Pardon Me Roy, Is That The Cat That Chewed Your New Shoes?

Friday's journey to AREA 51 turned out to quite the experience. My pal, Emilio, joined me for the evening and I had the good fortune to be the dedicated passenger. This factor gave me quite a bit of cocktail leeway and I took advantage of it.

We arrived at my pal, Mercy's house around 8:30, a little early for my normal evenings, but then again, the invitation said 7:00 pm. I knew most of the people at the party as they were mostly in real estate and/or musicians. Being a political rally, things were a little stiff at first, but when you're with people who are mostly Latin and imbibe regularly, it didn't take long for people to loosen up.

The affair, quite by accident, had three major areas of interest. There was a domino game outdoors in the patio, musicians singing and performing on one side of the entertainment room and people mingling in the bar area on the other side.

Things later centralized to the music area, with various people (myself included) performing. As the evening progressed, many people who normally don't (or can't) perform, drank that extra glass of courage and gave some impromptu performances. Later, the dancing began and everyone seemed to be having a great time. It turned out to be an enjoyable evening and I have no idea what time I got home. Like I said, I was the designated passenger.

Breaking News: Jimmy's Journal, not to be outdone by CNN, has received information from un-named sources that Russia has invaded Georgia. Oddly enough I had Georgia On My Mind this morning and I had an inkling that The Devil Went Down To Georgia. It is uncertain at this time if the Russians took The Midnight Train To Georgia.

I urge Americans all over this nation to gather arms and fight against this immoral Russian tactic. In the interim, I suggest that the residents of Atlanta return to their home city of Detroit and take the news and political anchors of CNN with them. This has been a public service announcement.

Kudos to 41 year old Olympic athlete, Elizabeth Torres, who swam the anchor leg in the in the 400 meter freestyle Sunday. The team earned a silver medal, bringing Torres' lifetime Olympic medal count to 10, the first (gold) occurring in the 1984 Barcelona Olympics at the tender age of 17.

Sorry to see the passing of comedian Bernie Mac (50) and musician Isaac Hayes (65) this weekend.

The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT): The CAT award had 2 nominations. Myra, author of My Thoughts, nominated John Edwards for acknowledging his long rumored affair with Rielle Hunter. Garnett, author My Brain Is In Pain, nominated Vince Weiguang Li, the dirtbag who decapitated the man on the bus. The latter is a no brainer, but I'd much be the one who administers the lethal injection to Mr. Li.

The matter of John Edward's tardy admission of guilt only reinforces my opinions of slick talking politicians, who are experts at telling you what you want to hear. Their only goal is to win and they'll say and do anything to get there. I return to my stand on presidential politics; This Is Not American Idol ! The Cat Award goes to both nominees. 

The Pictures: Things I found today that made me smile.

This Date In History: 1841; Fugitive slave Frederick Douglass, soon to be a well known orator, speaks before a mostly white abolitionist meeting for the first time on the Massachusetts island of Nantucket. He begins his speech with a well known Nantucket limerick. 1952; Sixteen year old Hussein ibn Talal is proclaimed king of Jordan after his father is declared unfit to rule. King Hussein remains on the throne until his death in 1999. This author has been on the throne many times, but never surpassing 20 minutes.

1956; Abstract painter Jackson Pollack dies at the age of 44 in an automobile accident on Long Island, N.Y. 1992; The largest mall in the United States, The Mall of America, opens in Bloomington, Minnesota. The developers wanted to call it the Pall Mall, but the name had already been taken.

1997; Bill Clinton is the first U.S. president to use the line-item veto (a power granted by Congress to the president in April 1996, but ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in 1998 because it was intelligent and they didn't want to break tradition).

Birthdays: Giford Pinchot, forester (1865), Louise Bogan, poet (1897), Alex Haley, brother of Bill and novelist (1921), Jerry Falwell, evangelist (1933).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

One day, a father gets out of work and on his way home, he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He stops at a toy shop and inside, asks the saleswoman, "How much for one of those Barbie dolls in the display window?"

The saleswoman answers, "Which one do you mean, sir? We have Beach Barbie for $19.95, Dancing Barbie for $19.95, Work Out Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95.

The amazed father asks, "It's what? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, andanswers, "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a cute little key chain made with Ken's balls.

That's it for today my little cocoa nuts. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, Possums Journal, Jimmys AREA 51, ham and cheese, Jimmys-MySpace, Bernie Mac, My Perfect Martini, Jimmys Pictures, John McCain will win, CAT Award, Monday Blues,

Change? A Letter From A Cuban

I normally don't post on the weekend, mainly due to the fact that the bulk of my time is spent searching for body parts misplaced during my treks to AREA 51. I found this letter, sent to me by my pal, Gipsy, to be quite compelling and I thought I'd share it with you. Your thoughts and comments are appreciated.

Jimmy

Letter from a Cuban - CHANGE

From Richmond Times-Dispatch, Monday, July 7, 2008 ~

Dear Editor, 'Times-Dispatch:

Each year I get to celebrate Independence Day twice. On June 30 I celebrate my independence day, and on July 4 I celebrate America's. This year is special, because it marks the 40th anniversary of my independence.

On June 30, 1968, I escaped Communist Cuba, and a few months later, I was in the United States to stay. That I happened to arrive in Richmond on Thanksgiving Day is just part of the story, but I digress.

I've thought a lot about the anniversary this year. The election-year rhetoric has made me think a lot about Cuba and what transpired there. In the late 1950s, most Cubans thought Cuba needed a change, and they were right. So when a young leader came along, every Cuban was at least receptive.

When the young leader spoke eloquently and passionately and denounced the old system, the press fell in love with him. They never questioned who his friends were or what he really believed in. When he said he would help the farmers and the poor and bring free medical care and education to all, everyone followed. When he said he would bring justice and equality to all, everyone said, 'Praise the Lord.'

And when the young leader said,'I will be for change and I'll bring you change'; everyone yelled, 'Viva Fidel!'

But nobody asked about the change, so by the time the executioner's guns went silent, the people's guns had been taken away. By the time everyone was equal, they were equally poor, hungry, and oppressed. By the time everyone received their free education, it was worth nothing. By the time the press noticed, it was too late, because they were now working for him. By the time the change was finally implemented, Cuba had been knocked down a couple of notches to Third-World status. By the time the change was over, more than a million people had taken to boats, rafts, and inner tubes. You can call those who made it ashore anywhere else in the world the most fortunate Cubans. And now I'm back to the beginning of my story.

Luckily, we would never fall in America for a young leader who promised change without asking, what change? How will you carry it out? What will it cost America?

CHANGE

Would we?

Manuel Alvarez, Jr. Sandy Hook

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, Letter from A Cuban, Politics

Just Socializin'

Friday has arrived right on time and I'll be going to AREA 51 to see my pals and enjoy the scenery. I've been invited to a wine and cheese party being hosted by my pal, Mercy, for a political candidate from Miami Lakes, so for the first part of my evening, I'll have to be on my best behavior. From there, Lakes Cafe and Pub will probably my next destination and we'll see what happens from there. Tonight's the karaoke show so it'll probably be fun.

My pal, Gipsy, sent me an email which I found to be quite interesting. It is entitled "Letter from a Cuban" and it is a political viewpoint from a man who arrived in this nation 40 years ago. Since today is Friday, a day in which I'm normally a bit laid back (pun intended), I have decided not to print it in today's entry. I will however, either post it in a Saturday entry (which I rarely do) or next week. So, if by chance you happen to see an entry from me tomorrow, fear not my little tiger lilies, all is well and nothing has gone awry.

Congratulations to my pal, Jude, author of My Way, for being selected as guest editor of Magic Smoke this week. Lately there has been quite a few AREA 51 members who have been selected as guest editors lately, and that pleases me very much. You can visit Jude by accessing her journal in the link provided in my sidebar.

The CAT Award and TAC Award have not had any nominees this week as yet. As far as the CAT Award goes, it simply means that the citizens have been behaving themselves for the most part. Nominations are open until Monday at noon.

The 2008 Summer Olympics had it's opening ceremonies yesterday in Beijing, China. It was a very extravagant opening indeed and I wish the best for the American athletes. I have also noticed the terrible air pollution (referred to as "haze" by the Chinese) and the seemingly constant pictures reflecting same. China has 1.8 billion people and constitutes one-fifth of the world's population.

                     

The Pictures: Pictures of the opening ceremonies of the 2008 summer Olympic Games being held in Beijing, China.

This Date In History: 1588; In the Battle of Gravelines, an English fleet led by Lord Charles Howard and Sir Francis Drake destroys the Spanish Armada, a fleet of ships sent by Spain to invade England. 1786; In an early milestone in mountain climbing, Michel Piccard and Jacques Balmat make the first ascent of Mont Blanc, the highest peak in the Alps.

1815; After his final defeat at Waterloo, Napoleon leaves for his forced exile on the remote south Atlantic island of Saint Helena, where he dies six years later. 1894; The U.S. administration of President Grover Cleveland recognizes the Republic of Hawaii. 1992; The United States men's Olympic basketball team, made up of professional stars for the first time, defeats Croatia to win the gold medal after dominating the Olympic tournament.

Birthdays: Charles Bulfinch, architect (1763), Mathew Henson, explorer (1866), Emiliano Zapata, Mexican revolutionary leader (1879), Marjorie Keenan Rawlings, novelist and author of The Deer Slayer (1896), Dustin Hoffman, actor Peter Weir, film director (1944).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A drunk was driving home late one Saturday when a policeman pulled him over. The police man walked up to the car and asked, "Good evening, sir. Have you been drinking?"

The man asked, "Why? Was I weaving all over the road?" The policeman replied, "No sir, you're driving was excellent. It was the really ugly girl in the passenger seat that gave you away."

My pal, Garnett, sent me some excellent golf jokes and this is an excerpt from the file:

Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex: 1) A below par performance is considered damn good. 2) You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers. 3) It's much easier to find the sweet spot. 4) Foursomes are encouraged. 5) You can still do it as a senior. 6) Three times a day is possible. 7) Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with others. 8) If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day. 9) You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished. 10) When you equipment gets old, you can replace it.

That's it for today my little puddin' heads. Have a safe and great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, CAT Award, pshemmingway, Possum S Hemmingway, Jimmys AREA 51, Possums-MySpace, Member-AREA 51, What?, John McCain will be the next president!, Jimmys-MySpace

You Have The Liberal, The Conservative And Then There's The Southerner

Everyday, on the local evening news, you see the same thing over and over. Street monkeys car jacking someone's car, robbing a liquor store or shooting someone. What would you do if it happened to you? Here's the scenario:

You're walking with your spouse and two small children in the parking lot of a restaurant. Suddenly, a street monkey runs up to your wife, knocks her down, grabs her purse and runs, dragging your wife. You are armed with a Glock 45 and you are an expert shot. What do you do? Here are the answers:

Liberal: That's not enough information to answer the question. Is the man poor or oppressed? Does he speak English? Have I done any thing to inspire him to attack me? Have I violated his civil rights? Has society denied him justice? I need to debate this with friends to come up with a fair and unbiased decision.

Conservative: Boom! Stop or I'll shoot!

Southerner: Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! click..... (sounds of reloading), Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! (Daughter) "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those Winchester Silver Tips?"

I like sweet tea! My mom made sweet tea almost every day and I make sweet tea almost every day. I'm having one minor problem. My sweet tea doesn't taste like my mom's sweet tea. I try using one tea bag more, one tea bag less, one teaspoon of sugar more.....bumkus! It tastes ok, it's just not mom's tea. Anyone have any suggestions?

No Nativity Scene In Washington, D.C. The Supreme Court has ruled that there will be no nativity scene this year. The reason is not based on religious reasons - they simply cannot find three wise men and a virgin in Washington. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

The Pictures: I love my cat, Shithead, but it wouldn't hurt if he got a part-time job and helped out with the monthly bills. Take a look at these animals at their part-time jobs.

This Date In History: 1934; The United States Court of Appeals rules that James Joyce's novel "Ulysses" is not obscene and may be brought into the U.S. 1942; United States Marines land at Guadalcanal in the Solomon Islands, making the first assault of U.S. Troops on Japanese positions in the Pacific Ocean. U.S. forces finally capture the island in February 1943.

1961; Soviet cosmonaut Gherman Totov completes 17 orbits of the Earth in 25.5 hours in Vostok 2, becoming the first person to spend more than a day in space. 1964; After two reported North Vietnamese attacks on U.S. warships, the U.S. Congress approves the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution, giving President Lyndon Johnson the power to launch the Vietnam War.

Birthdays: Mata Hari, Dutch courtesan (prostitute) and dancer, who was executed by France as a German spy in World War I (1876), Ralph Bunche, scholar and diplomat (1904), Nicholas Ray, film director (1911), Garrison Keillor, writer and radio host (1942), Alan Paige, football player (1945).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

This Just In: An earthquake measuring 8.1 on the Richter Scale has hit Mexico City. 150,000 Mexicans have died and another 1,000,000 have been injured.

Canada is sending troops to help the Mexican army with riot control. The European community (except France) is sending food and money.

The United States, not to be outdone, is sending 150,000 replacement Mexicans.

                           

Juan the smuggler rode his bicycle up to the border crossing with a bag over his shoulder. The border patrol officer said, "What's in the bag?" Juan replied, "Sand." The officer opened the bag and, sure enough, it was filled with sand."

This continued on a daily basis. Each day Juan would ride up to the border on his bicycle with a bag over his shoulder and each day the officer would examine it, only to find sand.

One day, Juan didn't show up at the border and the officer happened to run into him at the local cantina. The officer said to Juan, "Hey Buddy, I know you're smuggling something and it's driving me crazy. Tell me what you're smuggling and I will not arrested you for it.

Juan smiled and said, "Bicycles."

                                                   

That's it for today my little nutty buddies. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, pshemmingway, My Perfect Martini, The Cat's Ass Trophy, TAC Award, Jimmys AREA 51, ham and cheese, AREA 51, Jimmys-MySpace, ham and eggs, The Hits Just Keep On Coming,

Hump Day's Like The Seventh Inning Stretch

Break Time ! It's Hump Day, boys and girls, and time leave the weekly rat race and socialize. Wednesday is one of my favorite days (second only to Fridays) in that it breaks up the week and allows one to get out for a little while and shake off the cobwebs. While I normally don't overdue Wednesdays, they still are a pleasant diversion.

So I'll be heading over to AREA 51 this evening and to socialize with my pals. My first cocktail comes to me courtesy of Robin, author of The Yellow Brick Road and the newest member of AREA 51. Cheers, Robin!

The presidential race is starting to wear on me. I really am not happy with either candidate although anyone is better than the arrogant Barack Hussein Obama. The barbs thrown back and forth between the candidates on a daily basis and the media continually kissing Obama's ass is evoking more and more disgust.

Yesterday, however, I was pleasantly surprised with a new video by Paris Hilton, responding to the McCain ads showing pictures of she and Britney Spears and comparing the two with Obama. The video is well made and very well thought out. Quite frankly, she has much more on the ball (no pun intended) than I was aware of.

All in all, the video was very amusing and although intended to be tongue-in-cheek, her views and statements make as much sense as the two presidential candidates do and perhaps a little more. In case you haven't seen it, I think you'll like it. Here's the link: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/64ad536a6d

Telemarketers are rude, a pain in the ass and interrupt many people's evenings. My pal, Linda, author of Linda's World, sent me a video by Tom Mabe, who took the bull by the horns and effectively dealt with a telemarketer. This one's a hoot!

                       

My compliments to Mr. Mabe an his excellent chain-yanking of that obnoxious telemarketer. How's it feel, pal?

The Pictures: Weird, just plain weird. No rhyme or reason. I do take particular exception to picture #1, depicting the son of one of our fellow AREA 51 members who was sent to the principal's office for no apparent reason. Now that's just out and out racism.

This Date In History: 1806; The Holy Roman Empire comes to an end when Francis II formally resigns as Holy Roman Emperor and becomes Francis I, Emperor of Austria. 1926; American swimmer Gertrude Ederle becomes the first woman to swim the English Channel. She completes the feat in 14 hours, 31 minutes, faster than anyone before.

1926; The Warner Brothers studio gives the first public exhibition of their Vitaphone system for showing motion pictures. 1945; The American bomber Enola Gay drops an atomic weapon on Hiroshima, Japan, destroying a majority of the city and killing 60,000 to 70,000 inhabitants according to American estimates. 1962; The former British colony of Jamaica gains it's independence.

1998; Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky testifies for over six hours before a grand jury investigating her relationship with President Bill Clinton.

Birthdays: Daniel O'Connell, Irish statesman (1775), Alfred Lord Tennyson, poet (1809), Paul Claudel, writer and diplomat (1868), Sir Alexander Flemming, discoverer of penicillin (1881), Lucille Ball, comedian (1911), Andy Warhol, painter (1928), David Robinson, basketball player (1965).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A man went into a bar and ordered a martini. When the bartender brought him the drink, the man took out the olive and placed it in a glass jar and put the lid back on. After an hour, when the man was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, the man paid his bill and staggered out of the bar.

A customer sitting near the bartender said, "Well, I never seen anything that peculiar before." The bartender said, "What's so peculiar about it? His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."

With all the commotion going on in the world today, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost when unnoticed. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully in his sleep at age age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left foot in and that's when the trouble started......

                          

That's it for today my little turtle doves. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, pshemmingway, Jimmys-MySpace, telemarketers, Jimmys AREA 51, My Perfect Martini, Possums Journal, Jimmys Pictures, Stay Tuned!,

Priorities

One would assume that a family traveling on vacation from Tel Aviv to Paris would make a checklist in preparation for their trip. One would further assume that one would have one's passport ready, liquids and lotions stored, duty free purchases and receipts at the ready, eighteen suitcases checked in, and, of course, the boarding passes. Check ! Check ! Check ! Check ! Check !

The jet roared down the runaway, engines whining, and the plane lifted and sailed into the azure sky. As the plane leveled off, the couple finally were able to sit back and relax a bit.

The captain opened the public address system and said, "Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to El Al flight 25 to Paris. I am Captain Goldberg and we'll be cruising at an altitude of 35,000 feet, so sit back and enjoy your flight. Oh, and by the way, Mr. and Mrs. Lipschitz sitting in seats 38a and 38b, you left your kid at the Tel Aviv airport."

Strange, but true! In addition to the eighteen suitcases, etc, the family was traveling with their five children. They managed to successfully  wrangle and check in 18 bags, disclose and stow their duty-free purchases, but forgot about one of their children. Fortunately, the four year old child was found wandering about the Tel Aviv airport and was put on the next flight to Paris accompanied by a flight attendant.

Police say they parents will be questioned when they return and may be charged with negligence. Either way, the child will always have one hell of a trump card for future use. I can hear it now, "Hey, Mom and Dad, remember when you left me at the airport in Tel Aviv?'

The Pictures: My expedition into the world of photographs uncovered a few slants (no pun intended) on the Beijing Olympics along with another grouping I like to call "wild animals as house pets." 

This Date In History: 1305; Scottish hero Sir William Wallace, who led the Scottish resistance to an English invasion in 1298, is captured near Glasgow. He will later be executed by the English for treason. 1583; English explorer Sir Humphrey Gilbert founds the first English colony in North America, near Saint John's, Newfoundland.

1912; The Progressive Party, also known as the Bull Moose Party, chooses former president Theodore Roosevelt, who led the group's break from the Republican Party, as their presidential candidate. 1962; Movie star Marilyn Monroe is found dead of a barbiturate overdose at her home in Los Angeles, California.

Birthdays: Guy de Maupassant, French novelist and short-story writer (1850), Mary Beard, historian (1876), John Huston, film director and actor (1906), Neil Armstrong, astronaut (1930), Patrick Ewing, basketball player (1962).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: <FONTCOLOR=#006600>The 2008 Olympic Bubblegum Team ignored their coaches warning about swallowing their gum.

                                

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"

The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."

Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."

Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!"

Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later... no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later... no centipede.

By this point the man is wondering what's going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later... still no centipede! He can't imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede?

So he goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey!!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!"

The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just puttin' on my shoes!"

                         

That's it for today my little musket ears (Say what, d'Artagnon?) More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, pshemmingway, Jimmys-MySpace, The Three Musketeers, Jimmys AREA 51, My Perfect Martini, Possums Videos, Jimmys Pictures, John McCain, Worst Congress In History

Dr Ruth: The Rise And Fall Of The Male Species

This weekend was one of pondering and I mused over different people and things that strangely came to mind. One of the people was Dr. Ruth and her "expertise." The more I thought about it, the funnier it struck me. Here was this gray-haired munchkin giving sexual advice to people in book form, and on television and radio. Since anything is possible, I will assume that Dr. Ruth has had some experience in that field (no pun intended), but to what degree?

For example, if a person is teaching a class on the sport of basketball, one would assume that the teacher is relying on actual playing experience along with theory. Therein lies the problem. How seriously can one take a teacher's basketball class if the teacher is five feet tall?

Assuming one can mentally and visually accept the concept that Dr, Ruth is an "expert" in her chosen field, my thoughts wander to her studies. Her first sexual experience must have been very difficult for her, given the fact that she surely must have been taking notes during class. Fortunately for her, the concept of using dim lighting and alcohol may have aided her experiences in her chosen profession.

                                          

Thankfully, Dr. Ruth was not always around and man's sexual knowledge has usually been acquired via the "trial and error" method. Through this learning process, man has acquired his sexual knowledge based on the most part by learning to please his partner and thereby avoiding having to give up all of his personal assets every five years.

As man went through the learning process, however, it would have been nice to have been explained the fact that man hits his sexual peak between the ages of 18 and 20 and woman begins to peak around the age of 40. This little tidbit of information would have been helpful to man's future safety when he began encountering sexually aggressive, pre-menstrual women. It would have further aided him in his rehearsal of "oops" apologies and, as an ultimate escape, allowed him the opportunity of committing suicide. (Authors Note: I personally feel that sexually aggressive, pre-menstrual women are very attractive and that they should be kind to silver-haired male journalists.)

The male species often develop other bad traits such as Sofitis, a condition where the Gluteus Maxus becomes intertwined with, and attached to, the sofa to the degree that the only medical remedy is removal through surgery.

Another common fault occuring in the male species is Foot-In-Mouth disease. This condition, while not contagious to the female species, causes most women to develop Octorectalmylitis, a condition in which the eyeball drops downto the anus, giving women good reason in having a shitty outlook on male reliability.

My pal Julie, through her Saturday entry in her journal, Julie Loses It, sent me the picture below showing Barack Obama's new plane which had the American flag removed and replaced with Obama's ego logo. You can read more about this at: 

http://journals.aol.com/midwestvintage/JulieLosesitMyWeightLossJourney/

 

                            

The Cat's Ass Trophy Award: Jackie, author of Life In Bama, nominated the nine people in Philadelphia who were charged in the death of 14 year old Danieal [sic] Kelly, a 14 year old girl who suffered from cerebral palsey. Danieal's mother, three family members and four social workers were charged in the death of the child who weighed 42 pounds at the time of her death. The CAT Award goes to those disgusting nine excuses for humanity.

The Pictures: As the adage goes, "payback is hell," and I have the pictures to prove it. Take a look.

This Date In History: 1735; A jury finds John Peter Zenger, publisher of the New York Weekly Journal, not guilty of seditious libel. The case marks the first victory of freedom of the press. 1914; Britain entersWorld War I by declaring war on Germany after Germany refuses to honor the neutrality of Belgium.

1944; In Amsterdam, Nazi officers arrest 15-year-old-diarist Anne Frank and four other Jews in the annex where they have been hiding for two years. Frank will die in the Belson concentration camp the next year. 1964; Over a month after their disappearance was reported, the bodies of three civil rights workers are unearthed in Mississippi.

1964; U.S. warships in the Gulf of Tonkin report an attack by North Vietnam. The unconfirmed report, along with an earlier encounter, leads congress to approve U.S. military involvement in Vietnam.

Birthdays: My pal, Melina (Aug 2) - Happy Birthday Baby (19XX), Percy Bysshe Shelley, poet (1792), Knut Hamsun, novelist (1859), Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong, jazz trumpet player and singer (1901), Roger Clemens,baseball pitcher (1962), Jeff Gordon, race car driver (1971).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Thanks to my pal, Victor, for the following story.

After much nagging, a husband finally agreed to take his wife on her first game of golf. Unfortunately, the wife's opening drive went through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the golf course. The husband said, "I knew this would happen. Now, we have to go and see how much your drive is going to cost us."

The couple went to the house, knocked on the door and a warm voice said, "Come on in."Inside, they saw glass all over the place and a broken antique bottle lying beside the broken window. A man reclining on the sofa said, "Are you the people who broke my window?" The husband said, "Yes, we're really sorry about that."

The man said, "No apology is necessary. You see, I'm a genie and I've been stuck in that bottle for centuries. Now that you've released me, I am allowed to give three wishes. I'll give you each a wish and, if you don't mind, I'll keep the third wish for myself."

The man said, "Wow! That's great. I'd like to have a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." The genie said, "Done! And I'll guarantee you good health and a long life, as well."

The genie turned to the woman and said, "And you, young lady, what would you like?" The woman said, " I'd like to have a gorgeous mansion,complete with servants, in every country in the world." The Genie said, "Consider it done and your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters."

The couple said in unison, "What is your wish?" The genie said, "I haven't been with a woman in centuries. My wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband said to the wife, "Well honey, we do have all of that money and the houses, what do you think?" The wife said, "Your right! With all of our good fortune and with your approval, I'll do it."

The genie and the wife went upstairs and after three hours of making love to the wife, the genie rolled over, looked into the woman's eyes and said, "How old are you and your husband?" The wife said, breathlessly, "We're both 35." The genie said, "No Shit! And you both still believe in genies?"

(I guess it's good that the woman wasn't 40!)

That's it for today my little platter pusses. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: JimSulliv3, Jimmy's Journal, pshemmingway, Jimmys AREA 51, My Perfect Martini, ham and cheese, Jimmys-MySpace, Possums Journal, Jimmys Pictures

I'm Ready For Freddy...Uh, Make That Fredrica !

August has arrived (and right on time I might add) and we're heading for cooler autumn weather. I heard someone remark the other day about Halloween candy being spotted on some store shelves. Fortunately, half of my time is spent wondering what I did last night and the other half on what I'll be doing today. Future events will arrive at the same time they did the previous year and I'm sure someone will give me a heads-up when that event comes to pass.

In the meantime, T.G.I.F and I'm ready to go out and play. There's plenty of things to in Miami and there's always something happening somewhere. I'll be heading for AREA 51 to see my pals and my first stop will probably be the karaoke show at Lakes Cafe and Pub. It's usually fun and that will give me time to ponder my next destination.

Watching late night TV last night, I came up with the following conclusions:

1) Televangelists are the Pro Wrestlers of religion. 2) Every mind has a photographic memory, although most have no film. 3) Evidently, there is a market for men who actually believe that Extendz actually works. 4) My vacuum cleaner needs to be replaced. 5) Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 6) Old people believe everything, middle age people suspect everything and young people know everything. 7) Men are like toilets, either vacant, engaged or full of crap. 8) Parents take Prozac to keep their teenagers alive. 9) The reason why children are always happy is because they have no children. 10) Paying alimony is like feeding a dead horse.   

The Pictures: I always enjoy seeing pictures of flowers. Some of the best shots, I usually stea...borrow from my fellow journalist pals, Nancy, author of Nancy Luvs Pix, Julie, author of  Julie Loses It and Beth, author of Nutwood Junction. You can visit their journals by clicking the link on my sidebar under "Other Journals.". They always post beautiful flower pictures and I'll be sharing some them with you today, along with others in my portfolio. 

This Date In History: 1291; The cantons of Uri, Schwyz and Unterwalden form a protective confederation that will become the nation of Switzerland. 1944; With Soviet armies approaching the city from the east, the resistance movement in Warsaw, Poland, begins an uprising against the German occupation. The Germans crush the rebellion by October. 1954; The Yangtze River floods in China, killing 40,000 people and forcing 10 million others to leave their homes.

1978; Baseball player Pete Rose's hitting streak of 44 consecutive games, which tied the National League record, comes to an end. 1981; Music Television (MTV) debuts on the air with the video of the Buggles' "Video Killed the Radio Star."

Birthdays: Richard Henry Dana, writer and lawyer (1815), Maria Mitchell, astronomer (1818), Herman Melville, novelist and author of "Moby Dick" (1819), Anne Hebert, poet and novelist (1916), Jerry Garcia, singer and guitarist (1942).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A young blonde girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all by casting herself off the San Francisco Bay Bridge into the cold waters below. As she stood on the edge pondering the infinite, a passing sailor noticed her as he strolled by. The sailor asked, "You're not thinking of jumping, are you, babe?" The sobbing girl replied, "Yes, I am."

Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge. 'Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what; I'm sailing off for Australia tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there. I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night and I'll look after you if you look after me - if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that you won't be found'.

The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her until dawn.

Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation. The girl came clean, 'I've stowed away to get to Australia. One of the sailors is helping me out. He set me up in here and brings me food and water every night and he's screwing me.'

The captain stared at her for a moment before he replied, "He certainly is, my love. This is the San Francisco Bay Ferry."

                       

That's it for today my little guaca mollies. Have a great and safe weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Tags: Jimmy's Journal, JimSulliv3, Lakes Cafe and pub, Jimmys AREA 51, pshemmingway, Jimmys-MySpace, my perfect martini, Possums Journal, Stay Tuned !