basis.

The Pictures: Kewt Kids and animals, bumper stickers I'd like to see more of and the usual suspects make up today's eclectic photos.

This Date In History: 14; Augustus, the heir of Julius Caesar and the first emperor of Rome, dies. 1953; Royalist forces acting on behalf of Reza Shah Pahlavi, with the aid of the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency, overthrow Iranian Premier Mohammad Mossadegh.

1973; George Papadopoulos, leader of the Greek ruling junta since a 1967 coup, abolishes the monarchy and declares Greece a presidential republic. Popadopoluos is overthrown a year later. 1977; Groucho Marx, the best known of the Marx Brothers, dies in Los Angeles, California.

1991; Communist hard-liners attempt a coup in the Soviet Union, putting Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev under house arrest and declaring a state of emergency. The coup fails two days later. 2003; A suicide bomber destroys the United Nations compound in Baghdad, Iraq, killing 23 people including a high UN official.

Birthdays: Orville Wright, airplane inventor (1871), Coco Chanel, French fashion designer (1883), Ogden Nash, poet (1902), Gene Roddenberry, television producer (1921), Willie Shoemaker, jockey (1931), Bill Clinton, 42nd president of the United States, (1946).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Garnett, for the following list of The World's Shortest Books.

1. Things I Love About My Country by Jane Fonda and Cindy Sheehan. Illustrations by Michael Moore.

2. My Christian Accomplishments: How I Helped After Katrina by Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.

3. Things I Would Not Do For Money by Dennis Rodman.

4. Amelia Earhart's Guide To The Pacific

5. A Collection Of Motivational Speeches by Dr. Jack Kevorkian

6. All The Men I Loved Before by Ellen Degeneres and Rosie O'Donnell

7. My Plan To Find The Real Killers by O.J. Simpson.

8. How To Drink And Drive Over Bridges by Ted Kennedy.

9. My Book Of Personal Morals by Bill Clinton, with introductions by Jesse Jackson and John Edwards.

10. My Accomplishments In Congress and Things I Wouldn't Say Just To Get Elected by Barack Obama.

                        

That's it for today my little dandy lions (and lionesses). More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, Tropical Storm Fay, pshemmingway, my perfect martini, Jimmys AREA 51, Possums Videos, John McCain for President, Stay Tuned !, The Hits Just KeepOn Coming, Barack Hussein Obama, The World's Shortest Books, The Cat Award,

Tropical Storm Fay Sloshes Through The Florida Keys

Friday's voyage to AREA 51 was fun, but laid back. My first stop was at Lakes Cafe where I learned that the business is being sold. Future plans are still uncertain. The karaoke show was going strong and I stayed a couple of hours to listen to the singers.

From Lakes, I went to The Billiards Club, which was enjoying a pretty good crowd as well. It was an enjoyable evening and I got home around 2:30, leaving plenty of time to be ready for my Saturday luncheon with my pal, Beverly. All in all, it was an enjoyable weekend with no hits, no runs, no errors and nobody left on base.

Tropical storm Fay is currently being a pain is the ass to South Florida and points north. The only good thing about the system is that it doesn't have very much strength and it will bring quite a bit of rain. Hopefully, it will dump a lot of that rainfall in drought-stricken, war-torn Georgia.

Congratulations to all Olympians, especially to swimmers Michael Phelps and Dara Torres. Phelps won the fourteenth gold medal of his Olympic career and his eighth gold medal of the Beijing Olympics, both new records. Torres (41), won three silver medals and her twelfth medal of her career dating back to the 1984 Los Angles Olympics, one year before Phelps was born.

The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT) Award had two nominees. Anne nominated (c)rap artist, DMX and Linda nominated Swedish Olympic wrestler Ara Abrahamian.

DMX, aka Earl Simmons, was arrested in Miami Beach Friday for the sixth time since early May for not appearing in a Phoenix, Arizona court on charges related to marijuana and drug paraphanalia. He was arrested in May on drug and animal cruelty charges and faces additional felony charges for identity theft.   

Armenian-born wrestler Abrahamian, lost his semi-final match due to a disputed penalty from the judges and his opponent, Italian Andrea Minguzzi, went on to win the gold medal.

During the medal ceremony, Abrahamian took his bronze medal from his neck and dropped it on the floor as he walked out. The IOC executive board ruled that his action amounted a a demonstration and lack of respect to his competitors. He was disqualified and stripped of his bronze medal. Well done, IOC board and an excellent decision.

A CAT Award goes to DMX (Earl Simmons) for meeting the expectations of most rappers. I hope he enjoys his stay in prison where most of his fans currently reside. A CAT Award is also given to Ara Abrahamian for his lack of Olympic spirit.

The Pictures: It was just a matter of time before the photoshop experts pounced on the philandering John Edwards and deservedly so. I found some lampooned photos that will amuse you. As usual, there's a few additional oddities in "The Week In Pictures," including this picture recently taken of the border patrol in action.

                      

This Date In History: 1227; Genghis Kham dies in the district of Qingshui, China, leaving behind a Mongol Empire that he had extended across the Asian continent. 1587; Virginia Dare, the first English child to be born in North America,  is born to members of the Roanoke Colony on the Virginia coast, whose inhabitants will disappear three years later.

1896; Publisher Arthur Ochs takes over the failing New York Times, which he will build into the leading newspaper in the United States. 1958; Published first in a banned French edition three years earlier, Vladimir Nabokov's novel Lolita makes its first U.S. appearance. The book sells 100,000 copies in its first three weeks.

Birthdays: Meriwether Lewis, explorer (1774), Francis Joseph I, emperor of Austria (1830), Roman Polanski, director (1933), Roberto Clemente, baseball player (1934), Rafer Johnson, decathlete (1935), Robert Redford, actor (1937).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

The latest poll taken by the office of the Governor of California asked whether people who live in California think illegal immigration is a serious problem.

Thirty percent of the respondents of the answered, "Yes, it is a serious problem." Seventy percent of the respondents answered, "No es una problema serio.

A man is at his his neighbor's funeral and is surprised at the number of people in attendance. He turns to the older man next to him and says, "This man must have been pretty important." The older man says, "Yes, he was my attorney. We're all clients" The man says, "And all of you are here to pay your respects?" The older man says, "No, we came here to make sure he was dead."

A lawyer, laying on his deathbed, called to his wife and asked her to bring the Bible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea and brought the Bible to her husband.

The lawyer took the Bible from her and began scanning the pages. Curious, knowing her husband wasn't a religious person, she asked, "What are you searching for, dear?" The lawyer replied, "Loopholes."

                      

That's it for today my little diary queens (and kings). More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, Possums Journal, Jimmys AREA 51, my perfect martini, ham and cheese, Tropical Storm Fay, Beijing Olympics, Jimmys-MySpace, ham and eggs, Jimmys Pictures, Stay Tuned !, The Cat Award

Cover Me, I'm Going Back In !

Friday's here and yours truly is still recovering from Wednesday's escapades, but I'll be ready for tonight's foray into AREA 51. The main plan for tonight is to get home early enough to have lunch with my pal, Beverly, on Saturday. My only problem is that I leave each Friday with the best of intentions but occasionally my plans get way-laid along the way. Some times that's good, sometimes it's not.

In the Beijing Olympics, American gymnast Nastia Liukin won the gold medal and teammate Shawn Johnson won the silver medal in the all-around women's gymnastics. Swimmer Michael Phelps won his sixth gold medal yesterday, setting the stage for a possible seventh and eighth gold medal. Congratulations to the American Olympic team.

Elvis Presley died August 16, 1977 at his mansion in Memphis, Tennessee. Elvis' music had a great influence on my music and inspired me to study and perform. Thirty-one years after his death, his music continues to be very popular and continues to inspire other performers.

                         

The CAT Award is still up for grabs and you have until Monday at noon to make a nomination.

A cease fire remains in effect in the Russian-Georgian War and AREA 51 war correspondents have had little to report. Communications have been disrupted and chaos still rules. It may be necessary to send AREA 51 Ambassador-At-Large Rose to war-torn Atlanta to investigate further. At last check, Jackie was embedded with the Alabama troops and the only correspondence that we have received thus far was a room service order for a gallon of Bloody Mary's.

Garnett's ass was last seen at the Georgia beachfront and there are reports that heavy artillery has damaged the beaches and created many holes and craters. I fear that if I send Garnett to look for his ass, he may be in danger of falling into one of the holes there because Garnett doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.

Linda is still sending me cryptic messages and I have not yet been able to figure what in the hell she is saying. I urge all AREA 51 members to remain vigilant and to be on standby for future assignments. This has been a public service of Jimmy's Journal.

The Pictures: Today we give the spotlight to the doggies as there was a lot of howling when the cats were given the stage. As usual, there's always a couple of ringers thrown in.

This Date In History: 1057; In events later used by William Shakespeare in one of his greatest tragedies, the Scottish king Macbeth is killed by Malcom Canmore, the son of King Duncan I, whom Macbeth had murdered 17 years before. 1534; Saint Ignatius of Loyola founds the Jesuits, a Roman Catholic order of men, in Paris, France.

1935; American humorist Will Rogers and aviator Wiley Post are killed when their plane crashes in Alaska. 1939; The film version of The Wizard of Oz, starring Judy Garland as Dorothy, has its premiere in Hollywood, California.

1947; Indian independence from Britain is proclaimed, with the former colony partitioned into the two nations of India and Pakistan. India is awarded the rights to provide the entire AOL organization with computer technicians.

Birthdays: Napoleon I, French emperor (1769), Sir Walter Scott, novelist and poet (1771), Ethel Barrymore, actress (1879), T.R. Lawrence, called Lawrence of Arabia, British soldier and novelist (1888), Julia Child, cooking expert and OSS Allied spy during World War II (1912), Oscar Peterson, jazz pianist (1925).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my Pal, Victor for the following story.

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other hand. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the waiter and says, "Want coffee."The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was that all about, anyway?"

The Indian says, "Training for position as democrat in United States Congress. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull and then disappear for the rest of the day."

                      

That's it for today my little poodle skirts. Have a safe and great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, pshemmingway, Beijing Olympics, my perfect martini, Possums Journal, poodle skirts, Jimmys AREA 51, The Cat Award, ham and cheese

I'm Beat !

I finally managed to go to AREA 51 last night and my pal, Emilio and I started out at Lakes Cafe. We knew that there were rumors that Lakes Cafe had been sold since last Friday, but nothing was officially confirmed last night. Owner Richard had been hospitalized for a week and was discharged yesterday. My best wishes go out to Richard for a speedy recovery.

We left Lakes Cafe after one cocktail and stopped by another restaurant to see some friends and have a cup of Cuban coffee. It had been about a week since I had Cuban coffee and it was well worth the stop.

From there, we stopped by a store to purchase a few items and I encouraged Emilio to buy a lottery ticket. He bought one for $5 and it paid $25, so we were ahead of the game. After one more stop at another local watering hole, we came to the conclusion that everyone must have decided to stay home. Based on that, we decided to quit while we were ahead and played dominoes for the rest of the night. I got home about 4:00 a.m.

Julia Childs (nee McWilliams) was a spy for the United States, during World War II according to reports today. She served in China and Sri Lanka for the OSS (later the CIA). Although I applaud Ms. Childs dedication and patriotism, I must admit that faced with having to go out with her or betray my country, I too would have blabbed.

The Pictures: Kitty Katz

This Date In History: 1935; President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs the federal old-age benefits, as well as other social programs such as unemployment insurance and aid to dependent children. 1941; British prime minister Winston Churchill and U.S. president Franklin D. Roosevelt sight he Atlantic Charter. After World War II, the charter forms the basis for the creation of the United Nations.

1945; U.S. president Harry S. Truman announces the surrender of Japan, which ends World War II. 1951; American publisher William Randolph Hearst, a dominant figure in American life since the turn of the century, dies at the age of 88 in Beverly Hills, California. 2003; Around 50 million people in the eastern United States and Canada lose power in one of the biggest blackouts in history.

Birthdays: Pius VII, pope (1742), John Galsworthy, novelist and playwright (1867), Earl Weaver, baseball manager (1930), Steve Martin, actor and comedian (1945), Gary Larson, cartoonist (1950), Earvin "Magic" Johnson, basketball player (1959), Debbie Meyer, swimmer (1952).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed, my husband lets out earsplitting yells."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up."

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

                      

That's it for today my little tadpoles. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, pshemmingway, Julia Childs, OSS, Possums Journal, Stay Tuned !, CAT Award, Jimmys AREA 51, my perfect martini, Jimmys Pictures, The Hits Just Keep On Coming, kittens

I Got A Weak Back About A Week Back !

It's Hump day, but if my back doesn't start feeling better, I'm not going to AREA 51 this evening. You see, I neglected to tell you that during my Friday soiree, I decided, along with my advisor, Johnny Walker Black, to invite a certain blonde at the party to dance the meringue. The meringue is a very fast based Latin dance that involves a lot of hip movement and also involves a lot of turns and spins.

After the dance finished, I was rather pleased with myself and was complimented by others as well. Johnny Walker Black agreed completely and told me to go back for more. Fortunately for me, my pal Emilio got a phone call and suggested we go to The Billiards Club because he was told that there was a lot of action there.

When I finally got home Friday night, I felt fine, but the next day, there was hell to pay. Evidently, I am paying on the installment plan because my back still pains me. It's difficult when a 30-year-old mind is coupled with an unwilling body. Well, two Advils and a cocktail might pick me up. We'll see.

Mark Phelps continues to roll in the Summer Olympics in Beijing, winning the tenth and eleventh gold medals of his Olympic career and setting a new record for the most gold medals ever won by any Olympic athlete. He currently has five gold medals in this Olympiad and is on pace to win eight gold medals which will also be a record. Go Mark ! Authors Note: My pal Linda pointed out that the swimmer's name is Michael, not Mark. Sorrrrrrrry!

The War In Georgia: There is currently a cease fire in Georgia due partly to the Alabama troop build up at the Alabama-Georgia Border. AREA 51 member and correspondent Jackie is embedded with the Alabama contingent and she has been sent instructions to get out of bed and go to the field.

Artillery specialist Garnett's ass has made a landing on the Georgia beaches along with the Cuban-American platoon from Miami. The contingent was impressed by Garnett's ass, although some mothers shielded their children's faces when Garnett's ass landed in the sand.

In Sports: The baseball race continues toward the playoffs. Here are some scores; 8-7, 4-1, 4-3 (10 innings) and a partial score, 5.

The Pictures: Pictures of the Russian-Georgia front lines. Oh, and drinks for the ladies!

This Date In History: 1521; A Spanish force under Hernan Cortes, aided by Tlaxcalan allies, completes its capture of the Aztec capital Tenochtitlan (the site of present day Mexico City), after an eight-week siege. 1624; French king Louis XIII makes Cardinal Richelieu his chief minister. Richelieu will firmly rule the country for the next 18 years, bringing it to military prominence in Europe.

1942; Bambi, Walt Disney's fifth animated feature, opens at New York's Radio City Music Hall. 1961; The East German government surrounds West Berlin with temporary fortifications during the night, stopping the flight of East Germans to the West. The barrier is soon replaced by the concrete Berlin Wall.

Birthdays: Annie Oakley, American markswoman and sharpshooter (1860), Alfred Hitchcock, film director (1899), Ben Hogan, golfer (1912), Fidel Castro, asshole (1926), Kathleen Battle, opera singer (1948).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's." The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."

Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?" And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."

That's it for today my little pop tarts. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, War in Georgia, JimSulliv3, pshemmingway, Jimmys-MySpace, ham and cheese, My Perfect Martini, Jimmys AREA 51, pop tarts, Possums Journal

If This Is Tuesday, I Must Be In Bellview !

As you may have surmised, I can't stand attorneys (except mine) and politicians. The recent tardy confession by the dishonorable John Edwards has given me an idea. There should be a law, applicable to all politicians, stating that anything they say or swear to, can, and will be, used against them in a court of law. If this law had been in effect, (aside from the fact eighty percent of all politicians would have not ran for office), the John Edwards of the political world would have not affected the 2008 presidential election.

Mark Phelps tied an Olympic record yesterday in the Beijing Summer Olympics winning his third gold medal in swimming and his ninth career gold medal which tied the record. The record should be short-lived as Phelps is expected to win more gold medals in this Olympic meeting. He will be trying to win seven or more gold medals in a single Olympics which will tie or surpass the 34-year-old current record held by Mark Spitz.

Congratulations to my pal, Linda, author of Linda's World, for winning Magic Smoke's What's The Caption contest. Our fellow AREA 51 members have all been doing well lately.

War in Georgia update: Conflicting reports say that the cease fire is not being honored. The governor of Alabama has sent troops to the Alabama-Georgia line as a precaution. A Cuban-American batallion from Miami is being prepared for a possible beach assault similar to their previous assaults on Miami from Cuba (wet-foot, dry foot policy notwithstanding).

Our Washington State AREA 51 reporter Linda, through her Michigan sources, has learned that Detroit has turned down Atlanta and CNN's request to return in exile to their home city. The city stated they have their hands full with Mayor Kwame. Our artillery specialist, AREA 51 annalist Garnett, says that he will use his ass (pictured below) in any way possible to repel the insurgents. This has been an AREA 51 update on the conflict.

                    

                                              Garnett's Ass

The Pictures: The 2009 Jaguar, priced from $42,000 to $62,000 for your perusal. Everyone gets one when I win the lottery. I've also enclosed the painting on a ceiling in a smoking lounge and the floor in another restaurant. Imagine yourself hurrying to the restroom, entering, looking down (or up) and seeing this.

This Date In History: 1851; American inventor Isaac Singer receives a U.S. patent for his sewing machine. He is not the first to patent such a machine, but within a decade, he is the world's largest sewing-machine manufacturer. 1867; U.S. president Andrew Johnson suspends Secretary of War Edwin Stanton, an ally of his Radical Republican opponents. Johnson's treatment of Stanton will lead to impeachment hearings against him in 1868.

1898; The United States formally annexes the islands of Hawaii, which becomes a U.S. territory two years later and a state in 1959. 1972; The last American ground combat troops are withdrawn from Vietnam.

Birthdays: Robert Southey, poet (1774), Christy Mathewson, baseball player (1880), Cecil B. DeMille, motion-picture director and producer (1881), Samuel Fuller, motion-picture director (1911), Buck Owens, country music singer (1929), Pete Sampras, tennis player (1971)..

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A little old man shuffled slowly into the ice cram parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crush Nuts?" The little old man replied, "No, hemorrhoids."

                         

That's it for today my little chicken pluckers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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