Do A Little Dance....., (Damn, What Was That Next Part?)

My favorite day has always been Friday. It just always seemed to bring good things, starting early in my life with school's out. I started out as a child and the first recollection of the Friday equals happy concept was in first grade. As time progressed, in junior high, Friday's was either a school dance or a party at someone's house.

In high school, I started a band and we would play Fridays and Saturdays at different venues in our area. When I started working (before becoming self-employed), Fridays was payday ! It became a very important concept in the scheme of things. Of course, after getting married the first time, Friday meant going to the grocery store.

One of the things the United States Army did for me was to help me to understand that I needed to work for myself because taking orders is something I am not prone to do. After becoming self employed, I quickly removed grocery shopping from the Friday schedule because it didn't seem to fit in with the Fridays are neat and fun concept. At this point in my life, Friday still brings that little inner glow, which is sometimes strengthened with a Dewars on the rocks. Life is good !

That in mind, I'll be at Lakes Cafe tonight, sharing the evening with my pals in AREA 51. Tonight's Karoake night and I'm in the mood. I just have to keep my timing down as I dodge the projectiles. I'm getting better at it though, they only hit me twice last week.

The Pictures: I found a lot of new pictures today and the first one is one of those. I have a lot more but I was unable to finish editing them and I'll show them to you in the coming days. The quality of these pictures is excellent and I hope that it shows through on your screen. There's some blatant and cryptic messages and hellos in today's pictures. You'll know when you see them.

This Date In History: 1492; The expedition led by the explorer, Christopher Columbus, lands on Guanahani, an island in the Bahamas. Columbus claims the island for Spain and renames it El Salvador. 1933; The Department of Justice acquires Alcatraz from the United States Army. 1969; The Soviet Union launches Voskhod 1, the first spacecraft to carry a multi-person crew.

Birthdays: Joe Cronin, American baseball player and executive (1906), Luciano Pavarotti, Italian tenor (1935), Ronald McNair, astronaut (1950).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A Somalian man arrives in Minneanapolis as a new immigrant. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, You Americans have a wonderful country." The passerby says, " You are mistaken, I am an Arab from the Middle East."

He stops the next person he sees and says, "I want to thank you Americans for allowing me to come to your country."  The man replies, "I am not American, I am from Africa."

He sees a man approaching and he greets him with, "I want to thank you Americans for housing, food stamps, free education and welfare to help me." The man says, " I am not American, I am Mexican." He asks the man, "Where are all the Americans?" The Mexican looks at his watch and says, "Probably at work."

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, racing rapidly around the nursing home. The poor woman was one sandwhich short of a picnic, so the other residents tolerated her antics andsome of them actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding down the corridor when a door opened and out stepped Kooky Clarence. He raised his hand and said, "Halt ! Do you have license to drive that thing?" Ethel reached into her pocket, pulled out the daily menu and handed it to Clarence. He said, "Very well, ma'am, you can go."

When she sped around the corner near the telvision lounge, out jumped weird Harold and said, "Stop ! Do you have proof of insurance?" Ethel reached into her pocket and handed the menu to Harold. He said, "OK, you may proceed."

As she raced toward her room, Horny Howard stepped in front of her, butt naked, with what was left of his manhood in his hand.  Ethel yelled, "Not that damned breathalizer test again!"

I found the answer for legends in their own mind, "Podium Al" Sharpton and Jesse Jackson.

                            

That's it for today my little ninja turtles. I'll see you tonight at Lakes Cafe. Have a great weekend and I'll have more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

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I Must Be Doing Something Right !

I'm on a roll (kaiser, I think). We had a great time last night at Lakes Cafe and I think everybody needed it. AREA 51 was in rare form with Lourdes leading the way. Hector, Lourdes and Christina are living with his parents while their house is being remodeled and I think it's starting to get to them. Lourdes kept everyone laughing and it was really a fun night. Lydia and Al, Dr. Marc and Rosie joined us for the evening, so you can imagine the crazy conversation.

As I mentioned, things have been going well now for two days and I'm very near breaking my old record of four straight days of prosperity, which I set in 1990 when I got my divorce. Furthermore, I hit the lottery last night and I plan to buy myself a special treat with the $5.50 winnings. Via a trip to Publix today, I was able to restock Mother Hubbard's Cupboard.

To beat that, I settled my score with the fragrance counter at Publix, who was to have supposedly ordered some cologne for me three months ago, then wanted to charge me the regular price instead of the sale price. As luck would have it, I saw the store manager entering the store, who just happened to be speaking with the district manager.

I told them my problem and they personally escorted me to the fragrance department and instructed the dim-witted little salesperson to give me the cologne at the sale price (which I invented because I have the memory of a mirror). For the record, even though I never disclose any of the colognes I'm wearing, it's called Kouros and I guarantee you'll love it.

The Pictures: Toadstools, barstools, prozac, cats and a partridge in a pear tree (I made the last part up). Shithead (my cat - sleeping - check out his seven toed paws), canyons and arches, sleepy beaches, and the Lone Ranger and Tonto. A Pefect Martini (do tell), and my pal Woody Woodpecker.

This Date In History: 1811; John Stevens and his son Robert Livingston Stevens operate the first ferryboat between New York City and Hoboken, New Jersey. 1980; The Soviet cosmonauts Valery Ryumint and Leonard Popov return to Earth after a record 185 days in space aboard Salyut 6.

Birthdays: Eleanor Roosevelt, social activist (1884), Art Blakely, American jazz drummer and bandleader (1919), Maria Bueno, Brazilian amateur tennis player.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

                              

 

                     

That's it for today, my little meercats. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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You Have No Idea How Much I Needed Humpday !

After five days of dealing with AOL, I'm happy today's humpday ! Not only that, one of my clients actually paid me. This is very important because Old Mother Hubbard's kitchen (if you're too young, ask your mom) was bare. Nevertheless, I'm going to Lakes Cafe and Pub tonight and hang out with my pals in AREA 51 . Danny and Richard have really done an excellent job refurbishing the entire restaurant and lounge area and everyone is very happy with the results. I look forward to your company tonight.

Some little 14 year old nitwit shot four people today at a Cleveland, Ohio school. As of yet no one has died with the exception of the gunman. A woman who was being interviewed by the media said she was sorry the little 14 year old jerk had killed himself because he took with him many questions as to why he committed the crime. Who Cares ! The little dirtbag's dead and that's all that matters. It's time to thin the herd anyway !

I ran across a photographer while browsing on the Internet today named Dick Hutchinson, who lives in Alaska. Dick specializes in photographs of the Aurora Borealis, also known as the Northern Lights. I didn't have enough time to go deeply into his articles and remarks, but he does explain exactly how, when, why and where he took the shots. I plan to return to the site, which was extremely interesting. You can access his site by simply typing his name into your browser or type Aurora Borealis and look for his name. In the interim, the first two pictures of today's pictures are his. Here is a closer example of his work. I'm sure you'll enjoy them, especially you, Nance.

                    

The Pictures: I went a little apeshit today with the pictures, but you'll pardon my euphoria because this day has brought a lot of good news and I needed it. I've also included some of the crayola drawings by Don Marco, known as Mr. Crayola. His work with crayons astounds me, so I tossed a few into the mix. You'll know them when you see them.

This Date In History: 1845; The Naval School (later the United States Naval Academy) opens in Annapolis Maryland. 1871; The great Chicago Fire is put out; it has destroyed nearly one-third of Central Chicago. 1913; The Panama Canal is completed with the explosion of the Gamboa Dike. 1973; After pleading no contest to income tax evasion, Spiro Agnew becomes the first vice president to resign in disgrace.

Birthdays: Henry Cavendish, British physicist and chemist (1731), Giuseppe Verdi, Italian opera composer (1813), Helen Hayes, actress (1900), Thelonius Monk, jazz pianist and composer (1917).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking that they were perfect. If you want your spouse to listen to you more carefully, talk in your sleep. A woman is incomplete until she is married; then she is finished. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. I never knew the meaning of true happiness until I got married, Then, it was too late ! You have two choices in life; stay single and be miserable or get married and wish you were dead. When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

In another note: A Miami-Dade County judge heard a case yesterday where a young lad disputed who would have custody over him. He was being sent to live with his aunt and he told the judge that she beat him more than his parents. When the judge proposed that he live with his grandparents, he protested that they, too, beat him.

After considering the case and researching all of his options, the judge ruled that the Miami Dolphins would have custody over the boy, citing that the team is unable to beat anyone (0-5) !

That's it for today, my little corn muffins. See you tonight at Lakes Cafe and more tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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The Proverbial " I'm Sorry" Routine !

Marion Jones, the winner of 5 medals in the Sidney Olympics in Australia, has admitted to taking steroids and has been forced to return all of the medals that she won. Vehemently dening the rumors, she arrogantly asserted that her wins were due to her "God given ability". She, now, is suddenly apologetic and is admitting her discretions. The actual reason for the apolgy is that evidence was discovered that she had indeed taken steroids and that an investigation and possible prosecution was eminent, thus the "apology". I wonder if her apology was based on I'm sorry I did it or I'm sorry I got caught.

Michael Vick is another person who denied rumors of dog cruelty and dog fighting and when the feces hit the oscillator (the shit hit the fan for the hard of understanding), he, too, was apologetic. Barry Bonds is another one whose days are numbered and if the investigations reveal what is commonly known and believed, he, too, will be stripped or fined or both. In Vick's case, I'm beginning to wonder about his IQ, in that he stands to lose over one hundred million dollars. I mean, what could he have been thinking?

The constant "I'm sorrys" from sports figures and celebrities disgust me. The "do a little dance, tell a little lie, get out of jail" (my apologies to my friend, K.C. for the bastardization of his lyrics) is becoming trite. If it were you or I, are asses would be up the proverbial "Shit Creek". Actually, Shit Creek exists as evidenced by the following photo.

                      

The Pictures: I've got quite a few today. No theme, just things that I like. There's a few hidden visual messages in there, but you know who you are. As you know, I am wont to display a lot of hidden, cryptic and blatant messages and themes.

I have to show you the picture of "Honey", the seven year old golden retriever. After her owner brought home a 6 week old abondoned kitten, Honey, who had pups 18 months prior, attempted to approach the kitten, The owner was hesitant, thinking that Honey might harm the kitten because of her size. Eventually, she got her way and began licking and taking care of the kitten. A day and a half later, Honey began to lactate and is now nursing the kitten.

                     

This Date In History: 1701; Yale Unversity is charted. 1876; The first telephone conversation over outdoor wires is held. 1930; Laura Ingalls becomes the first woman to complete a solo transcontinental airplane flight. She later goes on to star in "Little House on the Prairie" (I made that last part up).

Birthdays: John Lennon, singer and songwriter (1940), Trent Lott, senator (1941), John Entwhistle, member of "The Who" (1944).

Whoopi Goldberg, on "The View" today, said that she thought that (A) "Podium AL" Sharpton should apolgize to the Duke La Crosse team for all the "racist" remarks he made about them, especially  since it turned out to be false, slandering and thrown out of court. Kudos to you, Whoopi !

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:  (Thanks to my pal, Anne)

Two statues were in a park, one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other in the park for over 100 years.

One day, an angel came down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brought them both to life. The angel said, "For being so patient over 100 years of blazing summers and brutal winters, I will give you one hour of life to do what you wished the most."

He looked at her and she looked at him and together, they ran off behind the shrubbery. The angel waited patiently as the bushes rustled and giggling ensued, and after thirty minutes they both emerged from behind the shrubbery.

The angel said, "Um, you still have thirty minutes left. Would you like to do it again?" He looked at her and said, "Shall we?" She eagerly replied, Oh yes ! Lets ! This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on his head."

That's it for today, my little hedge trimmers. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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On The Phone Again !

I spent the weekend speaking on the phone with employees of AOL in India. An overly polite bunch, gregarious and surprisingly enough, their names were "Bobby" and "Larry" and "Susie" and "Mary", etc. They were so gracious that I offered to send them some White Castle hamburgers, but for some unknown reason, they declined. We really had a nice time (about 4-5 hours total) chatting about AOL.

The only minor problem is they don't speak English. They start fine ("Good Evening, my name is Michael"), and the coversation starts to flow ("May I call you Jimmy?" You can call me Rumplestiltskin, if you can fix my damed computer). The conversation continues (My computer is very slow since I "upgraded" to AOL 9.0 VR. "I understand that you're computing in the snow and you're grading AOL"), ad nauseum. (Uh, no, my computer is running slow. "I see ! So, it's not snowing.").

This went on and on. I was told to download an old version (9.0 Optimized) and when I did, it was corrupt. Naturally, I neglected to write down the site from whence it came, so I had to call India again. This time, "Beverly" told me that AOL did not have a site for older versions and could not recommend it. I told her, "OK, don't recommend it, just tell me the name of the site (which by the way is oldversion.com ).

Bottom line, I ended up reloading 9.0 VR and I'm working out the problems myself (in English). I fired off a volley of emails to AOL which I'm sure will go to India, instead of the Corporate offices in the United States, and that will be the end of that.

On a different note (B flat, to be exact), I heard someone quote a nursey rhyme on TV yesterday and I thought, what were they thinking? Its called "Rock a Bye Baby". I shudder to think, what if the kid remembers the verse, verbatim? "When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall and down will come baby, cradle in all?" Can you see the police report? "Lady, what was your kid doing at the top of a tree? It's a thirty foot fall and the kid's all bruised up ! Are you related to Britney Spears?"

The Pictures: I chose pictures that either made me laugh or that were cute. As is my wont, there's always a couple of strange ones mixed in, but that's just me.....

This Date In History: 1871; The great Chicago fire begins, ostensibly caused by Mrs. O'Leary's cow. 1928; Police raid twenty speakeasies in New York City, in an effort to crack down on illegal liquor sales. 1956; New York Yankee's pitcher, Don Larsen, pitches the first no-hitter in World Series history; No walks, no hits, no runs.

Birthdays: Eddie Rickenbacker, race car driver and WWI leading combat pilot (1890), Juan Peron, Argentinian president (1895), Jesse Jackson (1941), Sigourney Weaver, actress (1949).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:    Odds and Ends

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. I intend to live forever, so far, so good. I couldn't repair my brakes, so I made my horn louder. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory. If you must choose between to evils, take the one you've never tried before. A fool and is money are soon partying.

That's it for today, my little rocket scientists, but before I leave you, I have to leave you with a special button. Since I've learned a lot about you over the past year, I found you've all got one thing in common (besides beauty, brains, wit, nursing, education and that should be enough kissing up). Here's your button, wear it proudly (you know who you are).

                                   

The sun's shining and Monday's almost over. I'll have more tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Friday's Here And Not A Moment Too Soon !

This is definitely a T.G.I.F. day ! I've been frustrated all week and I really need to sit down with my pals, Johnny Walker and Dr. DeWars and have a conference. I'm still having problems with AOL 9.0 VR and at this point in time, I'm leaning towards system restore, which may take place as soon as I finish this entry. Combine this with the normal first of the month bills and trying to quit smoking and you have dynamite keg with a very short fuse (it's ok, he was born that way. Shut up!).

I have decided, based upon your comments, that I will run The Pictures in the old format. The original drawback to the old format, for me, was that some pictures may or may not have been seen because of their size (i.e., they didn't show well in the small form, but once enhanced, were very interesting). I may run pictures in the other formats from time to time, but for now, I'm staying with the old format.

I've been in such a foul mood this week that I did not go to Lakes Cafe on Wednesday. I do miss AREA 51 and its' inhabitants and I'm weighing going there tonight, foul mood and all. I'm sure I'll cheer up if I go there. We'll see...!

The Pictures: (Please refer to the department of redundancy department. Shut up!!) A shitload, that's the only way to accurately describe the amount of pictures I entered today. The good thing about the old format is that the amount of photographs entered doesn't  really affect the timer.

This Date In History: 1793; The revolutionary government in France abolishes Christianity 1796; Spain declares war on Britain 1921; The WJZ radio station in Newark, New Jersey, broadcasts the first play by play coverage of the World Series, between the New York Giants and the New York Yankees 1947; Harry S. Truman makes the first televised presidential address.

Birthdays: It's premature, since tomorrow's her birthday, but in case I don't make an entry tomorrow, Happy Birthday to my pal, Nancy ~ (19XX), Chester Alan Arthur, 21st president of the United States (1829), Robert Goddard, American rocket engineer (1882), Bob Geldof, Irish Rock Singer (1954).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: (Thanks to my pal, Lourdes !)

A hunter kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife agree that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what kind of meat was on their plates and they begged their father for the clue. Their father said, "It's what your mother calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed, "Don't eat it ! It's a f--king asshole !"

That's it for today, my little fur balls. More Monday.

Stay Tuned !

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Are You A Republocrat? 10-4 !

I can see it now....fade in.... Irving enters the room, "Hey Murray, what's today's date? (Murray) "the 4th"..(Irving) "the 4th?" ..(Murray) "10-4" ..(Irving) "ten for what?"..(Murray) "October" ..(Irving) "October 10th?" ..(Murray) "October 4th''......fade to black.

I think that there really should be a third political party called the Republocrats or the Demlicans. It would consists of the "middle of the roaders" in both parties, thereby leaving the extremists in the remaining parties to feed on themselves. The mindset would be that if this new party can agree on 75 percent of all matters, to include guarding and protecting our borders against terrorists and any undocumented people, education and health care, then a lot more would get done in this nation. It would eliminate the gridlock in Congress, intelligent bills would be passed and frivolous, pork laden bills would be trashed canned. Just a thought !

The Pictures: Mostly amusing and chosen on the fly. I'm still experimenting with my pictures and I also want to return to playing a few music videos from time to time. You are getting sleepy, send Jimmy cash and............  I'll take it from here!

This Date In History: 1895; Horace Rawlins receives $150 as the winner of the innaugural U.S. Open Golf Championship. 1957; The Soviet Union launches Sputnik 1 into orbit. 1958; Trans-atlantic jet service begins. 1965; Pope Paul VI makes the first papal visit to the United States.

Birthdays: Rutherford B. Hayes, 19th president of the U.S. (1822), Frederic Remington, American painter, sculptor and writer (1861), Buster Keaton, actor and silent film star (1895), Charlton Heston, actor and director (1923).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:  Philosophy (Thanks to brother Kirt)

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, Floor ! Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Atheism is a non-prophet organization. The main reason Santa's so jolly is because he knows where the naughty girls are. I went to the library and asked where the self help section was. The woman said if she told me it would be defeating the purpose. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? What if there were no hypothetical questions? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Is there another word for synononym?

A man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a woman sitting at the bar. He asks the lady, "May I buy you a drink?" The woman answers, "No, thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs." The man says, "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?" The woman replies, "No, they spread."

                    

That's it for today, my little pet rocks. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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If The Shoe Fits, Buy Another One Just Like It !

I'm a logical and reasonable man (what? Shut up !), so when I see an idea that makes sense, I usually follow it. Sometimes, this is not a good idea. On a computer scan from AOL two days ago, a screen came up and said that there was a newer version of 9.0 available called AOL 9.0 VR, the VR, I assume, means Vista Ready. It went on to say that it was free and that I should load it, which I did.

Realistically, I only see minor improvements  over 9.0, but some of the other sites I go to are now giving me small problems. This leads me to my point, which is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. That, in turn, leads me to the 50-50-90 rule (kindly submitted by my pal, Anne). Anytime you have 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 percent probability you'll get it wrong.

Rules of law and probability work well in some areas, such as (a term learned watching the Miss Teen America pageant) blackjack or poker. In my world, Mr. Murphy ('s Law) and I work hand in hand to insure that, together, we can screw up a one car funeral.

                       

The Pictures: My perfect martini, some of Murphy's Law, and the "usual suspects".

This Date In History: 1922; Rebecca L. Felton becomes the first female senator in U.S. history. 1935; Italy invades Ethiopia 1952; Britain successfully tests it's first A-Bomb off the coast of Australia (which I'm sure thrilled the hell out of the Aussies). 1990; East and West Germany are reunited.

Birthdays: Gore Vidal, novelist, playwright and essayist (1925), Eddie Cochran, rock and roll singer (1938).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Odds and Ends (Thanks, Anne)

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. Those who live by the sword are usually shot by those who don't. I'm not saying the bride was a slow thinker, but when the priest asked her to say her vows and she said, "A,E,I,O, and U." The things that come to those who wait may be the things left behind for those that didn't. Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people seem bright until you hear them speak. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. One of my girlfriends is going through menopause. The other day she was having a hot flash, came into my cold bedroom and it started to rain. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve jurors who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

That's it for today, my little nutty buddies. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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It's Gonna Be A Bright, Bright, Sun Shiny Day !

At least the sun is shining! After five days of rain, I wasn't sure if the guy next door, who was building a large wooden boat and collecting animals. wasn't on the right track. In the interim, I didn't let Shithead (my cat), go outside. It wouldn't really matter because Shithead has been neutered, so, no harm, no foul, although he no longer watches "The Price Is Right" and hisses when he sees Bob Barker.

I've had several different readers tell me that they either had problems seeing my pictures or that the "Ken Burns" style format, which pans and zooms the pictures, took too long. So, today I'm changing to the "Photo Pile" format, which show the pictures better than the "old" style and doesn't take as long as the "Burns" style.

My intention at this point is to use the appropriate style for the pictures, depending on the amount and quality. I'm probably leaning towards running the pics in a revolving order, from old style to photopile to Ken Burns style. Your comments are welcomed and appreciated.

(A) O.J. Simpson's Rolex watch has been awarded by the courts to the family of Ron Goldman, along with all the recent memorabilia seized in O.J.'s arrest, provided it can be proved that same legally belong to Simpson. Talk about poetic justice !

The Pictures: Today, as you may have read, is an experiment using different photos to determine this particular (photo pile) style. There is no particular theme or message, but anything you'd like to read into them could be fun. My favorite is the fox among the hunting dogs.

This Date In History: 1800; Spain sells the North American territory of Louisiana to France under the treaty of San Ildefonso. 1903; The American League's Boston Pilgrims and the National League's Pittsburgh Pirates, play in the first World Series. 1908; Ford's Model T goes on sale. The "Tin Lizzie" goes for $850. 1961; Roger Maris, of the New York Yankees, breaks Babe Ruth's record for the most home runs in a single season.

Birthdays: Henry III, king of England (1207), Vladimir Horowitz, Russian American pianist (1904), Walter Mathau, actor (1920), Jimmy Carter, 39th president of the United States (1924), Julie Andrews, English born American singer and actress (1935).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:  Thanks Victor, and Pamela !

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the services. Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At this point, one of the mourners laughed and upon receiving piercing stares, apologized and said, "I'm sorry, I'm a gynecologist." The proctologist fainted.

A man left a bar and, fearing arrest for public intoxication, decided to walk home instead of driving. On his way home, he saw a pumkin patch. Since a pumkin is soft and squishy inside and no one was around, he decided to satisfy his needs on one of the large pumkins.

As he was in the process, a police officer came up from behind and said, "Sir, do you realize you're making love to a pumkin?" Thinking quickly, the man replied, "A pumkin? Do you mean it's midnight already?"

That's it for today, my little orange blossoms. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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Someone Needs To Tell October That It's Fall, Not Monsoon Season !

It has rained all weekend, especially last night and all of Mundane Monday. Poor Monday, it's bad enough that it only gets credit for long weekends, but a monsoon only adds insult to injury. Perhaps Monday's just doing us a favor by getting over itself, rain and all, in one fell swoop (what's a fell swoop? I have no idea).

I saw a recent piece on CNN where they reported that some politician is either strongly suggesting or proposing a bill that the airline industry have a section of the plane for children. I personally would love to see this so that all of the parents who prescribe non-corporal punishment for misbehaving children be subjected to sitting with each other until the weakest link in the chain goes beserk and smacks the shit out of one of the little morons.

We never flew much on planes as children, but I can assure you that the mere thought of making a scene on an airplane or anywhere, for that matter, would result in an immediate smack from the closest parent. If you began to cry (usually due to embarrassment, not to the force of the smack), this was grounds for smack number two, which was usually a harder one. You quickly learned how to stiffle your tears and how to behave in public.

Britney Spears has had custody of her two children taken away and awarded to her husband, Kevin Federlein. This must take place within days. That girl needs some serious help !

The Pictures: Some pictures of Hawaii, My favorite sunset, One of my aol drawings which I slipped in, A little red house in upper New England which I like to call "A Little Red House In Upper New England" (what?),  and the "usual suspects".

This Date In History: 1927: New York Yankee Outfielder, Babe Ruth, hits his 60th home run of the season, braking his own record. 1946: Following World War II, the International Military Tribunal in Nurnberg, Germany, sentences eleven leaders of Nazi Germany to death for war crimes. 1955; Actor James Dean dies at the age of 24 in an auto accident in California. having starred in only three movies. 1977; Pittsburgh Pirates outfielder, Roberto Clemente, collects his 300th and final hit of his career, three months before dying in a plane crash while on an earthquake rescue mission.

Birthdays: Truman Capote, writer (1924), Robin Roberts, baseball player (1926), Martina Hingis, tennis player (1980).

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with his friend. He pulls out his gun and kills his friend. His wife says, "You keep doing that and you will lose all your friend."

The young boy asks his dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?" The father responds, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. You're friend over there is also my son. That is confidential!"

That's it for today, my little bullfrogs. More tomorrow.

Stay Tuned !

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